Another long, stressful case but the hunt was done and the Winchester's could finally get some decent rest. This had been a long one and sleep was calling both their names. It was late so they'd spend at least one more night at their barely above decent motel. But the beds were comfy so neither of them really complained. A couple of hours passed and the two brothers were fast asleep. After another hour, a whoosh of fluttering wings sounded through the air. Castiel appeared near Dean's bedside. He stood there for a good thirty minutes, just staring at him. He could have waited all night for the man to wake up but matters were a bit urgent at the moment so he lightly tapped him on the shoulder. Being so used to waking up on the spot, Dean's eyes instantly shot open. He was expected to see Sam going on about something they missed in the case or something. He was completely surprised when he saw it was Cas instead.
"Cas?!" He whispered loudly.
"Hello, Dean." He paused, "Sorry, were you sleeping...?"
He gave the angel his usual 'what the hell' face, "No, I was having a deeply intimate conversation with my pillow..." He leaned down as though he were telling a secret, "things were getting heated..."
Cas sent him a look that he usually did when Dean said something that confused him. He was still working on understanding the thing known as sarcasm.
Dean sat up straight and waved his arms as he spoke again, "It's what, 4 am? What are you doing here? Try coming back at a reasonable time."
"I...can't" was Castiel's answer. That caused Dean to tilt his head and look at him with a sense of confusion and worry. The angel averted his eyes, "Dean...I came here because I need to speak with you.."
"What's wrong?" The hunter asked, his curiosity growing with every second. He could see the contemplation and emotion all over his face. Something was troubling him. Something big, he assumed.
Castiel looked over at Sam and then back at Dean, "Not here." Instantly, Castiel disappeared, taking Dean by surprise. He turned every which way but he was nowhere to be found.
His eyebrows furrowed, a deeply annoyed expression appeared on his face, "Man, I hate when he does that" He sighed and shook his head. Dean was about to settle back into his bed when he noticed the window by the front door of their room. Castiel was standing there waving at him, looking like it should have been obvious that he wanted him to come outside. With a quiet growl, he ripped the covers off himself and nearly stomped out of bed. He eyed Sam momentarily, making sure he was still asleep. He twitched slightly but made no other movements. When he was satisfied, he quietly walked to the door. He slipped on his shoes and then walked out. Once outside, he closed the door behind him as silently as possible. He rubbed his eyes and then glanced up at Castiel, his fatigue clearly showing on his face.
"Okay. You gonna tell me what this is about or what?"
Castiel nodded, not looking at him, "Yes.." He paced back and forth and Dean watched patiently as he waited to see what he would say. "Lately, I've been feeling strange..."
"Strange how..?" Dean inquired, "Come on, need specifics, Cas. I didn't wake up so you could go ahead and be vague"
"I've been having these lapses.. Lapses in time. I really don't know how to explain it but I think something's happening to me. Something bad. I think I might be...being bad..only I can't remember" Castiel tried to explain, even if everything he was saying sounded like nonsense. "There are times I've been with you and Sam and I feel like I black out...but it's like no time has actually passed..."
Dean gave him a look like he was finding him crazy, "Okay, how much have you had?"
"What?" Castiel asked.
"Alcohol, Liquor.." Dean said, waving a hand.
"I'm not drunk, Dean" Castiel defended, not knowing how he would have come to that conclusion.
"Well, nothing you're saying is making any sense. You're saying you black out when you've been with us. That's never happened. Well, not recently anyway...All this is going off a feeling " Dean replied.
"When has anything that's happened in your life made sense?" He looked down, "I can't explain it. I...just don't feel right. I could be doing bad things, really bad things and not remember it...That's why..." He paused.
"That's why what...?" Dean question, turning his head but still looking at him.
"I didn't come here for advice or to ask for your sympathy." He glanced at a few areas before gazing deep into Dean's eyes, a sort of hurt and sorrowful look, "I came to say goodbye"
Dean glared, getting more angry by the second about Cas being so cryptic. He lifted his arms a second, "Okay, okay. I believe you."
"That doesn't change things." Castiel replied.
"The hell it doesn't! Goodbye. What the hell does that even mean?" Dean said back almost instantly, his voice getting a little louder.
"I can't die. Believe me, if I could, that's what I'd be doing. I'll just keep being brought like how I miraculously found my way out of Purgatory... It seems like it's been a pattern. But I can lock myself away in some unknown place. Away so I can't do any harm. Because that's what I'm afraid I'm doing.." Castiel explained.
Dean scoffed, "Unknown or not, I'd find you. You know I would. I wouldn't stop until I did. Now, cut the crap. So, you're just going come at me with some mysterious problem and then tell me you're going to disappear without even letting me try to help you out of it?"
"That is better than not telling you at all, isn't it? I figured if I had to do this at all, I should let you know."
"No, Cas, no. That is not better. That is ten countries away from better." Dean answered.
"What exactly can you do? You, nor I, have any idea what is going on here. I'm just doing what is right; what'll keep everyone safe"
"No, what you're doing is running away from your problems. What are you going to do? Lock yourself in some kind of angel prison for all of eternity? How do you know what's going on with you won't just break you out? Hell, if it could bring you back from Purgatory, then most definitely it could break you out of some box or whatever it is you have planned in that whacked out little brain of yours."
"Dean..You don't understand..." Castiel said, shaking his head and looking down at his feet.
"I understand perfectly. You're scared, I get that. But that doesn't mean you get to run away. I won't let you. I'll trap you in holy fire, if I have to. You are not leaving me again" Dean stared at him intensely and Castiel met his eyes again. He placed his hands on the angel's shoulders, "Give us time to figure this out. That's all I'm asking." He shook him a little, "Okay?"
Castiel swallowed before he made his decision. A small smile made it's way to his lips, "You...never do things the easy way" It sounded both like a statement and a question.
"Yeah, that's me.." Dean said, giving a half-smile back.
"Would you like to go back to making love with your pillow?" Castiel asked.
"Fuck you, Cas.." Dean replied with much affection apparent in his voice.
Thank you, Dean...