The Union of the Soviet Socialist Republic presents

A Premier Romanov musical

"We will bury you"

Premier Romanov is sitting behind his desk in the Kremlin, kitted out with the standard soviet garb as present in the other million Soviet government buildings, and as ever present in any Russian household, a two-litre jug of vodka with pint glasses as standard.

"Good evening comrade general!" bellowed the voice of Premier Romanov, leader of the CCCP.

"Good evening sir, you called for me, anything I can do to be of assistance?" The hero of the Soviet campaigns for Red Alert two asked.

"Sit please, vodka?"

"Yes sir, though just half a pint I'm trying to limit my intake"

"Gah very good general, we can't let the stereotypical drunk Russian image affect are military can we now?"

"No definitely not sir, you asked me for something I believe though?"

"Indeed, as you know, the Americans are on their last legs, and this is mainly due to you, it is you who has often landed them a critical blow, sure they may have escaped from New York, but they found that L.A could kill anybody, right?"

"Uh, yes" came the confused reply

"And after that infamous assault on Precinct 13 on Halloween, where the Americans had all their latest equipment, well it's about time I repaid you personally" By now the Soviet general was filling his hammer and sickle boxers with alcoholic urine, had the Premier gone over the edge? All of a sudden the music dimmed and music came on, similar to Queens "We will rock you" only with what can only be described as a 'Russian beat'. The nation's leader then started to belt out a chorus followed by some verses.

"We will we will bury you" "We will we will bury you"

Premier Romanov starts dancing round his office.

"I'm a Russian Premier And that's something to fear You don't stand a chance Against the Soviet advance"

Tesla troopers, conscripts and some desolators join in with the chorus.

"We will we will bury you" "We will we will bury you"

"With tesla coils And mammoth tanks We will boil The allied ranks"

"We will we will bury you" "We will we will bury you"

Yuri moonwalks into the room whilst doing a robotic dance routine. With a husky voice he sings his own little song.

"I'm the psychic advisor Though you're none the wiser

I control you nation And your participation"

Yuri then dances out of the doors on the other side of the room.

"We will we will bury you" "We will we will bury you"

Boris comes crashing through the window at the back of the Premiers office, AK in one hand.

"I'm the Soviet hero Never been a zero

Can you give me a light? I need to laser guide an air strike"

Boris then fires his assault rifle up into the air then jumps back out of the window.

"We will we will bury you" "We will we will bury you"

Lieutenant Zofia seductively walks in through the double doors at the front of the office, dressed in her standard issue tight fitting "made to look as sexy as possible in order to entertain geeks TM" clothing. She starts to do her own separate rap routine.

"Hello comrade I know you've been bad

I give you the look I read you like a book

You look at me, with a smile You think you're got a chance

That's why I do my dance Sure the storyline sucks

But Westwood's in it for the bucks

Tiberian Sun, Tiberian Dawn Well while I'm around.

.. IT STOPS YOU LOOKING AT PORN".

The End