WELCOME TO FABERRY WEEK 2014!
I hope you enjoy these stories :D
A BIG THANK YOU TO MY FRIEND JENN WHO HELPED ME IN THESE!
Slight trigger warning: This includes mentions of self harm.
Quinn was miserable. This was the lowest point of her life, the worst she had ever felt and yet for everyone else, life went on. No one seemed to be bothered or care about the once head cheerio's fall from grace let alone her disappearance from the popular table or the overall status from the school. Even people she had once considered friends seemed to ignore her and her pain, not that she let anyone see that side of her because despite her little rebellion with the tattoo, piercing and radical hair change Quinn Fabray still kept the value that had been drilled into her since she was a little girl. One does not (especially a lady) talk about personal problems or issues with people, it shows weakness. Opening yourself up to someone would only lead to exposing yourself for someone to exploit plus, a lady who complains will never be able to find a good husband because she will be seen as boring and whiney. So Quinn kept her mouth shut, walked the hallways with the same confidence as before using intimidation and fear to get and do whatever she wanted, smoking and drinking under the bleachers with her fellow skanks. No one knew that when she went home at night, she would lock herself in her room, cry herself to sleep and sometimes, when she was feeling her worst she would take a small razorblades she had stolen from an exacto knife at school and make small little incisions on the inside of her arm, spaced apart enough to not be noticeable however, she wore longer shirts these days mostly anyway. It was her secret shame but she couldn't help herself, she enjoyed it, having some sort of feeling made her feel less like a broken robot and more like an actual person.
Rachel was at her locker, preparing for yet another school day. She sighed to herself, it seemed like school was dragging, they had only recently started and she already wished it was winter break. This was not her usual attitude towards school. But lately something was missing...some ONE she thought to herself, rolling her eyes at herself. She needed to get over this crush or it would crush her.
Speak of the devil, a voice said in her head as she saw the still slightly shocking but already some what familiar pink hair in the distance, matched with the round framed sunglasses and the black shirts and jeans. She would never admit it to anyone, but Quinn looked insanely hot in that get up. One thing stood out for her was the already long sleeved was still fairly warm, she was still wearing her summer dresses, so she didn't understand why the ex-head xheerio was already in long sleeves, she must have been burning in there, apart from the heat absorption qualities of black. It's a wonder Quinn didn't pass out.
Quinn wandered the halls, another day of hell at McKinley high, she was counting the days until she was able to be free of this place and the people in it. She wasn't entirely sure what she was going to do with her life after high school, previous dreams seemed silly and pointless to her now, however the one thing she did know was that when she did graduate from this place, she was definitely getting as far away from Lima as humanly possible. Her grades were still impeccable despite her new outlook on life, she could probably easily get into a school overseas, meet a new sea of people and finally start living the life she had always wanted and thought she deserved. Looking up, she spotted Rachel at her locker and a deep frown filled her pretty features. That girl had always made her so uneasy, even more so now that the brunette seemed to think it was her job to get Quinn back to her previous blonde happy self and was constantly trying to talk to her or give her those big brown puppy dog eyes that even the hardened Quinn couldn't resist. However, despite the animosity between them, as she passed by the girl she gave her a small nod "Hobbit." she said simply as she made her way to her own locker to gather her books for the day.
Rachel rolled her eyes at the nickname. "Good morning Quinn." she said cheerfully, hoping her tone would put the blonde in good spirits. She hated seeing the way Quinn was lately, something was definitely off about the taller girl. She didn't seem as full of life and ambition as she used to be. She would have called herself crazy for saying this a few months prior, but she WISHED Quinn would slushy her just so that she'd know that the girl was okay.
Quinn rolled her eyes back at the girl in response to her greeting, it would take a hell of a lot more than a cheerful voice to wrestle Quinn away from the demons currently haunting her and she wasn't sure if Rachel was up for the task, or if she even wanted them to go away. She was comfortable enough in her misery now that she didn't really see any light at the end of the tunnel for herself, even if she did graduate and go far away drama seemed to follow her, something else would come up and bring her back down she was sure of that fact. She grabbed her books without saying another word, deciding that if she pretended Rachel wasn't there then the brunette would take the hint to leave her be for the time being at least, let her have some sort of peace in her fucked up world at least for now.
