hellooo, so this I'm gonna say this right away, I wrote this story in my notes like 7 months ago and just read it again today and thought I would post it, if you guys actually like this story i will try my best to be content with it and post fairy often, just bc this story will be difficult to write bc it's so old, and I kinda forgot where I was going with it, in order for me to upload the next chapter, (unless I feel like it) I would like to get 5 favorites and at least 5 reviews so I can have motivation to write. Hope you guys enjoy! -Molly... ps also sorry for any miss spells or grammar mistakes.

CHAPTER ONE
~Tobias POV~
It's been two years since Tris death.

I still think about it everyday, there's still a part of my heart that's gone, that will never be back, she has it. She will always have it.

I'm still not myself, I don't think I ever will be again, at least not the way I was when I was with her...Happy.

Some days, I wish I would have kept her ashes, so I could have a part of her with me. But I'm also glad I did it, one of the main reasons Tris picked Dauntless was to be simply, free. And now she is.

I did keep all her belongings, pretty much. Christina took a sweater and a few other items. Caleb wanted something, but I didn't budge, I wasn't very fond of that idea. I didn't think he deserved to get anything.

I still hate him to this day, he's the reason Tris is gone. I haven't spoken to him since the day. That's one of the reasons I didn't give him anything as well. I totally avoid him, I pretty much avoid everyone, Christina's hard to be with, she makes me think of Tris, more than I do already.

Her death, was by far, one of the most painful, heart breaking, things I have ever gone through. I would do anything to get her back. But I keep my head up, as best I can, because I know that's what she would want me to do. And that's still the only thing I want, to make her happy. But that's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt.

I try to be as social, as best I can. But everyone reminds me of her, some people more than others. Like Christina, her best friend, Zeke, reminds me a Uriah, who reminds me Tris. My mom is really the only person, that I don't have that hard of a time being with. She's helped me through the toughest part of Tris death, the beginning.

I'm still not used to sleeping alone, it's makes me wonder how I ever did it before. I think about my last words to her, everyday. How much I wish I could have said; "I love you, please don't leave." I'm still glad I at least said "I love you." But I would have kissed her more passionately. I will never forget how it felt to kiss her, the way my body felt when I was around her, the electricity that I felt when I touched her. I would do anything, just to touch her hand, or kiss her. Man, what I would do to kiss her.

I think about dying, everyday, just to have the slightest chance to see her again. Just to see her face, I would go crazy. I only have one picture of her, it's from Abnagation, from her last year of school. I stare at it every day, and when I go to sleep.

The only times I see her, are in my dreams, they always ends to soon, but they will also never be long enough, no amount of time I have with her will be enough. But waking up it's the hardest part of the day, especially when I have a dream about her. Which is almost every night. Waking up to her not being beside me, to knowing that she's gone. I lay there, just thinking about that, every morning.

My job doesn't help, I just sit there, thinking about her. I'll go back and look through old security footage, that shows her, the one I find myself watching the most is when she first arrived, and landed on the net, the place were the camera is, shows her face perfectly. To hear her voice, it will never be the same, as to how it sounded in person.

I've been sitting on my bed for about two hours now, my stomach started to rumble. I get up and leave my apartment.

One of the things I kept from Tris, is a ring, she owned, it's just a simple gold band, I wear it on my pinky finger, it makes me feel like I always have a part of her with me. On the same hand, I have her name tattooed on my wrist. I have her full name on my upper arm, it's across my Shoulder, so it pretty much always covered by my sleeve, and the number 6 on my other wrist.

I get into the cafeteria, I grab a plate of mashed potatoes, steak and carrots. I sit at a table with, Christina, Zeke, and a few others. I can feel Zeke stare at me. "Hey man, how you doing." Zeke asks. I look up at him. "Same as always." I sound sad. I start eating my mashed potatoes. "Look, Four, I know you're still hurting from Tris, but it was two years ago, man! You're going to have to get over it sometime, go on a date or something, get your life back!"

He's words hit me In a hard place, they got me angry, how could he just think I could, move on, find someone new, I found my one and only soul mate, and now she's gone.

He thinks I can just go on a date and act like everything's normal, never again, I will never have a good life again, and I will never get over her! I look up at him, I can tell he see's the anger in my face, my eyes are dead. I can tell he instantly regrets saying those things.

