Of Anguish and Providence
PART I. THE GAME AND ITS PLAYERS
"A Foreign Home"
Nothing was clear.
His movements were sluggish and heavy. The air was thick, hot; making his lungs burn and mouth taste of ash. The smell of blood and death filled his nose.
Not many years ago he would not have known death had a smell.
He was incapable of seeing anything concrete; there was only a vague sense of the enemy. A blurry figure suddenly flashed to his left, it had been impossibly quick. He might have even been convinced it was nothing, had it not been for the searing wound that appeared deep into his side.
A gasp escaped his lips as a flash of pain consumed his senses—as of yet the only thing to light up the shadowy surroundings Kurosaki Ichigo.
Ichigo was furious. He was not only battling his physical enemy, but an induced helplessness that prey must feel when circled by predator. There were countless battles in which Ichigo had faced great despair and impossible odds, but this…this was different. His need to protect, the heart he possessed for his family and friends, was failing him.
The gold flecks began to overtake the typical brown coloring of his eyes as blackness spread into the whites. Ichigo's hollow mask appeared unbidden, but he was not alarmed. When he claimed his true Zanpakuto in Zero Division, Ichigo accepted all facets of his being as one. While the hollow transformation was still typically a conscious decision, it could occur instinctively without becoming a hostile manifestation. Its appearance was a testament to his rage, as well as his desperation.
Additional power flowed through his veins, and the pain was forgotten. Ichigo's feeling of helplessness began to recede. Through the fog of his thoughts, one still came clear: He must protect.
His enemy again darted towards him. This time he was quick enough to cross blades, but after three strokes the figure vanished again into the haze.
"Face me you bastard!" his hollowfied voice roared. Ichigo's words sliced through the heavy air as tangibly as his Zanpakuto.
A low, melodic chuckle echoed around him. Other than the brief glimpses during their exchange, it was the first undeniable evidence of his foe.
"Why, Ichigo? Why are you fighting?" the same voice floated out from the darkness.
The pitch and smoothness of the sound made it difficult to determine if it was male or female. A feeling of deep unease and a flicker of doubt twisted within Ichigo. He slowly shifted his weight to his back foot and slightly raised the points of his blades—prepared for another attack.
"I'm fighting to protect!" He fired out, but with slightly less vindication than the moment prior.
"Protect what Kurosaki Ichigo? Whom have I taken? What have I threatened? " The voice remained shapeless, nameless, indefinable.
Protect what…?
Soft laughter again pierced the night.
The ambiguity of the situation suddenly began to overwhelm Ichigo, so much so that the white mask of his hollow self vanished. The shadows and mist surrounding him snaked around his ankles and solidified. He was trapped.
Protect what? Why am I fighting? Who am I fighting? What is this place?
Confusion and panic set in as the very fabric of the environment warped. The darkness that held him in place crept up his legs, and he began to sink. A being started to materialize in front of him, slowly, methodically, as a sensation of drowning began to take over. The shadows oozed up his chest and neck. Ichigo's fear widened eyes were the last to be devoured by the blackness.
The final image captured was the sadistic grin of a faceless foe.
Ichigo awoke drenched in sweat. Fear slowly released its icy claws from his chest and reality replaced dream. He sat up slowly, dawn barely breaking across the horizon of the Seireitei. He placed his head in his hands in attempt to shake the remnants of sleep, and felt a warm substance slick onto his forehead. He found a trickle of blood coming out of fingernail shaped wounds on his palms.
It had been like this for months. Every night an unidentifiable threat would torment him physically, mentally. The setting was different, the fights were different, but it always ended the same. He was consumed by darkness.
Protect what? What can you protect Ichigo?
His mind continued to wander as he routinely prepared for the day. After going to Zero Division, discovering his true Zanpakuto, his training there, as well as the fights over the course of the Quincy War, Ichigo's power had developed immensely. So much so that following the closure of the war, it was a large risk to the people around him to remain in the World of the Living.
He found his telltale scowl deepening. It was a frustrating contradiction. His power itself was the very thing shackling him from what he always wanted powers for—protecting those around him. He tried to remind himself that his friends and family were far from helpless, and to think otherwise would not honor their strength.
Kyoraku anticipated the possibility of Ichigo's isolation, and had given permission for family members and friends to visit him. And, with a seal placed on his power, he could visit occasionally as well. Even so, the interaction had to be regulated, planned.
He missed home, his friends, and his sisters, even his old man. In addition, living in the Seireitei had some unanticipated troubles. Consciously he would have done nothing differently, but he recognized the value of the bonds with those at home much more clearly now they were restricted.
He thought back on his fight with Aizen, the use of his Final Getsuga Tensho, and the 17 powerless months that followed. Ichigo was no stranger to making sacrifices. He splashed some water onto his face and shook off the excess, casting off his thoughts as well. He was not one to dwell.
"Yo! Ichigo!"
The doors to Ichigo's quarters slid open as Renji's familiar frame appeared. His mess of red hair pulled up tight, a bandana tied around his forehead, and a confident smirk on his face.
"Hmm awake already?"
Ichigo greeted him with a flat look.
"Renji… I'm not supposed to train with you for another few days."
"Welllll. Didn't realize I had only scheduled time!" He shot back indignantly. "I happen to be joining you for Squad 4 training today."
"Because your Kido sucks…" Ichigo muttered under his breath.
"Why you!?"
Renji started an agitated rant about how his Kido was still way ahead of Ichigo's. Ichigo ignored him, a hint of a smile on his face. Bickering with Renji was something predictable and familiar. He finished getting ready and fitted himself with his Zanpakuto blades.
"…And on top of all that, you look like complete hell."
That gave Ichigo pause, but he still managed a haughty retort—
"Ha! Simply proof that I'm training harder than you."
