Disclaimer: Batman belongs to DC Comics, Bob Kane and a bunch of
others....but not I.
Author's notes: Ever wonder what Batman would be like if it were a sitcom? I'm sure you haven't, but if by any chance you have, this is what it'd probably be like! Yeah, everyone is majorly ooc. ;; But this is a sitcom...everyone is loony in sitcoms.
Batman: the sitcom series
::Batman is doing stand-up comedy in Arkham Asylum's 'Comedy Night'::
::Seinfeld theme plays in the background::
Batman: Okay! Okay! This is a good one, guys! How many Arkham patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? ..... Give up? Zero because they're all too stupid and crazy to do it!
::Everyone in Arkham glares at him::
Batman: What? Don't you people have a sense of humour? Sheesh!!
Later in the Batcave...
Batman: Why didn't anybody laugh at my jokes?
Oracle: Batman, I have a hunch that the Arkham crazies just may not like you at all.
Batman: Oh and why not?
Oracle: Well...you did send most of them there....
Batman: ::Sigh:: All I ever wanted...was for people to laugh at my cheap jokes. But can they? NO!
Oracle: ::Rolls eyes:: Batman, maybe you should quit going to Comedy Night at Arkham... I think it'd be in everyone's best interest. Including me.
::Nightwing then barges into the cave::
Nightwing: Hey guys!!
Batman: Ugh, I really need to get a lock installed in the cave.
Nightwing: Guess what, Batman? I have a great money making scheme cooked up!
Oracle: Money making scheme?
Batman: Nightwing...I'm a BILLIONAIRE!
Nightwing: So?
Batman: I don't need to make anymore money.
Nightwing: ::Looks at Batman as if he were crazy:: ANYWAY, this scheme involves getting Robin and Batgirl to dress up as chickens, then they have to learn to sing....
Oracle: Okay, stop right there.
Nightwing: What?
Oracle: How is dressing anyone as a chicken going to bring in money?
Nightwing: I'm trying to explain!!
::Robin runs into the cave::
Robin: Hey, there's trouble downtown!
Oracle: I didn't get any-
Robin: Oracle, there's trouble downtown and everyone but Batman has to go resolve it. Catch my drift?
Oracle: OH!! That trouble downtown!!
Batman: What? What trouble downtown?
Robin: The kind of trouble we don't need you for.
Batman: But I need to see to it-
Oracle: No, you don't! Batman, how about you take the night off while we take care of the trouble downtown.
Batman: B-but...!
Robin: Yeah, maybe you could go hit the sports bar, Batman!
Nightwing: I want to go to a sports bar!!
Oracle: Nightwing! You need to go to downtown with us to take care of the trouble.
Nightwing: What trouble?
Oracle: AUGH! ::Pulls him by the ear:: Let's go, you two!
Nightwing: Ow ow ow ow!
Later at the Gotham Coffee House...
Nightwing: Mmm! I love my cappucino!
Robin: Ick! This needs more sugar.
Batgirl: Cappucino....
Nightwing: Why do they call it cappucino? Why not...'Yummy tasty drink'?
Oracle: And why did we invite you here?
Nightwing: Wait a minute! Why are we in the coffee house instead of downtown!? What about the trouble!?!? WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN?! WE NEED TO THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!
Alfred: ::Throws scalding coffee on Nightwing:: Master Nightwing, please control yourself.
Nightwing: AHHHHH!!!!
Oracle: Anyway, this is actually a meeting to plan for Batman's birthday which is tomorrow. Now this has to be the BEST party he's ever had too!
Batgirl: Why did you wait until the last minute?
::Awkward silence ensues for about five minutes until Catwoman walks in::
Catwoman: Sorry, I'm late! Don't you guys just hate Gotham traffic?
Joker: It's simply murder. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Oracle: Joker, what the hell are you doing here?!
Joker: Well, I need to go to Batman's birthday. Without me, it wouldn't be much of a party.
Robin: He does have a point.
Nightwing: We don't need psycho clowns at a party. Like that Ronald McDonald guy. UGH! Talk about psycho killer in spare time.
Catwoman: Wait a minute! My friend's sister's stepmother's uncle's ex- girlfriend's dog's ex-owner's cousin's wife's grandfather's favorite niece knows OutKast! Maybe I can get him to come perform!
Alfred: That would be wonderful! Master Bru-err..Batman is always listening to OutKast music in the Bat Cave.
Oracle: It's annoying...but whatever floats his boat....
Batgirl: I like...OutKast too.
::Everyone stares at Batgirl::
Batgirl: Wh-what?
At the Gotham Sports Bar...
