"You're not freaking out on me over there are you?" His voice punctuated the darkness, interrupting her thoughts.
She was silent for a moment, trying to think of what to say. It wasn't that she hadn't enjoyed it. She'd more than enjoyed it, but now the silent fear was creeping in. She was Amelia Shephard- a drug addict, total mess and fundamentally incapable of being loved. That last one had been floating around in her head ever since Owen had said the words and she was finding it impossible to escape from. Link, on the other hand, was a good guy. He was trying to do something good, to enact some positive from his mistakes. He didn't need someone like her to hold him back. Not someone who was incapable of being loved.
"Nope." She answered slowly, realizing he was still waiting for her to say something. It was pitch black in the hotel room but she could feel his eyes on her.
The mattress shifted and for a moment she thought he was going to leave. She had to stop herself from reaching out to grab him, reminding herself that they'd agreed that this wasn't going to be a thing. She'd said the words herself, she had no right to ask him to stay.
What she hadn't been prepared for him to do was turn on the light so he could look at her properly. She screwed her eyes up, trying to block out the sudden and harsh intrusion of the bedside lamp. "What?" She demanded, squinting at him as her eyes adjusted.
He was just sitting there bolt upright, still naked, and looking at her like he was waiting for an answer. "I don't know, you tell me?"
She shook her head. "This wasn't our deal." She clutched the sheets around herself, trying to make sure she kept herself covered. It was stupid. It wasn't like he hadn't seen it all earlier, but suddenly she found herself feeling exposed and vulnerable under his gaze.
"No." He agreed. "But we've still got to work together when we get back to Seattle. So if you're going to freak out and decide that you regret what happened then we need to deal with that." She saw something flicker across his face, the emotion passing so briefly she didn't get a chance to figure out quite what it was. Sadness? Regret maybe?
"I'm fine, really. I don't regret what happened." She forced a smile. "I'm not going to be weird with you when we get back, don't panic."
"Are you going to go back to avoiding me instead?" He raised an eyebrow at her.
She opened her mouth to speak and no words came out. Why had she blurted out the fact she'd been avoiding him in the first place? "I…. Can we just leave it?" She suggested.
"Why don't you just tell me what it is that's bothering you? Then I'll leave it." He countered.
"Because… Because I.." She faltered, trying to think up a half-decent excuse. Looking at that chiseled face of his was not helping her one bit. She looked back down at her hands again, anything to avoid his gaze. "You really don't want to know." She settled for in the end.
As she stared down at her hands his slowly inched across until it was intertwined with hers. "Yes, I do." He said seriously. "Look I get that you've got that whole complicated situation going on with Betty and Owen and you're not looking for anything serious, that's fine by me. But does that really mean that we can't be friends?"
She chewed on her bottom lip, looking up at him, and then back down at their interlinked fingers. "I'm a drug addict." She blurted the words out in the end. To his credit when she braved a quick glance back up at his face his expression hadn't changed. "I'm a drug addict and I've spent two whole days here listening to all these people talking about all these alternative methods and all I could think about for the moment is how much I'd like some drugs. I'm a mess okay, don't say I didn't try to warn you."
He was quiet for a moment, she braced herself, waiting for him to pull his hand away and leave. "I guess that would explain your reaction in my lecture earlier. There was me thinking it was just that you hated me." He joked, eliciting a sort of half smile from her.
"I've spent months and months trying to be strong for Betty and then… she just went back with her parents and I don't know… It's like I haven't got a purpose anymore or something." She mumbled, feeling more than a little uncomfortable that she was spilling all this to someone she barely knew.
"You're allowed to grieve, I know she's not dead but you still lost her." He said softly. "It's going to take you some time to adjust, but that's okay. It's all part of the process."
"My baby died." It came out as a barely audible whisper. "My baby died and I always said I'd never have another child, didn't want to run the risk of losing another one. It was all too much. And then I lost Betty too."
"You didn't lose her, you saved her life." He let go of her hand so he could wrap his arm around her shoulder and pull her towards him. "You saved her life and helped her get back on track. You did a good thing, Shephard. You're a good person."
"No." She shook her head, pulling herself free from his arms and scooting to the edge of the bed. "I'm not a good person and you need to leave."
"Amelia." He tried to reason with her. "Come on, let's just talk about this?"
She grabbed the robe that was hanging beside the bed and pulled it on to cover herself before climbing out of bed. "Can you just go? Please?" She asked again, looking down at the floor.
"Are you going to be okay?" He asked softly as he pulled his clothes back on. He wasn't entirely sure he should be leaving her in this kind of state but he wasn't going to try and force her to talk to him either.
"I'm fine." Her voice was tight and she didn't look up at him.
"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then?" He hesitated by the door, looking back at her as she sat back down on the bed, pulling her robe tighter around herself.
She glanced up at him, looking away as she met his eye and then nodded slightly.
"Okay then." He mumbled. "I'm just down the hall if you do decide you want to talk. Room 319. You've got my number too. Any time, I really won't mind."
She didn't look up at him or acknowledge that he'd spoken as he opened the door.
"I'm sorry." She called softly as the door closed behind him.
Then it was just her, left alone with her thoughts once again.
Thank you for reading! This is my first attempt at writing for Grey's so please let me know what you think!