Title: Toys in the Attic

Pairing: LxRaito

Rating: T

Warnings: OOC, crack, bad humour, adult themes, sexual innuendos, mentions of sex, shonen ai, plot holes and evil teapots.

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note or Cowboy Bebop's ideas.

Summary: Competition with Pyromaniac0alchemist. Past midnight during a power outage, a seductive L with cream and a half asleep Raito are not a good mix, and what's this about a miniskirt? Crack LxRaito.

Word Count: 3'414

A/N: Man, this took me forever to finally do. This was a competiton between me and Pyromaniac0alchemist on DA, or Tensai-chan on . Nothing much I can say except, don't take it seriously. This was written on and off for a few weeks in the early hours of the morning. It's pretty long, so sit back and enjoy my attempt humour and blatant plagiarism. Remember, criticism is welcome.

Enjoy!

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"You'd think a house full of crazy people would be fun. It's actually really depressing."

-- Bart, The Simpsons

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TOYS IN THE ATTIC

"This is unacceptable."

Raito was barely conscious enough for the sentence to fully register in his sleep deprived mind, blinking fuzzily at the faintly glowing screen of his laptop as he grunted curiously. "Whazzat?"

"I am out of confectionary items, Raito-kun." L murmured agitatedly, nibbling delicately on the pad of his thumb as he pondered over this dilemma. His wide obsidian eyes reflected the hazed blue glow of his own laptop, the ebony haired male nodding slightly to himself in decision. "We shall relocate to the kitchen." He exclaimed, sliding smoothly from his peculiar crouch on the armchair into his slouched standing position.

Raito grunted again when the chain between them tautened pointedly and stumbled to his feet; narrowly avoiding knocking a few papered documents balanced precariously on the arm of his own chair to the floor and followed the detective with a sour grimace. Outside, the faint patter of rain overlapped the soft humming of computers and pad of bare feet on linoleum, casting a rather ominous air once the predictable grumble of thunder silenced the rain momentarily.

Raito sighed; ruffling his auburn locks as L jerked open the refrigerator. He was tired, really tired. Snatching half hour power naps between tedious documenting of Kira's victims weren't enough to rest his genius mind. His body longed for a bed, a soft bed, with nice fluffy pillows, though not too fluffy, and a plush quilt, one that he could curl up in and feel all toasty and warm with the rain acting as a soothing sleep noise an-

"Raito-kun should not sleep on the kitchen counter as he will feel stiff in the morning." L's voice snapped the Kira suspect from his daydreaming of a bed, the detective shuffling back from the fridge with a tub of some substance saturated in sugar. Raito glared blearily, ignoring the fact that he had tried to use the loaf of bread as a pillow on the counter.

Raito grumbled incoherently at the not so subtle innuendo, pressing the heel of his palms against his itching sepia eyes. "It's your fault I'm trying to sleep on the kitchen counter anyway." He mumbled thickly, cracking his eyes open to see L spooning what looked like cream into his mouth. "And what the hell are you eating?"

"We seem to have a lack of confectionary items in the refrigerator; this is all I can find." L paused to lick an errant trail of cream down the handle of the silver teaspoon he was using, pink tongue flicking over his pale fingertips. He ignored the auburn haired teen's twitch. "It would not be fair to Watari if I awoke him at this time in the early morning as no shops will be open and the weather is poor." He dunked his spoon into the thick dairy product, stirring it lazily. "Does Raito-kun wish for some?"

Raito scowled. "No. What I wish for is a bed." He wrinkled his nose when the detective simply shrugged nonchalantly and shoved the spoon of cream back into his mouth. The things L ate… "Your eating habits are disgusting, Ryuuzaki."

"Raito-kun is not the first to point this out." L replied blandly, a small dribble of cream trailing from the corner of his mouth down his chin. Raito twitched again. "But if I do not eat anything with sugar my reasoning abilities-"

"Decrease by sixty per cent, I know, I know." Raito interrupted, sepia eyes trained on the cream smeared across the older male's chin and lips. Stupid detective and his suggestive ways! He wondered if he could get away with acting on his hormones despite his body's fatigue to snatch a few hours of sleep in a proper bed, as those wide obsidian eyes looking far too innocent were blinking slowly at him, tongue flicking out briefly as another spoon of cream went to his shapely lips…

"Actually, it is seventy per cent." L murmured almost breathlessly, obsidian eyes trained on his suspect. He leaned his elbows on the counter as a droplet of cream dripped from his chin and into the container. There was only a five per cent chance that Raito would not act upon his lust for a bed and sex at that moment, the detective carefully angling his head so that the teen could see his tongue lap suggestively at his spoon. He had made sure that Raito had not slept in a bed for at least a week, letting him have as little sleep as possible for this moment. When tired, the young genius's mind is far easier to, er, persuade.

