Title: Hearts & Roses
Email: feather@udatt.zzn.com
Disclaimer: The wonderful world of Buffy and Angel belong to the wonderful Joss Whedon of course, oh and David Greenwalt, and Marti Noxan too now. Let's see… who else, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, etc.
Summary: Xander leaves to go to L.A. and meets Cordelia again in an unfortunate breaking up with boyfriend incident. A few hints of X/D and lots of X/C.
Authors notes: I started writing this before I actually knew Joyce was going to die… so umm, yeah it's quite old… but please don't flame me if you think it sucks!
* * * * * * *
21st December 2001
Oh, my God! It's so cool! Xander and Anya split up, I could have a chance at last! Yay, yay, yay!!
Dawn stared at the old diary entry, which had been the most exciting day of her young life that was until…
20th January 2003
Today has been very interesting! It was Buffy's 22nd birthday party this evening at the Bronze, Xander was there! I mean he's always there but I'm glad he was today, the most amazing thing happened to me…
…Buffy grabbed her sister's hand and dragged her into the Bronze. "Dawn come on, we're late!" she cried and pushed Dawn across to the table where their mom was sat, glancing at her mom Buffy smiled. "I went back and got her," she said softly.
Joyce smiled. "I'm glad," she replied then turned to look at Dawn. "What were you playing at today?"
Dawn frowned. "I didn't want to come," she said simply and sat down on a chair opposite her mom.
"Why not?" Buffy asked sadly, "It's my birthday, I'm always at your parties, it's only fair you come to mine."
"I know that, it's just…well I didn't have anything to wear!" Dawn declared, Buffy and Joyce laughed. "What? I don't, I hate this dress!"
* * *
Dawn stared at her soda then blew down the straw, Buffy slapped her arm. "Ow!" She glanced up at her big sister and gave her an evil look; of course Buffy didn't notice she was too busy rushing off to greet people.
Several minutes later Buffy returned with arms full of presents and dropped them to the table, Dawn stared at them a moment then returned her attention back to the tiny bubbles popping on the surface of her soda.
Suddenly a set of hands covered her eyes and the bubbles were hidden by darkness. "Guess who?" The owner of the hands asked with a laugh.
Dawn giggled and bit her bottom lip. "Umm…Xander!"
"God, you're too good at this!" Xander moaned and placed his hands on her shoulders.
Dawn grinned; she liked it when Xander paid a lot of attention to her, which he did much more now that Anya was out of the picture. It was over a year ago now, but it had taken him quite a while to get over it.
Xander moved his hands and sat down on the chair next to her. "So how's my little sweetie?" he asked and passed her a tiny parcel. "Late Christmas present," he whispered.
Dawn stared down at the little box tied with a silver bow. "Thanks." She grabbed one end of the ribbon and untied the bow; lifting the lid of the box she discovered a silver necklace spelling out her name. "Wow, thanks!" She took the necklace from the box and grinned at Xander.
"It's okay," he whispered then turned to look at Buffy. "So Buff, how's it feel to be twenty-two?"
Buffy raised an eyebrow in his direction. "The same as it felt to be twenty-one, thanks." She frowned then leant across the table. "What's this about you leaving us to go to L.A?"
"Oh, yeah…the interview!" he sighed. "I thought it was about time I tried to move up in the world, rake in the cash, you know the sort of thing."
Dawn stared at Xander, and held back the urge to cry. "You're leaving?" she asked quietly.
Xander turned and looked at her, she looked heart broken. "Let's go over there." He pointed to the other side of the room and grabbed her hand pulling her away from the table. "I'll explain."
"So, what was the necklace? A way to let me down easier?" she cried. "I know you think I'm just a little kid, everybody thinks I'm just a little kid!"
"I don't think you are, Dawn you're seventeen, and in my book that's not a little kid." Xander smiled and sat on one of the sofas pulling Dawn down next to him.
She looked at him with sad eyes. "Then take me with you."
He laughed. "I don't think you're mom would be very happy if I did that, give it another year and I'll come back and get you."
"What sort of job are you being interviewed for?" Dawn asked and ran a hand through her long hair.
