The Fourteenth Year

by frostyfreezyfreeze54

In an attempt to stop the aging process and prevent puberty, KG drinks one of Wade's formulas that end up turning him into a ten-year-old. Meanwhile, Sparky and Buster train for an upcoming water basketball tournament. Guest starring Marv Albert, Reggie Miller, Chris Webber, Craig Sager, and Larisa Oleynik.

1. The Fourteenth Year Script

Thank You, Heavenly

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day

SEASON 4

EPISODE 1

Airdate: September 27, 2015

"The Fourteenth Year"

Special Guest Stars: Marv Albert as Himself, Chris Webber as Himself, Reggie Miller as Himself, Craig Sager as Himself, Larisa Oleynik as Denise

SCENE 1

The Jennings Household

Interior KG's Bedroom

Seattle, Washington

The camera slowly zooms into KG's face as he is sleeping. He soon awakens with a dreamy look on his face, takes off his blanket, yawns, then heads towards the bathroom. Everything is now being filmed from his perspective as he sees RK with sunglasses, a tank top, shorts, and a beach ball.

KG: Hey RK. You headed to the pool?

RK: Yeah, I just called Sparky and Buster so we're...wait, why the hell do you sound like that?

KG: Sound like what? Wait a minute. Why do I sound like this?! OH MY GOD!

RK: KG, you're...you're becoming a man.

KG: I am.

RK and KG smile at each other, then widen their eyes as they realize the severity of the situation. They start screaming at that moment.

SCENE 2

The Saltalamacchia Household

Interior Basement

Seattle, Washington

Wade is tinkering around with some of his chemicals while KG is sitting on one end of the table that they are placed. RK looks almost frantic.

RK: Wade, you have to save my brother! He's on his boy period!

WADE: RK, you don't call it that.

RK: Well, it shouldn't be happening. Why does it have to be him of all people? He's too young to have a voice change!

WADE: Well, RK, you might not believe this, but most male bodies start developing around the age of 13. They get taller, their vocal cords expand, and as a result, they no longer sound as high-pitched as they used to. It's just puberty.

KG: I feel stupid and I sound weird. Can't you just shove some medicine down my throat or something?

RK: Hey, maybe you're just sick.

KG: Hmmm. Well, last night, I did go to bed 45 minutes later than usual.

RK: That's the answer!

WADE: Guys, it's impossible for your voice to sound that deep because you're sick.

RK: And how do you know?

WADE: Because I'm eight years old and I skipped a grade, dumbass.

KG: Hey, don't insult my brother. Acting like you're all high and mighty because you have a damn lab coat.

WADE: You guys came to me!

KG: Point taken. Still, I'm not going to face my friends like this. Summer's over in three weeks and I want them to see me as the man I was born to be. A hero, a warrior, a real G.

WADE: And you are. Look, just because your voice has changed, doesn't mean you're any different. You're still the same KG no matter what.

RK: Trust me, I know that tone of voice, he's just saying that.

KG: Wade, I appreciate the cheesy dad talk, but I have a life to live. Now, are you going to help me fight puberty or not?

WADE: Well, I have a formula in motion that is supposed to reverse the aging process, but nothing is set in stone.

KG: Say no more. I'll be your first subject.

WADE: Nice try. Now, if you excuse me, I have to get to work on my new fragrance for ladies: Cotton candy grapes.

RK and KG give Wade disgusted looks.

WADE: Go away.

RK and KG are next seen leaving Wade's house.

KG: This sucks. I'm going to get bullied so much, I'll be forced to buy a gun and shoot everybody.

RK gives KG a look of discomfort.

KG: I'm sorry, I didn't think that through. What am I gonna do? All my friends are going to start picking on me. And-and calling me names. Mean names like, like "Squeaky" or, um..."Puberty Boy" or "Four Eyes."

RK: KG, you don't wear glasses.

KG: Stop poking holes in my logic, this is serious!

RK: Dude, I don't want this any more than you do. I'm going to go swimming and figure things out.

KG: You do that. I'm going to stay home and start making paper bags. So the world will be shielded from my pasty face and awkwardly sexy voice.

KG slowly walks away from the house as RK sighs in disappointment and goes the other way.

SCENE 3

Wallace & McQuade Community Pool

Seattle, Washington

The pool looks to have a sizable crowd as there are kids all over swimming and having a good time. Sparky and Buster pass by two teens in lounge chairs holding hands as they try to get to the bulletin board. Buster takes the pen that is attached to a clipboard and starts writing his name down.

SPARKY: What are you doing?

BUSTER: Signing us up for the water basketball tournament. You know, like we do every summer.

SPARKY: I don't know, I think I'm skipping this year's championship.

BUSTER: WHAT? You can't, Sparky! You're my best friend and it's a tradition! Who would I get for a partner? One of those background kids who don't talk?! I can't do that, man, they don't make conversation!

SPARKY: Buster, I know you're looking forward to this, but every summer, we make a deep run in the tournament and we choke. We make Peyton Manning look like Tom Brady.

BUSTER: Please, I hear Tom Brady takes steroids.

SPARKY: It's just not worth it, man. Maybe next summer, we can train and get better.

BUSTER: Alright. But this is such a buzzkill. School's right around the corner, and I know kids are going to ask me what I did this summer. Oh, I'll tell you what I did. Never getting messages from you people BECAUSE YOU IGNORED ME FOR TWO MONTHS!

SPARKY: It's okay, Buster.

BUSTER: It's not, I don't know why kids do that!

A white kid with brown hair named Aaron and a black kid with a Caesar haircut named Michael walk towards Sparky and Buster.

AARON: What's up, losers?

SPARKY: Oh, f***.

MICHAEL: Thinking about not entering the tournament this year?

BUSTER: Wait a minute, I think I remember you guys. Didn't you two introduce me to Fresca?

SPARKY: Nope, Buster, this is Aaron and Michael. Remember, the two-time defending waterball champs?

BUSTER: Oh yeah. You bastards can go pick on someone else. Stop reminding us of how much you kicked our asses last year!

MICHAEL: Well, it was a beatdown, wasn't it, Aaron?

AARON: Definitely. Word on the street is you two aren't going to be playing this summer. Smart move.

SPARKY: How do you know that?

MICHAEL: We stalked you from the corner.