It seemed Raito was resisting. "Whatever." A muscle twitched in the teen's jaw as he slid from his slouched position on the kitchen counter closer to the detective, noting how obsidian eyes had slid into a drooping, smouldering gaze. It took every scrap of self control not to bend down and lick the cream from L's mouth and chin, recognizing the game he was playing. Stupid social retard. "You've got some cream round your mouth."

L raised a slim finger to his mouth, whisking a small glop of cream onto it. "So I have." He licked the pad of his finger slowly, tongue lingering longer then it should. "Thank you, Raito-kun."

"Hn." Raito turned slightly so he was leaning back against the counter. "You're such a messy eater." He harrumphed. Messy eater was not the only thing the detective was, his clothes were constantly scruffy and creased (Raito wouldn't be surprised if that baggy sweater and blue jeans combo were his only pair of clothes), his hair could swallow combs whole and his posture was simply terrible! Sometimes Raito wondered what he saw in the older male.

Before L could respond, the lighting flickered dangerously as the thunder outside rapidly cresendo'd from a low rumble to an almighty bellow. The two males involuntarily flinched at the sudden noise, L's lips twisting downwards into a displeased frown. "It seems that the storm is directly above us." The detective huffed; dropping his spoon into the half full container as another roar sounded out and the lights flickered.

"Do you think there's going to be a power outage?" Raito asked, more alert from the burst of adrenaline the shock had brought. No sooner had that sentence passed his lips, another roar of thunder, louder then the others, bellowed out and the lights immediately flicked off. The teen heard the detective sigh harshly.

"I do believe Raito-kun 'jinxed' it, as they say." L muttered.

"Oh shut up." Raito snapped. He jumped when he felt L's slim fingers wrap delicately round his wrist, below the cold metal of his handcuff as the thunder rumbled ominously loud, sharp staccato cracks of lightning overlapping occasionally. "What are you doing?"

"Though I am attached to Raito-kun by the handcuffs," L murmured, walking forwards and tugging his suspect after him. "There is still an eighty per cent chance that one of us will stumble into each other if we don't have direct contact." One hand was held out before him, fingertips brushing over the surface of the wall as bare feet cautiously padded forwards. It wouldn't do to stub his toe on something (past experiences showed that there was a ninety four per cent of injuring once self in the dark if one wasn't cautious; plus stubbed toes were extremely painful if one didn't wear socks to muffle the impact).

Raito mumbled doubtfully, the fatigue returning with full force as the adrenaline ebbed from his system. All he wanted to do now was sleep, and not even Kira himself bursting in the room wearing a hula skirt could stop him. "There's no point doing more work during a power outage, Ryuuzaki." He sighed (not whined, Yagami Raito does not whine). "Let's just go to bed and sleep."

Another roar of thunder. "We cannot waste time, even during a power outage, Raito-kun, unless…" L paused, turning round and peering through the darkness with his wide eyed stare into half lidded sepia eyes. "Raito-kun has a proposal?"

You sneaky little… "What do you want me to say?" Raito snapped irritably. "I'll let you have your perverted way with me just so I can sleep in a bed? That's coercion, Ryuuzaki." He could almost feel the insomniac's pout through the darkness and snorted. "How's this for a proposal? Let me sleep in a bed…or there won't be any sexual relations between us whatsoever for a week."

Yes, he was being petty. But he wanted a bed, goddammit!

L recoiled, a shocked expression flickering unbidden across his face. He was glad that the teen was unable to see the normally unruffled detective gaping in horror like a goldfish (as it would fuel more insults on how he was distantly related to some kind of sea creature or amphibian) and immediately regained his composure, obsidian eyes staring challenging at where he presumed Raito's to be. "Raito-kun wouldn't." He whispered. "He wouldn't last…"

"Try me." Raito snarled.

L learned that it was very difficult to have a staring contest when you can't stare at your opponent due to poor lighting, so he reluctantly backed down, tightening his grip round Raito's wrist in a childish gesture of defiance. "…Fine." He pouted, starting off towards the bedroom from memory, his free hand sliding over the wall for balance. "We will sleep in a bed."

"You should just admit that you're somniphobic." Raito stated smugly, pleased at winning this game (L: 45 R: 46. Take that you social retard!). "I won't think any less of you."

"Contrary to popular belief, Raito-kun, I am not a somniphobic." L snapped, obviously in a poor mood due to his recent loss (percentage of being Kira has risen by two per cent). "It is a side effect from my diet of confectionary foods and highly caffeinated beverages that I need less sleep then the average human."