Rachel frowned a little and quietly followed Quinn to her locker. "Have...have you been feeling okay?" she asked. She knew something was up, a simple, polite 'how are you' would not suffice for the situation. "Quinn I know we've had our differences in the past but...I'd like to put aside all that. I'd like us to start fresh." she bit her lip and then went on. "If you need anything I'll be here." she said, grabbing the taller girl's wrist gently so that she couldn't run off before Rachel finished what she was saying.
"I'm fine Rachel, nothing new." She shot back, really not wanting to talk about her problems especially not with Rachel Berry of all people. When the other girl asked her if they could bury the proverbial hatchet and start over, Quinn rolled her eyes. "This is a new me Rachel, everyone starts fresh in the I hate you column, especially nosey brunettes who hover over me like a wounded bird." She shot her another glare and turned to leave, not noticing that the other girl had taken a firm hold on her wrist until she was pulled back, Rachel's fingers sliding over fresh scars from that very morning after getting into a screaming match with her mother over Quinn informing her that she was getting her eyebrow pierced this upcoming weekend. Rachel's grip felt almost as painful as her trusty blade, as if they were making their own marks on her skin causing Quinn to wince painfully however, a part of her enjoyed the feeling.
Rachel caught sight of the wince and her eyes went wide, her grip loosening entirely at once. "Oh my God, Quinn are you okay? I didn't mean to hurt you I didn't know I was gripping so hard." she said in panic, gently pulling her arm up by the hand this time and lifting up the sleeve. Her eyes widened again at the sight of the scars. She was shell shocked and speechless (For once.) "Q-Quinn…"
Quinn's frown deepened as Rachel pulled up her sleeve, quickly pulling her arm away from the other girl's grasp and pulling her sleeve back down. "I'm fine Rachel, you didn't hurt me those are just….new and tender...I actually kind of like the pain." She admitted, instantly regretting it and wondering why the hell she had said that to Rachel of all people. "It's nothing Rachel just forget you saw anything okay? It's none of your business anyway you are not my mother or even my friend for that matter so just go bother someone else would you?" She turned her back on the girl and began to walk down the hall toward her next class hoping to loose Rachel in the crowd, her head already coming up with plans to avoid the brunette for the rest of the day.
Quinn's words stung, they truly did. After all she was just trying to help the former blonde. She let Quinn go, thinking maybe Quinn just needed some breathing space. But this was far from over. What Quinn had told her was not good, the girl needed help Rachel knew this. And she would be there to help her even if she had to face Quinn's worst of threats.
Quinn managed to spend the rest of the day Rachel free -thank god- knowing the girl's schedule helped her a lot. She knew exactly where Rachel would be and her educated guesses (along with paying off a few of her fellow students to be on Rachel locker watch for her) helped her tremendously and before she knew it, she was back in the comforts of her dark isolated bedroom. The once pink and happy walls filled with posters of cute boys and bands she liked were now covered with heavy black sheets, easier than ripping everything down and painting it plus, it gave the place a nice medieval kind of feel to it which the history nerd in Quinn rather enjoyed. Flopping onto her bed, she sighed softly and closed her eyes, trying to will the normal tears she had held all day only to let free once she was home to stay away. She was too tired, she didn't want to deal with emotions she just wanted to lie there and relax, maybe listen to some music if she so felt the need. However, despite how hard she tried, the usual tears came as she thought about the fact that once again her mother was out with friends or on a date or something and not home with her. The two had patched things up for the most part after the baby debacle however, Quinn noticed a lot more just how absent her mother had been in her life now that her father wasn't around to pick up any of the slack which only made Quinn feel more alone. As her tears fell, she reached into the drawer next to her nightstand to retrieve her blade -the only thing that calmed her in these situations- and hiked up her sleeve, running her fingers carefully over the fresh scars from that morning and contemplated moving up closer to her elbow this time so that these ones had some time to heal up a bit.