AARON: What he means is analyze. The point is, we're going to three-peat this summer so we understand why you wouldn't want to be humiliated again.

SPARKY: Look, you ugly motor-mouthed assholes, you can flaunt your little titles around like it means something but the truth is, nobody remains on top for too long. It took three seconds for The Undertaker to lose his streak, and it will take three games to beat your sorry asses.

BUSTER: Eh, a little corny.

SPARKY: Noted.

MICHAEL: So you guys are competing?

BUSTER: We are?

SPARKY: We are.

BUSTER: We are? Oh, right, you already said that.

AARON: Good luck. Chances are, by the time we get to the finals, we won't even see you.

SPARKY: Same goes for you chumps. Now get out of our faces.

BUSTER: Yeah. And by the way, Mike, I know you have a crush on us.

MICHAEL: What?

AARON: Let's go, he's just playing dumb again.

Aaron and Michael walk off to the other side of the pool.

MICHAEL: Why does everyone think I'm gay?

AARON: Because you always talk like you're gay, cut that shit out.

BUSTER: Sparky, are you sure we can take those guys? What if they're right? We could lose in the first round even.

SPARKY: Hey, tradition is tradition. Besides, I can't let those two bums get away with talking down to everybody. We just need to beef up our defense and get fit. Then they'll never be able to talk crap again.

BUSTER: I hear you loud and clear, Sparky. Tonight, I'm going to come up with a foolproof plan to help us win our first championship.

SPARKY: Just make sure your plan doesn't involve us getting into trouble this time. Like when we robbed the candy store.

BUSTER: Why didn't RK get in trouble, he was an accessory!

SPARKY: Yeah. Until he told you the day it was going to happen that he was staying his ass home!

SCENE 4

The Jennings Household

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

(Rapping "King Kunta" by Kendrick Lamar as he enters the house) RK: Bitch, where you when I was walking? Now I run the game, got the whole world talking.

RK stops rapping and drops his beach ball as he sees the entire room is dark. There are paper bags all over the floor.

RK: KG, are you feeling okay? Should I call the psychiatrist again?

KG: RK, I was wondering when you would...show...up.

("Only One Can Judge" by Jim Johnston playing in the background)

KG "floats" into the living room covered in a white cloak which shields his entire body. RK gives him a bored look for a few seconds, and then the sound effect of a record needle scratching is heard.

RK: What the f*** are you doing? And what is this? Why are you wearing a freaking cloak? And how the hell are you flying? That's it, we have to talk about this.

KG: Fine, I'll show you how I can float in the air. You take some string...

RK: We don't need to talk about that. Dude, I get that puberty sucks, but don't start going all Rick Murray on me.

KG: Hey, Rick was cool before he started beating on fat girls and putting rappers in wheelchairs. But you just don't understand puberty. You're still a kid. And since we only celebrate your birthday once every three years, you don't have to worry about growing up. I do. Now that my voice is changing, my whole life is going to change. Pretty soon, I'll be in high school, getting my first real job, becoming sexually active.

RK: I'll learn about that at my own pace, thank you.

KG: The point is, I'm going to be a brand new person before I even know it. By the time I'm 23, I'll be on Tumblr lying about how awesome cartoons were when I was a kid. I don't know, man. I guess I have to deal with the fact that...my childhood is over.

KG sighs in disappointment and tries to hold back tears as he walks upstairs. RK seems moved by his words as he starts playing with the string KG used to help him float.

KG: If you're playing with the string, you shouldn't, you don't want to know what that was attached to.

RK drops the string immediately and wipes his hands on his shirt in disgust.

SCENE 5

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Sparky is watching TV when Buster shows up.

SPARKY: Hey, Busts.

BUSTER: Hey Sparks. I came up with the perfect plan to get an edge on the other kids in the waterball tournament. I was in the bathtub cleaning myself when I fell asleep for about 15 minutes. I had a timer.

SPARKY: Okay? And?

BUSTER: I woke up 25 minutes later with my plan. I had a snooze button.

SPARKY: Well, how does it work?

BUSTER: Basically, you hit the snooze button on your phone every five minutes so you can...

SPARKY: The plan, Buster, your perfect plan?!

BUSTER: Oh yeah. You don't have to be rude. Anyway, I figure that if we practice in the morning at another pool in town, we can work on our weaknesses without having to be seen.

SPARKY: Alright.

BUSTER: Then we can challenge other teams at night to build momentum. That way, people will start seeing us as the team to beat, not Andrew and Mookie.

SPARKY: Aaron and Michael.

BUSTER: I know what I said. So what do you say?

SPARKY: We practice every morning and play every night until the tournament, right?

BUSTER: Yup. We can set our own schedule and plan strategy and everything.

SPARKY: I think it's a great idea. I can't wait to see those two pieces of monkey bread get their lunch handed to them.

BUSTER: Did you just call Abernathy and Martin pieces of bread?

The doorbell rings and Sparky goes to see who it is. He opens the door to reveal Jaylynn playing with a green yo-yo.

SPARKY: Hey Jaylynn. What are you doing?

JAYLYNN: Playing with my new yo-yo. It's my summer activity. You want to see me do tricks?

SPARKY: No, that's not going to work out. How come you're not hanging out with Anja?

JAYLYNN: She's helping Lynne get settled into her new place. She has an apartment now.

SPARKY: Lucky you.

JAYLYNN: Yup. The bitch is gone, haha.

Jaylynn continues playing with her yo-yo while Sparky and Buster give each other confused looks. Buster makes a drinking motion with his hand suggesting that Jaylynn is drunk.

SPARKY: Jaylynn, we're a little busy right now, so we should probably talk later.

JAYLYNN: I can't get involved in your adventure?

SPARKY: No, it's a little stuffed right now.

JAYLYNN: Alright, be like that.

Jaylynn walks away and Sparky shuts the door.

BUSTER: I feel bad for her.

SPARKY: Yeah. Lately, she's just been going around doing a bunch of nonsensical stuff.

BUSTER: Should we talk to her about that?

SPARKY: No, that will just call attention to it.

BUSTER: Word.

SCENE 6

The Saltalamacchia Household

Interior Basement

Seattle, Washington

Wade is on the phone on the other side of the room while RK slowly walks downstairs and heads toward the table containing several chemicals, which are all labeled. To protect his identity, RK is wearing a black ski mask. Wade does not seem to notice that anyone else is down there.

