Disclaimer: JKR owns the people in Potterland, we are just taking them out for a spin. This is for fun; no money is being made on our part.
AN: This is a collaboration between myself, and Aeryun. We were trying to inspire our muses for Mysterious and Storm a while back, and well somehow this came out. I hope it gives you as many giggles as it gave us! This was originally posted on HP Fandom under Aery's name. However we discovered it needed some tidying and I got elected to do that and then I added a bit more and we agreed to post it here under LovesRickman.
Lockhart Takes It in Hand
"That's it, Gilderoy. Nice long strokes!"
"Oooh, Gilderoy, your manhood is just so enormous. You must make the fair ladies faint at the sight of you."
"Oh my… Gilderoy, you have the size AND the stamina of a stallion."
"Your penis is as gorgeous as you are, Gilderoy, you must be so proud."
"You're so strong...so marvelous… Gilderoy, you make all the women want to be WITH you, and all the men want to BE you."
"GILDEROY! You could turn a lesbian straight, and a straight man gay!"
"Oooh…Gilderoy! Yes…Yes…YES!!! Don't stop! Don't EVER stop!!!"
Gilderoy cast a cleansing charm and fastened his pajama bottoms. Giving the mirror one last wink and blowing a kiss at his reflection, he climbed into his lush bed and fell asleep.
The mirror sighed to itself. "Good thing that only took ninety seconds. I was running out of things to say without laughing or repeating myself!"