DISCLAIMER! Whatever you recognize, I don't own.
A/N: Ummm… not sure what happened here really, but I'm going to use caffeine, lack of sleep, plot bunnies that won't leave me alone, and wanting something mindless to do after being overwhelmed with things that HAVE to get done as my excuse for this craziness. So… hope that you, uh, give it a shot. =]
~.~.~.
"He's looking at you again."
The girl sighed and rolled her eyes. "Mattie, we're not in high school, will you please stop giving me updates every five minutes? Honestly, you're not someone I would pin as the kind of person to do that," she said tiredly.
Canada smiled. "True, but it's just with you," he answered.
She couldn't help it, she chuckled. "You know, I'll never regret knowing you, but sometimes you're as much of a handful as Alfred. Though in a totally different way, since you're not…" she trailed off and gave a sheepish smile.
"I'm not dense? It would make sense, since I was partially raised by France," he said with a little nod.
Her lips quirked and she looked amused. "Okay, okay, I get it. Though… I don't know if I should have told you," she said simply, stealing a piece of apple from his plate and smiling innocently at him.
He laughed quietly. "You should have. Who else would you tell? America?" he joked lightly.
She bit her lower lip. "Good point."
"Fallen girl, let me nap on you," Kumajirou said suddenly.
"Kumakichi, be nice. You remember her name, right?" Canada said looking apologetically at the girl.
Kumajirou looked up at him. "Who are you?"
"I'm Canada, your owner," he said exasperated though his voice was still soft.
She only smiled and opened her arms in invitation to the bear, which Kumajirou immediately took as he settled on her lap. "Don't worry Mattie. He can't remember anyone's name so it doesn't matter if he can't remember mine. I mean, he's been living with you for centuries and he can't remember your name," she pointed out as she lightly scratched behind the bear's ears.
"Okay, if you say so," was all he said and they fell silent again. She pet the bear in her lap as Mattie finished eating. "He's looking at you again," he commented as he allowed her to steal the last strawberry.
She chewed slowly and let a breath through her nose. "Mattie, that's not being cool," was all she said. She looked in the direction England was in and caught his eye. She smiled at him as she fought down a light blush, though her smile became more pronounced when he blushed noticeably and sent a nod her way. "He's too cute," she told Mattie and looked up at him.
Canada shrugged. "I don't know what you see in him, but then, he's not my crush," he said.
She pouted. "He's not just a crush, Mattie," she argued before she stuck her nose in the air and added smugly, "Besides, I could say the same to you about Alfred. I mean, he's cool to be around and it's easy to have a good time with him, but I don't know. I don't think I could like him that way."
He blushed lightly. "I get your point," was all he said. They again fell silent. "Do you want to go for a walk?" he asked.
She bit her lower lip. "Well, sure, why not? Will we have time though? The meeting will resume in a bit, won't it?" she asked a little worriedly.
"We'll be fine. Besides, nobody will notice if I go in a little later since I'm invisible and all," he said with a shrug.
She gave him a look. "Still, as the representative of Canada it's important that you're there. What if just that one time something important gets decided or said?" she scolded lightly.
"Okay, okay. Maple, you're a handful yourself," he said with a shake of his head as they stood.
"But you love me anyway," she said and stuck out her tongue at him.
He laughed and they stood and left the dining area.
~.~.~.
It was quiet outside, and Canada and the girl enjoyed the quiet. The girl snuggled Kumajirou closer to her because her jacket was lighter than Canada's and the breeze was picking up. Kumajirou accommodated but continued sleeping. They walked along. "What do you think of Prussia?" Canada asked suddenly.
The girl frowned at the random question. "Um… he's awesome?" she tried playfully with a confused smile. Canada laughed. "What? Is he your backup in case Alfred says no?" she queried and raised an eyebrow.
Canada blushed. "No!" he answered putting up his hands. She laughed at his response. "I just have a little trouble understanding what you see in England," he told her.
She blinked at him. "So, you think Gilbert is a better match for me?" she asked curiously.
Canada was quiet for a moment. "Not precisely. He's something of a player after all. But, in personality, I would think he's a better match than England… England isn't very honest with himself," he said and added, "I'm a little worried for you."