Rachel had been worried about Quinn all day. She had made a vow to herself to leave the girl alone at school, which is why she turned at a corner when she saw Quinn coming down the other end of the hall. Out of sight, out of mind, and as much as she liked being the centre of attention, she knew that's not what Quinn needed at the time. But then she found herself alone in her room, and, don't ask her how, but she knew Quinn was in the same situation probably letting her demons eat her alive. She couldn't bear the thought of Quinn hurting herself, or worse. She had shaken the thought from her mind, got dressed, and set out on her mission. She got into her car and drove towards the Fabray household. When she got there, parking a little down the road so that her engine wouldn't be heard, she looked around the house in the dark of night until she found what she knew to be Quinn's window. Thankfully there was a sturdy oak tree outside of it. She took a deep breath, found a good hand-hold, a good foot hold and began her ascent towards the window. When she got there, nearly falling to her possible death twice on the way up, she sighed in relief before she knocked gently on Quinn's window.
The knock startled Quinn, causing her to jump up quickly and drop her trusty blade. "Shit…" she cursed before looking over toward the sound that had startled her, seeing Rachel staring at her through her window. She got up from her bed with a deep frown, moved over to the window and opened it. "You know stalking is illegal right?" She asked with a lofted eyebrow "If this were florida or Texas, I could shoot you dead right now and have zero consequences…" she sighed and shook her head "What do you want? You have two minutes to give me a good reason for peeping into my window before I call the police." She was angry that Rachel would invade her privacy like that though, a part of her wasn't all that surprised by it. Rachel had always been a stick your nose in where it doesn't belong kind of person, she was just lucky that Quinn's loneliness was getting the best of her, allowing Rachel to stay on her tree perch and not be tumbling down to the ground at the moment.
"Could I perhaps explain in the safety of your room where the ground is solid and I'm not potentially risking my life?...though...by the sound of your voice that last one might not be a very good assumption, still I like my chances better with you." she said as she clung to a branch for dear life while her foot nearly slipped once again. "Pretty please with whatever fruit of your choosing on top?"
Quinn was tempted to just slam the window in the girl's face and hoped she fell to her death or, at least to her some sort of injury. It would serve her right for invading Quinn's privacy like this however, there was still some compassion left in Quinn after all she had been through and once again, her loneliness was taking control of her actions so instead of shoving the girl off or slamming the window in her face, she extended a hand to help Rachel inside her room and off her perilous perch. "Come on get in here…" she said with a roll of her eyes as she pulled Rachel inside "Don't kick my ash tray off windowsill, that's the third one I've had this week and I don't want to have to go out and buy another one…" She was keeping up her hardened facade, the one she held everyday at school and whenever she was in front of people, the more vulnerable miserable Quinn from only a few minutes earlier once again being shoved deep inside of her where no one -not even people as nosey as Rachel- would find her.
Rachel smiled and took Quinn's hand gently as she carefully hopped into the room from the tree. "Thank you." she sighed in relief. She would kiss the ground right now if she weren't trying to stop Quinn from kicking her out again. "So, to answer your question." she sighed. "I was insanely worried about you, and I know you said it was none of my business and that we weren't friends. But I know a person in need when I see one Quinn. And I'm not about to let you drown yourself in sorrow thinking no one cares. I'm here because I care. Because I want to help you. And because, despite what you may think, I do consider you a friend." She said, crossing her arms over her chest and looking Quinn straight in the eyes so that she was sure her point was driven home.
Quinn sighed and rolled her eyes as Rachel spoke, really not wanting to discuss this with the brunette now or, ever really. She didn't want her here, she didn't want her to care because that meant Quinn really was just some selfish ice queen like people had thought, unable to think of people as anything but tools to help her get through life instead of real actual friends who actually gave a damn about her and her feelings and she refused to believe that, despite the fact that all she wanted was for someone to love her, to see all the sides of her good and ugly and have no objections, for the bad to only make them love her more. "Well I don't care how you feel Rachel, we aren't friends and I know you are only here because you and your precious Glee club think you need me or my voice or...just someone to sway in the background while you and Finn sing everything and no one else will do it…" she shook her head "Time wasted Rachel. I have evolved past Glee club and all of you people so please just leave me the hell alone." She turned away from the girl and moved back to her bed, spotting her blade on the floor she swooped down to pick it up quickly, hiding it in her pocket before Rachel could see it.
