She sat alone outside, reading a book as she usually did when the weather was warm enough. The other students milled around the Hogwarts grounds, enjoying what was sure to be some of the last decent summer weather. Some were in groups of twos and threes, some a few more than that, and there were several couples wandering around lazily, enjoying the weekend before classes started on Monday. But she sat alone, escaping into her world of words as she so often did these days. She was quiet and shy, and she had heard some of the students wondering if she shouldn't have been sorted into Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw. As it was, she had been put into Gryffindor, though she didn't feel that she was at all brave.
She looked up from her book briefly when she heard the unmistakable sound of someone falling hard on the ground, and saw that it was the group of boys who had dubbed themselves 'the Marauders', horsing around as they so often did. It was Sirius Black who had fallen, and he was giving an angry glare at James Potter, who was probably the one that caused him to fall. Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin were laughing heartily, and Lily Evans, James's girlfriend, was attempting to scold the boys while trying not to laugh herself. She herself wanted to smile at their antics, laugh quietly at them like other nearby groups of kids were doing, but she found that she was unable to. She knew the boys excelled at pranks, and that all of them were hilarious, and she wanted to laugh, really, it was just that the life and laughter had been drained out of her over the summer. Ever since she had come home to……to……no, won't think about that. Not out here where people can see her. She won't think about it out here, she won't. She can't.
With that mantra firmly repeating in her mind she folded down a corner of the page to mark her spot in the book and headed for her dorm, where she could compose herself without being disturbed.
8
Sirius Black sighed dejectedly as the girl whose attention he had been trying to get got up and walked into the school, her carefully schooled mask firmly in its place. He had been hoping to get her to smile at his antics, thinking that while she was pretty she would be even prettier if she would just smile. But despite what his friends thought, that wasn't the only reason that he wanted her to smile. She just looked so…down all the time, lost even, and he hated to see anyone like that. Maybe it was because he himself had such a bad home life, and hated the way that his family treated people who weren't like them. Or maybe it was just because underneath all the wisecracks, pranks, and general smart ass humor he was an old softy who couldn't stand to see others hurt.
"She didn't notice you again, hey Padfoot?" James asked as he looked at the hurt on his friends face. He meant it to sound teasing, but it didn't really come out that way. Sirius shook his head.
"She noticed all right, she just didn't laugh. Again. Hey Lily, you share a dorm with her, right? Any idea why she's like that?" He asked. Lily shook her head as she leaned against James chest.
"Not really. She doesn't talk all that much and when she does it's all mundane, school stuff. She doesn't talk about girl things like clothes, boys, and make-up; and when I asked about her family she pretended not to hear me and then made an excuse to leave. When I do talk to her, I always get the feeling that she's just one straw away from breaking down." She answered. Sirius sat down in a dejected huff, trying to think of ways to get the girl to smile. He looked up at Remus when he noticed the Werewolf staring at him, and narrowed his eyes.
"What?"
"You have it bad."
"Have what bad?" Remus just smiled that knowing, superior smile of his when he knew something that his friend didn't.
"And you don't even know it."
"Know what?" James and Lily caught on right away, and a few moments later Peter caught on as well, but Sirius was still oblivious. "What? C'mon guys, what is it I have? I'm not going to have to go to Madame Pomphrey, am I?" They all burst out laughing at the (for once) completely innocent and clueless expression on Sirius's face. Peter decided to help him out.
"Padfoot loves Sarah, Padfoot loves Sarah…" He chanted in a sing-song voice. Sirius finally understood what they had been teasing him about and tackled Peter.
"I do not!" He exclaimed.
"AHHHHH!!! Remus, James, help!" Peter cried in mock distress. Remus stood up and pulled Sirius off of Peter, who scurried to hide behind him.
"Don't deny it Sirius, we all know that you've had a crush on her since you saw her on the train."
"I do not! I just hate to see anyone so down all the time."
"Of course that's the reason Padfoot."
"Oh, sod off."
888
Sarah awoke in the middle of the night panting and sweating profusely. She had seen it again. She had seen it so often now that it was hard to remember a time without it. Whenever she tried it came back to her full force.
Once she got her bearings and remembered where she was she wrapped her arms around her knees and put her head between them, taking long, slow breaths. She listened to the even breathing of her roommates, and once she had stopped shaking pulled on her robe and headed down to the common room with her book and settled into her favorite chair by the fire. She knew that there was no way she'd be getting back to sleep anytime soon, and she hoped that after reading for an hour or two she'd be able to sleep until breakfast. It was only one in the morning after all.