::Batman sits at the bar, drinking beer and watching ESPN::
Batman: I'm not needed anymore...Am I...?
::Superman strolls in and sits next to Batman::
Superman: Hey, Batman!
Batman: ::Groans:: Superman...
Superman: Great game, huh?
Batman: You know what would be better?
Superman: What would be Bat-buddy?
Batman: You leaving.
Superman: Come on! You never hang out with me or the other heroes!
Batman: Maybe I would if you and Wonderwoman quit boinking infront of everyone...
Superman: We don't 'boink', we make love.
Batman: ....Even worse...
Superman: Awww, Batman, are you...lonely?
Batman: ::Glares at Superman:: GET OUT!!!!
Meanwhile...
Oracle: Robin, pass me the crepe paper.
Robin: ::Tosses it to her:: There you go!
Nightwing: This is going to be so much fun! I even got strippers!
::Elektra, Storm and Spidergirl walk in::
Oracle: OH NO! No more crossovers!
Nightwing: Come on, Oracle, Batman would love these hot babes to strip and give him lap dances.
Catwoman: AHEM! He has me for that.
Alfred: And me in some cases.
Oracle: See? He's already got bootie.
Nightwing: Oh well, more for me!
Catwoman: Guys, we have a situation.
Oracle: What?
Catwoman: I accidently booked Out Cast instead of OutKast.
Oracle: Out Cast?
::Polka players Out Cast walk in::
Oracle: Oh crap.
Robin: Jesus! Polka!!!
Catwoman: Uhm, maybe Batman won't notice the difference.
Oracle: Oh, I think he WILL. This party is turning into a disaster!
Joker: HOO HOO HOO! LOOK AT MEEEEE!! ::Falls down the stairs of the Bat Cave::
Robin: Whoa, Joker's really out of it.
Oracle: Okay...we have a polka group named Out Cast instead of OutKast, a drugged Joker, sexy Marvel female characters and...Nightwing got pink paper plates and utensils instead of black.
Nightwing: Why does it always have to be dark and scary? Why can't things be cheery for once around here?
Oracle: ::Slaps her forehead:: NIGHTWING!
Nightwing: Come on!
Out Cast member: Time for a polka dance!
::Polka music is played::
Oracle: ARGH!
Soon, in the streets of Gotham...
Batman: I hates...my... ::Hic:: lifffe.
::Batman bumps into Commissioner Gordon::
Gordon: Batman?
Batman: Commish!...Nice to...se...see...yaz. ::Hic::
Gordon: ::Shakes head:: Batman, why are you drunk?
Batman: Nobody...nobody needs me....
Gordon: What? You are needed! I was looking for you, dammit! Some punks stole my OutKast CD.
Batman: OutKast?...Oh...I will g-g-get that...sonuva.... ::Hic::
Gordon: Hey, Batman, how about I take you to the cave?
Batman: H-how do you know where it is?
Gordon: Well, Superman told me.
Batman: That...bastard! I'm gonna... ::Hic:: kill 'im!
Gordon: Batman!
Batman: I...I...I meansh...hurt...'im...bad.
Gordon: That's my boy!
Later....
Gordon: Why are all the lights out?
Batman: OH NO! I BET THERESH GHOSTSHS IN HERE! AHHHHH!!!
::LIghts suddenly turn on::
Everyone: SURPRISE!!!
::Penguin pops out of birthday cake::
Penguin: Happy birthday, Bats!
Batman: Wh-what...?
Oracle: It's your...surprise brithday party...that really sucks.
Robin: With pink plates and sporks!
Batgirl: And...penguin in a cake.
Batman: Wow. ::Hic:: Th-thish is so...good.
::Emotional music plays in the background::
Oracle: I guess I was so wrapped up in making you the best birthday party ever...I actually messed it up in the process.
Batman: Yo, Oracle, it's...it's okay. ::Hic:: Thish may...be lame...b-but Batman still love you.... ::Hic::
ScareCrow: And I love you, Batman.
Batman: Awww! I love you too, ScareCrow!
::The two hug::
Everyone: Awww!
The Riddler: What is really ugly, stupid and gay?
Everyone: What?
Riddler: ScareCrow!
ScareCrow: YOU BASTARD!
::Riddler and ScareCrow have a fight to the death as the others party::
Catwoman: Sweetie, we even got Out Cast.
Batman: Ooh...!
Out Cast: HELLO! ::Play polka music::
Batman: I...I gotta throw up... ::Runs to bathroom::
The next day...
Nightwing: That was some wild party.
::Penguin lies next to Nightwing::
Penguin: It sure was, baby.