"Listen, I know you just think Tris was just some girl, but let me tell you, she was not just some girl! I will never go on a date again, I will never be the same unless I'm with her again!" I start shouting. I've noticed that I have sat up from my seat a little, I plop back to sitting, and put my head down.

I will never be the same again. Water starts to fill my eyes, I rub them away, before they become noticeable. 'I will never be the same' All the sadness has gone out of my face, I look back up at everyone, they're all blank faced, so I just continue to eat.

I know Tris would not want me to be this way, but I can't help it! She was my life, and now she took it with her. She took every thing with her, my love, my happiness, I know she didn't mean to. I know that she didn't want to leave me. I know that she wants me to be down here and try to be happy. But I can't. Know matter how hard I try.

My worst fear, came true. Losing her, and me not being able to do anything about it.

I have only gone in my fear landscape once, since she's been gone, I'm not going to lie, I was afraid. It was normal till the third one, it changed, instead of shooting an innocent, I had to shoot Tris, after I got my emotions out because I got to see her, I shot myself.

I understand now what Tris meant, even though it's not real, and I know that, I could never, shoot her. The last one, the last one I never want to go through again, it was kinda the same. It was a replay, of when I let her go, I had to watch David shoot her, and Cara telling me that she died, and me not being able to do anything about it.

I try to get the thought out of my mind. Christina helped, I never thought her talking would help, but it does,"Hey Four, I know I have said this a million times, but I'm sorry, I really am, I'm not going to lie, it hurts seeing you be this way, about her. I have realized that no matter what anyone says to you, you will never be the same again. And I know you avoid us because we remind you of her. But I just wanted to let you know that we're here for you, and that it's okay to show your feelings in front of us, no ones here to judge you."

Her words calm me, I look up at her and take her hand, in a thank you kinda way. "Thank you." I say, it's more of a whisper, that comes out of my voice. I'm grateful, that she understands, how I feel, that she gets that I would never get over Tris. She smiles and nods, I release her hand, and finish my food.

xxxxPAGE BREAKxxxx

I've Finished, I take my plate to the counter.

At the same time, Caleb, is doing the same. He looks at me, I scowl at him. I quickly set down my plate and walk away.

I hear him following me, I start walking faster, "Four!" He shouts. He stars running so he's caught up with me. "Four! Please, just let me talk to you, look I'm sorry, I really, really am." I turn and look at him. "Look I know you still blame me for Tris death, and I know you are always going to. But You haven't let me apologize for betraying her and letting her take my place. I know you're never going to forgive me for it, and I'm not asking you to, I just want to let you know that I didn't do it on purpose, and that I'm not, not sorry for it." He looks at me, I don't know what to say for a while, so we just stand there.

" Why, why did you let her do it!?" I ask in a cold voice.

He looks at me in almost disbelief. "Come on! You know how stubborn she is, you had to know that from the moment you left her with me, that she was going to take my place."

Now he got me really mad! I can't believe him, did he know that she would take his place, is that the reason he volunteered in the first place?

Before i think about doing anything. I punch him in the jaw, hard.

He topples over, and grabs his jaw, I can see his lip is bleeding.

"Did you know she would take your place! Is that the reason you did it!" I yell.

I see everyone is starring at us now. I look and watch Christina leave the cafeteria.

He gets back up and looks at me.

"I had the thought, but that's not the reason I volunteered, I did it because I knew no one would miss me, that no one would care!" He's shouting now.

I can't believe he knew and never told me.

I move to start pushing him again, but before I can do anything, he holds a gun to my face.

I stop right there and just stare at him.

I can see the anger, and the fear in his eyes.

I hear everyone gasp.

I don't no what to think, I don't know if he's brave enough to actually shoot me, or if he's just doing to fool me.

I can easily move and rip the gun from him, but I stand there, He can choose my fate, he can kill me, just like he did with Tris. Or he can leave me to live.

I honestly don't know which one I want him to do more.

"I am so sick and tired of you utterly avoiding me and talking shit about me, everyone already hates me, I'm the one that killed Tris Prior, everyone hates me, Four!"

Before I can do anything, I hear the gun, there's pain in my head for a second, then it's gone, everything is black...

sorry for the cliffhanger, promise i will update, just make sure to favorite and review, I love reading them and they help out a lot, make sure to tell me if you like the story so far... till next time

-Molly 💗