Authors Note: I was felt like writing some angst and this was the result. I made up the crappy poem at end, so please forgive it for its crappiness.
Disclaimer: I don't own D.Gray-man.
Smile, My broken hearted Soul.
They hadn't meant to fall in love. It was just something that happened.
When Komui first found out, he did everything to keep them apart. Probably to spare them both broken hearts but he soon gave up after seeing Linalee so happy.
Now, Allen believes it would have been better if they had broken each other's hearts.
At least then it wouldn't be as agonizing as this.
Eight months ago, Linalee went missing on a mission. The rest of the team was found dead, but Linalee was nowhere to be seen. Back then there was hope that she was alive.
That hope was torn to shreds and scattered into the wind after the final battle.
Allen remembers vividly how he and the other exorcists checked the enemy's fortress to destroy what evil was left, so that history would not repeat itself.
That's how they found the dungeons. Dozens upon dozens of tiny cells filled with dead and decaying corpses of missing exorcists.
That is where Allen found Linalee.
In a small cell,
Shackled to the wall,
Barely recognizable,
Decaying slowly.
That was how Allen found Linalee.
He never knew until that moment that his heart could break into so many tiny shards.
When he opened the cell door and stepped to unchain her, he stopped in the middle of the room.
He could almost feel the memories of torture.
He could almost hear her screams of pain.
He could almost see the moment she broke.
…could almost see her blank eyes…
With utmost gentleness he unshackled her mangled body and took it to the others.
Months passed by like sand falling in an hour glass. Komui grieved as much as Allen when he heard of his sister's faith, but managed to pull himself together enough to buy a plot for her under a tree in a peaceful graveyard, despite the fact that she was cremated with the other fallen heroes.
Allen did not attend the service.
He's incapable of doing a lot of things these days.
He can't laugh like he used to. There were no more real smiles. Sleep was wanted but it rarely came.
Food no longer holds appeal.
To walk past Komui without thinking that the other blames him for Linalees death was impossible.
Kanda insulted him every time he could; called him fool, bean sprout, midget, moron, and so on. Allen supposed in his own twisted way, Kanda was trying to bring a little of his old self back.
Rabi yelled at him several times to snap out of it, pleaded with him to let go, begged him to move on.
He had gone numb by this point.
After three months had passed, he finally went to visit Linalee's grave. With him he carried a bouquet of black and red roses with passion flowers mingled in.
Death
Love
Passion
After laying them down he stood in front of the grave with empty eyes taking nothing in; he smiled sadly.
Then a whisper slipped through chapped lips.
"I'm sorry I couldn't save you." He told the grave as he took a pistol out of his coat pocket and pointed the barrel at his right temple.
"But if it's any consolation, I couldn't save myself either."
A single shot rang out in the autumn air.
When rage was all I had left,
I wished you were still my gentle lover,
My heart led me to despairing ends,
So that I knew all flower died in the summer winds.
The tempting decision,
To just fall into the black,
To feel the longing and want,
To take everything back.
End.