Adrien dropped his bag and flopped onto his computer chair with relief.
School had finished nearly five hours ago, and now following fencing, cramming school and a photoshoot by the Seine, he was finally home.
His usual patrol with Ladybug was scheduled to start at ten, so he had a little under an hour to complete his nightly ritual.
He allowed himself ten minutes to scan the Ladyblog and the internet for any new posts or videos of his paramour.
Given the lack of akuma attacks in the last few days, all he found was a ten second video of Ladybug swinging between two fairly nondescript buildings. The lighting was poor, and the quality shaky and blurred, but Adrien dutifully watched and saved it to his computer before opening his hotmail account.
A slew of messages greeted him.
Story Favourite: ladybugxchatforever just favourited your story CATastrophe
Story Follower: Chatbug is now following your story Louvre with a View
Favourite: dotsarehot has favourited you
Review: Paw de Force
Adrien grinned and clicked the review link immediately. His face instantly darkened.
This the dumbest shit I have ever read I mean wtf. Chat Noir would not talk like this. Hes a superhero hes got skillz. He would not make dumb jokes they R so lame. You should cjeck ur facts. Also, ladybug can do waaay bettah.
Hands clenched in fury, Adrien got ready to keyboard smash the most withering, biting reply in the history of the internet.
His fingers were poised over the keys when he paused.
He was Chat Noir. He was a badass, noble superhero. He wouldn't let internet trolls get to him.
Be cool, Adrien, he told himself. Pretend it's an akuma.
He breathed out slowly, before realising his mistake.
This was actually worse. An akuma attacked his beloved hometown, his fellow Parisians.
That review attacked his soul.
Before he could change his mind, he opened the reply link and typed furiously.
Whatever. Chat Noir has a GREAT sense of humour. And I don't see you writing anything better. Also, this was clearly marked Ladynoir. Don't like don't read.
He pressed send with all the wrath his fingertip could muster and slouched in his chair with a scowl.
Asshole.
He almost wasn't in the mood to finish his routine, but writing usually cheered him up, and the parenting of Gabriel Agreste was nothing if not habit-forming.
Adrien opened up Word and surveyed his recent Works in Progress thoughtfully, before selecting Lady Love Bug.
It was not a great title, but there was still time for that.
He settled deeper into his chair, lips twitching into an unconscious smile as he read over his favourite part.
"Oh, Chat," Ladybug sighed, her limpid orbs gazing up at him lovingly. "You're so strong and brave!"
A deep, masculine chuckle vibrated in Chat's sculpted chest.
"That's because I have to watch your back, my lady. There is no prettier back in all of Paris."
The bluenette giggled coyly.
"Oh, stop!" she grinned. "I bet you say that to all the girls you meet!"
"No, my lady! I love you and only you!" He exclaimed excitedly. He gazed into her eyes with such fierce intensity, that she was overwhelmed by the sincerity of his words.
"Chat!" she moaned sexily.
"Ladybug!" Chat replied.
He held her closer, his lips ghosting over hers, just inches from her –
"Adrien, where's the camembert?"
Adrien jumped. He had completely forgotten about his kwami.
"Dammit, Plagg! What do you want?"
"I'm hungry!" Plagg whined. "You haven't fed me all day!"
Adrien snorted. "Yeah, right. And what happened to all the cheese on my pizza at lunch?"
Plagg sniffed disdainfully.
"Mozzarella doesn't count. That's a stomach liner. I need real cheese. Feed me!"
Adrien huffed and glanced at the clock. He had another twenty minutes before he needed to get ready for patrol.
"Fine, just wait."
Stepping into his walk-in wardrobe, he shifted a few shoeboxes aside to reach the secret stash.
There was a long moment of silence.
"Plagg! What is this!" He burst from the closet, like a cat out of a bath, brandishing the empty box angrily.
His kwami seemed to consider, then brightened up.
"Oh, yeah! I ate that two days ago!"
Adrien groaned. "Plagg, that was the secret stash. It was for emergencies!"
"Well, it wasn't very secret, was it?"
Adrien threw his hands up in the air in exasperation.
"What's the big deal? Just go down to the kitchens and get me some more."
Adrien glanced at his computer monitor. "But, Plagg! My fanfic!"
Plagg only rolled his eyes. "Whatever, kid. Do you actually want to see Ladybug, or just mess with her in your imagination? 'Cause if you do, you're going to need me."
It was the quickest kitchen raid in Agreste family history.
"There!" Adrien flung the wrapped cheese onto his bed, not caring if it spread crumbs.
Plagg ignored the melodrama in favour of eating.
Feeling more irritated than ever, Adrien returned to his computer.
He still had fifteen minutes.
The screensaver (a close up of Ladybug's face) gazed back at him soulfully. It was slightly out of focus, having been enlarged multiple times to life size, but Adrien didn't care. He stared back at her wistfully for a while, before remembering he had a fanfiction to write.
Meanwhile, he typed, Ladybug gripped Chat's shoulders.
"Kiss me now, Adrien!" Oops, typo.
"Kiss me now, Chat!" she demanded.
"Anything for you, princess."
Adrien stopped short for a second. Wasn't that what he usually called Marinette? Shrugging, he deleted the word and continued.
As he leaned closer her breasts heaved with anticipation, her pale skin like ivory in the moonlight.
The Eiffel Tower lit up just as their lips met and –
The alarm on his phone rang.
It was five minutes to ten, and time to meet Ladybug. Saving the document, he stretched and hurried to the window.
Despite his disappointment at being interrupted, he was already buzzing to see her.
"Plagg, claws out!"
Bounding over rooftops, he reached their rendez-vous spot in minutes. He was a little early, so he took the opportunity to admire the view. He could see the Sacré-Coeur from here, looming on the skyline. It was illuminated, as usual, and it struck him that it would be a good location for a romantic kiss.
Ladybug glowed like the monument she stood on.
"Oh, Chat," she gasped. She braced one pale hand against the white stone and reached for him with the other, letting his dark form press her against the –
"Chat!" Ladybug stood before him, looking annoyed. She snorted as his eyes focused on her.
"Finally! I've been calling your name for at least two minutes! What's with you?"
"N-nothing!"
She frowned and leaned closer. He froze. She was reaching out for him! She was going to touch his face! She was going to –
She flicked his forehead.
"Silly cat! You're not sick, are you? You're kind of flushed."
Fortunately, Chat Noir chose that moment to step in.
"Only heartsick for you, my lady," he assured her smoothly.
She laughed.
"Flirt! You had me worried. Come on, let's go!"
"Bugaboo, you wound me."
She ignored him and swung away, confident he would follow.
He did, of course. He always would.