AN: one-shot AU. What was the real reason behind Sam abandoning Dean in Purgatory? Set after Southern Comfort 08x06
Warning: character death because I'm sadistic so grab those tissues! Spoilers for season 8 obviously.
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters and I don't profit from writing this. I just like putting them in emotional positions for my own enjoyment.
"Benny has been more of a brother these past few months than you have ever been!"
The words still rang clear as day through Sam's skull. He knew that he wasn't the best brother in the world; but he never would have thought that Dean would say something as hurtful to him.
He knew he had messed up a good few times but he had always assumed that they had wiped the slate clean and forgotten about the crap they had both pulled shortly after Rufus had died. Sam also knew that this whole Purgatory thing had broken Dean. He wished he could tell his older brother the truth about what had happened while Dean was gone, but he knew it might just be enough to break him.
As long as Dean was able to keep it together, Sam was happy to hide behind the whole "I didn't look for you in Purgatory" charade.
Sam stared at the bottle of painkillers in his hands before pouring a couple into his palm and swallowing them with a large gulp of water. He then toed off his shoes and lay on his front in bed with his face buried in his pillow to try and fend off the already painful headache.
Dean stumbled through the door a few hours later after spending his evening in a bar to try and come to terms with what had happened with the penny. Sure, he felt bad for saying all of that stuff to Sam but he knew that deep down, he meant every word.
He noticed his little brother sleeping softly on his bed with a look of pain on his face. He chose to ignore it and went to his bag to fetch his sleeping clothes. As he grabbed his bag, he knocked Sam's onto the floor with a small thud. Sam stirred slightly but didn't wake. Dean picked the bag up but noticed something roll under the table. He crouched and took a plastic bottle in his hands. He stared at it for a few moments as he tried to get his eyes to focus in his drunken state and saw that they were prescribed painkillers for Sam.
He glared at his brother's sleeping form before shoving the pills into his own bag and going to the bathroom to get changed.
Sam woke in the morning with another banging headache. He squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. He looked over to see Dean sleeping on his side and decided that now was a good time to take his painkillers.
Dean was awake when he heard Sam shuffling about and rummaging in his bag for his painkillers. He heard Sam utter a few choice words before he began to hurry around the room in search of the tablets that Dean had hidden.
"What are you looking for?" Dean asked pretending that he had just woken up.
"What - nothing!" Sam said in a panic when he realised Dean was watching him.
"Don't lie to me." Dean snapped.
"I'm not lying," Sam said hoping that Dean would just change the subject.
"Right, so you're not looking for your prescribed medications?" Dean said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.
Sam stared with his mouth open and tried to speak; but his mouth wouldn't let him. Dean's eyes narrowed at his brother and he pulled the bottle from his own bag.
"How did you find out?" Sam finally summoned the words to his throat.
"They fell out of your bag last night." Dean growled. "So, do you wanna tell me what the hell they're for or do I have to beat it out of you?"
"I'm sorry, Dean. I can't tell you." Sam said with tears forming in his eyes.
"What happened to not lying to each other and keeping secrets?" Dean yelled but stopped when he saw Sam sink onto his bed with his head clutched in his hands.
"Dean, can I please just have my painkillers back?" He asked softly.
"Tell me what they're for and then I'll give them to you," Dean said and sat opposite Sam so he could look him in the eye.
"I'm sorry, Dean." Sam croaked and tried to hold back tears. "I made you think that I didn't look for you when I did but then I was diagnosed and I had to quit hunting and more than anything I didn't want to and I didn't tell you the truth because I saw how broken you already were and I didn't want to hurt you further." Sam rambled.
"What were you diagnosed with?" Dean asked calmly although he feared the worst.
"Brain cancer."
The words hit Dean like a nuclear bomb. His stomach dropped and his face paled as he watched his little brother who he had protected since he was six months old fighting to stay strong for him.
"You're okay though, aren't you?" Dean asked praying that he was. "I mean, you'd be in the hospital if you weren't, right?"
Sam couldn't stop the tears now and let them flow down his face.
"I'm dying, Dean." He choked out. "I was going to tell you when I found the right time but with all that has happened between us, I put it off. I'm so sorry."
Dean moved to sit next to Sam and wrapped his arms around him. "What about treatment? Surely you could have an operation or something to help?"
"They've done all they can," Sam's fingers curled loosely into Dean's top.
"How long do you have left?" Dean asked.
"About two months," the words were barely audible but Dean heard them and pulled Sam closer. "I'm scared, Dean. I'm really, really scared."
"We'll find a way to get you out of this, Sam." Dean told him firmly. "A deal, a faith healer, an angel. There must be something we can do."
"You know as well as I that they never go to plan." Sam said as he wiped the tears off his cheeks. "We're just going to have to deal with it."
"Sammy, you can't expect me to sit here and let you die." Dean choked now close to tears.
"I know," Sam whispered. "But my plan to save you from going to hell didn't work and I had a whole year. You have two months. Just promise that you'll stay with me until the end."
Dean stared at Sam in disbelief before nodding. "Okay, Sammy. I'll stay with you."
Dean handed his brother the bottle of pills and helped him swallow them with a glass of water. He put Sam back into bed and tucked him in before placing a soft kiss on his sweat-soaked forehead. Dean then clambered in next to Sam just like they used to do when they were little and Sam was ill or had a nightmare.
Dean watched as his brother became more frail and ill with each passing day. Sam's body was slowly shutting down. He could barely hold himself up and Dean now had to help him eat as his hands shook too much. After eating, Sam would usually vomit everything back up into a trash can whilst Dean rubbed soothing circles into his back.
It was when Sam started slurring his words and forgetting things that Dean had a breakdown in the shower. He refused to let Sam see him in this state when he was supposed to be the strong one who would care for Sam and let him know that it was all okay. He knew it wasn't thought. It was far from okay.
When Dean went back into the bedroom, he saw Sam asleep and curled onto his side. He headed straight towards him and lay with Sam cradled in his arms like he had been doing for the past two months.
Dean woke up knowing that something was wrong. His brother was still in the same position as he was when he had fallen to sleep but Dean sensed something off. He shook Sam's shoulder to try and rouse him.
"Sammy, wake up. I think there's something wrong." He said as he shook him a second time. "Sammy?"
When Dean got no response he began to shake his brother more violently before he realised that his attempts to wake his brother were futile. Dean cradled Sam in his arms and rocked back and forth. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he held his brother close to his chest.
Dean held Sam like that for ages before he began to peel Sam's clothes off his body and put them in a pile to burn. He fetched some clean clothes from Sam's bag and began to dress him in them. He combed his hair with his fingers and it finally looked as though his brother was only sleeping.
He carried Sam's body out to the Impala and began to drive off to a place that held many happy memories.
When Dean arrived at the burned down Singer Salvage, he began to make a pyre and then rested Sam's body on it. He gave Sam one last kiss on the head and set fire to the wood which soon engulfed his brothers body.
Dean then headed out to a nearby motel where he drowned his sorrows in whiskey. He would wake up with one hell of a hangover.
Dean didn't blame Sam for giving up his search for him but he would never know how much Sam actually sacrificed in his search for his brother. Sam forgot to mention that the brain tumour was a result of a spell that Sam used to try to bring Dean back. Sammy was the best brother anyone could have asked for.