WADE: And so after the periodic table fell down, radon took the blame for it. That's when Rutherford said, "Radon, you're made of real gold. And you're the most noble element I know!"

Wade starts cracking up at his own joke while RK rolls his eyes. He sees the formula marked "Age Reversal Solution - Possibly Unstable" and swipes it from the table.

WADE: Don't you get it? Radon is a noble gas and Rutherford conducted the gold foil experiment. Look, Adriana, if you're not going to laugh for real, at least laugh out of pity. I don't have a problem with pity laughs, I'm used to it. My humor is complex, I know.

RK nearly trips on the stairs and spills the formula, but saves himself and scurries away from the basement undetected.

SCENE 7

The Jennings Household

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

That night, KG is in his pajamas and about to go to sleep when RK runs upstairs with the formula.

RK: KG, wait up! As the good brother that I am, I decided to make you feel better and steal Wade's formula.

KG: You stole for me? RK, that's so sweet. How do you take this stuff?

RK: I don't know. I guess you drink it up or insert it down there, I'd imagine.

KG: It says "Possibly Unstable."

RK: Dude, there's a possible chance of it being unstable. Doesn't mean it is. You cross the street every day and there are cars all over. Just because a drunk driver might possibly run a red light and kill you, doesn't mean you don't cross.

KG: Yeah, that's true. Anything to stop me from facing puberty.

KG drinks the formula in one shot, making RK widen his eyes.

RK: That shit was cool, bro. How did it taste?

KG: Like wild cherry.

RK: How do you feel?

KG: More or less the same. I guess it takes a while to kick in.

RK: Yeah, probably. Well, I'm going to go watch TV. Good night.

KG: Good night.

KG goes into his room while RK walks downstairs.

RK: I kinda feel bad about stealing from Wade. Oh well. Things always work out in the end.

SCENE 8

Bear Lake

Seattle, Washington

Sparky and Buster are at the lake in hoodies and shorts early in the morning. Buster is holding a beach ball while Sparky looks around concerned.

SPARKY: Buster, I get that we need to practice, but it's 5:30 and no one even knows we're here.

BUSTER: Why are you worried? You think...you think a G.I. Joe will come here and tell us how we shouldn't play without being supervised?

SPARKY: Probably, those guys are creeps. And it's a little cold.

BUSTER: Well, it's like my dad once told me. "Buster, sometimes you have to go through pain to become a man. And stop pinching yourself, that's not what I meant!"

SPARKY: Are you sure that's what he said?

BUSTER: Yeah. My parents didn't want me growing up hurting myself. Or else I would have to start taking that bus for stupid people, and my dad didn't want me turning out stupid.

SPARKY: Could we just practice now?

BUSTER: Whatever floats your boat, I was just trying to tell you about my childhood.

A few minutes later, Sparky and Buster are in the lake with the beach ball passing it around.

SPARKY: How does this help us?

BUSTER: WHAT?!

SPARKY: I SAID, HOW DOES THIS HELP US?!

BUSTER: I'm sorry, I spaced out for a second there. Well, last year, when we played those other teams, we had trouble passing the ball back and forth. Whenever you had the ball, you would just hold it and try to go for those long shots that always missed.

SPARKY: You're one to talk. You kept getting fouled because you had the ball for too long and you could never let go of it in time!

BUSTER: I was reading my options! But hey, if we get the ball to each other quick enough and more frequently, we'll score more.

SPARKY: That's true.

BUSTER: Alright, let's try the long pass.

SPARKY: Got it. Chuck the ball.

Buster tries to avoid an imaginary defender and hustles to get the ball to Sparky, who does the same and shoots it into the imaginary hoop.

SPARKY: Dude, this will never work.

BUSTER: Why? You need pretend commentary too?

SPARKY: No, it's just that I can't tell where to shoot without the hoop. Plus, this lake is kinda deep.

BUSTER: True. Maybe we can pick this up again later on at the Northgate pool. No one ever goes there.

SPARKY: Good idea. We can set up the hoop and practice more shots and stuff.

BUSTER: Sounds like a plan.

SPARKY: You know, I've been meaning to ask. Why are you practicing with your shirt on?

BUSTER: I'm kinda self-conscious about my body.

SPARKY: Oh.

BUSTER: Yeah, I could use a little treadmill.

SCENE 9

The Jennings Household

Interior KG's Bedroom

Seattle, Washington

KG wakes up similar to the way he woke up the day before. Once again, everything is being filmed from his perspective. He walks out of his room and heads towards the bathroom, and is bewildered by what he sees in the mirror: He is now considerably shorter.

KG: What the f*** is going on?

KG notices his voice is higher and checks out his hands, which are now smaller.

KG: WHAT THE F*** IS GOING ON?!

At that moment, RK walks upstairs and heads to KG's room.

RK: KG, you up in there?

KG: In the bathroom.

RK scratches his head at the voice he just heard emanating from the bathroom and goes to check it out.

RK: It's time for breakfast, dude, I made pan...

RK stares down his brother with a look of confusion and amazement.

RK: I made something for breakfast, I can't remember at this time.

KG: Look at me! Hear me, analyze me, do something!

RK: Well, you know, we just threw out that high chair, you want me to get it back or what?

KG: KID!

RK: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you're just so cute now.

KG: FIX ME!

RK: Dude, the only thing I know about science is that you can make things explode. It's okay, we can just go to Wade and...

RK and KG hear loud banging on the front door.

KG: Who the hell is that?

RK: If it's the police, you're going to jail, I'm just a minor.

KG: I'M A MINOR TOO!

RK: Yeah, but...you have seniority so it evens out.

RK walks downstairs nervously and tugs at his collar before answering the door. He looks through the peephole, gulps in fear and opens the door to reveal a fuming Wade.

RK: Um, howdy Wade. You look very, um...Schweppervescent today.

WADE: YOU. You bug-eyed, potbellied MISFIT!

RK: Hey, be a star, Wade, words hurt.

WADE: YOU BASTARD! You trespassed onto my property, stole my scientific formula that was under serious investigation and USED IT FOR YOUR OWN PERSONAL GAIN?!

RK: You know, I find it offensive that you automatically think it's me.

WADE: WHO THE F*** ELSE COULD IT HAVE BEEN?!