::The scene freezes as Nightwing turns to Penguin, a horrified look on his face::
The End
Author's notes: Ever wonder what Batman would be like if it were a sitcom? I'm sure you haven't, but if by any chance you have, this is what it'd probably be like! Yeah, everyone is majorly ooc. ;; But this is a sitcom...everyone is loony in sitcoms.
Batman: the sitcom series
::Batman is doing stand-up comedy in Arkham Asylum's 'Comedy Night'::
::Seinfeld theme plays in the background::
Batman: Okay! Okay! This is a good one, guys! How many Arkham patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? ..... Give up? Zero because they're all too stupid and crazy to do it!
::Everyone in Arkham glares at him::
Batman: What? Don't you people have a sense of humour? Sheesh!!
Later in the Batcave...
Batman: Why didn't anybody laugh at my jokes?
Oracle: Batman, I have a hunch that the Arkham crazies just may not like you at all.
Batman: Oh and why not?
Oracle: Well...you did send most of them there....
Batman: ::Sigh:: All I ever wanted...was for people to laugh at my cheap jokes. But can they? NO!
Oracle: ::Rolls eyes:: Batman, maybe you should quit going to Comedy Night at Arkham... I think it'd be in everyone's best interest. Including me.
::Nightwing then barges into the cave::
Nightwing: Hey guys!!
Batman: Ugh, I really need to get a lock installed in the cave.
Nightwing: Guess what, Batman? I have a great money making scheme cooked up!
Oracle: Money making scheme?
Batman: Nightwing...I'm a BILLIONAIRE!
Nightwing: So?
Batman: I don't need to make anymore money.
Nightwing: ::Looks at Batman as if he were crazy:: ANYWAY, this scheme involves getting Robin and Batgirl to dress up as chickens, then they have to learn to sing....
Oracle: Okay, stop right there.
Nightwing: What?
Oracle: How is dressing anyone as a chicken going to bring in money?
Nightwing: I'm trying to explain!!
::Robin runs into the cave::
Robin: Hey, there's trouble downtown!
Oracle: I didn't get any-
Robin: Oracle, there's trouble downtown and everyone but Batman has to go resolve it. Catch my drift?
Oracle: OH!! That trouble downtown!!
Batman: What? What trouble downtown?
Robin: The kind of trouble we don't need you for.
Batman: But I need to see to it-
Oracle: No, you don't! Batman, how about you take the night off while we take care of the trouble downtown.
Batman: B-but...!
Robin: Yeah, maybe you could go hit the sports bar, Batman!
Nightwing: I want to go to a sports bar!!
Oracle: Nightwing! You need to go to downtown with us to take care of the trouble.
Nightwing: What trouble?
Oracle: AUGH! ::Pulls him by the ear:: Let's go, you two!
Nightwing: Ow ow ow ow!
Later at the Gotham Coffee House...
Nightwing: Mmm! I love my cappucino!
Robin: Ick! This needs more sugar.
Batgirl: Cappucino....
Nightwing: Why do they call it cappucino? Why not...'Yummy tasty drink'?
Oracle: And why did we invite you here?
Nightwing: Wait a minute! Why are we in the coffee house instead of downtown!? What about the trouble!?!? WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN?! WE NEED TO THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!
Alfred: ::Throws scalding coffee on Nightwing:: Master Nightwing, please control yourself.
Nightwing: AHHHHH!!!!
Oracle: Anyway, this is actually a meeting to plan for Batman's birthday which is tomorrow. Now this has to be the BEST party he's ever had too!
Batgirl: Why did you wait until the last minute?
::Awkward silence ensues for about five minutes until Catwoman walks in::
Catwoman: Sorry, I'm late! Don't you guys just hate Gotham traffic?
Joker: It's simply murder. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Oracle: Joker, what the hell are you doing here?!
Joker: Well, I need to go to Batman's birthday. Without me, it wouldn't be much of a party.
Robin: He does have a point.
Nightwing: We don't need psycho clowns at a party. Like that Ronald McDonald guy. UGH! Talk about psycho killer in spare time.
Catwoman: Wait a minute! My friend's sister's stepmother's uncle's ex- girlfriend's dog's ex-owner's cousin's wife's grandfather's favorite niece knows OutKast! Maybe I can get him to come perform!
Alfred: That would be wonderful! Master Bru-err..Batman is always listening to OutKast music in the Bat Cave.
Oracle: It's annoying...but whatever floats his boat....
Batgirl: I like...OutKast too.
::Everyone stares at Batgirl::
Batgirl: Wh-what?
At the Gotham Sports Bar...
::Batman sits at the bar, drinking beer and watching ESPN::
Batman: I'm not needed anymore...Am I...?