Raito merely snorted as they entered the bedroom. "Of course. Now, you're not going to shuffle around and keep me up, right?"

L didn't answer, briefly unshackling the cuff from the teen to allow him to slip off his shirt and immediately clamped it back on before Raito could tug on his nightshirt. At his suspect's glare, the detective elaborated. "As Raito-kun refuses to do anything tonight, I wish to at least have something to keep me entertained as he sleeps."

Raito eyed L suspiciously, crossing his arms over his bare chest. "You're not going to do anything weird are you? Like…masturbating or something?"

L simply stared at the teen in his disturbing, wide-eyed way. "Why would Raito-kun think I'd do something like that?" Purposely, he trailed his obsidian eyes down Raito's chest, making sure to lock away every curve and contour into his memory, slightly miffed about the sinewy arms blocking most that well toned chest from view.

Raito deadpanned. "Maybe it's because you don't understand the concept of social decorum."

…

"Perhaps I was thinking of doing something other than marvelling at Raito-kun's attractive features while he slept." L grudgingly conceded, expression dangerously resembling a pout.

Raito didn't know if he should be smug at being right, or disturbed.

He settled for disturbed.

X.x.X

L nibbled on his thumb as he waited patiently for the back up generator to kick in, creating a mental note to never again employ the electricians he hired for the construction of the Investigations building. Two hours and they were still in the dark! The insomniac frowned, obsidian eyes trained on the faint outline of his suspect sleeping restlessly beside him. Was the back up generator damaged from the storm as well?

"…mmm…no…"

The chain jingled sharply as Raito rolled over suddenly, eyelids twitching as the teen entered the REM stage of his sleep. L took that moment to openly ogle at his suspects athletically built, albeit slender, torso as well as he could in the dark, momentarily forgetting his concerns about the back up generator's fallibility.

Slowly, L moved his free hand to carefully caress the smooth skin of Raito's cheek with his thumb, the teen's tensed mutters ceasing immediately from the soft touch. A hint of a smile quirked the detective's lips and he retracted his hand slightly.

Only to viciously poke his suspect in the cheek.

Raito grunted, swatting the insomniac's hand away irritably. Not quite awake, the teen rolled over again to face L, eyebrows furrowing in annoyance.

With a mischievous air, the detective cupped Raito's cheek gently and rubbed the skin with his thumb again, the teen murmuring contentedly. When his suspect began snuggling into his hand L pulled back just to poke him once more, unable to stop a low noise of amusement rumbling in his throat as Raito twitched.

Oh, it was so much fun annoying Raito!

Then, like the cliché, spontaneous spark of a metaphoric light bulb, a wild grin suddenly curled round L's lips as an evil and utterly wicked idea formed in his head.

X.x.X

Raito moaned quietly, mind loitering between sleep and reluctant consciousness as he felt a gentle brush of fingers on his inner thighs. Common sense began to click in his minds as a heat began to build in his groin from the lewd caresses on his thighs and his eyes snapped open in alarm, the teen jolting up as the fingers jerked away from his bare skin.

"Ryuuzaki." Raito hissed as he recognized the hunched figure straddling his legs. "What. Are. You. Doing!? Where are my pants!?"

The detective blinked at the furious expression on his suspect's face, his Cute Chibi Look of Innocence™ not wavering in the least. "I had to remove Raito-kun's pants to dress him up."

Dress him up…?

Raito lowered his hands, feeling a silken material cover his hips and half way down his thighs. They sure as hell weren't his boxers, and if Raito was correct in his guess (something that he wished he wasn't as a mischievous glint appeared in the detective's eyes), his pants were replaced by a…a…

A miniskirt.

L…had stuck a miniskirt on him.

Raito knew he should be feeling angry, no, enraged but, he was just…bewildered at the fact that L had put a miniskirt on him. He stared into those mischievous obsidian eyes, briefly wondering where the miniskirt came from, how L was able to remove his pants and stick his skirt on and why?

His mind supplied the answers to the questions with one sentence.

This is L.

That made perfect sense.

"A…skirt?" He asked dazedly, then his eyes narrowed. Ah, now he was feeling that anger! "Why did you replace my pants with a skirt!?"

"Hmm…" L glanced up in a thoughtful way, thumb pressed habitually against his lips. "Raito-kun has shown signs of being the more feminine male in this dysfunctional relationship…" A ghost of a smirk curled the insomniac's lips. "Evidence of this are his constant preening and need for privacy when showering."

Raito clenched his hand in an effort to not slug the smirking detective in the face. "I don't preen!" He snapped. "I just have some pride in my appearance unlike some!" Here, he glared pointedly. "And any sane human being would want privacy when they shower!"

"But Raito-kun knows I've seen it all before."