She smiled gently. "Gilbert is really fun to be around. I have a lot of fun with him, like I do with Alfred, but like with Alfred, I don't think I could like him that way. And… in truth, I'm really glad you're worried for me. However, just because I like him, it doesn't mean anything; it doesn't mean he likes me back, and on the off chance that he did… it doesn't mean anything will happen," she told him.
He placed an arm around her shoulders and she snuggled to his side as they stopped walking. "Would you be okay with that? Knowing that he likes you, but that nothing will happen?" he asked his voice quieter than usual. If it wasn't so quiet outside, she might not have heard him.
She was quiet a moment as she buried her face lightly against Kumajirou. The bear stirred and settled again. "I would have to be. I'm strong enough that yes, I would be… I think," she answered just as quietly. She really did like England, but she doubted he felt the same.
They fell quiet again. "Maybe we should head back?" Canada suggested.
"Yeah, okay," she replied.
~.~.~.
"I'll wait in the next room. Here, you should take Kumajirou with you," she said and gave the bear back to its owner.
Kumajirou stirred and looked up at Canada. "Who are you?" he asked sleepily.
"I'm Canada," he said and shook his head. The bear settled down again.
She smiled and stood at the very tip of her toes, holding on to Canada's jacket for balance. He smiled and bend down. They kissed each other's cheek. "Bye-bye Mattie, good luck," she said as she settled her feet down.
He nodded and looked past her, so she turned as well. America and England were heading toward them. "Hey dudes!" America greeted with his usual loudness.
She grinned. "Alfred!" she said and ran up to him. She jumped and he caught her and swung her around once. She laughed. "It's fun when you do that," she said with a smile as he put her down.
He grinned. "It's a hero's job to make people happy!" he said and struck a pose. She laughed and then smiled at England.
"It's nice to see you, England," she said with a light blush.
He blushed a little darker than her. "Likewise, lass. It's been a while, hasn't it?" he asked.
She nodded. "Yes, a month I believe, when you visited America," she told him.
"Dudes, you should totally come over to my place soon! I mean, it's summer! The beach!" America exclaimed.
She giggled as she heard Canada chuckle. "Okay, the beach it is… just don't toss poor Mattie into the ocean again. You gave him a scare," she admonished though she looked a little amused. She turned her head slightly to look at Canada, who was blushing darkly. She almost giggled again.
"It had to be done," America said seriously, "the beach is for people to have fun and play in the water." He nodded assuredly before he grinned.
She laughed and shook her head. "Well, we'll see if we can go over. Meanwhile, you should go in," she told them. She waved at them. "Bye-bye."
She began walking toward the adjacent room. "Wait," England said behind her.
When she turned, he was alone. She blinked at him and tilted her head slightly to the side. "Yes?" she asked and blushed. Damn blushes, why couldn't she not blush?
He walked toward her. "Have you been feeling well?"
She frowned slightly in confusion. "Yes, why?"
He was quiet a moment. "I've noticed you've been a little flushed since you arrived," he explained.
"Oh," was all she could say and she looked away a little. "I'm fine, really." When she looked back at him she was surprised at how close he was to her.
He was sporting a noticeable blush but his voice and actions were crisp and practical. "It's best we make sure," he said and before she could even ask what he meant, his forehead was pressed against hers.
"E-England?" was all she managed to ask in small voice.
"I-I'm checking your temperature," was all he said and after a moment he pulled away. His face was absolutely flushed. "I'm sorry, I had to make sure you were all right. After all, it would be good to get as much rest as possible, but indeed you seem to be fine."
She was stunned. Could he be… doing this for some other reason…? No, this didn't mean anything… right? But… she could try her luck. Regaining her composure she managed a small smile. "Yes, thank you… but what of you? Are you all right?"
"W-why would you ask?" he managed.
"You have seemed quite flushed yourself," she said gently, quietly. "Perhaps you should allow me to check," she said and before he could reply, she placed her hand against the side of his face. He stared at her a short moment before he averted his gaze. He himself did not move, but his eyes would not meet hers. "Have you been feeling all right?"
"Y-yes, of course," he said but he did not pull away.
