His lungs were burning. His head ached from the dizzying drop and then the plunge into the cold, dark water.
Air. He needed oxygen, fast. Desperately Spirit thrashed around in the water, trying to figure out which way was up. His sense of direction was all messed up by the sickening fall into the lake.
Over there! He could see the light of the moon shining dimly through the surface of the water. The glow drew him upwards, swimming frantically.
At last, Spirit broke the surface.
Gasping, he thrust his nose high into the air. He could breathe! Fighting exhaustion, Spirit struggled over to a log nearby him and collapsed onto it, sides heaving as he tried to catch his breath. He just had to rest for a moment…had to rest…
No. Oh no.
Rain!
Spirit glanced frantically around. His eyes were wide as he saw Rain…lying on her side at the bank of the river, still and silent. He felt like a lance was piercing through his heart. Please, no! No! No!
Crying out in horror, Spirit stumbled to his feet and charged through the water, forgetting about his own exhaustion. No! No, not Rain! How could this have ever happened? Just a few days ago, the two horses were happily running together, their hearts full of joy and love. Now Rain was here on the riverbank…dying…Please, oh, please, God, let her be alive…don't take her from me…I can't lose her.
Slowly he walked up to her still, silent form. His heart raced faster than it had ever gone as he tried to see if she was breathing. He whimpered as quietly as he could, afraid to see if she would respond and yet he was so desperate to do so. His heart pounded hard, as though it would pound out of his chest.
To his relief, Rain's eyelids fluttered open.
Spirit's heart somersaulted in a silent cheer of total relief. Rain was alive! His legs quivered, weak with relief.
She lifted her head and nickered weakly to him. Spirit nuzzled her warmly, wanting to comfort her.
But suddenly Rain let out a cry of pain and her head fell back, and then collapsed to the water.
Quickly Spirit caught her face with his own and gently moved her nose to solid ground. Her eyes were squeezed tightly with agony as she squealed quietly in pain. She was breathing so hard that Spirit could hardly begin to tell where one breath ended and another began. Her sides heaved. Spirit nuzzled her gently, afraid of hurting her even more.
Slowly, he took a few steps backward. He drew in a quick breath as he looked at the bullet wound on her shoulder, just below her withers. No. How could they have done this to her? Not Rain. No, this must all be a nightmare.
But it wasn't. It was real…much too real.
Spirit could almost feel the pain that Rain was undergoing. He cried out quietly, stepping foreword to nuzzle Rain again. He rubbed her cheek with his own, letting his forelock drape over her face like a protective veil.
He backed up again. He neighed loudly into the wind and reared up, pawing the sky. He cried to the heavens, begging them to please take him too if they needed her up in the great sky-pasture. Then he trotted foreword, out of the water, and went back to Rain's side.
The beautiful mare whickered weakly and tried to raise her head as Spirit got down on the ground with her. But Spirit just nickered softly and gently pushed her head down with his own, willing her to stay still and quiet. She needed to rest…needed to get her strength back. The two horses lay silent and still as the stars above them.
He lay beside her that night…hoping, praying, that somehow she would be okay.
Early the next morning, Spirit heard whistles and shouts and clamoring hooves. "Hey! There's a couple of horses over there!"
He flattened his ears and raised his head, baring his teeth at whatever new threat was coming at them now. His eyes searched the area for anyone, horse or human, coming nearer to them.
Rain whinnied weakly.
Her voice was so frail. Spirit's heart broke, and he threw his head back over her, holding her close and tight to his side. She closed her eyes and let him hold her. I can't lose her…I can't…
Suddenly four men on horses trotted up to them. Spirit squealed warningly and looked over at them, ears disappearing into his thick black mane, teeth bared threateningly. He warned them not to come any closer, but they didn't give any heed.
The soldiers let their ropes whiz through the air, and two came down around Spirit's neck.
Spirit's mind hardly had time to register what had just happened before they were pulling him up and away from Rain!
No! Spirit screamed and threw all of his weight against the ropes, trying desperately to break free of them to get back to Rain! He had to go back to her! She needed him! She would die otherwise!
