Disclaimer: The ER characters aren't mine. The story is mine.
Notes: Mm, this came sooner than planned. I don't really know whether I like
it yet. ::shrug:: My own fics depress me, how sad am I? LOL.
***
It had seemed like the right thing to do at that time. She had seemed like
the right person for him. He had seemed like the right one for her, too.
From a distance, it had seemed so perfect. And they were both so good at
faking, and it was all so very sad. He knew her; he knew her like the back
of his hand. And she knew him just as well. She knew he loved her, and he
did. But he knew she wasn't fulfilled, and it pained him so. He tried not to
see it, but he did know. He watched her at night get up and stare out the
window, while he'd pretend to be asleep. She stayed like that for hours.
Neither of them would ever mention it in the morning. All the pretending was
killing him slowly, yet he couldn't let go of her. For the sake of their
closeness, and genuine friendship. For the sake of emotional stability. For
the sake of his love for her. For the sake of his goddamned pride. She cared
for him, that much was obvious. But she cared too much, and it was too
obvious. He knew she didn't want him to see, but she smiled too much, and
she laughed too much, and she talked too little. She viewed him as the
little boy, whose heart she didn't want to break. And surely he'd get his
heart broken, sooner or later. And maybe he was that little boy, because
this made him afraid. Afraid that he'd never find anyone else he could
relate to so much, anyone else who'd know him so well, anyone who'd want him
as much as he'd want her. Anyone perfect. So, he pretended not to see how
uneasy and forced and contrived every moment felt, and he pretended not to
worry about it. Then she'd swim into view and he'd be reminded that she
wasn't perfect. Not for him. And he wasn't perfect for her, and he would
never be. But they kept on pretending it was all right and everything was
fine. God only knew how much longer it could last, and he wouldn't waste a
minute of it. He loved her, even if he was a selfish wimp. He knew in the
end he'd be the one hurting her, and he knew all the while she was hurting
herself. And he knew they shouldn't be together. But he wanted to be selfish
just for a little bit more.
Because he knew, some time or other, he'd have to let her go for good.
***
Notes: Mm, this came sooner than planned. I don't really know whether I like
it yet. ::shrug:: My own fics depress me, how sad am I? LOL.
***
It had seemed like the right thing to do at that time. She had seemed like
the right person for him. He had seemed like the right one for her, too.
From a distance, it had seemed so perfect. And they were both so good at
faking, and it was all so very sad. He knew her; he knew her like the back
of his hand. And she knew him just as well. She knew he loved her, and he
did. But he knew she wasn't fulfilled, and it pained him so. He tried not to
see it, but he did know. He watched her at night get up and stare out the
window, while he'd pretend to be asleep. She stayed like that for hours.
Neither of them would ever mention it in the morning. All the pretending was
killing him slowly, yet he couldn't let go of her. For the sake of their
closeness, and genuine friendship. For the sake of emotional stability. For
the sake of his love for her. For the sake of his goddamned pride. She cared
for him, that much was obvious. But she cared too much, and it was too
obvious. He knew she didn't want him to see, but she smiled too much, and
she laughed too much, and she talked too little. She viewed him as the
little boy, whose heart she didn't want to break. And surely he'd get his
heart broken, sooner or later. And maybe he was that little boy, because
this made him afraid. Afraid that he'd never find anyone else he could
relate to so much, anyone else who'd know him so well, anyone who'd want him
as much as he'd want her. Anyone perfect. So, he pretended not to see how
uneasy and forced and contrived every moment felt, and he pretended not to
worry about it. Then she'd swim into view and he'd be reminded that she
wasn't perfect. Not for him. And he wasn't perfect for her, and he would
never be. But they kept on pretending it was all right and everything was
fine. God only knew how much longer it could last, and he wouldn't waste a
minute of it. He loved her, even if he was a selfish wimp. He knew in the
end he'd be the one hurting her, and he knew all the while she was hurting
herself. And he knew they shouldn't be together. But he wanted to be selfish
just for a little bit more.
Because he knew, some time or other, he'd have to let her go for good.
***