Lily absentmindedly twisted her fingers in her long hair; the soft pink and orange light from the tired sun accentuating the deep copper strands. It was winter. The sun was setting early and the cold starkness of her surroundings became more obvious as the last of the light of the day trickled away. Lily sighed and moved into the warmth and comfort of her small house away from the wooden chair in their colourless garden. The smell of baking bread and the heat radiating from the little fire in the corner of the kitchen hit her as soon as she stepped in through the side door. She took off her large brown coat flung it on a nearby chair and hurriedly pushed off her boots before curling up on the large striped sofa at the end of the room.
Lily pulled over herself the green blanket, which James must have discarded at the floor and tried not to allow herself to think about today's realisation. Her stomach gave a low rumble and Lily could have laughed. "And so it begins" she thought as she reached over to the low table by the end of the sofa and munched on a half-eaten sandwich that she had given up on at lunch. Once finished she wiped away the buttery crumbs around her mouth with her sleeve and stared at her familiar surroundings. She glanced at the large clock merrily ticking on the wall and with a jolt realised that she had been sitting in the garden for nearly two hours. Lily sighed. She felt confused and anxious as her mind automatically wandered to the events of the day. Lily had been certain for the last few days that something was different; she felt hot and tired and dizzy all at the same time and had told James that she probably had some kind of cold. However her assurances to James had not stopped the gnawing feeling of unease that told her that this was no bug. Today it had been confirmed. Lily had been stunned very few times in her life, the only time she remembered the sensation as being quite so startling was when she had come to the realisation that she did actually love James back at Hogwarts. This was different though.
At Hogwarts she had just hoped that James would suddenly notice this vast change in her feelings towards him and had waited for him to ask her out like he used to do when they were younger. Disappointed by his apparent ignorance of her emotions she found herself withdrawing from their new and easy-going friendship and avoiding him. It was only when he confronted her that she found the courage midway through his rant about "keeping secrets" and "ignoring each other" to kiss him squarely on the mouth. James had looked so positively amazed when she withdrew a few moments later that she had taken a few steps back before muttering something about changing her mind. She had looked up from her shoes only to see his slightly parted mouth twisting into a brilliant crooked smile and the confusion in his eyes being replaced by a look of pure exhilaration. He had then taken one long step to fill the space between them and gently pushing up her chin so she was forced to look into his eyes had asked "Are you sure?" and when she firmly nodded had allowed his features to explore new expressions of ecstasy before he bent down confidently to kiss her. Lily's frightened attitude thawed at the memory of her indescribable joy when it became apparent that James did indeed still love her. Still, she pondered, what would his reaction be now? At Hogwarts their romance had been safeguarded by the protection of their youth and innocence and although they were still young now Lily felt entirely altered from the teenage girl with boy problems she had been at school. Leaving Hogwarts and entering adulthood would have been terrifying even without the current threat of Voldemort and his ideals infecting and destroying more and more people, but the war had forced Lily and James to adopt the mind set of hardened soldiers. The vulnerability Lily had felt after her first encounter with Death Eaters had disintegrated over time and she had become more and more used to James returning to their house in dirty and bloodied clothes. In fact Lily now tended not to even allow herself to panic every time she caught his battered appearance through the front door reasoning that he should be okay if he could walk. However on the confirmation of today's news her outward appearance of courage had instantly deteriorated and she had cried most of the morning.
Pregnant. She was pregnant. The love for the small life beating inside of her had been overwhelmingly sudden and certain. Lily had known instantly that her role as a mother, however unexpected, would be one that she would undertake with more determination than anything she had faced before. James. Lily sighed. How could she possibly tell James? Her love for James had been selfish in a way, admitting her feeling for him she had only run the risk of hurting herself. Now? Lily was strangely comforted by her own conviction that she would keep the baby but an eerie guilt still creeped over her as she realised that James would be left with no choice at all. This child would forever be a mixture of the both of them. With this news she was affecting three lives, not just her own.
The rattle of the front door startled Lily as did the sound of James calling out their safe word of the day "Shrieking shack" and Lily found herself managing to croak, "Marauders map" (their individual passwords changed every morning) in return. She looked at her dim surroundings. The flickering light from the fire and the small lamp next to the sofa gave little light although seemed safe and comforting when compared to the stiff blackness outside the window. The bread she reasoned must have been cooked by now and she forced herself to move across to the oven where the bread looked only slightly burnt. James called out from the hall again "I'm just going to change, I'll be down in a minute" and Lily became flustered realising that she had forgotten to cook properly. "Okay" Lily replied and she quickly began laying out ham and cheese to go with the still warm bread. Lily forced herself to sit down and sipped on a glass of cool milk that she had laid out on the oak table along with the other food and drink. Her hands fumbled in her lap and she took in her ragged appearance from a mirror that hung above the fireplace and shoved the milk down instantly, quickly moving towards it rapidly trying to smooth her hair and calm her no longer red but still puffy eyes.
Lily jumped at the touch of James behind her as he wrapped his arms around her waist. "Still trying to impress me are we?" He chuckled from behind her twisting her around to kiss her. Good, he sounded cheerful. No one hurt today then Lily could assume. He stared at her for a second before giving her a questioning look "Err... Lily? Are you alright? You don't look so… That cold still bad huh?" Lily shrugged and turned to sit at the kitchen table again. "It's strange I haven't caught it yet" James continued staring confusedly at her taking in her still bedraggled appearance. Lily forced herself to breathe normally as she said "James please sit down". James was silenced instantly by the formality and quietness of her tone and sat opposite her. Lily reminded herself to breathe normally. "I was sick today" she began and James began to look scared. "It was after you left for work and I was feeling drowsy so slept in and then when I woke up I felt really ill". James opened his mouth as if to say something but Lily ploughed on "Anyway as I was there. You know, being ill. I was wondering why I felt so weird and it just sort of hit me and then I had it confirmed later this morning that I'm…" Lily looked down and cautiously placed her hand over her stomach as if to calm her wild nerves. "I'm pregnant." Lily looked straight up at James again and she felt that saying it out loud had helped her to accept the whole idea. James head jerked as he moved his eyes down from Lily's face towards her stomach and then back again as if he was trying to see if she was making some kind of twisted joke. His mouth was agape and for once in his life seemed completely unsure of what to say or do. "But how?" he gasped. "Even I think you can figure out that one for yourself James" she responded using the old cheekiness to hide the thumping of her heart. She watched James carefully and felt her heart soar, as he speedily looked happier than she had ever seen him.
James radiated life and she realised that this was always going to be his reaction. He pushed his chair aside ran over to her chair and crouched on the floor gently pushing his hand against her stomach. "You won't be able to feel it yet," she said. "We're due in July," she continued. "I think it will be a boy. A miniature James, that's what I see anyway. An absolute terror like his father" she grinned and he looked wildly at her "I couldn't care less if it was a hippogriff". "The point is that this baby is ours." He slumped on the floor exhausted by his rapidly changing emotions. "Wow. A father. Me." he stammered looking excitedly at her. Lily giggled finally allowing herself to relax fully It may not have been the right time but they were definitely going to be parents and she allowed herself, for the first time, to feel truly happy in this bitter spell of war.