I Don't Care
Summary: CJ and Cam are sick on the sofa when they are joined by Kane. Pre-Come Undone, Post-Sweet Revenge. Songfic: I Don't Care by Apocolyptica featuring Adam Gontier of Three Days Grace.
I try to make it through my life,
in my way, there's you
For as long as I can remember, Kane has always been the biggest obstacle in my life. He's a huge obstacle, literally, that I haven't been able to overcome, ever. My Dad, Raven or Scott, clings to him for dear life but I see behind the invisible mask Kane wears; he's still a murderous bastard. Once a murderer, always a murderer.
As I lie, sick, on the sofa beside my equally-ill brother, CJ, Kane enters the room with a huge bowl of popcorn and a stack of DVDs. He smiles at me and I scowl; he's hiding something. Something big. Something bigger than he is. Most likely, he's hiding it from Dad too.
"Popcorn anyone?" he says and offers the bowl to CJ. He takes a big handful and stuffs it in his mouth with a muffled thank you before Kane swings the bowl over for me to have some. I take a few pieces and put them in my mouth, nodding in thanks. Kane can be nice, sometimes.
"At least you have manners," he says with a smirk and I want to smack it off his face, but I don't. That'd only set him off, and Dad would come downstairs to break it up and he'd get hurt, again, and CJ would get hurt too. I don't want that to happen.
I try to make it through these lies,
that's all I do.
Kane has been lying to CJ and I since before I can remember. He says my parents disappeared before he found me at my grandfather's house when I was barely one, but I don't believe him. I think he murdered them.
CJ, having been found after being abandoned by his parents, doesn't believe otherwise that Raven and Kane aren't his real parents, and it doesn't help that he thinks men can get pregnant. The little idiot has taken on a few of Dad's more childish qualities, while I, much to my protest, have taken on Kane's broody nature.
Every lie Kane tells seems to contradict the one before it, like he doesn't remember the lie he told before. I just want him to either go away and lie to someone else, or stop lying and tell the truth, for once in his pathetic existence. I might actually like him then. I try and like him, I do, but he just makes it so hard to trust him, and trust, after all, is the basic foundation of friendship, which is something Kane and I will never have.
Just Don't deny it,
just don't deny it,
And deal with it,
yeah deal with it.
You try and break me,
you wanna break me,
Bit by bit,
that's just part of it.
There's always been that little bit of tension between the Big Red Machine and myself. He's the leader of the Whack; I'm the careful son who tries to make a difference in the world, one day at a time. Sometimes I don't even bother trying to understand what Dad saw in him, but I do truly understand it. It's a deep, psychological attachment. Maggie doesn't even have that connection with Dad. Kane always had Dad's heart and it sickens me.
For the past fourteen years, which is how long I've been alive, Kane has wanted to make me conform to his way of thinking: that the whole world needs to be murdered by a knife-wielding maniac with the alias of Kane. I mean, I hate the world too, but that doesn't mean they need to die.
If you were dead or still alive,
I don't care, I don't care.
And all the things you left behind,
I don't care, I don't care.
You know, this may sound a bit mean, but I honestly don't care if Kane dies. I personally don't care if he drops dead, but I can't say that out loud; Dad would bite my head off and I'd get sent to my room by Maggie. Now, I love them both, but I do NOT want to be on their bad side.
Kane's on the other hand, well, I've been on his bad side since I was born, which is odd.
If we still lived in that old Victorian Villa in Carson City, I'd be surprised if Kane's things would still be there. He's very much against his own existence, which is fucked.
I personally don't care; he's pathetic and will get what's coming to him in the end.
I try to make you see my side
Always trying to stay in line
But you're eyes see right through
that's all they do
Strangely enough, I've been trying to make both of my parents proud of me since I started middle school last year. I've tried being the model son, but he just doesn't acknowledge it. I try and convince him that my point of view is valid too, but he just looks away. Fuck him, he can go pop a fucking cap in his mouth; I don't care anymore.
As the night drags on, Kane leaves us and CJ sits up and curls into a ball. Kane always made my eleven-year-old brother scared. Probably because he's seven-feet tall and weighs 350 pounds with absolutely no hair on his body.
"I hate it when he does that," CJ says and I pat his shoulder before he jerks away and pukes into the bucket beside him.
"Me too," I say and hold his blond hair out of his eyes and rub his back. We've both been sick with stomach flu for three days and it's really horrible; it's like we've been in quarantine.
I'm getting tired of this shit;
I've got no room when it's like this,
But you wanted me,
just deal with it
During the night, as CJ and I attempt to sleep off the bug within us, a loud thumping noise ricochets around the house and I jerk awake, regretting the motion as I get dizzy. Dad is lying at the bottom of the staircase, rubbing his nose and his arm.
In an instant, I jump up and dash over to him, trying not to vomit as I go.
"Dad?"
"Go back to the living room, Cam," he says, barely acknowledging me, just as Kane stomps down the stairs. He leans against the wall and smirks at us.
"Yeah, Cam, go to the living room," he growls sarcastically. I glare at him and help Dad to his feet.
"No," I retort, and he smirks.
"You know, you never have known your place."
"You wanted me."
"HA!" Kane laughs and looks between me and Dad. "No, I didn't. Scottie did. He's the one with the inferiority complex."
Dad wipes at his mouth and I notice a smear of blood. My blood starts to boil but Dad puts a hand on my chest to stop me from attacking him. The blood stops throbbing inside me and I take a deep breath.
"Go back to the living room," he says more firmly and I nod, wandering back into the living room.
As I flop back down under my Subaru blanket next to my sleeping baby brother, I growl and bury my head within my pillow.
I hate it when they fight, but Dad always says that he'll just deal with it and continue to love his 'big red freak' of a lover. Damn him and his stupid fucking illness. God damn it.
So If you were dead or still alive, Nothing can care about, Nothing can care about
I don't care,
I don't care,
And all the things you left behind
I don't care
I don't care
you won't' be there for me, you won't be there for me
I don't know why I stick around. Maybe it's because of CJ. Because of Dad's inferiority complex that he has inherited for some bizarre reason, CJ acts like he's seven when he's eleven. And Dad definitely can't take care of himself, due to that little fact so it's up to me, Maggie and Kane to take care of them. And that's hard, especially for me because I'm in charge of CJ, and I can barely control the little hell-spawn enough to make him take a bath, which is actually weird for me.
Kane won't be there for his adopted sons, so I don't know why we even bother trying to be his sons. That's just stupid really. He doesn't give a shit, so why should we?
If you were dead or still alive, If you were dead or still alive,
I don't care,
I don't care,
and all the things you left behind,
I don't care,
I don't care
I don't care
(Nothing can care about, nothing can care about)
I don't care
And all the things you left behind
I don't care
(you won't be there for me)
Dead or Alive, Kane is little more than a monster. He's a retired serial-killer; he's a professional wrestler who enjoys ruining people's careers. And worst of all, and this is the real kicker: he's a father to two very naive boys. That's gotta be hell for him, but I don't personally care at all.
CJ and I are the greatest things that have ever happened to him and he can't see it, because he's either a) blinded by rage or b) blinded by passion. When it's passion, I tend to hide out at my best friend, Brie's, house. It gets scary when that happens.
I don't care... at all
~X~ End ~X~