Another argument ensued, but Ichigo knew Renji's observation must be true. The dark circles under his eyes were growing nightly. They exited the Kuchiki grounds and walked towards 4th Division.
Byakuya had grudgingly agreed to house him. Ichigo grinned as he recalled—"…in the guest quarters…towards the back". He concluded it was extremely generous of the poised Head of the Kuchiki clan, given Ichigo's own talent for disorder. While the size and luxury at times felt uncomfortable, it was nice to have his closest friends nearby. As Byakuya's Lieutenant, Renji tended to be around, and when Rukia was not assisting Ukitake-Taichou, she now had twice the reason to stay on the grounds. In addition, it was immediately decided that Ichigo staying in the barracks would only create tension amongst the men.
Commander Yamamoto's agreement to restore Ichigo's power, and his orders for all Captain Class to contribute their reiatsu to do so, were testaments of Soul Society's recognition of Ichigo as a Shinigami. However, his existence was not limited to that of a Shinigami, and the Seireitei was notoriously slow accepting anything it had yet to experience or understand. Ichigo, on some level, was still a hollow, still a human, and still a Quincy, not a member of the Gotei 13.
However, Ichigo's environment was hardly hostile. While there were many who were unwelcoming or fearful, those who he had fought next to, bonded with during battle, were his friends and allies. Toshiro, Kenpachi, Matsumoto, Ikkaku, Byakuya, Shinji, and many more supported him each in their own way.
After some recovery he spent his time helping rebuild the Seirietei and rotationally training with different Squads. The rounds provided much needed distraction for Ichigo, and bought time for the Captains to try and define his role in their world.
Renji and Ichigo both let out a long sigh before entering the building marked "4". Renji's kido—volatile at best. Ichigo's…was even worse, which could almost be considered an accomplishment. The goal was to try to control and focus their energy into the healing string of kido. After all, no one had blown themselves up attempting healing techniques.
"Good morning Renji, Ichigo." Isane greeted them as acting-Captain of Squad 4. She was met with a pair of sheepish grins and shrugged shoulder, and she mentally prepared for an eventful morning.
Meanwhile on the Kuchiki grounds, all Captains gathered in Kuchiki Byakuya's private office.
"Are we sure it was the wisest choice to gather here? It would be quite a pain for him to walk in on this meeting, him staying here and all." Hirako Shinji drawled. He had both a dryness and caution that maintained him as aloof and dangerous at once.
"Renji is accompanying him, and will not let him return unexpectedly. That these are not official grounds also made it best for keeping this discussion secret from others." Byakuya answered, eyes lidded and head bowed.
"Can we trust him to keep this meeting confidential?" Soi Fon joined the gathering.
"Are you questioning the integrity of Squad 6's Fukutaichou?" Byakuya's tone was full of his signature calm.
"Hnnn… we mustn't be arguing amongst ourselves. Time is of the essence and there is much to decide." Kyoraku's easygoing attitude did not mask his authority after being revealed as Yamamoto's selection as acting Captain of the 1st division.
"It's not as if we all are not loyal to Ichigo, and Abarai is aware of that." He continued. However, there are reasons other beings are rarely allowed into Soul Society, and for only very short amounts of time."
"There are next to no records of souls retaining any memory of their past upon entry into Soul Society. However if an outsider with full memories, like Kurosaki-san, were to come in contact with a soul he knew from the World of the Living, the consequences could be dire. I'm surprised he hasn't realized the possibility." Ukitake joined the discussion. As the most well read of the group, his findings of human/Shinigami interactions in the histories were key.
"While he doesn't tend to be the most observant," Hitsugaya Toshiro muttered. "He doesn't stay kept in the dark well either. We have underestimated him before on this account, and it might be best to inform him."
"Perhaps the information would be best delivered from someone he deeply trusts, someone who has just as strong a connection to the soul Ichigo would seek?" Shinji added. He understood better than most what it meant to have judgment issued with no defense of character or circumstance. He wanted Ichigo to have the opportunity to make his own choice.
"Isshin was once a Captain himself; he would understand the gravity of the situation" Ukitake agreed, "as well as the turmoil it would cause Ichigo if he found the soul of his mother."
The group nodded in agreement.
"It's settled then. Ukitake, if you might part with your Lieutenant for the task? Her knowledge of the area and connection to Ichigo's family would be well suited. In the mean time I want the Department of Research and Development to devote its best to finding the soul of Kurosaki Masaki." Kyoraku issued.
The group began to disperse, but three remained to address Byakuya in private.
"Kuchiki-Taichou." Shinji's eyes were narrow but gave nothing away. "You are aware of Ichigo's reiatsu raging through the night?"
His eyes seemed to widen infinitesimally, and granted them a reserved nod.
"The size of the grounds and even the seal you placed around his quarters will not be enough to conceal his pressure if it continues growing. It will not go unnoticed much longer." This time it was Kensei to speak up.
"Hollowfication is more than brute power, Byakuya-san. It possesses no logic, no soul; the strength comes from pure instinct." Shinji explained. "We can sense when Ichigo's hollow surfaces every night, and that the force is increasing, indicates that Ichigo instinctually senses a threat. His path is a narrow and dangerous one, and considering the state of the Seireitei, the concerns of the other captains…
Well the fact that you implemented a seal hiding his reiatsu shows you've considered the possibilities. If his nightly turmoil makes itself known, then Ichigo might easily be labeled as a threat himself. We have been his allies from the beginning. We say this to protect him, and caution you."
"Ah."
As the Visored Captains exited the room, Byakuya found himself looking through the window. He wasn't one for entertaining bad omens or auras, and yet, as the afternoon sun rose high and hot, there was a sudden coldness in the air that left him unsettled.