Rain looked up weakly. She whimpered.
"Leave the mare," one of the solders told Spirit sadly. "She's not gonna make it."
No, no please understand! Spirit cried silently. I need to be with her! Struggling against the ropes, he managed to nuzzle her cheek with his muzzle one last time as his hooves flailed for a foothold.
Then the ropes were pulling him away again. He cried out, desperately searching for her answer.
Rain whinnied back, but her voice was strained and weak. She was too weak to be alone! Spirit had to stay! He struggled and fought desperately.
But the ropes were too strong. There were too many. No matter how hard Spirit fought back, there was just no way he was going to win.
Rain groaned softly. Her eyes rolled back into her head and she let it fell down to the ground again with a dull thud. She sighed weakly, and her breath trembled.
Spirit gasped. No. Not Rain. Not her…anyone but her. Not Rain. No. Please…
There wasn't a word in the world that could describe the grief he felt. Rain was so still and so lifeless…it was like someone ripping his heart to shreds. Something inside Spirit shattered like glass thrown against a rock.
He hung his head for a moment, overcome with grief. Then, looking remorsefully back at Rain for the last time, he let the soldiers pull him away. There was nothing to fight for anymore.
I'm sorry, Rain…I let you down. I'm so sorry…
A piece of Spirit's soul was left by the riverbank that day.
The soldiers took Spirit to a place that was far more terrifying than anything he had ever imagined. The trees and the soil had been dug up and were lying in heaps all around.
Spirit gazed miserably at the strange happenings through his rope halter, too depressed to fight. His hooves dragged through the dusty soil as he walked slowly ahead, not caring what was happening to him anymore.
A strange, piercing whistle shot through the air and made Spirit's head jerk high and his ears flatten defensively. The awful sound seemed to shatter his ears, and he held them tightly to his neck to try and rid them of the pain.
Looking around, Spirit realized that the blast of earsplitting noise had come from an enormous black monster directly ahead of them. It was nothing like Spirit had ever seen. It's shape was strange, like a black cloud with lines as sharp and clear as one of the mountains in Spirit's homeland against blue sky. The frightening unfamiliarity of it made Spirit want to run away.
Steamy, black clouds puffed out the tall stack in the front of the horrible man-made contraption, accompanied by a puffing sound and an unbearable smell that reminded Spirit too much of gunfire.
His mind flashed him an image. The sound of the gun going off…the acid smell of the smoke as it drifted towards him in the wind…Rain's scream as the bullet hit her shoulder…feeling as though he'd been dropped down into a shockingly cold sea as he realized that his beloved Rain was injured…
Spirit's nostrils flared. He wanted to snort. He wanted to rid himself of the terrifying memories and the smoke that brought them back. But instead, he could only hang his head in shame and grief.
The soldiers led him nearer to the thing. Spirit didn't fight. He didn't protest. He only followed.
Then, unbelievably, they tried to lead him into one of the wooden train cars. Spirit's muscles grew tense, but not once did he pull back his head or try to escape. He felt as though someone else was going through the motions of placing one hoof in front of the other…and then another hoof…and then another hoof.
The man leading him murmured soft, reassuring words to Spirit as he led him up the ramp, but Spirit paid no attention. He shuffled into the train car.
Some kind of brownish-green grass was laid out on the ground of the car. In a far corner, three other horses were cowering together in fear. Spirit could tell that all were from the Indian village, as all were painted with handprints and circles.
All three jerked their heads up when the saw him enter the train car. They snorted and whinnied in excitement. They knew that Spirit wanted to be free. They knew that he was trying to escape. He could lead them all to freedom!
But Spirit met their eager gazes with eyes full of pain and depression. He turned away from the other horses in shame and walked slowly to the opposite end of the train car. He could not fight. He did not want to disappoint the others, but he was no longer strong. He was weak. His beloved Rain was dead, killed by the very humans who had taken his home away from him.
The men slammed the door shut behind him.
