Summary- Buffy describes what's going on during her life. B/A/us

Disclaimer- I own the idea. Not, Buffy, Angel, Angelus or any of the Scooby Gang.

Rating- I guess R for mature content. Strong language and non-consensual sex.

Spoilers- Buffy didn't sent Angel to hell in 'Becoming Part 2'. Instead of Willow giving him his soul, something else happened.

My Angel is back, but Im still in hell. They are separated now, Angel and Angelus, but Angelus wasn't sent to hell, and neither was Angel. No, they both stayed with me, on earth.

I had sliced Angels arm with my sword, then threw it at the vortex coming from Acathalas mouth.

That's all it took to close it.

That's also when Angelus and Angel found out they were separated. They both opened their eyes and stared at each other for a while.

Willows spell went kablooey.

Angelus roared with fury, because even now, I can hear his anguished cries loud and clear. All Angel did was sobbed . He was beyond happy. I ran into Angels arms and sobbed, so happy he was okay and with me. Then I looked over at Angelus and cower in Angels embrace; he could still hurt me. I know, it wasn't like me to be afraid, or hide, but it was Angelus, now, Angels twin.

We left him there, Angel walked me home. Angelus gave a agitated and defeated huff, storming deep into the mansion. We didn't bother chasing after him. All that mattered was that Angel and I were together. The next day, during school-or before it, more precisely-Angel and I went and saw my friends, telling them he good news; Angel was human and Angelus had stayed out of him.

The clause was obviously no more.

I remember knowing-feeling-Angelus wanting blood.

My blood.

I could feel him wanting me like a dehydrated man wanted-no needed-water. Angel felt it too, but that was because, they were still connected in a way.

Twins.

I had all I needed. Friends. Family. Angel. I didn't need his evil twin too. I despised him, and he knew just how to hurt me.

I was almost tempted to drop out of school and begin my new life with Angel, but he insisted I finish. I always listen to Angel...

Actually, I was forced back to school. I knew they were all right.

Willow, Xander, Oz, Cordelia, Giles, Mom, Angel.

All right.

I moved in with Angel, in his old apartment. It brought back bad memories, but we made better ones together.

The first time we made love again, we stayed awake and stared in each others eyes; unable to believe that our dreams had come true.

It did.

Three months later, I was pregnant. But I still cant figure it out.

Whose the father?

Angel and I would take turns patrolling, no matter what. He wanted to keep in shape, and it was my duty. Every night, Angel would go out...

Angelus came in.

He pounded in me; back, front, in my mouth...and made me like it.

It was still Angels body. He looked like Angel, smelt like and sounded like Angel. And I was still afraid. Angelus still had control; half demon, half man.

He gave me no mercy.

He made me scream, beat me, tortured me, and fucked me. I hate him.

He didnt fuck me. He raped me.

Angel doesn't know, and he will never know. He'd hate me if he knew. I can remember one night so clearly, it scares me. I tried blocking all of what Angelus did to me out, but one time sticks in my mind.

------- ------ XxXxXxXx -------- -------

Angel walked over to Buffy, kissing her cheek and giving her a killer smile that made her insides melt.

"Im heading out, baby. Want anything?"

"No, just come home safe, okay?"

"Will do, beloved."

Giving him one of her best smiles, Buffy watched as Angel walked out of their apartment, closing the door behind him. He would be coming soon. Buffy brought her knees to her chest and whimpered.

What would he do to her tonight?

Shaking slightly, she closed her eyes when she heard the doorknob turn. She didn't want to see the man that she loved's face staring at her as she was getting raped. She didn't and she wouldn't

Before she knew it, he was on her.

She couldn't move. Her hands were bound to the headboard, and she was blindfolded.

At least she couldn't see the bastard.

He was pounding into her before she could protest.

"Buff, you feel fucking fabulous. Why do you feel so good? So..virginal?"

Letting out a small cry, she answered him truthfully.

"Because Im scared."

"Is that so?"

"Im scared. Please don't hurt me."

"The almighty slayer is scared? And begging?"

He thrusted his enlarged and hard manhood into her abused and sore passage, tearing her walls to accustom his size. She screamed out in slight pain, and stopped when she needed breath.

"Now, tell me the real reason you feel so good."

She remembered what he had taught her to say when he asked her that.

"Because..Im yours.."

"Louder."

"Im yours."

"Louder!"

"Im yours!"

And he came, spurting his seed inside her.

------ ------- XxXxXxXx ------- --------

That was the day after I found out I was pregnant. I can only imagine who the baby belongs to;

Angel or Angelus.

Now, I lay, blood between my thighs and the demons seed inside me.

He came back for me again.

Angel can never know.

To be continued...?