Rachel shook her head as Quinn spoke. "You're wrong. You are SO wrong. This is not about glee club Quinn if it was I would have sent you a dozen text messages demanding you reply or pestered you at school or maybe even gotten Brittany and Santana to talk to you cause maybe they would have a better effect." she said. She took a deep breath. "I am genuinely here because I am worried about you. Those scars on your arm, what you said to me today. I just couldn't stop thinking about it as hard as I tried because you are right that it is none of my business what you do with your life, but I couldn't let it go. I couldn't just accept that you had it rough and just let it go on. I was worried sick about you all day. Do you really think I would have bothered to come all this way for Glee club? screw them. I'm here for you. Because I care about you. Because no matter what you may think Quinn you are not the most awful being on this planet, and you DO deserve someone who loves and cares about you."
"Brittany and Santana have both tried to talk to me." Quinn replied, back still to the brunette as she looked for a better place than her palm for the blade. "They told me that Glee club needed me and that the Cheerios needed me and they needed me…" she shook her head "You all have your own lives none of which include me anymore. Move on Rachel win Nationals, get your trophy go off to some special school for people with your talent, become a mega star, marry FInn...whatever all things better than being here trying to talk to someone who has told you that they hate you on many different occasions." She sighed, unable to find a place to stash it without Rachel being able to spot her doing it and turned back to the girl once more. "I don't think I'm awful." She corrected as her eyes met Rachel's once more "I know I am amazing and smart and that I can do pretty much whatever I want. My problem is that someone in the universe doesn't think I deserve any of it." She shot back, anger levels rising forcing her to blurt out things she had been bottling up without even realizing she was doing it. "No matter what I do, whenever I start to get happy either I kamakazi and destroy it myself or something comes along and does it for me. I don't need your pity friendship Rachel because it's not real or it won't last because they never do. So save yourself some time and energy and just leave me the hell alone and let me live my miserable existence."
Rachel listened to every word without saying anything, without interrupting, because she knew this was Quinn's way of opening up. When she finished Rachel spoke calmly, ignoring the tears that were running down her cheeks. "First off, I don't want to marry Finn. He and I are through, he wasn't even worth the trouble. Second, the friendship that I'm offering isn't out of pity. It's the same friendship I have been offering you for years. The same friendship that has been thrown back in my face in the form of a slushy every damn day for my life. And I keep coming right back and you have the balls to say it's out of pity or self-interest?" She shook her head. "You're wrong. I keep offering it, because I genuinely want to be a part of your life, and for you to be a part of mine. It's been like that ever since I saw you the first day of freshman year." She wiped at her eyes and willed herself to stop shedding anymore tears before she continued. "But if yelling at me is going to make you feel better than go ahead, because I would much rather face all the abuse I got from you over the years ten times over than see you take that blade to your skin one more time. I can't bear it. And you can shout all you want that it's none of my business but it's not going to stop me from worrying my ass off and it's not going to stop me from wishing, hoping and praying that somehow, some way I'll find a way to help you. This isn't about me. This is about you. Because every time I see you walking down the halls with that empty look in your eyes I die a little inside. Because no one deserves to feel alone."
"When do you do anything for anyone but yourself?" Quinn shot back angrily, annoyed that the girl was still there, that she was the one to actually stand up and tell Quinn everything she had been longing to hear pretty much her entire life but mostly, just these past few months. Of all the people in the world, why did the one person who actually gave a damn about Quinn and her life have to be Rachel friggen Berry? "That is something we have in common Rachel, that and your talent are the only two things I admire about you. We both know how to get what we want by any means necessary only, you seem to have more luck with it than I do." She was an insult machine now, unwilling to accept the girl's offer or the fact that it was Rachel doing the offering. "So cut the crap and just admit you are here to benefit yourself either through glee club or your ego or guilt or something…" she shook her head and walked over to her bed, sitting down and putting her head in her hands as Rachel mentioned her taking the blade to her skin, hating that the other girl knew about that and that she had dropped her guard long enough for it to happen. "But I do deserve it." she said softly "I did terrible things Rachel. Not just to you but to Finn, Sam...my so called friends and family hell even Puck and the worst part about it all, the thing that eats me up the most is that because of that, because of my own cruel selfishness and immaturity, I will never be able to see my own daughter, to watch her grow, see her graduate or have her first boyfriend or get married and have kids of her own…" she sighed and sniffled, trying to hold back tears. "She gets to grow up calling somebody else mommy and maybe even daddy. I've not only deprived myself of her but I've deprived Puck too. I'm not a good person Rachel, I don't deserve to be the happy top of the pyramid Cheerio who dates the Jocks and makes Glee club look marginally cooler…" she shook her head once more "I deserve this. Darkness, no attachments, solitude and cigarettes.."
