The Shadow That Haunts Me
Dave sat back and stared at the laptop with a mixture of confusion, boredom and disdain. The faint sound of the music he was playing in the background becoming nothing more than a blur as his fingers tapped at the keys. "I'm never going to get anything done!" he exclaimed to no one, the apartment was empty. As he sighed heavily and slammed the computer shut he turned to look at the photograph to his left and smiled, he and his best friend at junior high graduation. He picked it up gently, as if he would break it if he so much as flinched, and ran a thumb over his friends face. "I miss you, y'know.."
It wasn't often that he even acknowledged the picture's existence, let alone interacted with it, but every time he did he cried. It never lasted long, but enough that a few tears made their way onto the glass and frame. "I miss you." he repeated, they were not the words he meant, but it wasn't as if someone else would hear them. No, the three words he wanted to say were much more painful and he refused to admit it, even to himself.
He sat the picture back down and stood up, grabbing his coat and keys. He walked out into the chilly night air, trying unsuccessfully to push those thoughts out of his mind. Memories flooding back, both joyful and pained. Both of them being dateless to prom, so they went with each other, hanging out and playing video games for hours on end, talking each other through break-ups, fights they had gotten into with each other and ultimately the last memory he had of John. The confession.
The blond ended up in a park a few blocks away from where he lived, sitting on a creaky wooden bench, hunched over crying and mumbling to himself. Years of grief finally overcoming him as the memory forced itself to the front of his mind.
~eight years prior~
High school graduation, everyone standing in their caps and gowns in the gymnasium, friends and family seated in anticipation. The memory flashes forward briefly, the blond pulling his friend down into an empty hallway saying he needed to talk to him. The hall was dark, but that didn't bother either of them. The dark haired boy asked him what was wrong, why he was fidgeting and if he was okay. He was so nervous, he stumbled over his words as he spilled them out, a hasty confession before they both went their seperate ways after the day was over. John reacting with disbelief, stating that he didn't roll that way and backing away. Dave running out of the building, the other following him out, not having meant to upset his friend. The blond hastily entering a crosswalk. His best friend following. A speeding car trying to beat the red light. A single moment, Dave not seeing the car and John calling out to him. The prankster pushing him to safety. The car hitting John full force at 40 mph.
The memory flashes forward again, sitting next to him in the hospital as his father tells the nurse that they only want to keep him on life support for another week, unless there are improvements. Dave moved a few days later, not another question asked. He ignored all forms of contact from his former friends, and even John's family. He couldn't stand to think about it.
This was all his fault.
~memory ends, current day~
It had started to rain and he looked up at the starless sky, letting the rain wash away his tears. He wiped his face with his shirt sleeves and walked back to his apartment, drenched and exhausted, still reeling from the unexpected flash back and trying to compose himself as he walked up the block, but stopped cold in his tracks as someone approached from the opposite end.
it couldn't be?!
could it?
The figure got closer, and closer still. Dave got a good look at his face.
no, it wasn't, i've finally lost it
he's still dead
and it's still my fault