Despite what most people would like to think or believe, Sirius Black was a fairly early riser. He didn't necessarily care much for getting up early to go to class, but the earlier he woke up the more time there was to plan pranks. Unfortunately, James, Remus, and Peter didn't see it this way so Sirius was usually stuck waiting for them in the common room alone. At least, he was usually alone.
Imagine his surprise when he entered the common room on Sunday morning to find the American transfer student Sarah Buist curled up asleep in one of the chairs by the fireplace with a book on the floor. He took this rare opportunity to study her without her mask; and instead of seeing the 'sleeping child' that most people would see, he saw a girl who looked tired and worn even when she was supposed to be getting rest. Her light brown hair hung messily across her face, with a small piece of it lying across her full lips, which were parted slightly. Her eyes crinkled in a slight grimace; whatever she was dreaming wasn't happy.
He suddenly had this inexplicable urge to hold her, to take away the pain that was etched into her features. Instead, he simply grasped her shoulder and shook her gently. She shifted away from him in her sleep, and for a moment, she did have that 'sleeping child' look.
"Go 'way Brian, let me sleep." She said, slurring her words slightly. Sirius raised his eyebrows.
"My name's Sirius." He said clearly. She finally opened her eyes and looked up at him, trying to blink away the bleariness.
"Huh?" She asked as she sat up, rubbing her eyes.
"You said 'Go away Brian'; but I'm Sirius. Who's Brian?"
"What? Oh, he's…he's no one, never mind. What time is it?" She asked, desperately wanting to change the subject. Sirius felt that there was more to this 'Brian', but didn't push it.
"It's still pretty early, everyone else is probably still asleep. What are you doing down here?" He tried to make his question sound as casual as he could. Sarah rubbed the last bit of sleep from her eyes and picked up her book.
"I fell asleep reading. You?" Sirius shrugged and gave her a lopsided grin, the kind that most of the girls in school would have died to get from him.
"The earlier I'm up the more time I have to plan pranks." He hoped that this comment would get him a half smile, or some sort of movement of the lips at least, but all he got was a brief nod before she headed up to her room to get ready for the day. He sighed, wondering what kind of life this girl must have had for her to become so closed off.
888
Sirius Black had a plan, one which his friends had agreed to help him with. And no, this wasn't about a prank of any kind. For the last few days he and his friends (to include Lily) had been studying Sarah's behavior, trying to determine the best way to pull her out of her shell. They had seen that she was more than willing to participate in conversations, but was extremely timid about entering into one on her own.
So they were going to be their wonderful, genial, annoying selves and bother her until she participated freely and let down some of her walls. Or blew up at them and told them to sod off. Either way, they were going to get some kind of emotional reaction out of her.
They got their chance on Wednesday at lunchtime when they walked into the Great Hall and saw her sitting at the table alone, working on one piece of homework or another. They settled themselves around her, Sirius on her left, Lily and James on her right, and Remus and Peter across from her. She looked up, mildly surprised that anyone, especially these students, had decided to sit with her.
"Working on Arithmancy?" Lily asked as she made herself a sandwich. Sarah nodded as Lily continued to speak. "Can you believe Professor Clark this morning? Giving Grace Pestal 20 points for passing out last weeks quizzes."
"He does seem a little biased because he was in Hufflepuff, like she is." Sarah said.
"Did you notice the fuss that Malfoy made about his grade?" Remus added, as he was also in the class with Lily and Sarah. He then rolled his eyes at the amount of food James, Sirius, and Peter were literally inhaling. Sarah shook her head, still slightly confused but somewhat glad that they were talking to her.
"He needs to learn that money won't buy him everything. That in the end it will only cause more problems." She answered, not looking up from her homework. They looked at her silently, the tone of her voice suggesting that she had had those very problems with money. Sirius put his arm around her shoulder and gave a squeeze, which he quickly dropped when she stiffened up slightly.
"Yeah, I know what you mean. Money causes plenty of problems." She looked at him with surprise written on her face, and when their eyes met she knew that in him she had found a kindred spirit, for some of her problems at least.
"What classes do you have this year?" Remus asked, changing the subject since he knew that the current topic was a touchy one with Sirius and probably with Sarah to. She simply handed him her timetable instead of answering, but before he could read it the Owls swooped in to deliver the mail. Peter received a letter and small box from his family, probably something that he had forgotten, Remus and Lily a letter from their parents, and James and Sirius a letter each from James mother. They eagerly began to open their letters, and Sarah resigned herself to not getting anything. Her father was all that she had, and he had never been much for writing. She knew that she would be lucky to get something from him once a month.