"So!" Raito prodded the older male in the chest. "That doesn't mean I want to be gawked at 24/7! Do you understand the concept of personal space?!"

Raito knew L was smirking behind his thumb, he just knew it! "I may have heard of it…"

"Urk…!" Raito flopped back down on the bed, far too tired to carry on the argument and labelling the detective as a lost cause. "You're impossible." He muttered irritably, already sliding the offending article of clothing wrapped snugly round his hips down – before pausing. "Did you take off my boxers as well?"

"It was hard for me to place the miniskirt on Raito-kun with them on."

Anger swelled up in the teen's chest, before rapidly deflating and leaving him feeling drained and somewhat exasperated. He left the skirt on. "Whatever. I'm too tired." Raito groaned, deciding that sleep was the best thing to wipe this event permanently from his mind and deny it ever happened.

After he destroyed the tapes from the cameras, of course.

"I think Raito-kun enjoys crossdressing." L theorized, probably to bait the teen into another argument. He frowned when all he received was a noncommittal grunt. Was that an acquiescence or denial? After a long pause, the insomniac shuffled up his suspect's slender legs he was still straddling to lean over slightly. "Raito-kun?"

Nothing.

L poked him, and the younger male grumbled sleepily.

Asleep…?

L sighed, flopping down on Raito's body and accepted the fact that he wasn't getting any tonight, despite his attempts at being seductive with the cream and trying to rile him up (hey, he would've taken angry sex over nothing at all). Since their first clumsy kiss (during the early hours of the morning and the moment sweet and short with a appealing shy Raito), his long dormant libido had awoken with enough ferocity to rival that of a hormonal male adolescence's. He guessed it was trying to make up for lost time during his teenaged years.

Oh well, L thought resignedly, snuggling close to his slumbering suspect. At least he finally got to see Raito in a skirt. He smirked suddenly.

And obtained blackmail material.

X.x.X

Raito had a feeling he shouldn't have woken up that morning.

This feeling was reinforced after L had cheerfully prodded him out of bed into the shower, and had a small, but also creepy, smile curling round his lips. Suspicion gnawed at his gut, and by the time that they were all changed (Raito shoving the skirt into some place that L will never find it – the sock drawer) and finished with their 'preening', the Kira suspect knew that something horrible and/or potentially embarrassing was going to happen once he entered the investigation room.

But nothing did, and aside from a crazily smirking L wielding a teapot (that made Raito worried for obvious reasons) nothing was out of the norm.

So Raito merely sent concerned glances at the detective who he was chained to every so often as he flicked through the documents regarding the Kira case, Watari apparently having fixed the generator himself that morning (the old gentleman was like a Jack-of-all-Trades or a saint). His worry grew when L began chuckling darkly into the liquid sugar sludge he called tea.

Maybe this case had finally gotten to him.

So, conspicuously, Raito shuffled over to whisper to the still chuckling L quietly so that the oblivious Task Force members didn't overhear them. "Uh…are you alright, Ryuuzaki?"

Obsidian eyes alight with glee turned to the uneasy teen, smirk almost twitching ominously to a full-blown grin. "Why, yes, Raito-kun. I am feeling magnificent this morning." L lifted the teapot again to refill his empty cup. "Wonderful, even."

Raito didn't want to ask, but… "Why?"

Languidly, L reached into his jeans' pocket and pulled out a newly creased photo, smirk blanking back into that emotionless mask but not hiding the sheer amusement in those wide eyes.

Raito blanched.

"What'll happen to Raito-kun if I slipped this by accident into the folders Yagami-san is examining?" L mused quietly, whisking it from side to side as fury darkened those honey coloured orbs. "And discovering that Raito-kun crossdresses?"

Dammit! Raito should've known that the detective would've taken photos! "You did that!" He hissed lowly, fingers slowly edging forwards to snatch the photo from between the insomniac's finger and thumb.

"That's not what the evidence says, Raito-kun." L teased, jerking his hand back so the teen would have to drape himself across his lap to get it. To be honest, he wouldn't mind that at all… "All Yagami-san would see would be his son dressed up in female clothing."

Raito knew, there and then, that L was more evil then Kira himself.

"You-" Raito shook his head. No, getting angry wouldn't get him that picture. Negotiate. "Okay…what do you want?"

Worst thing he could ever say.

And by the evil glint in L's eyes, he knew that he was going to be sore next morning.

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A/N: It. Is FINISHED!

Yes. L was rather OOC at the end, but, quite frankly, I was half asleep and I thought, 'eh, it's crack anyway'. So, yeah, though I do think L is the type to use embarrassing moments as blackmail material.

As to what happened after that? Well, use your imagination! (Cackles)

Hope y'all enjoyed!