I should have told him. Before he left. I think I should have told him. Let him know that my soul had already been damned. That he needn't worry about my soul at all. I could have been with him then, maybe. He might not have left me if he knew that I wasn't mortal to begin with. That I had never in my existence been a mortal.

To sit through school and get average grades, relearning things that I had myself lived through. Restraining myself from correcting the teacher when he got something wrong. It was history, he was the teacher and I the student. He should know better than me but he didn't it. It might have just been history to them, but it was MY history. I have been walking this earth for longer than time itself. I was there during every war, every battle, and every disease there ever was.

And when time moved on...

I would still be here.

Living through it all as my own curse, alone forever. Not technically living persay, not anymore if I ever have been. I am one of the 'originals' if you will. The first to be created, the first born to this world. I am the last left though I believe. The others, tired of their meaningless existance.

What was the point of living without hope.

Faith.

Trust.

Friendship.

Honor.

Loyalty.

What was the reason to exist if you could experience none of these things. The one no one ever dared wished for even after they broke down further than rock bottom.

Love.

I had thought for a time that maybe I had been gifted to experience this forbidden word, only to be proven wrong. The others had been driven insane by their endless time. Not just centuries, but millenias, that we were forced to live through and endure. Eons of lonlely, ageless, perfection.

I can no longer remember how old I really am, or when I was born, or even where. I've no idea who my real parents could be. None of this mattered though. I had found a secret that the others missed. If you keep to yourself, you don't feel lonely, you don't feel hurt that everyone is passing you by. That when their time ends you will still be standing there with your clock forever frozen. Never to be buried and surrounded by crying loved ones.

It had been okay with me, I could control my appearence at will and enter a new family as I wished. My knowledge stayed with me forever. But, as I grew up with my new family I began to grow attached. I could see what it did to the others to drive them over the edge.

I thought by moving to a drab area like Forks would help me. My 'father' was often at work and it would give me space. I was wrong. In Forks, I fell in love.

I fell in pain.

I fell in hurt.

I fell in endless, writhing, agony.

Now, I could see what it meant to have your heart broken. Worse for me was how he had constantly brought up my mortality, how 'human' I supposedly was. As he left me in the woods, my mind screamed to tell him, tell him we could be together forever and time would not, could not, stop us. All I had to do was reach out and call him back to me and he would come running. Still, I did not call to him. I did not reach for him. That velvet voice echoed in my ears, you're not good enough for me...I don't love you. They spun over my head like a carousel of endless grief.

I would not age if I willed it so. The only reason I aged at all, was because of my powers. Powers only the originals had. The power to shapeshift. One of two, we all had been given. The other being able to block any and all powers some may posess, not just vampires. Back when we had begun, other races were thriving but I will not go into detail. They all had their own abilities and so our power was a defense mechanism against them to survive.

In truth, the only reason their physical powers worked on me was because I refused to eat anymore as I became more and more attached to the mortals. I could no longer end their lives so casually. Then, to meet a family who shared my views, though they didn't know it. I was certain fate had drawn us together.

Still, as a drawback, I was weakened and often clumsy, losing control of my body. It had proven to be an asset to prove how 'human' I was. And they bought it.

Everyone had.

Even THEM. I winced at how I had decieved them. How they had decieved ME. Tricking me into thinking they cared. That I would someday become apart of thier family. I had planned on him biting me and pretending to suffer through the three days until I became a vampire. I could transform my appearence into something much more beautiful and feeding off blood was only a slightly more vulgar way of what I did.

I was the true monster on our supposed relationship. I fed off the lives of the living, sucking their time away bit by bit until I was sated. Living off their 'souls' rather than blood. Either way they died.

I had tried to starve myself but found people dropping dead around me regardless, my body functioning on its own accord to feed itself. I could not stand it and began to feed bit by bit, only taking a little time away from people. Hundreds of them to feel as full as I would if I drained three humans completely. Something I had refused to do for nearly 20 years. I may look 17 and in my immediate memory, I watched for years to pick my parents. When I started to like them from afar, was when I first stopped eating. Three years before they had their 'special night' and I happened.

Now though, my life had no meaning. I had given everything for HIM and it was thrown back in my face. Fate had always been cruel and twisted in that way.

Back in the town, every living person around was near death. Thousands of lives I had brought close to the edge of death only to stop short and make them suffer. Suffer like I had to. Wanting to die but unable. It was not what I had wanted. That was not what I had meant to do. But we, creatures, without perfect control, our bodies will take over and feed themsleves. With my emotions in a torrent, I lost control. I had even just barely managed to stop when they had all been at the brink of death.

I thought of suicide then.

It was impossible to kill an original though. We had a name too, like all other myths, but I had forgotten it quite some time ago.

I was strong again, beautiful, and for the first time in over 20 years...full. I glared up into the sky and I saw the purple haze of a gift. HER gift. Watching me. Tormenting me with her watching eyes. Why watch what you left behind?

I could fight now though. She would see no future at all. The longer she tried to watch the more she would go blind. If she was smart she would stop now and retain some of the 'sight'. Crimson eyes focused, and I watched the purple fade away. She had stopped, probably from the pain.

Faintly their was a rustling of feet and I turned slowly around. The only ones I could not kill stood there. My best friend stood next to the pack leader. He had refused to lead the pack as was his birthright. Ephram had been a great leader though, he had always made the right choice. The right decisions to keep his clan thriving for so long, so I did not contend with his decision. What he chose to do was his own choice, it worked for him anyways. If he took alpha now, it would rip the pack apart and they would be weak. They could not be weak in times like this.