Xander frowned. "Boring office thing, but I need the money so I can't argue. You can come and visit me I promise."
"Cool." She glanced down at her hands. "Do you think I'm too young for you?"
"Too young for me? As in romantic relationship too young?" Looking at the ceiling a moment Xander ran his hands through his hair. "No, but it would be weird, you're one of my best friends little sisters!"
"Oh, so there's no chance?" Dawn slowly got to her feet and smoothed out the wrinkles in her dress.
Xander looked up at Dawn and bit his lip, she was so pretty, and then making a decision that he was sure he'd regret straight away, he stood up, traced a hand across her cheek, then kissed her softly. "Give me a couple of months then I'll answer that," he whispered then walked back to the table.
* * *
8th February 2003, L.A.
"Kyle, it's not working out. I thought you would have figured that out by now, we argue all the time…" Cordelia took a deep breath, shouting wasn't helping. "Just forget it okay, it's over as of now." She gave him one last glance then ran out his apartment.
Dashing down the high street shopping bags in her hands, she ran straight into a crowd of people, and yes she ended up on the floor. Brand-new designer clothes scattered across the pavement, being stamped into puddles.
"Here, let me help you," a voice said suddenly from beside her, and then this guy handed her one of her shoes.
Looking up Cordelia whispered, "Thanks." It was then she saw his face. "Xander?" she asked softly and took the shoe. Cordelia hadn't seen Xander for years but she'd recognize that childish grin anywhere.
He looked at her a moment studying her face, then. "Cordy?" He grinned brightly then grabbed the remainder of her shopping and handed it back to her.
Standing slowly Cordelia studied him, he hadn't really changed a lot, okay his hair was a little longer than when she'd last seen him, and he had a few blonde highlights through it, but was still the same old Xander. "Oh my God, I haven't seen you for years. What are you doing here?"
His eyes glittered and he bit his bottom lip. "I'm here for a job interview actually, oh and I live here now, I was going to drop in on you, see how you were doing on your quest to stardom."
She laughed. "How's terrible sound? I haven't had a job for at least a year."
Xander glanced down at her shopping bags, Gucci, Armani, all designer stuff. "Don't tell me, you robbed a bank!"
"Spending the ex's money actually, I have a credit card of his, call it payback!" Cordelia laughed again and ran a hand through her hair. "He needs to pay," she said bitterly then started giggling.
He laughed with her a moment. "If you're not busy at the moment, I have a couple of hours spare, we could get a coffee, do some catching up."
"That'd be real nice," she said. "But I don't really want to drag my shopping around."
Xander thought a moment. "Put it my car, and then I'll drive you home later."
"Are you sure?"
"Definitely." He said a grabbed the shopping back off her. "Come on, let's go."
* * *
Cordelia stared across the table to Xander who was stirring his coffee intensely, there was something up with him. "So, do you have a girlfriend?"
Xander looked up and stared at her. "Not at the moment. There was Anya, as you know, that ended up a shambles. Last year there was this weird relationship with Buffy, it lasted about two weeks. Then there was…" he trailed off then went back to stirring his coffee.
"Who? What?" Cordelia pushed, now very interested she leant across the table and grabbed his shirt. "Tell me, Xander!"
He looked at her stricken. "I can't tell you, it's a mistake that never should have happened."
"You can tell me anything okay, I can keep secrets now, I'm different." She frowned. "Please, you can't keep it in the dark now, I know you have a secret."
Xander tossed his spoon onto the white tablecloth; it left splatters of rich brown coloured coffee on it. "I…I kissed Buffy's sister."
Cordelia spat out the mouthful of coffee she'd had. "You kissed Dawn?! But she's like thirteen years old!"
Xander shook his head. "She's seventeen now."
"What's the diff?" Cordelia cried. "She's way younger, when did this happen?"
"A couple of weeks ago, does it matter really?" He started rubbing at one of the coffee splashes on the tablecloth. "It was meaningless." *Yeah right, and that's why you haven't stopped thinking about it since it happened!* He thought then looked up at her. "I wanna hear about this guy you broke up with."
Cordelia rolled her eyes then relaxed in her chair. "Kyle. Well I was with him for two years, he was rich, good-looking, and he loved me." She sighed. "I didn't love him though, he didn't make me happy, it was the unhappiest two years of life."
"Why didn't he make you happy?"
"He didn't know me, he didn't understand me, and we had nothing in common. The only reason I stayed with him for so long was the money…and that's bad, that's the old me…" She sighed again then took a sip of her coffee, it was cold.
"So getting off this depressing relationship wagon, I like your hair, its very, umm…short and blondish!" Xander smiled and placed his spoon back in his coffee cup. "It's sexy."
Grinning Cordelia twiddled a few strands of her heavily highlighted hair. "Why, thank you. I'm glad you like it."
"What's not to like about it?" Xander said and leaned forward across the table. "I've missed you, you know."
"I've missed you too," she whispered back.
* * *
Xander unlocked the door to his apartment and was faced with several piles of boxes, he sighed and dropped his jacket onto the nearest pile. He hadn't really had time to unpack everything yet; most of his furniture was where he wanted it, but nothing else.
He marched across his living room and opened the door to his bedroom and was faced with a bit of a surprise. "Dawn!" he squeaked as he looked at her sat on the edge of his bed. "How did you get in here?" He reconsidered that a moment. "I mean, what are you doing here?"
She looked up at him and batted her eyelashes as she spoke. "I'm here visiting dad with Buffy. But you remember how you sent Buffy a key? Well, I took it from her dresser and here I am!"
"You stole the key I gave Buffy?" he asked and grabbed her arm pulling her from his bedroom.
She pulled her arm from his grasp. "That hurts!" Placing her hands on her hips, Dawn frowned at him. "You smell of cheap women's perfume! Have you got a new girlfriend?"
Xander stared at her then ushered her into his living room. "It's not cheap, it's Chanel!"
"Oh so you have got a girlfriend!" Dawn sat herself on his sofa and started flicking through the TV guide. "You're not very settled in yet are you?"
"No, and you being here isn't helping. Look I have someone coming over this evening and I need to get the place sorted out for then, so if you're gonna be here at least help." Xander grabbed a box from beside the TV and took out several cushions.
"The girlfriend, right?" Dawn asked curiously and peered over into a box on the floor next to her.
Xander raised an eyebrow then threw one of the cushions at her. "No! Cordelia actually."
Dawn rolled her eyes then dug around in the box of which she'd been looking. "You so still have the hots for her." She peered deeper into the box then pulled out a tiny blue teddy bear, Xander snatched it from her grasp almost immediately. "Hey!"
"That goes here," he said and placed it on his bed. "And as for the Cordy issue, what makes you qualified to say I still have the hots for her?"
"It's so obvious, anyone could guess." She smiled then pulled a picture from the box, it was of Cordelia at the Homecoming dance. "This doesn't really help your case either." She giggled then handed it to him.
"She was my girlfriend, what do you expect, of course I've got pictures of her still." He glanced down at the picture and tried to resist the desire to smile.
"You don't have any pictures of Anya still!" Dawn quickly shot back.
"I want to forget about her, that's why, it ended badly you know that!" Xander took the box from beside her just as she pulled out a picture of herself and Buffy.
"Good choice." Dawn smiled and placed the picture on the coffee table in front of her. "Looks good there!" She leant back on the sofa then leaped a mile as something started vibrating behind her. "What's that?!" She squeaked.
Xander moved to the sofa and dug around in-between the cushions; several moments later he pulled out a cell phone. "My phone…and it's your sister!" He raised an eyebrow at Dawn then answered it. "Buff hi, what's up?"
"Is Dawn with you?" Buffy cried on the other end of the phone. "She stole my key for your apartment, and now she's gone missing, dads going crazy!"
Dawn moved next to Xander to listen to what her sister was saying, she'd had a feeling Buffy would figure where she was sooner or later. "Please don't tell her I'm here," she whispered in Xander's ear.
"She's not here, no," Xander said softly. *Why did you just lie for a kid?* He asked himself, of course he knew the answer to that, he wanted her to himself for a little longer. "Do you want me to call you if she shows up? I'm sure she will soon."
"I hope so," Buffy answered quietly. "It worries me when people just run off, you know?"
"Yeah I know what you mean, don't worry 'kay, she'll show up trust me." *I'll call her in an hour,* he thought, and then cursed himself. He was lying to Buffy if she ever found out she'd kill him and that was literally. "I'm gonna have to go okay, I'm expecting someone, and she will turn up."
"I know." Buffy sighed. "See you soon." And then she hung up.
"Xander, you rock!" Dawn declared.
He glanced at Dawn's smiling face. "I'm calling her in an hour and telling her you're here," he said and dropped his phone onto the coffee table. "Want a soda?"
"Sure," she answered and followed him to the kitchen. "That was really cool you doing that for me, Buffy's been on my back all weekend, I hate older sisters!"
Xander grabbed two cans of coke from the refrigerator and handed one to Dawn. "I can understand that."
"So why did you lie for me?" she asked and lifted herself to sit on his breakfast bar.
*Cause I want you to myself,* he thought again. And he did want her to himself, he liked spending time with Dawn she was a lot of fun, younger, but still a lot of fun. *Also you want to kiss you,* he added in his thoughts. Did he really want to kiss her?
"Xander, are you okay?" Dawn asked and placed her can down. "You're looking a little out of it."
*And now you're not answering her, cause you're too busy thinking about her!* Now that thought was true, he was thinking about kissing Dawn, what was going on in his head? "I'm calling Buffy now!" he cried and marched over to get his phone.
"Why? You said you understood."
"Well I've changed my mind." He snatched the phone off the table and dialled Buffy's number; she picked up on the second ring. "Buff, she just showed up, I'm sending her home okay!"
"Oh, thank God!" Buffy sounded very relieved.
* * *
Cordelia tapped lightly on Xander's apartment door and glanced at her reflection in the window beside the door, she moved a stray strand of hair off her face and smoothed out the wrinkles in her jacket quickly. *Come on Xander, where are you? It's cold out here.* She thought as she waited.
A moment later Xander opened the door he grinned at her. "Hey, you're early!"
"Sorry, I was bored at home, hope you don't mind." She smiled weakly and stepped into his hallway.
"No I don't mind, I was just hanging around watching TV anyway." He shut the door behind her then took her coat from her.
Cordelia grinned. "Well now you have someone to watch TV with," she said as cheerily as she could then strolled into the lounge and sat herself on the sofa.
Xander watched her sit down and settle herself; she was way to dressed up to just watch TV. "Are you sure you wanna just sit around and watch TV, I mean we could go catch a movie or something?" he asked warily.
She glanced across to him; he was still stood in the hallway. "I'm fine here…what's up, you seem a little tense?"
Xander placed her coat on the chair in the hallway then sat down beside her on the sofa. "I'm not tense…I'm…fine. I'm completely fine."
Cordy rolled her eyes and grabbed the TV remote. "Of course you are. You need to relax, we've know each other since we were kids-"
"You hated me when we were kids!" he interrupted.
"Yeah, but we still knew each other. What I'm trying to say is, you don't have to be nervous around me I'm still the same person I was three years ago. It's not like I'm gonna murder you or anything." She smiled at him then kissed him softly on his cheek. "Now give me a hug, okay."
Xander grinned and hugged her tightly; it felt nice, real nice. When he had said he'd missed her he meant it a lot, he hadn't seen her since she left after Graduation. "I'm sorry, Cor."
She pushed him away and looked at him seriously. "Sorry for what?"
"Acting weird…maybe…" He glanced down at his hands for a moment then looked back up at her. "I wished I'd visited you sooner, or called you or something."
"You're here now aren't' you? And that's just fine with me!" She ran a hand through her hair then flipped the channel on the TV to MTV. "So let's watch TV then, shall we?"
"Sure."
* * *
Cordelia opened her eyes and glanced at her surroundings, where the hell was she? Sitting up quickly she looked at the other person who was asleep on the sofa. Now she remembered, she was at Xander's; they must have both fallen asleep watching TV. She smiled then got up and headed for the bathroom.
She pushed the bathroom door open and stepped in, it was huge. The floor was made up of black slate tiles and the walls were half white and half black. Slipping off her black stilettos she turned on the shower, then unzipped her dress. She really needed a shower, sleeping in her clothes on someone's sofa wasn't good for her. She removed the rest of her clothes and stepped under the warm gush of water, she smiled softly as her thoughts started to drift towards Xander.
It was true, she really had missed him these past few years. She'd missed the way he'd laugh at every little thing, the way he'd act stupidly even when everybody was trying to be serious. Everybody used to shout at him, although they were all thankful really, it relieved the tension slightly when something seriously bad was happening.
* * *
Xander rolled over and stretched his arms above his head, and then of course he fell off the sofa and smashed his nose against the wooden floor. "Ow," he muttered and slowly got to his feet.
"Aww, baby. Are you okay?" he heard the soft voice from behind him and turned to face Cordelia wearing only a towel. She smiled sweetly then walked over and planted a tender kiss on the tip of his nose, Xander winced in pain. "I'm sorry, babe," she whispered then hugged him tightly.
"It's okay," he said then pulled away from her and headed for the bathroom. "I'm gonna have a shower." He walked into the bathroom and shut the door firmly, turning back to the room he saw Cordy's clothes scattered all over the floor, including some very skimpy underwear. His eyes widened and he quickly opened the door again. "Cordy, your clothes are in here."
A few seconds later he felt her walk up behind him, he moved out of the way and let her into the bathroom. "Sorry, I didn't mean to leave them in here," she whispered in his ear.
Xander looked over his shoulder at her. "Again, it's okay," he said just as Cordy turned her back to him and shut the door, spinning back to him she grinned. "Umm, Cor? What are you doing?"
"I'm doing what you want me to do," she replied then moved closer and pushed him against the wall. "You want me to seduce you," she growled.
He swallowed hard. "No, I don't!" he squeaked. *Okay, did I just say that?* He asked himself, then realised that he had said it. "I never wanted that, why do you think that?"
Cordy stepped back and looked at him slightly confused. "Well, you were so nervous around me, so I figured you still liked me."
"I do still like you, but I don't want to rush anything, I want to take things really slow. Cor, you only broke up with Kyle yesterday," he said to her.
"Yeah, I did," she whispered meekly.
* * *
10th February 2003, L.A.
Dawn woke up to knock on her window; she rolled over and stared at the glass to see Xander's face pressed against it. She climbed out of bed quickly and opened the window. "Xander, hi. What are you doing here?"
He smiled weakly then clambered through her window. "I'm not really sure," he muttered, and then added. "But I want to give you this…" He pulled a small brown teddy bear from behind his back and handed it to her. "Sort of a peace offering after I gave you up to your sister the other day. Do you forgive me?"
Dawn glanced down at the bear in her hands and smiled softly. "Thank you. I accept your apology."
"Good." Xander grinned at her. "I was worried you'd hate me."
"I could never hate you," she said quietly.
He looked at her happily then pulled her into a hug. "I'm so glad."
* * *
A few hours later Xander arrived at Cordy's apartment; a bunch of twelve red roses tucked under his arm, and a bright smile gracing his features. He stopped at her doorstep and pushed the doorbell, he heard the muffled ring through the door, and then saw a shadow coming closer through the glass of the door.
A few moments later Cordy pulled open the door slightly, she looked at him quizzically. "Xander, what the hell are you doing here?" she stared at him as she said it, her eyes glittering with each syllable. She bit her lip in the attempt to look slightly mad.
"Surprised to see me?" he asked slightly apprehensively. She wasn't exactly looking happy he was there, except for her eyes, which were full of excitement and joy.
"I don't-" She began then cut herself off with a sharp intake of breath; letting it out steadily she shook her head. "Why are you here, Xander?"
He frowned; he'd been hoping she'd welcome him with open arms. No such luck. "To see you. Why do you think?" Looking past her and into her apartment her raised his eyebrows at her. "Can I come in, or are you gonna leave me on the doorstep?"