::Superman strolls in and sits next to Batman::
Superman: Hey, Batman!
Batman: ::Groans:: Superman...
Superman: Great game, huh?
Batman: You know what would be better?
Superman: What would be Bat-buddy?
Batman: You leaving.
Superman: Come on! You never hang out with me or the other heroes!
Batman: Maybe I would if you and Wonderwoman quit boinking infront of everyone...
Superman: We don't 'boink', we make love.
Batman: ....Even worse...
Superman: Awww, Batman, are you...lonely?
Batman: ::Glares at Superman:: GET OUT!!!!
Meanwhile...
Oracle: Robin, pass me the crepe paper.
Robin: ::Tosses it to her:: There you go!
Nightwing: This is going to be so much fun! I even got strippers!
::Elektra, Storm and Spidergirl walk in::
Oracle: OH NO! No more crossovers!
Nightwing: Come on, Oracle, Batman would love these hot babes to strip and give him lap dances.
Catwoman: AHEM! He has me for that.
Alfred: And me in some cases.
Oracle: See? He's already got bootie.
Nightwing: Oh well, more for me!
Catwoman: Guys, we have a situation.
Oracle: What?
Catwoman: I accidently booked Out Cast instead of OutKast.
Oracle: Out Cast?
::Polka players Out Cast walk in::
Oracle: Oh crap.
Robin: Jesus! Polka!!!
Catwoman: Uhm, maybe Batman won't notice the difference.
Oracle: Oh, I think he WILL. This party is turning into a disaster!
Joker: HOO HOO HOO! LOOK AT MEEEEE!! ::Falls down the stairs of the Bat Cave::
Robin: Whoa, Joker's really out of it.
Oracle: Okay...we have a polka group named Out Cast instead of OutKast, a drugged Joker, sexy Marvel female characters and...Nightwing got pink paper plates and utensils instead of black.
Nightwing: Why does it always have to be dark and scary? Why can't things be cheery for once around here?
Oracle: ::Slaps her forehead:: NIGHTWING!
Nightwing: Come on!
Out Cast member: Time for a polka dance!
::Polka music is played::
Oracle: ARGH!
Soon, in the streets of Gotham...
Batman: I hates...my... ::Hic:: lifffe.
::Batman bumps into Commissioner Gordon::
Gordon: Batman?
Batman: Commish!...Nice to...se...see...yaz. ::Hic::
Gordon: ::Shakes head:: Batman, why are you drunk?
Batman: Nobody...nobody needs me....
Gordon: What? You are needed! I was looking for you, dammit! Some punks stole my OutKast CD.
Batman: OutKast?...Oh...I will g-g-get that...sonuva.... ::Hic::
Gordon: Hey, Batman, how about I take you to the cave?
Batman: H-how do you know where it is?
Gordon: Well, Superman told me.
Batman: That...bastard! I'm gonna... ::Hic:: kill 'im!
Gordon: Batman!
Batman: I...I...I meansh...hurt...'im...bad.
Gordon: That's my boy!
Later....
Gordon: Why are all the lights out?
Batman: OH NO! I BET THERESH GHOSTSHS IN HERE! AHHHHH!!!
::LIghts suddenly turn on::
Everyone: SURPRISE!!!
::Penguin pops out of birthday cake::
Penguin: Happy birthday, Bats!
Batman: Wh-what...?
Oracle: It's your...surprise brithday party...that really sucks.
Robin: With pink plates and sporks!
Batgirl: And...penguin in a cake.
Batman: Wow. ::Hic:: Th-thish is so...good.
::Emotional music plays in the background::
Oracle: I guess I was so wrapped up in making you the best birthday party ever...I actually messed it up in the process.
Batman: Yo, Oracle, it's...it's okay. ::Hic:: Thish may...be lame...b-but Batman still love you.... ::Hic::
ScareCrow: And I love you, Batman.
Batman: Awww! I love you too, ScareCrow!
::The two hug::
Everyone: Awww!
The Riddler: What is really ugly, stupid and gay?
Everyone: What?
Riddler: ScareCrow!
ScareCrow: YOU BASTARD!
::Riddler and ScareCrow have a fight to the death as the others party::
Catwoman: Sweetie, we even got Out Cast.
Batman: Ooh...!
Out Cast: HELLO! ::Play polka music::
Batman: I...I gotta throw up... ::Runs to bathroom::
The next day...
Nightwing: That was some wild party.
::Penguin lies next to Nightwing::
Penguin: It sure was, baby.
::The scene freezes as Nightwing turns to Penguin, a horrified look on his face::
The End