RK: Lots of people. I hear some of the world's top scientists are being killed in exchange for their material. It's a big deal these days. They're calling it "Slaughtergate" with a hashtag.

WADE: I'm pretty sure the hashtag is implied. (At that point, "#Slaughtergate" briefly appears on the screen.) RK, why did you do it?

RK: It was for KG and his puberty. I just thought it would get his voice back to normal and shit. I didn't think that would happen.

WADE: You didn't think what would happen?

KG: That I now look like I'm too young for the big boy rides at Six Flags.

Wade takes a look at the newly transformed KG.

WADE: Dear God. That's it. We're going to the lab to investigate. Grab your coats, let's go.

RK: It's August.

WADE: I'M IN HYSTERICS, LET'S JUST GO!

Wade opens the door to reveal Jaylynn.

RK: Jaylynn, what are you doing here?

JAYLYNN: I wanted to know if you guys were interested in going scuba diving.

WADE: Um...no?

RK AND KG: Yes.

WADE: Jaylynn, we're busy right now. I have to figure out what's wrong with RK #2 over there.

KG: Hey!

JAYLYNN: KG, is that really you?

KG: Yup, in the flesh.

JAYLYNN: Hey, the younger you is cute.

The three boys all stare at Jaylynn confused.

JAYLYNN: I can still think boys are handsome, I just don't like them like that.

RK: Oh.

KG: The more you know.

WADE: We're going to my basement lab. Do you want to come, Jaylynn?

JAYLYNN: Sure, why not?

RK: Wade, give me your car keys, I'm driving.

WADE: Why would I let you drive my car?

RK: Because you're having a nervous breakdown. Chances are you make it to the next block, you run over a pedestrian, and we all go to the slammer for vehicular manslaughter.

Wade looks at the floor for a few seconds, then tosses RK his car keys.

WADE: Be gentle.

SCENE 10

The Saltalamacchia Household

Interior Basement

Seattle, Washington

Wade is using a scanner on his laptop to monitor KG's condition while RK and Jaylynn sit on the other side of the lab. Jaylynn is once again playing with a yo-yo, but it is orange this time.

RK: It's weird how cold it is in here.

WADE: Alright, that should be it. I got the results.

KG: So, what did your freaky chemicals do to me?

WADE: Well, KG, my "freaky chemicals" caused you to experience a significant age reduction. At first, I thought it was just meant to stop you from developing any further or make you slightly younger, but it turns out the formula is more powerful than I thought.

KG: So, how old am I then?

WADE: You're ten. The same age as RK, Jaylynn, and Sparky.

KG: Ten years old? Shit, now I'm going to need a new license.

WADE: No, you don't. There's no way you can stay like this. I'm going to whip up an antidote quick enough that you'll be your old self in a few days.

KG: A few days? I'm going to be a little kid for a few days?!

WADE: Well, maybe your little brother should have thought about that before the burglary.

RK: Oh, shut up. I'm sorry I burglarized you, but it was for a good cause. You really expected me to know about the effects?

WADE: Well, on the label, there was a warning about it being unstable so...

RK: Smartass. Come on guys, let's go live a little.

KG: I won't be living at all, thank you very much. RK, I wanted to stop my voice from changing, not go back to the fourth grade.

RK: KG, if it makes you feel any better, I don't support this change either. I mean, when I first saw you, man, I was shocked. Shocked!

JAYLYNN: Look on the bright side. At least you don't sound weird anymore.

KG: Yeah, but...

RK: Bro, this is getting ridiculous. You weren't happy yesterday when you were 14, you're not happy now when you're 10, and when the antidote's completed, you're once again going to be unhappy at 14. When are you going to stop feeling sorry for yourself and start having some fun?

KG: You know something, RK? You're right. It's time for me to party.

RK: That's the spirit, dude. Be a kid again. Jaylynn and I will be more than happy to get you back in the loop.

JAYLYNN: We will?

(Through clenched teeth) RK: Yes, we will, and we are.

SCENE 11

Northgate Community Center

Interior Swimming Pool

Seattle, Washington

That morning, with a few other people in the center and barely any people in the pool, Sparky and Buster have one entire area closed off for themselves so they can practice shots with an actual hoop. Buster pretends to be surrounded by defenders, then tosses the ball to Sparky who does a successful layup.

SPARKY: You know, I think we're getting faster.

BUSTER: You see it too? Dude, we're going to slaughter this tournament. Hey, I think I even came up with my own special shot.

SPARKY: Buster, the last time you made up your own shot, you were picked off twice.

BUSTER: It just needed to be worked out a bit. Alright, here is my brand new and improved shot, the Newman Slamma Jamma Ding Dong.

SPARKY: ...Can't wait to see it.

BUSTER: Here we go. MacDougal and Newman are down by four with two minutes left at the half. Newman is back on the offensive. Janetti is closing in on the block. The mammoth child has the hoop to himself, Newman goes for MacDougal on the move, pumps the fake, Janetti bites it, Riley is too late to pick up the slack, Newman twists around...(Buster twirls around and finishes off with a slam dunk) HOW DID HE DO THAT?! BUSTER NEWMAN WITH A COMPLETE DISREGARD FOR HIS BODILY FUNCTIONS! And if you check out this crowd, they can't believe it either! 2015 SKIDOO, THIS KID'S GOING PLACES!

(Buster starts pumping his fist and chanting "Woo! Woo! Woo!" while Sparky stares at him with a bored expression.)

SPARKY: So just at a curiosity, you want to go challenge some kids to a game tonight?

BUSTER: Sounds good.

SCENE 12

The Jennings Household

Interior Kitchen

Seattle, Washington

RK, KG, and Jaylynn are standing near the freezer.

KG: RK, what are we doing?

RK: Well, KG, since you're a kid for now, we have to show you all the good things that come with being young again. And one of the things that no kid can resist is a good mess.

(RK grabs a whipped cream canister from the refrigerator and starts whistling "Paid in Full" by Eric B. & Rakim.)

RK: Hey, KG, Jaylynn is totally picking her nose in front of you!

JAYLYNN: No, I'm not!

KG: Don't lie to me, we both know what you just did.

(RK shakes up the can and sprays KG with it.)

RK: That was a distraction.

KG: You jackass, it's in my mouth!

RK: Dude, it's whipped cream, not shaving cream.