She wanted to draw out this moment for a longer time, but it was not possible. The meeting was about to start and time and life should move on. She allowed her hand to slide down his face shortly before she returned her hand to her side. "Well, if you're sure," she said quietly before she added, "I think you should be heading to the meeting."
"Yes, you're right," he said just as quietly but he didn't move.
"I'll… see you after the meeting then," she said and took a small step back to prompt him.
"Of course," he said before they both turned to go to their respective rooms.
~.~.~.
When the meeting was over, the three nations went to pick up the girl, since they were all staying in the same hotel. France, who had wanted to say hello to the girl, had been dragged away by his friends, Prussia and Spain. Prussia did not attend the meeting, but Germany was hosting the meeting. Canada knocked the door before opening it and walking in. He, along with America and England, were surprised.
The girl was sitting on the floor in front of the large window. Her knees were drawn up to her chest with her arms around them. Her chin rested on top of her knees. She looked faraway in thought, but it seemed like she had been crying and still was about to start again.
Canada was quick to put Kumajirou down and go to her. "Are you okay?" he asked quietly.
Her head snapped up and turned big eyes at him. "Y-you startled me!" she said before calming down. She stood and looked out the window, quickly wiping her eyes.
"I did knock," was all he said.
"I… was distracted, sorry," she said quietly.
"Are you okay?" he repeated.
She turned around and looked at him. "Mattie…" she trailed off and looked behind him. He wasn't alone. She took in a deep breath and managed a small smile. "I'm fine," she replied.
He hugged her. It was natural, it was what they did when the other was clearly not okay. She wanted to break down right then and there. She had always found comfort in Canada. However, she managed to pull herself together. She pulled away. "It's okay, I'm okay."
"But-"
"Not now Mattie, please," was all she said and it was enough for him to understand she didn't want to talk about it now.
"Okay," he said with a short nod.
They were interrupted by a nudge to her leg. She looked down and was met by black eyes. "Pick me up, fallen girl," he said.
She couldn't help it, she laughed. "Okay," she said and did just that. Canada and the girl went to the other waiting nations.
"You okay, dude?" America asked her.
She mustered a smile for him. "Sure, I'm fine," she said. Whether America actually believed her or not, she wasn't sure. America tended to know and sense more than he let on.
"Cool! Let's go!" he exclaimed loudly and the four left the building.
She ended up walking next to England. Great, just what she needed, but she tried to be positive about it. If she was walking with England, it meant Canada was walking with his crush, America. She looked at the pair and she couldn't help but smile. As expected, America was dominating the conversation, but Canada seemed to be enjoying it, if his quiet laugh was anything to go by. Hm, they really did make a cute couple.
Her smile slid from her face and she shivered a little. It was late, and it was getting a little chilly. "You're cold," she heard beside her.
She looked at England and smiled. "A little, but we're almost there, and Kumajirou makes a nice little heater," she said holding the bear closer to her.
He returned the smile, but she wasn't sure what to make of his overall expression. His smile did not reach his eyes. "You're not okay," he stated and her head snapped to look at him. He placed a hand on her shoulder.
She watched him a moment longer before she returned her gaze to the front. She wasn't sure if she wanted to pull away from him or snuggle closer. Either option hurt at the moment. She opted to stay as she was. She wasn't sure how to respond either. He hadn't asked if she was all right, he had stated that she wasn't. "Do I look that bad?" she tried to joke.
She could see from the corner of her eye that he didn't smile. "No, you're just not… okay," he told her.
She wanted to ask what he meant, how he could tell, but he would probably point out that it was obvious as she was about to cry in that room. All she could think to say was, "I'll be fine. There are things that get easier with time."
"And there are things that don't," he said.
She refused to look at him. "But I will be," she said with a tone of finality.
He was silent a moment. "Well, you have Canada."
Her features softened and she looked at the mentioned nation. He was laughing at something America said again. She smiled gently. "Yes, you're right, I do." She missed the flash of hurt on his features.
He squeezed her shoulder in reassurance before he let go. She had mixed feelings about that. "I'm there for you too," he said softly. She looked at him with surprised, wide eyes. He was quick to backtrack. "I mean, obviously Canada isn't a twat like America, b-but there are things Canada m-might not know. I mean, I've lived longer than either of them. That's what I meant!" he said his voice rising further at the last part.