They could not be weak today.

To be honest, it is not that I could not kill them, but I did not want to. The race of immortals was dwindling. I could not bring myself to harm any of them who might one day, bring in more of us. But, I would have to, I realized darkly.

They stood in their human form as I brought myself up from my seated position on the cliffs.

The pack growled as I stood up. "What are you Bella?" Sam asked. "If that's her real name," Paul snarled. I took this in stride though, they should hate me. Hate me with everything they had, with every fiber of their being they should want to rip me apart, molecule by molecule. If there was even an atom within them that did not despise me with every fiber in its being, they would not be able to do what I wanted. What I needed so badly.

To die.

To be killed.

I was asking for death now as I looked at them, contemplating on my decision for what I was about to do.

"I am nothing," I whispered but the wind carried my voice. It boomed on the cliffside and they were startled, gaping with eyes wide as they looked around. From the lives I had taken, the excess power rolled off of me in waves.

Soon they recollected themselves and just stared openly at me. "That was not nothing, what have you done to Forks?" Sam asked. "Yeah we'd like to know BEFORE we rip you to pieces," Paul chimed in again. "You won't kill me. You're not enough," I said quietly, egging them on. Paul growled and shivers ran up and down his spine. "Why don't you watch me you leeching bitch!" he roared and in a second, shredded clothes flew in the air as he sprang foward, everyone was too slow to stop him or they just didn't really want to try.

I grabbed him and sent him sprawling, my hand closing quickly over his throat. In wolf or human form, I held him still. "None of you are enough," I choked, "hate me with every fiber of your being, hate me with the passion you would reserve for your imprinted one, hate me with the strength of a million injustices and it will never be enough. I am one who has lived through a thousand lives, a million wars, hundreds of histories. They all hated us well enough. It was never enough to destroy us. In the end, those who wished it, killed themselves. Only another of us is strong enough to kill the other unless we let down our gaurd."

Sam stepped foward, the rest of the pack following with silent rumbles. Even Jake was growling. He could not forgive me if I killed his friend. No matter the volatile temper. I did not want his forgiveness. If anything I needed him to hate me too. It would make it easier to do what I was about to do. My hands clenched and I saw little water droplets speckle Paul's coat.

I was crying.

"Kill me," I whispered faintly, "please do your best to kill me, if you don't, I will never forgive myself. As it is, I will have to live with this for the rest of enternity," I trembled. "We won't kill you," I heard Jake grunt, "just let Paul go and we can let it go." I shook my head, "Jake, your ancestor, Ephram was a great man, I want you to know that. Even he, as calm, and fair, and strong as he was, would not forgive this. Would not forgive me after this," I whispered. I looked into Paul's eyes. I could see the hatred, the anger, and what crossed them at this moment, the single second my hand tightened on his wind pipe.

I saw the fear.

Then, there was the sickening crunch, and snap as I broke his windpipe in two, severing his spinal cord in half as well.

My hands trembled as I released him, limp body slumping to the ground, stuck as a wolf now, the injuries too severe to heal. I faced my punishment with a broken expression, hollowed eyes, and a quivering jaw.

Snarls ripped through the air...

"NO!" Jake yelled and I looked at him in wonder. How could he not want to kill me. I knew that open sided love was not true love and therefore he could not hold more affection towards me than his dead packmember. Not that I still believe in love though, it is a fairy tale meant for people with unrealistic ideals.

His pack turned on him like he was insane when he spoke again, leveling a cold gaze on me. I could just then as he uttered that one word he had stepped into his birthright. His right to lead hte pack and no longer follow. I could see it in the way he stood. I could hear it in the way he spoke. And I could feel it in the way he looked at me.

The pack could feel it too as they trembled by the force fo his order, legs buckling as they were forced to the ground in submission. The one that took the longest to fall was Sam, fighting it hard.

But he DID fall.

They all did.

I looked to him as he stepped foward, his shaking somehow eerily under control. I did not like it, I did not like this one bit. To do this, it could only mean he had thought of an even greater punishment.

"She will live," Jacob said solemnly and I heard the ripping sounds of protest beofre they were silenced as Jake continued. "She will live through the torment she has brought upon us, she will live through the pain of knowing she killed her own family, she will live through the agony of knowing the Cullen's didn't love her. SHe will live, through all the pain she ever cause for as long as I am standing."

I quivered as I stood there. No, no, no! They were supposed to kill me! Jake had realised though, as his ancestor probably would have, that the greatest punishment for one such as I, was making me LIVE through the pain I had brought on everyone, live through every single second of it for the rest of enternity.

I could kill him now and they would have no choice but I could see in Jacob's eyes he knew I would not do it and increase my suffering. I dropped, slumped and drained of energy. The pack could see it too, in my eyes they knew the truth. I would writhe in agony for every day I was forced to live through and have to suffer through each day. They could see now this truly was the greatest punishment they coudl give. I myself could not near it.

They hated me too much.

They hated me so much logic overcame emotions and they saw the true pain that awaited me.

Someone,

Anyone,

Please,

I'm begging,

Kill me now.

A/N: So I'm trying two versions of this kind of plot, the other is already up but I think I'm leaning more towards this one now, it's more realistic of the way Bella would feel. Tell me what you think of it please because I think I'm only going to continue whichever one wins out.