KG: Yeah, but ever since I was younger...

JAYLYNN: Irony.

KG: ...I always hated eating whipped cream unless ice cream was under it.

RK: Oh, why didn't you just say so?

RK takes out a carton of cookie dough ice cream and has a demented smile on his face.

KG: You know, RK, you look a little hungrier than me.

RK: The hell?

KG turns the tables and pushes the carton into RK's face.

KG: Looks like you were in fact, getting your just desserts.

RK: That was corny, bro.

JAYLYNN: You know, you two look good enough to eat.

KG: Hey Jaylynn. Fruit fly.

JAYLYNN: What?

KG takes an orange and hits Jaylynn in the gut with it.

JAYLYNN: Shit!

KG: YEAH, VIOLENCE! Kids like that, right?

RK: Yeah, kids today love gratuitous violence. Jaylynn, are you okay?

JAYLYNN: That depends. Are YOU?

Jaylynn takes the orange and nails RK in the head with it.

RK: You little puke, you're dead.

JAYLYNN: Not before I make sure you're dead.

KG: I'LL MURDER BOTH OF YOU!

RK AND JAYLYNN: YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO!

The three start throwing several fruits at each other. RK tries to crawl away, but Jaylynn grabs him by the leg and holds him up for KG to slap him with grapes. However, KG slaps Jaylynn with the grapes, then RK takes a watermelon and throws it at KG's spine.

SCENE 13

The Saltalamacchia Household

Interior Basement

Seattle, Washington

Wade paces around in his basement rubbing his chin.

WADE: I have to think logically. What KG drank was sweet and reversed the aging process by four years. So to undo the effects, I have to make an antidote that's rough, foul, rude, abrasive...but still easy to hold down and with a punchy aftertaste. I just have to make sure I get it done in time. I should run some more tests.

(Wade checks his scanner for some new information on the formula that he created. A picture of KG appears on the scanner as the most recent person to be affected by the formula, with some information on the bottom.)

WADE: "The age reversal formula is powerful enough to either prevent the person from aging any further or make the person younger by up to seven years in some cases. Generally, the affected person has a maximum of five days to reverse the effects or they will remain the way they are permanently?!" (Wade starts sulking in his chair and lets out a big sigh) I can't believe this! I have to start NOW!

SCENE 14

Wallace & McQuade Community Pool

Seattle, Washington

At night, Sparky and Buster are playing two boys in a game of water basketball. Buster performs the Newman Slamma Jamma Ding Dong effectively, confusing the other player and landing the dunk. They lead 78-69 with 3:32 left on the clock. Everyone cheers for Buster's shot, including RK, KG, and Jaylynn.

RK: You know, I think Sparky and Buster have a good chance of going all the way this summer.

KG: Yeah, that shot by Buster was on the money.

JAYLYNN: Don't they always lose?

RK: Well, yeah, but there's a first time for everything. I mean, you always hated taking collect calls, but look at you now.

JAYLYNN: I still hate it.

RK: Don't try arguing with me, it's a good game and everybody's having fun.

RODNEY: KG, is that you?!

KG: Holy shit, Rodney! He doesn't know what happened to me!

RK: Don't worry, just play it cool. Act casual.

KG slowly turns around and tilts his head to the side.

KG: Yo, dawg. Sup?

RK: You know, whenever you tell someone to act casual, they never do.

JAYLYNN: I know, right?

RODNEY: What happened to you?

KG: Well, you know, I just took a little dip in the fountain of youth. My brother's friend made this formula that turns teens into kids, and I volunteered.

RK rolls his eyes and sucks his teeth.

RODNEY: Man, I wish my older brother knew friends like that. But all he does is smoke weed and complain about Obama keeping the white man down. You know, Pete's throwing a party at his house tomorrow. Should be a killer, you in?

KG: I don't know. I think I'll be watching animated shows with RK and Jaylynn tomorrow.

RODNEY: You mean, cartoons?

KG: You know what I meant.

RODNEY: Yeah, but why say it like that? Anyway, this is going to be the blowout of the summer. I hear Denise is even going to be there.

KG: Eh, tell her to take a message. I'm going to live my life the way it was meant to be lived: As a child.

RODNEY: Alright, bro. Call me when you're done "volunteering" as you put it.

KG: Sure thing, dawg.

RK: You know, KG, you didn't have to do that. Go to the party, you'll have fun.

KG: That's okay. Having a fourth-grader at a junior high party is a mood killer.

JAYLYNN: But you're not in the fourth grade.

KG: Jaylynn, I'm ten years old until Wade fixes me. And I'm not going to waste a single minute. This is way better than puberty. Check this out. LOOK OUT BELOW!

KG does a backflip into the pool, and ends up splashing Sparky, Buster, and the other two boys.

KG: YEAHHHH, TELL 'EM KG DID IT TO YA!

BUSTER: You idiot, you're supposed to do that after the game, that's what makes it funny.

SPARKY: Yeah, get out of here, KG.

KG gets out of the pool and starts whipping his hair around, then he hollers in satisfaction.

BUSTER: Wait a minute. Did you notice that KG...

SPARKY: Yeah, I just realized it.

BUSTER: Should we try figuring this out?

SPARKY: No, because that means we'll have to get involved and I'm just tired right now.

BUSTER: Good point. Let's finish the game.

RK: KG, are you crazy? You can't just interfere in the game like that.

KG: Come on, that was sick. It was awesome. It was sicksome, man. You know, RK, I was so worried about what people were going to think about me because of my puberty. But thanks to you, I never have to worry about being laughed at. It's like, f*** everybody, you know? F*** their opinion, f*** their parents, you heard? I can finally live my life. I'm going to go for a bike ride.

JAYLYNN: It's at night.

KG: Some living things are nocturnal, Jaylynn. It's like, a part of life. Get on my level, honestly.

KG walks away while whistling "Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae)" by Silento. RK and Jaylynn look at each other concerned.

SCENE 15

Wallace & McQuade Community Pool

Seattle, Washington

Later on, Sparky and Buster get out of the pool and are given towels. They are also greeted by cheers and high-fives from the kids who were watching the game.

SPARKY: Wow, we really kicked ass tonight.

BUSTER: I know. I think Aaron and Michael are going to be French toast in that tournament.

SPARKY: Wait, what?

