A/n: for some odd reason I feel like being sad. It was incredibly hard to kill MVP and I cried writing this.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

I paced the length of the waiting room at the hospital, my best friend whom i have always loved is having open heart surgery, I really hope I have the chance to tell him. He's my only family, losing him will kill me. i lost all energy so I sat down with my head in my hands.

"Danica?" the surgeon said cautiously trying not to startle her

"How is he?" I asked standing up

"Unfortunately we…" I lost focus as tears began to poor down my face I couldn't hear what he was saying

"Can I see the body?" I asked weakly

"Sure…" the surgeon sighed and leading me to the room that held my best friends body I stopped at the door for a moment before walking in.

I studied the still figure on the bed in front of me. I pulled the light sheet off of him to reveal his face, I looked down at his beautiful cold lifeless face as I felt tears run down my cheeks. My tear drops rolled down my cheeks landing on his bare chest I could see the stitches that had meant the difference between life and death, I slowly ran my fingers lightly over his Malcolm X tattoo tracing the lines of the vivid portrait of the man my best friend drew many comparisons to. I looked back up at his lifeless face running my hand lightly over his cheek.

"Antonio I love you…Please come back." I whispered "I need you. I don't want to live without you, I wont live without you"

I pulled the sheet down further to look at his small belly, I've never known why I like it so much, I guess I just do, its part of him that I'll only get to poke one more time, I miss the face he makes when I do it. I stood there in tears as a nurse walked in "I'm sorry ma'am but we need to take the body away"

"The Body is that all you can call him?! He's a person! He's the love of my life" I yelled startling the nurse "You can't take him!" I moved in front of his body holding his hand tight with one hand and holding anything i could with the other "Don't take him…" I sobbed.

"I'm sorry ma'am we have to take him, I don't want to have to call security…"

I let go of him and dashed out of the room and out of the hospital, driving back to my apartment I could hardly see throw the tears that would not stop pouring.

I walked placing my keys on the small table beside the door when I saw a picture of us together I could barely control myself, I ran my finger over the glad that cover his face before throwing the frame at the wall.

I woke up after a two day slumber, I'm not leaving this apartment. Ever. No ones there to pick me up any way, he is my everything and without him I'm nothing. I just want to curl up and die just to be with him.

As I lay in bed I hear my cell phone ringing. Probably Vince. I should answer.

"Hello Danica speaking" I said weakly into the phone

"Danica, I'm one of the nurses at the hospital Antonio was treated in, someone needs to collect his body" she said coldly

"Fine I'll see what I can organize" I hung up and took my laptop out as more tears began to pour I found an undertaker to take care of things, before I let the hospital know of the details I laid back down closing my eyes.

The Funeral

A lot of our colleagues are turning up. No one really understood our bond but that's the way it had always been, I looked at him lying the casket, in his favourite suit. I went over to him and the ring he had given me in his had closing it, I couldn't keep it. I began to sob quietly as I stood over his body urging him to wake up.

"enough of this dumb joke Antonio just wake up" I whispered "Please." I watched him closely looking for movement but there was none, I just wanted to hop into that casket with him and be buried alive, no one would worry about my absence, I know he has friends but I don't.

I sat down beside one of his good friends Matt Hardy thinking of ways I could die.

"How are you holding up Danica?" he asked 'how do you think?' was what went through my mind

"I want him back" I mumbled

"when I saw him before surgery he gave me this letter for you…" Matt took out the folded piece of paper from Antonio and held it out for me.

'Danica,

I'm so sorry I'm not there to look after you, you mean the world to me. If I die don't kill yourself, you're stronger then that. I'll always be watching you. Besides I'm with my family now, I'll be waiting for you up here but don't rush I wont be leaving. I have a confession and even though its too late here goes, I love you Danica, I wanted to be with you more then anything….

I looked away from the letter, he wanted me, why didn't he tell me? I'm so angry now I don't know if I can read on. Matt put his arm around my shoulders as I sobbed into his shoulder holding the letter tight in my hand he whispered "Keep reading" I looked down at the letter.

I never told you because I was afraid that if we broke up I'd loose you completely. I've asked Matt to take care of you, you're in good hands baby girl I wouldn't trust anyone else to look after you apart from myself. Don't cry no more baby girl I'm not worth your tears.

"Yes you are Antonio" I whispered

I want to see that beautiful smile again. Thank you for everything, for picking me up when I was down, taking me into your home, supporting me, just everything.

All my Love,

Antonio xoxo

Turning the letter over I found a pen in my purse and wrote a response

Antonio,

I forgive you for leaving me on my own. I can't live without you so I don't see the point in staying alive. I don't want you to just watch me I want you to be right her beside me. I want to see you again, and do everything I used to do to you.

I love you too Antonio and I was afraid of the same thing but I guess I lost you anyway. I'm sure Matts a wonderful guy but I only want you! You're right you're not worth my tears, you're worth my life, I'd give anything to have you back in my life. And you're not welcome for all of those things because I'll never be able to do any of that for you again.

You are my other half and I can't exist without you.

I love you and I need you to come back to me.

Danica xoxo.

I stood up folding the letter and went back over to the casket slipping the letter in the same hand as the ring, I wasn't just giving him a letter I was giving him my life.