Spirit glared out the door with hateful eyes. The men had taken away everything he'd ever cared for. They'd taken his homeland, his mother, his family, and his freedom…and now they'd taken Rain, too.
The train car began to sway and move. It nearly knocked Spirit off his feet. He staggered for just a moment, and then the train moved more smoothly.
He hated the sickening movement of the train car and the sharp smell of the smoke and coal that constantly filled his nostrils. He hated the halter he wore on his head. But Spirit was sick at heart and so helplessly unable to do anything about it that he felt like laying down and never moving again.
Spirit slowly glanced up at the other horses to see if they were as unsettled by the ride as he was.
They were. The chestnut mare had huddled up with the other gray mare together by themselves, and the storm cloud-colored gelding with the ring around his eye stood near them. The gelding's ears pricked foreword when he saw Spirit looking at them, and he whinnied encouragingly.
Spirit looked at him for a long moment. Then he lowered his head again, pain wearing at his heart.
A moment later, he felt the brush of dried grass whispering across his forelock. He looked up to see the gray gelding nickering optimistically to him and gently shoving some grass his way for him to eat.
But Spirit once again turned away. He couldn't eat. Not when the wounds that had been torn in his heart were so fresh. Not now.
Maybe not ever.
Spirit looked at the swirling snow outside of the window. He hadn't even noticed that it had begun to snow but now a soft white blanket draped the whole world as snowflakes chilled the frosty air.
Somewhere out there, far away, Spirit's family was standing close to one another with their shaggy winter coats keeping one another warm. Spirit felt something inside his heart jerk towards the snow, towards his family. He longed more than anything to be home.
Desperately Spirit lifted his head and thrust his nose out one the openings between the boards that made up the train car. He cried to the wind, sobbing silently and watching the snow fly past.
Frustratingly unable to do anything else, Spirit rested his head on the board with a sigh and quietly watched the snow fall down.
The train covered ground very quickly, taking Spirit farther and farther away from everything he'd known and held dear. Even if they were somewhere familiar the snow covered everything in a sheet of white, making it impossible to tell where they were.
Spirit silently watched the world fly past. The cold bit and stung his sensitive ears and muzzle, and he shivered from the bitter air. He wanted so badly to be back home with his family, where he knew there would be warm bodies to nestle up to on a cold day like this. He was so cold…
Gazing miserably out at the night and the still heavily falling snow, Spirit missed his family so much that he began to think he could see shapes in the swirling flakes…horse shapes. Running horses. One mare in the lead and several mares and foals galloping after her.
Spirit blinked in astonishment.
Bewildered, Spirit stared at the figures in the windblown snow. And as he watched, they seemed to take further form – the lead mare was his mother, his family behind him, even the colts he had saved from the cougar last spring where there…and they were all galloping through their homeland.
The whistling wind almost sounded like Spirit's mother calling for him to join them.
Spirit whinnied as loudly as he possibly could. An excited tremor rippled over his skin. Dancing in place with the excitement of the feeling of running with his family, Spirit watched with a trembling thrill as his mother called for him again and turned the herd towards them. The shapes began to distort, but not before the snow-shapes blew into the train car, rippling through Spirit's mane.
He heard Esperanza's neigh in the distance.
Spirit was still trembling in excitement when the snow stopped blowing in his face, and he realized that it had all been an daydream. He'd wanted so badly to see them again…
Spirit looked outside one last time, just to make sure that he hadn't really seen them. But they were gone. He squeezed his eyes shut and lowered his head again.
His family was counting on him to return. He'd seen the look in Esperanza's eyes when she had left him. They needed him to return. They needed him to be strong…and maybe, just maybe, Rain would be out there watching out for him, too.
Spirit opened his eyes again. Not long ago those dark, soulful eyes had radiated only pain and sorrow and anguish. Now, they shone with bright courage, determination, and strength.
His family was counting on him.
Once again, Spirit lifted his head to look at the other horses. This time, when they nickered for him, he responded. He walked over to them to stand by them for the rest of the ride.
He had to get home somehow. He couldn't give this up. This was a battle worth fighting for…one he would win, even if mountains stood in his way.