Aaron and Michael are then shown clapping sarcastically, with sly smiles on their faces.

AARON: Well done against the scrubs tonight. But...

Aaron cannot continue because Michael is still clapping sarcastically.

AARON: I think they get what we were implying!

MICHAEL: Oh. I thought I was supposed to keep it going in the background.

AARON: As I was saying, you guys need to bring your A-game on Friday. You're going to be facing way better teams. Faster, smarter, more talented teams. Including...who, Michael?

MICHAEL: Us, the defending champions.

SPARKY: You guys are pathetic.

AARON: We're pathetic? Of course we are, because we have titles. Yeah, our championships have made us pathetic. You guys are the pathetic ones. You go far in the tournament every year, then you get your hearts broken in the end. This Friday, it's going to end the same way.

BUSTER: NOT THIS TIME! Listen up, bucko, you can talk to your weirdo buddy like that.

MICHAEL: I have feelings!

BUSTER: You can talk about our government like that, but don't you dare think you'll get away with talking to Sparky like that. This summer belongs to us, and on Friday, you're going to see just how dangerous we are. I pray for you if you end up facing us because we're going to give you the worst beatdown of your life. We'll make the New York Knicks look like a threat compared to you.

SPARKY: Go, Buster!

MICHAEL: Oh yeah? We're going to beat you so bad, you'll be thinking about us all night long. In your dreams.

AARON: Dude, seriously, stop that, it's not even funny anymore. See you dorks on Friday.

Aaron and Michael walk away and both of them shoulder Sparky and Buster.

SPARKY: I want them dead. In an athletic way, not a real-life way.

BUSTER: Don't worry, man. We're going to make sure they never pick up a beach ball ever again.

SCENE 16

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

RK is watching TV the next morning when he hears a knock at the door. He opens up and sees Wade holding a small closed container.

RK: What goes on, Wade?

WADE: What's up? Where's KG, the antidote's ready for him.

RK: I'm sure he's around somewhere.

WADE: So is he here or not?

RK: That depends. Do you believe he's really here?

WADE: RK!

RK: He's in his room. Man, I just love seeing your eyes bug out like that. Take a chill pill, man. Cool out.

The scene cuts to KG dancing around in his room. RK and Wade just walk in without knocking, and KG does not seem to mind.

KG: What's up, guys? You want to know how KG the Kid is living? Large and in charge. Biggie! Uh huh, uh huh.

RK: I taught him that. So KG, you're ready for this? The antidote has arrived.

KG: Oh, cool.

KG goes back to listening to music.

WADE: Aren't you going to take it? It's your chance to be yourself again.

KG: Kinda, but not really. I'm meeting Sanna and Ashley for ice cream today. Plus, I'm hanging out with the dudes at the local pizza place, watching a Mariners game with Manny and Will. Will said that if we cover our eyes when the Mariners strike out or give up runs, it will make the game less painful to watch.

WADE: But if you don't take the formula now, when? We have to change you back before you're ten forever.

RK: Wait, what?

WADE: If KG doesn't drink the antidote by midnight Friday night, he's going to remain a ten-year-old for the rest of his life.

KG: Wait a minute. A life where I can have fun 24/7, worry about nothing and never age or die? Sign me up!

RK: Well, you might end up dying if someone shoots you or stabs you or runs you over. Or any combination of the three.

WADE: Not helping!

RK: Sorry.

WADE: KG, please just take the formula. I thought you wanted to be 14 again.

KG: I did, but things change, man. You kids have it made. The most you have to be stressed about is homework or who ate your Lunchables.

RK: I'm personally offended as a kid.

KG: Look, when I have the time, I'll think about changing back. But right now, I want to have fun. It's summer vacation, boy, and I want to soak up every minute. Oh yeah. I hope you two sumbitches can make it to the waterball tournament on Friday. I'm going to pull off the ultimate party stunt. YEAHHHHHH! KG THE KID IS IN FULL EFFECT! OW!

KG walks out of the room at that moment, then comes back in.

KG: YOW!

KG leaves again.

WADE: RK, we have to give KG this antidote by Friday. He can't stay ten years old for good. He'll miss out on a lot of great things.

RK: Why do we need to do anything? This is the happiest I've seen him in weeks. Besides, being ten years old forever isn't the end of the world. Lots of people have done well for themselves. Bart Simpson, Timmy Turner, Gary Coleman.

WADE: See, this is why I can't talk to you sometimes about this shit. We need a plan to get KG to drink the antidote before Friday. And I think I have one foolproof method.

SCENE 17

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

RK and Wade are sitting down watching TV when they hear a car pull up.

RK: KG's here.

WADE: Alright. Time to put Operation Setup in effect. Plan A: The drink.

KG walks in at that moment with sunglasses and a belt wrapped around his neck.

RK: Bro, what the hell are you wearing?

KG: It's a choker for guys. I look young, sure, but I want to make sure I feel young too. Oh yeah, by the way, it's "bruh." Only old-school punks say "bro" these days.

RK: Well, I guess I'm just old-school like that.

KG: See, this is why you and I ain't hanging out like that. You ain't down.

RK: I'm not what?

WADE: KG, a cool kid like you looks thirsty. How about a substantial beverage to quench your unbelievable coolness?

RK: Seriously, what do I mean I'm not down?

KG: Sure. I'm pretty thirsty.

WADE: Well, you're in luck. (Wade heads to the refrigerator and gets out three glasses, two of them containing lemonade and one containing the formula) We have some cold drinks here in the fridge. Yeah. Drinks for everybody on this hot summer's day. (Wade comes back with the drinks and sets them down on the coffee table.)

KG: It's not that hot today. Pretty cool compared to last week.

WADE: Just drink the drink, heh?

KG: Fine with me.

RK: KG, you get the special drink today.

KG: Special drink? The hell?

WADE: Yes, it is special. In various Southern areas.

KG: Why is it green?

RK: It's green because, well...in the deep South, it's referred to as mean green lemonade.

WADE: Yes, indeed. You go down to Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Mississippi, all the SEC schools, they got it.

RK: Yeah. Some...even believe it was named after "Mean Joe" Greene because he popularized the formula. For the drink, of course.

KG: Interesting. Hey, Wade, you'll have something on your shirt.

WADE: What?

KG tosses the antidote on Wade's shirt.

WADE: GAH!