Despite how she was feeling, she had the urge to laugh, but she didn't. She realized America and Canada had stopped talking and had turned around to look at them. She smiled sheepishly at them. "Sorry, we got a little carried away with the conversation," she apologized. She and Canada shared a look, one in which Canada looked like he wanted to tease her.
"I'm sure," he said with a quirk of his lips.
She blushed. "Oh, you," she said slightly exasperated. He only smiled and turned back to the conversation with America.
They were quiet a moment as they continued walking. "Thank you, England. I'll take it into consideration," she said very quietly. He gave a sharp nod but did not answer.
~.~.~.
They were in their hotel room and having calmed down a little, she couldn't help the little giggle she let out. She put Kumajirou down and looked at Canada. "You two make the cutest couple," she said with a smile.
He blushed, as she expected him to do. He was just adorable. Honestly, was America really that dense?! 'Don't meddle', she reminded herself.
"W-well… you and England make a cute couple too," he shot back.
She snorted. "Yeah, yeah, just keep telling yourself that," she said and rolled her eyes, but she turned away quickly and went toward their room. She didn't want him to see her expression. Not right at that moment anyway, when he was still feeling a happy bubble because he had spent time with America.
He might have sensed that, or he might have just known she needed a little time, because he didn't bring it up until later. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked quietly as they sat on the couch watching something uninteresting.
She nodded but remained silent a long moment. "I had… I think they were flashbacks again and… to tell you the truth…" she trailed off and lifted her gaze to his. She wondered what he saw there to make him immediately put his arm around her shoulders. "It terrified me," she finished in a little voice.
He was quiet a moment. "These flashbacks… do they make sense… with the ones you've had before?" he asked softly.
She bit her bottom lip and shook her head before looking down at her lap, where she had placed her neatly folded hands. "No, but… the reason I'm so scared is because… they seemed much more recent than all the others. I'm older there… it was probably a few years ago…" was all she managed.
"A few years ago?" he echoed.
She nodded and sighed. "Probably two or three years… depending on how old I really am."
They fell silent again. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"
She hesitated before nodding. She needed to get it off her chest. She knew it was more or less selfish to dump bits and pieces of depressing information of what seemed to be the past that she couldn't remember onto Canada and then asking him not to talk about it with anyone, but… it was okay, wasn't it? "I saw someone die again… he seemed to be the age of myself in the flashback." Canada didn't say anything, allowing her to gather her thoughts, though he momentarily squeezed her shoulder in reassurance. "He died… with such a gentle smile on his lips… not even his eyes looked accusing…" she trailed off again and swallowed hard.
Canada was a little confused. "Accusing? Why would he look accusing?"
She was again silent a moment. "I felt… like I knew him better than anyone, except maybe… the other boy that was with me… the one I've seen in my other flashbacks," she said and was quiet again. "Even though I'm not sure what or how it happened… I can't help but feel like… he was killed… because of me…" she trailed off and looked up at Canada, feeling tears already gathering in her eyes. "It was my fault! And… I feel like I cared so much about him…" she ended in a near whisper.
Canada was silent a moment trying to organize the information in his mind. She had told him of other flashbacks. Some when she was a toddler, and she'd seen people she felt she knew and was close to get killed mercilessly. Then, she'd talked a lot about physical abuse to her and that she often saw a much younger version of herself killing 'big, scary people'. He couldn't believe she did it for pleasure; she was a sweet, gentle girl who didn't like violence. He always had the nagging feeling she was made to do those things. And in truth, all the flashbacks she told him about were, seemingly, all at different stages of her life… none of them were happy. Everything was destruction, death, sadness, pain. He never told her, but instead of actual memory loss, perhaps she was suffering more of repressed memories. It didn't matter, he would take care of her either way, help her build a life where none of that happened. He had to, for this young, sad girl.
He held her tightly against him, and accommodated so that she was sitting in his lap. She cried heavily against his chest as he held her and stroked her hair. He had cried for lesser things with her as his comfort. He had been her comfort for other times, so of course he would be here for her now.