Parallel Piper
This is set late season 3 for Orange season 2 for R and M :
Note: I do not own the right to any of these characters. Yes, Piper in canon is a Tegan and Sara fan just in case you are wondering.
After everyone found out about Stella's idea for an underwear business, Piper was miserable. To relax, she, within designated prison hours, went to the library. When there, she encountered an old man with white hair and his teenage grandson. Rick introduced himself and said "Hi, I'm Rick and I have some news." Piper then said "like what, being able to be freed?" Rick said "no, but we can show you an alternate reality where you aren't in prison". Morty was starting at Piper, not realizing her orientation, even if not absolute, did not tend to lean towards men.
Rick used his portal gun and took Piper to an alternate reality where she never went to prison. Piper reluctantly agreed to do so and they walked through the portal together, which gave her a non-prison related uniform. After crossing the portal into that alternate timeline Rick told Piper "This timeline split when you decided to not talk to Alex Vause at that bar. Instead, you ended up with this woman named Kate in an LDR who lives in Colorado Springs and is a fitness trainer."" Piper said sarcastically " I can't wait to meet her." Rick told her "I have met this Piper before on my way to fix a broken Meeseeks cube, and she knows about you being in prison " Piper then asked "what are Mee ..." Morty then interrupted then said "you are so beautiful, Piper." Piper told him angrily, "you are too young for me and I tend to prefer women anyway."
Later, Rick and Morty took Piper to her house in Rick's hovercraft to meet her alternate self. Piper then was invited in by alternate Piper, who had grown her hair out, was wearing a black suit and had a weird tattoo of an anime character Piper had never her. Piper had three main questions to ask. Rick shouted "act natural." Piper started by saying "What is your favorite band, mine is Tegan and Sara?" Alternate Piper said "nah, never cared for them, a few of their songs, like Closer, Back in your Head and Walking With A Ghost, were okay, but I personally prefer Avenged Sevenfold and metal in general." Piper said angrily"You like girls, how can you not care for the Quin sisters." Alternate Piper slowly stated calmly"not all queer women are into that band, and even those who are not into them don't hate it." Piper was surprised at how she not only didn't like Tegan and Sara that much, but also did not have scathing hatred for that band either. Rick then said "Piper, talk about something else now,"
The next question was about relationships. Piper asked "How did you meet Kate and also describes she look like?" Alternate Piper said "Kate is a brown haired woman with a Korean grandfather on her dad's side. She is about 5'4 and I am taller than her. She is also from a military family and lives in Colorado Springs, albeit isn't religious." Piper cynically said "she seems kind of boring, but how did you meet her and why LDR?" Alternate Piper said "I was visiting Colorado Springs for work to look into acquiring a start-up and I decided to go to the gym in my spare time. Long story short, I met Kate at that gym, and I got her number when I left. I contacted her and we did an LDR and we have met multiple times in person despite the two hour time difference BTW New York and Colorado." Piper then explained "at least it beats being busted for drug smuggling with that monster Alex when in Belgium."Rick said "hurry up and ask this last question."
The final question was about career. Piper asked Alternate Piper what she does for work and Alternate Piper said " I work as a vet with a specialty with cats." Piper said "I'd love to see pictures of your kitties, as I haven't seen a cat since I've been in prison." Alternate Piper then stomped her foot on the ground and said "I am glad I never met that Alex Vause person, let alone slept with her" as I never had to do manual labor in prison. Piper then told Rick, who already knew "Prison did help me with my Spanish, did the other Piper even learn a foreign language?" Rick said, yes, she learned French because she got into some weird movie club and took a trip to France and Belgium in her late 20's." Piper laughed and said "what a useless language." Alternate Piper exclaimed "I have had enough of this narcissistic, self-loathing parody of myself."
After leaving the house, Rick and Morty then brought Piper back through the portal and headed back. Rick said "We couldn't convince her about her alternate self being better. Morty then responded "this attempt was worse than that time you made Hitler and Lincoln the same person" The hovercraft went back to their universe and left the blonde, bisexual prisoner behind to face Litchfield's challenges.
Meanwhile, Piper thought many thoughts to herself herself before returning to prison. They were about her counterpart and how boring her counterpart was. Piper said,"She never went to prison, but she became a pretty boring person with a life I'd never want to live." Piper reemerged in the library as if nothing had happened. She smiled and thought, "maybe I will get out of prison one day." Piper then walked back to her cell humming the lyrics to the Tegan and Sara song "Don't Confess".