KG: That's called foreshadowing.

WADE: YOU IDIOT, DON'T YOU REALIZE HOW LONG IT WILL TAKE TO MAKE ANOTHER ANTIDOTE?!

KG: Do you realize these nuts? Look, I'm not interested in changing back any time soon so I'll hit you guys up later. By the way, "Mean Joe" is from Texas so you shot yourself in the foot with that one.

KG walks upstairs at that moment while RK continues staring at an annoyed Wade.

RK: You know, some Tide on the go will help take care of that.

WADE: I hate your f***ing brother.

SCENE 18

The Jennings Household

Exterior Frontyard

Seattle, Washington

THURSDAY AFTERNOON

RK is sulking on the front porch with Jaylynn standing near him.

JAYLYNN: So what, that's it? You're just giving up?

RK: It's not that, but there's nothing else we could do. By the time Wade makes another antidote, the effects will end up being permanent. Besides, KG doesn't want to change so who cares anymore?

JAYLYNN: This is so sad.

RK: You're telling me. I was supposed to stay ten until the ratings dip, not him.

JAYLYNN: If only we could have went backpacking through Europe like I suggested.

RK: Don't you remember? We tried going to Paris, and it didn't work out. (RK glances at the camera briefly, then back at the ground.)

KG arrives at that moment riding his bike. He is now wearing a Nirvana T-shirt and acid wash jean shorts to go with his sunglasses and belt choker.

KG: What's up, peeps? How ya living?

RK: You look like an even bigger douchebag than before.

KG: Thanks, man. I noticed that a lot of kids like to wear T-shirts of bands they've never heard of or barely listen to. So I thought, why not get in on it? Isn't that right, Jaylynn?

JAYLYNN: FYI, I've been a fan of Nirvana since I was a fetus.

KG: Sure. We'll "take your word for it." So Rynie Boy, you and Wadeometer figured out another way to get me to change back?

RK: Please stop coming up with nicknames. And no, we haven't. In fact, we decided to just let you rock. If you want to be on your Peter Pan shit, that's not going to keep food from coming into my mouth.

KG: I'm glad we finally see eye to eye. In fact, I'm even more glad we had this talk before tomorrow night.

JAYLYNN: What are you talking about?

KG: Well, during the finals of the water basketball tournament, I'm going to do a sick backflip off the high board, and I want to make sure you guys get front row seats.

RK: Are you insane?

KG: No, just really sicksome. I'm going to have the whole pool talking about me. Well, I'll be in my room. I have to figure out all that pain in the ass logisticy stuff about my stunt. Laters.

KG walks into the house and slams the door.

JAYLYNN: I was going to scream if he used my catchphrase.

RK: This is awful! He can't go ahead and do that stunt!

JAYLYNN: Why not?

RK: Two years ago, Jason Headley did that stunt. He mistimed it and he ended up with a dislocated shoulder. Plus, his friends were in that tournament and they were disqualified even though they didn't know what he was going to do!

JAYLYNN: So what's the game plan?

RK: We're going to tell Wade to whip that shit up really fast and save KG's skin. I can't have him become another lame YouTube video for nine million people to laugh at while twenty other people tell them it's not funny!

JAYLYNN: I'm usually somewhere in the middle. But I think Wade's still home. We can call him so we don't have to run all the way over there.

RK: Great idea. I've been feeling a little chunky lately, no running for me.

SCENE 19

Wallace & McQuade Community Pool

Seattle, Washington

FRIDAY NIGHT

The local pool is closed down for the tournament. Several kids are poolside or hanging near it to get a look at the competitors entering the area. Sparky and Buster arrive in Buster's car and some of the kids start cheering wildly for them.

BUSTER: I love being the sentimental favorite.

SPARKY: But remember, tonight is not about being the most popular. It's about kicking ass and taking home the trophy. Win or go home.

BUSTER: We're still going home no matter what.

SPARKY: Point taken.

Meanwhile, KG is eyeing the high diving board to prepare for his stunt. RK and Jaylynn run up to him at that moment.

KG: You see that, guys? All eyes will be on The Kid tonight.

RK: KG, I'm usually the first person to make a reckless and stupid decision. Hell, I practically sold the movie rights. But you cannot pull off this stunt. You're going to ruin the biggest game of the summer, and worse than that, you're going to hurt yourself.

KG: No, I'm not. I already have it planned out.

JAYLYNN: Really? You practiced?

KG: No, I'm just going to wing it. Makes it more real. I'm going to climb up there, dive off right before or right after a big play, do a little Shawn Michaels, top it all off with a Spinaroonie and land safely.

RK: And when it doesn't work out, what are you going to do?

KG: I'll find someone to blame.

RK and Jaylynn give each other bored looks.

SCENE 20

Wallace & McQuade Community Pool

Seattle, Washington

A TNT commentator's table is set up near a cabana. The three announcers then put on their headsets.

MARV ALBERT: Hello, ladies and gentlemen, I'm Marv Albert and welcome to the Wallace & McQuade Water Basketball Invitational here in the heart of Seattle. I'm joined by my broadcast colleagues Reggie Miller and Chris Webber, both of whom are former NBA superstars for the little kids watching at home.

REGGIE MILLER: It's a really beautiful thing seeing all these kids come together and play basketball the way it was meant to be played. I'm very excited to see these teams play tonight for what really matters.

MARV ALBERT: Chris, you have experience with never winning a championship. How will that motivate Sparky MacDougal and Buster Newman here tonight?

CHRIS WEBBER: Well, I was robbed that year but you're right. Sparky and Buster are young, they're hungry, they want the gold, and if fate says they're going to get it, then fate shall never be proven wrong.

MARV ALBERT: Wonderful, Chris, and I'm so stoked to be here which will help take my mind off of my enormous amount of back taxes. Craig Sager, what sideline reports can you give us here tonight?

CRAIG SAGER: No one's really here right now, I feel like my time would be better spent...

MARV ALBERT: Craig, you and your hilarious non-sequiturs. Alright, ladies and gentlemen, enjoy tonight's festivities.

("Wicked Ones" by DOROTHY playing in the background)

A montage is shown of the various games throughout the evening. Aaron and Michael witness Sparky and Buster's newfound skills firsthand as Buster banks a shot from the top of the key, swipes the ball from one of his opponents and lobs it to Sparky for a slam dunk right before the half. KG is also shown dancing around and throwing food at the commentators, who just give him weird looks. In the end, it is revealed that Sparky and Buster will play Aaron and Michael in the finals.

