This is Love
When they're on the bridge and even though they're being perfectly professional Kirk will sometimes look at him and his eyes are misty, his smile so beautiful that in its golden glow Spock feels his heart ache in such a human way and at the same time he feels like someone. Someone he never thought that he could be. This is love.
When he doesn't know what to say because there are so many words that he could use and h wants to use all of them and none of them and in the end the only word that comes out is "Jim" and Kirk smiles because he knows what it means. This is love.
When they fight and a tiny row gets spun out of all proportion and one of them ends up pinning the other against the wall and for a moment they don't know if someone's going to get killed or get fucked and it is always the latter because to live without the other is unthinkable. This is love.
When Spock looks up from meditating to find that Kirk has walked into his room unannounced and is looking at him in that shining golden way and all the sense and reason he was trying so hard to master just flies away as though it was never there. This is love.
When they call each other Captain and Commander but really they can hear each other saying beloved, dear one, ashayam, T'hy'la. This is love.
When one of them is in danger and the other can think of nothing but getting them out of it, whatever the cost and however strangely or unprofessionally they may behave and nothing is important but getting the other back to them and safe. This is love.
When they lock eyes across the room and do not need to say a word, knowing what they are thinking anyway. Not caring if anyone sees and knows what the look could mean and after all in these moments, nobody else really exists. This is love.
When something has taken control of Kirk's body for the umpteenth time, or is doubling him, or his own appearance has been changed beyond all recognition. When nobody else believes which is the real him and Spock gives him one glance and knows him completely in spite of all contrary evidence. This is love.
When they fall back onto the bed or the floor, breathing heavily, full of the glow of proximity, senses tingling with the sensation of the other person's skin and the universe could not be more perfect than it is at this moment. This is love.
When Kirk looks up from his chair and sees that Spock is standing unnecessarily right by his side, looking at him with such unswerving loyalty and he knows that this is where he will always be. This is love.
When somebody insults Spock's heritage and nobody else sees him stiffen and struggle with the urge to lose control and Kirk does it for him, all but snarling with rage and then covering it up by saying that he would defend any of his crew in the same way. This is love.
When either one of them feels like drowning in a storm of emotion or confusion and it feels like there is nothing to hold onto and suddenly the other is there and churning waters calm and it becomes so easy to resurface. This is love.
When Kirk starts flirting with no real intent and it maddens Spock anyway and everything that his in him screams get away, he is mine! And he cannot think logically for jealousy. This is love.
When all that I need is the touch of your hand and the sound of your voice. All that I live is you. When the stars have lost their meaning and the universe has run out of new places to explore or anything to excite. When species, gender, clour and creed fall at the wayside, reduced to grains of sand blowing into nothing across space. When there is nothing else left to fight for, no other memory to hold on to. When all I need to is look at you to know my place and who I am in this world and to know that as long as you are there I will always be fine. This is and always shall be love.
_x_
So, by way of brief explanation – someone insulted my OTP – indirectly, but in a homophobic manner. I was pretty furious, at least partly because this is the healthiest, most functioning 'ship I have ever engaged in. Love is love, utterly irrespective of gender or in this case even species. And so this fic happened. It's not perfect but I had to do it; it's not a defense of the 'ship cause it doesn't need defending, just some thoughts from me.
*Takes a deep breath and releases anger.*
True story. LLAP.