It was dark in America's apartment as the nation woke up. The usual city noises of New York almost seemed muted. He got up out of bed and walked over to the window. The New York skyline shone bright like a million stars making up for the lack of real stars. America continued to look out on to New York until he felt a sudden stabbing pain in the back of his head. In fact, as he reached and felt the back of his head, something was stabbing him. A dagger to be exact.
America looked at the dagger and turned around. "A bit old fashioned isn't this? I mean now a days guns are the best choice for an assassination. But I guess it just depends on the assassin doesn't it?" America chatted slightly to the pair of wide eyes behind him. Suddenly the girl who owned the wide eyes tried to pull out the gun from her side. In a flash America was across the room and prevented her from doing so.
"I already have a headache from that dagger, so please don't do that," America stared at the girl who was fighting to get from his grip. "Who are you?" He asked.
"No one!" she spat at him and continued to try and escape. Curiosity taking hold of her, she blurted, "Who are you?"
"Well most people call me Alfred, but my real name is America. I'm guessing your employer didn't tell you 'America' did he?" Alfred said as he dragged her across the room. He set her down on his sofa and then handcuffed her to the sofa.
"Fine, but how did you not die?" she said. "That was one of the sharpest daggers money can buy and yet here you are."
Alfred sighed as he started to make some coffee. He glanced at the dagger before looking at the girl again. She was probably only 5"4 and she wore a tight black suit. It was obvious that she was trying to discreetly get out her lock picking tools from her boot while keeping him distracted. She sure was bent on trying to kill a man who couldn't die very easily.
"I'm guessing your employer didn't tell you much about me, or maybe you just have the wrong address," he paused before saying, "For you, I hope its the second. Who were you sent to kill?"
As Alfred turned around to continue making the coffee, Marlee, for that was her name, continued trying to unlock the handcuffs. "I was sent to kill Alfred Jones. He was said to live here," she said as she finally got the handcuffs undone.
As Alfred finished the coffee he turned around to find a gun against his head. "Look do you want some coffee or not?" As Marlee didn't make a move to lower the gun America continued on. "Maybe you want to know why I'm not dead?"
Marlee considered this for a second and reluctantly sat down. America smiled and handed her a coffee. "Cool! So before I answer why my existence has continued even after you stabbed me, I get to ask you who you are and who sent you?" America chatted.
Marlee looked at America with a confused look while she sipped the coffee. Unknown to America she had managed to slip some poison into his coffee while taking hers. She had decided to give him real answers instead of lying to him. Well, at least a few real answers. "My name is Marlee." True. "Marlee Urry." False. "I grew up in the USA." True. "Kansas to be exact." False. "I don't know who exactly sent me. They left me a note with a lot of cash. The note said that I would get another pile of cash if I killed Alfred Jones. The note said you lived here." False.
America stared at Marlee for a second before speaking. "I know at least the last bit you said was a lie. Although, I admit, I can't really tell what else was a lie. Unfortunately for you that means you had the right Alfred Jones."
Marlee was starting to get nervous about this so she tried to keep him distracted. "That doesn't answer why you didn't die," she said evenly.
"Well I'm not dead partially because of my name," said America.
"I don't see why being Alfred Jones would change anything," Marlee said.
"No, no, my real name." Marlee still looked at America blankly so he went on, "America! The coolest nation ever!"
"So you're named after a country, what's the big deal?" Marlee snapped impatiently. She was carefully studying America's face for signs that the poison was working.
"It's not just a name, it's who I am! I am the personification of the United States of America! The awesomest nation that ever was and will be!" As America was saying all this he started to eat a hamburger that seemed to appear out of no where.
Marlee was thoroughly frustrated with the wacko and how slow the poison was working. And that was why she pulled out a hidden pistol and shot America in the stomach.
America then started choking on the burger and looking at the new hole in his stomach. Marlee tried to take this opportunity to run away. As she tried to jump from the chair though she found herself falling face first towards the floor. Luckily the lush rug softened her landing, and soon a half eaten burger joined her on the floor.
While this was happening to Marlee, America stared at the hole in his stomach. With acute nausea the nation watched the hole in his stomach start to heal. When it had finally healed to only a faint pink scar, America looked down at the assassin who was trying to get off the floor. She had spilled her drugged coffee all over the floor, and, as America looked to the side of his chair, his coffee was staining the carpet also.
America had known Marlee was probably going to try and make another attempt on his life so he had known that his coffee was probably poisoned. That suspicion had been confirmed when his throat had started to burn the way it did when he swallowed poison. America was definitely not happy at this point. He had a headache, from the dagger, a stomach ache, from the bullet, a raw throat, duh, the poison, and to top it all off he was tired from lack of coffee.
Marlee was still flopping on the floor as America got up to call England. "Hey Iggy, guess what's up!" America said when England picked up.
"DON'T BLOODY CALL ME IGGY!" England screamed into the phone so loud that America thought he heard it on his side of the ocean. "WHAT DO YOU WANT AT BLOODY SIX IN THE MORNING!"
"Great," America thought to himself, "I wanted to have earache to my list of pains…" America then started talking to England, "Fine, I didn't want to tell you about the girl I drugged who's in the middle of my living room right now anyways." Three, two, one…
"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL, AMERICA! WHY IS THERE A GIRL ON YOUR FLOOR! DID YOU SAY YOU DRUGGED HER!? TELL ME RIGHT NOW YOU BLOODY #!^*% OR ELSE I'LL COME OVER THERE AND MAKE YOU TELL ME!" America had previously thought England could get no louder but America had thought wrong. While this was causing problems with America's ear, he still loved teasing England.
"Chill, dude, she only shot me once!" America tried to hold back fits of laughter as he casually said this into the phone.
"YOU BLOODY GIT! SHE SHOT YOU?! I'M COMING OVER THERE RIGHT NOW!" A loud click was heard as England probably hung up the only way that was possible for him when he was this mad. By throwing it at a wall and shattering it.