MARV ALBERT: And in a rematch of last year's incredible championship match, Sparky and Buster will go up against Aaron and Michael. The whole world is watching and their eyes are wide open for this one.

REGGIE MILLER: I think these kids have proven tonight that professional basketball can go hang itself after the performances I've seen here. Steph Curry who?

CHRIS WEBBER: Reggie, stop overselling it.

REGGIE MILLER: Chris, I'll oversell your no-ring ass if you don't shut the...

MARV ALBERT: Gentlemen, we're still broadcasting. I really hope the IRS knows about this one.

SCENE 21

Wallace & McQuade Community Pool

Seattle, Washington

RK: Where the hell is Wade? It's getting late.

JAYLYNN: He said he's on his way here.

RK: He better hurry, the game's already started.

KG checks out his junior high friends near one of the cabanas and walks up to them.

KG: What's up, mofos? How's it hanging?

RODNEY: Oh, you actually care about us now, do you?

KG: What are you talking about? We're still buds.

TREVOR: You haven't hung out with us in days because you're so stuck on being a kid. So you know what? We're shunning you, rejecting you, and ignoring you.

RODNEY: Trevor, it's the same damn thing. Look, we'll see you later, man. Have fun with the rest of your life.

KG: Hey guys, come on? What? Denise?

DENISE: Yes?

KG: Baby, I thought we had something going on.

DENISE: I thought so too. But you didn't show up to Pete's party and you haven't talked to me in the past three weeks so I have nothing to say to you.

KG: But Denise, I really like you.

DENISE: And I like you too, but come on. I'm not dating a fourth grader. Besides, I hear they lock you up for that kind of thing. Call me when you have things in order.

Denise leaves with the other kids to go to another area of the pool.

KG: So I'll never get Denise like this?

WADE: If you had listened to me, I could have told you that.

KG: Wade! Dude, I need you to come through for me. You got the formula?

WADE: Got it right here.

KG: Oh, come to papa. Wait a minute. They just rejected me. You know what, f*** them. If they can't accept me at my youngest, they don't deserve me at my oldest.

WADE: Because you blew them off to hang out with our friends. We don't even hang out with them like that, you know how weird that is?

KG: Well...screw it. I don't need them. In fact, I think I'm going to do my stunt right now.

BUSTER: Sparky, look!

SPARKY: Is KG about to do the Headley? Will somebody please stop this clown?

WADE: KG, don't do it, you're better than this!

KG: Who cares? I'm going to be a legend if I pull this off.

RK: If you pull this off. You don't even know if you can do it for sure.

KG: Don't use logic, I want all eyes on me.

JAYLYNN: KG, let's just say you do this trick. Even if you pull it off, your friends will still ignore you and you're going to ruin a good game.

KG: It's better than having to be laughed at!

WADE: That's what you're concerned about? People laughing at you because of your voice? If they're real friends, they won't bully you over it.

KG: I bet they will. I've spent my entire life being the coolest kid around. I'm not settling for the bottom of the totem pole. I'll stay ten years old for 25 years if I have to!

RK: KG, you're going to miss out on your entire life if you do this. Do you really want to miss out on your first time? Your first day of high school? College, marriage, having kids? You're just throwing your whole life away because you don't want to risk getting your ego crushed. A real man walks into his battles head-on and fights like a man. He handles things maturely and he does his best to never take the easy way out. I guess you're telling me that I never have to grow up. At some point, we all have to take our shit and deal with it. Don't be a coward. Just be a man.

KG: Wow, you guys are right. I'm just running away from my problems because I'm insecure. I'm actually scared of becoming an adult. This isn't me. Nothing about this is the real me. I'm not going to do the stupid stunt.

JAYLYNN: Thank God.

MARV ALBERT: Buster with the pump fake, open lane...YES!

KG: Wade, I'm tired of running. Give me the antidote.

Wade hands KG the antidote and he drinks it.

KG: GAH, SON OF A BITCH! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! OH NO, THIS IS GOING TO KILL ME AND MY FUTURE CHILDREN!

A green orb engulfs KG while he moans some more and after a few seconds, the orb disappears and KG is back to his old self.

KG: I'm back! I'M BACK! HOT DAMN, THE KID IS BACK! And I have some business to take care of.

KG walks over to the area where his friends are sitting and confronts Denise.

KG: Denise, I don't care if it takes a year to get you. Because I will get you. And I know now that there are some things about growing up that I'm not ready for. But I'm going to face them. I'm not running away from anything and I'm definitely not running away from you.

DENISE: I'm glad to hear that. I was hoping you wouldn't forget about me. And don't worry. I don't think it's going to take that long to get me.

Denise winks at KG who has a big smile on his face. He then walks over to RK.

KG: RK, thanks for showing me how to be a kid again. I'll never forget it. And never forget to stay young inside.

RK: Appreciate it, bro. You know, I don't think I really understand what it takes to be a teenager.

KG: You'll get there soon, man. And I will too. We just need to remain sicksome.

RK has an annoyed look on his face. The camera cuts to Sparky and Buster finishing off their game.

MARV ALBERT: Seconds on the clock, Aaron with the pass to Michael, DEFLECTED BY SPARKY!

CHRIS WEBBER: No more time to call a timeout.

MARV ALBERT: And it is...OVER! SPARKY AND BUSTER HAVE UNSEATED THE DEFENDING CHAMPS! AARON AND MICHAEL ARE BESIDE THEMSELVES, AS SPARKY AND BUSTER ARE THE NEW WATER BASKETBALL CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD!

BUSTER: YEAHHHHHH, YOU GOTTA BELIEVE!

AARON: Hey guys, listen...

Buster proceeds to punch Aaron, Michael, and then Craig Sager in the face. He starts running around screaming like a madman across the pool while "Big Time Theme Song" starts playing in the background. The screen fades to black, and the kids are now shown at SummerSlam.

TESTICULAR SOUND EXPRESS: Now it's time for...

STEVE SONGS: Yoo-hoo!

KIDS: Music Time!

STEVE SONGS: With Steve Songs.

("Come and Get It" by John Newman playing in the end credits)

©2015 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS