Ok I haven't read Catching Fire in a month so I'm not exactly sure if Annie is captured or not, but pretend she is! I don't own anything, but if the wonderful Ms. Collins could let me borrow Peeta for a day or two (or the rest of my life) that would be awesome.
Its morning, but the world seems dark. Clouds litter the sky above us, threatening rain. A gray light falls on District 13 and I know I should be happy that this place even exists. But being joyful is pretty hard when you boy you love is captured, and being tortured, because of you. I have no doubt in my mind that Peeta's capture is completely and utterly my fault. If I hadn't held out those berries, if I had somehow done a better job of convincing Haymitch that he was more important, I'm sure we wouldn't be in this situation.
I pull on a jacket, but it does little to protect me from the fall air and doesn't stop my mind from wandering to Peeta. I shove my hands in my pockets and feel that I've left my pearl in one of them. I bring it out and roll it around in my fingers as I walk, but jam it away when my eyes start to sting. I try to think of better things as I reach our meeting house. It's dull and dimly lit, like the rest of the world, it seems. But Haymitch and Gale are sick of my hopelessness and it's only been 3 weeks. We're not even close to being ready to rescue Peeta and the others. My relationship with Gale is strained at best. He wants to help, but he gets so frustrated with me because he can't help me. He doesn't understand. I know that I'll just annoy them both, so I fake a smile and unsuccessfully attempt to fool the world that I'm fine.
Haymitch greets me and he and Gale start talking about some plan to get more people involved in the rebellion. I try to pay attention, but it simply doesn't work. One thing I do notice is Finnick, who sits silently on the other side of Gale. He's just as bad as me, because Annie is with Peeta. I guess you could say we get along much better now that we've both depressed. It works because we don't talk to anyone, and especially not each other. I let my mind wander, and eventually I find myself at Peeta again. I try to imagine his face. His blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes, the way his face lights up when he sees me. I don't want to lose the memories, I can't afford to. I remember the night we spent on the roof before our first games and his words come back to me. "I keep wishing I could think of a way to...to show the Capitol they don't own me. That I'm more than just a piece in their Games." And I wonder that, if the rebellion does fail, we will be just another letdown. Another victory for the Capitol, another discouraging loss for the nation, another reason for our cruel government to punish future generations. And for my actions.
Suddenly, Haymitch breaks me from my thoughts, sending me crashing back to the cold, hard ground of the real world. "Katniss! Repeat the last thing I said" He challenges. He knows I was in my own little world.
I shake my head. "I'm sorry, Haymitch. I'm j-just really…confused right now"
"Look, Sweetheart, you sitting here feeling sorry for yourself isn't helping anyone, especially that boyfriend of yours!" He booms, and then he storms out. Gales shoots me a helpless glance, sighing, and leaves too. Haymitch knows me too well; he knows exactly how to cut me. And the "boyfriend" comment sends an imaginary spear into my chest. I run a hand through my hair and curl up in my chair. A few tears slip from my watery eyes and down my cheek. I brush them away angrily.
"I know what it's like" The voice startles me. Finnick. I knew he was there, but somehow, with his constant silence, I didn't. I look up and he's staring at me. His eyes, they're blue like Peeta's. Not the same kind of blue, but they are filled with the same thing that Peeta's had after I told him I had been pretending. I recognize it as pain, heartbreak, he's crushed. He studies my face. "Do you love him?"
I don't even hesitate to nod. This is the first time I've ever told someone this. I love him. Before I know it, hot tears are flooding down my cheeks. I wipe them away with my palm. Then he's next to me, his arms are around me. I stiffen automatically. No one ever touches me except my family and Peeta. But when he backs off, I realize I miss the comfort. "Sorry, I didn't mean to-"
I cut him off with my actions. I throw myself into his arms and sob. He's a little surprised but he returns the embrace and rubs my back. Just this movement sends more tears down my face and into Finnick's shoulder. Peeta used to do the same when I had a nightmare. "It's ok…I know how you feel…we'll get them back, I promise" He murmurs.
When the tears stop, I back away and rub the rest of the tears away. "Thanks, Finnick" I say.
"No problem" He shrugs it off.
"No really. It's…its really hard, Gale and my family don't understand. And Haymitch" I laugh bitterly. "He's so angry with me right now"
"I know what its like" He repeats. "Annie's with him, you know. And my family, they want me to love someone rich, someone famous like me. But I don't" His words make me so grateful that my mother doesn't have any real problems with Peeta. I mean, she's a little hesitant to let her daughter with a boy, but she doesn't disapprove like Finnick's family does.
"I'm sorry" I start to continue but he cuts me off.
"No, don't say that. We're both in a…well; we're not happy, can we agree on that?" I nod. "So, let's just not be sorry. I'm sick of people feeling sorry for me."
"Me too" I say quietly.
"Ok, so we agree. We're a lot alike, Katniss. I mean, we're both in the same situation here. I thought maybe we could just be friends for a while. Is that ok?"
"Yes" For the first time in weeks, I smile and I mean it. Peeta is not back yet but I'm not alone anymore, I have a friend.
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