So it was to her great surprise when one of the Owls landed in front of her, a decent sized package tied to its leg. She gave the owl some of her bread and untied the package from its leg, searching to see who had sent it. Her eyes went wide when she saw who it was from, and the others all looked at her curiously.
"Who's it from?" James asked quietly. Sarah shook her head to bring herself out of her surprise and looked at him.
"Just an old classmate of mine." She said simply, though this person was far more than that to her. At least, she used to be.
"That's great! She must really care about you to send you something that big from across the ocean, that's pretty expensive to do." Sirius said, putting as much excitement into his voice as he could in the hopes that it would get her more excited than she currently seemed to be. But all she did was nod, then take her timetable back from Remus and gather her things.
"I've got to go." She said and left the Great Hall quickly, before any of them had a chance to stop her. They looked at her retreating back sadly, then turned to each other.
"That could have gone better." Peter said dryly.
"It could have gone worse." Lily pointed out.
"That letter stirred something in her, probably whatever she's been keeping buried." Remus said.
"And how do you know that? I couldn't tell anything of the sort." Sirius said accusingly. Remus tapped his nose.
"I could smell it cause this week's a full moon so all my senses are heightened." He said simply, but in a voice so quiet that only they could hear.
"So then how do we get her to talk about it? Burying whatever it is can't be very healthy." James said.
"We'll just have to go slow with her, and keep pushing her until she feels comfortable enough to tell us. I bet if the mail hadn't arrived she would have responded more to us; she was just starting to relax when it did." Remus said.
8
Sarah walked quickly out of the Great Hall, her books in her bag and her package held tight against her chest. She didn't really know why she had reacted the way that she had, getting a package from her best friend should have made her happy, but it just brought everything to the surface.
She was walking so quickly and was so lost in thought and trying to keep her emotions under control that she wasn't paying much attention to where she was going and as she rounded the corner she walked straight into a very firm chest and fell backwards to the ground with an 'oomph'. She shook her head and looked up to see the pale blonde hair and immaculate clothes of none other than Lucius Malfoy. She'd heard of his reputation, and what he thought of those he considered beneath him, and bit back her fear of what he was likely to do.
"S…sorry." She stuttered as she gathered her books, which had spilled out of her bag. To her surprise, he knelt down and helped her to gather them, then helped her to stand, handing her package.
"It is I who should apologize, I was not watching where I was going." He said gently, giving her a slight bow once they'd stood up. She blushed, not being used to such treatment, and not expecting it from him.
"It's all right." She said quietly and resumed her path to her next class. He walked with her, easily keeping up.
"I've noticed you in class, you're quite intelligent and could go very far in life. If, you had the right sort of…companion shall we say?" He said, looking at her meaningfully. Sarah wasn't stupid, she knew exactly what he was talking about, but decided not to anger him just yet.
"Thank you for the offer, I'll have to think about it." She said non-committedly.
"Though I should warn you, that getting involved with the wrong sort while you are here could have disastrous effects." Sarah decided to play innocent.
"Oh really? And could you possibly explain to me what the 'wrong sort' would be so that I know what to look out for?" Malfoy sneered.
"The people you were eating lunch with are prime examples. Ill-mannered, blood traitors, and mudblood lovers. They are not the sort of people that someone as pure as you should be seen with." Sarah stopped mid stride, faced him, and looked him straight in the eyes.
"Then I don't see any way that I could accept your earlier offer, not to mention it's quite difficult to not hang out with ones self." She said evenly and calmly. He stared at her in shock, and from a little ways down the hall she could hear the raucous laughter and sniggers of the Marauders.
"But then…that means…" Malfoy sputtered. Sarah arched an eyebrow.
"That I'm a…what's the word? Mudblood? Why yes I am, and quite proud of it. And I do apologize for running into you." She said sweetly and then joined the Marauders while Malfoy glared at her back.
"That was absolutely brilliant! Where did you learn to do that?" James exclaimed as she joined them. This time, she couldn't help but let a small, pleased smile grace her features.
"There was a boy very much like him at my old school, I got plenty of practice with him. Plus, my dad once told me that bullies bully to get a rise out of people. The more you deny them that, the less power they have over you." Sirius clapped her on the back.
"As James said, it was absolutely brilliant. And welcome to the 'wrong sort'." He said with a warm smile at her, which Sarah found herself returning for the first time in a long time.
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