She looked behind her then with a sigh let go of the door and walked back into her apartment, Xander followed her and she heard him shut the door firmly. Then with another sharp breath she turned to look at him, her heart racing. "Are you playing me?"
"No, why?" he replied quickly.
"It's just yesterday you didn't want anything from me and now you turn up with roses, and a happy smiling face." She turned her head away. "I won't sleep with you, Xander; I'm not some sort of whore."
Xander dropped the roses onto her coffee table and put his hands in his pockets. "Did I ask you to? I only bought you a dozen roses, if you look the card doesn't say, 'sleep with me, Cor'!"
"No," she whispered and crossed her arms in front of her protectively.
Just as she slowly brought her eyes to look at him again, he noticed the pleading look there; she was begging for something he just wasn't sure quite what. "What's wrong?"
Her eyes left his face and she looked down to her feet. "Nothing. Nothing's wrong."
"Yeah, there's something wrong. Don't lie to me."
"I'm not lying to you Xander. Why would you think that?" she asked slightly exasperated.
He stepped closer to her and put his hands on her shoulders, she tensed slightly. "I can tell in your eyes." He laughed softly. "You may not believe this, but I know you. I really do. I know that something isn't quite right here. So, just…" he trailed off as he noticed her sadden slightly. "So, just tell me okay, I need to know."
Cordy dropped her arms to her sides and the little barrier she'd made between herself and Xander came crashing down within the space of five seconds. "Oh, God," she whispered, and then fell into his embrace crying softly against his shoulder. "I'm so, so sorry."
"Why are you sorry?" Xander asked as he led her towards her sofa. "You've nothing to be sorry for."
She pulled herself away from him suddenly and stood strong, a moment later she found herself blinking away tears. "But I have." She turned away from him and started pacing the living room. "I'm sorry for how I treated you in high school, I'm sorry for never giving you a second chance, I'm sorry for never contacting you when I left for L.A., I'm sorry for flirting with you the other day, I'm sorry for wanting to seduce you, I'm sorry for pushing you away…" She looked at him her eyes red with tears. "I'm just sorry."
He didn't know what to say in response to that, Xander Harris was officially stumped. *Has to be a first time for everything,* he thought with a wistful smile. *Okay, something off the top of my head…got to say something.* "You wanna go in your room and shag?" he replied eventually trying to sound convincing, he obviously didn't look it; Cordy reached forward and slapped his arm. "Been watching Austin Powers." He laughed.
Cordy grinned at him brightly then giggled, she actually shocked herself with the giggle. "God, I love you," she whispered.
"You love me? Even after saying that?" Xander raised an eyebrow at her.
"Even after saying that," she said to clarify then stepped closer to him and whispered. "Okay if I kiss you now?"
"Well if you don't kiss me now, I'm sure as hell gonna kiss you!" He grinned back at her then added, "That's a yes."
"Goodie," she whispered then stepped closer and kissed him softly and tenderly.
Xander kissed her back and wrapped his arms around her waist; this is what he'd been waiting for for a long time there was denying that. Going with the moment he deepened the kiss and trailed one of his hands up her back and into her hair.
Cordy slowly pulled away with a smile, and bit her lip a little nervously. "This feels strange after all this time." He didn't reply instead he started kissed her neck, Cordy moaned pleasurably, Xander smiled for a millisecond then started sucking on her neck gently, she pushed him away even though it felt amazing. "Xander?"
He looked at her mystified. "What's wrong?"
"I want to know if this is going somewhere."
"Well if things carry on like this we may make a move to your bedroom, or the couch, or maybe even that fluffy rug of-" She cut him off by pressing her lips against his again, he pushed her away. "Your on the playing you thing again, right?"
"Yeah."
"Believe me this is definitely going somewhere if I have anything to do with it. I'm not letting you go again, Cor," he said with a smile.
"Good." She smiled shyly then glanced at the rug on her floor. "I think we should go with the rug, I could light the fire if you want."
He looked at the fireplace, and then looked back at her. "No. Just kiss me."