"Whenever it comes to you." was the simplest answer. It was all true. She may have been self centred, but never when it came to Quinn. She always wanted what was best for the girl, she always had this protective instinct when it came to her. Even through all the taunts and slushies and the bullying she felt that Quinn needed protection. Maybe it was her undying love for her, but it was there, and she wasn't about to let Quinn drown in her own sorrows thinking she was alone and that no one loved her. She walked around the bed, crouching down in front of Quinn and taking the blade gently out of her hand. She placed it on the nightstand and pulled Quinn's hands down into her own. "You don't deserve any of this. No matter how many mistakes you made in your past Quinn, that's all they were, mistakes. And you were just looking out for Beth, you wanted the best for her. And as hard as it may be to think about never being able to see your own daughter again, I know in my heart that she will grow up and she will thank you every single day of her life for that because you gave her a good life, instead of being selfish and keeping her in yours, you gave her her own. And that is the best form of love I have ever seen in my entire life."
Quinn was taken aback a little by the brunette's response, not expecting Rachel to admit she would gladly shed her selfish ways when it came to Quinn's welfare. She didn't know what to do now or what to say, any insults she had been saving up to throw at the girl in an attempt to make her leave here almost instantly forgotten, Rachel's words freezing her in place. How the hell was this fair? Of everyone in her life, why did Rachel have to be the one person who actually cared for her? And by the tone of the other girl's voice, Quinn suspected the care went a little deeper than just as a friend as Rachel had suggested although, she told herself she could be imagining it. "Yeah, she'll think of me everyday as the mother who tossed her away like a piece of garbage because I didn't want her…." She finally replied regarding Rachel's words on her daughter with a soft shake of her head. "She won't see a brave girl doing what's best for her, she will see a scared teenager who didn't want the bastard child she had with her boyfriend's best friend at sixteen…nothing will change that."
Rachel shook her head. "Quinn, sweetie, she won't even know all that. She'll just know that you were young, you made a mistake that resulted in that beautiful little girl, and then you made the ultimate sacrifice no mother ever wants to make." she spoke softly as she looked Quinn in the eyes. "And now you both get to lead happy lives. She gets to do whatever her heart desires, and you get to follow your dreams. Quinn you are the prettiest, most intelligent girl I've ever met, and you can do whatever you want. And it hurts so much to see you going through so much pain all on your own and I want to be able to help you." tears had started running down her cheek. Quinn would never know how much it truly hurt to see her hate herself, when she loved her so much.
"But she will. Every single kid who finds out they are adopted think that Rachel, it's like standard whatever for them and, I don't know if Shelby will even tell her the real truth because what's the point? She's her mother now not me and nothing will change that…" she shook her head and moved away from the girl, not wanting to think or talk about it anymore with Rachel or anyone. "Can you please just leave?" She asked, fighting everything inside of her that was begging to make Rachel stay with her. "I just want to be alone Rachel. If you care about me and you want me to be happy then you will do what everyone else is doing, exactly what I want you to just leave me alone, go back to your own life and pretend I don't exist." She sighed and closed her eyes, falling back onto her bed wanting to sleep this all away, wake up in the morning and forget it ever happened and, she had never wanted to cut as badly as she did at that moment but she knew she couldn't as long as Rachel was there, had a feeling that Rachel was aware of that too which would make getting rid of her that much more difficult "I told you what I wanted Rachel…" she said quietly "Why are you still here?"
Rachel bit her lip and sighed. "Because…" she couldn't stand it anymore. She kneeled on the bed and leaned over Quinn, pressing her lips softly against hers in a kiss that she had dreamed of for ages. When she pulled away, she looked into the other girl's breath taking hazel eyes.
"Because I love you."