It was dark and the floor was damp, but I didn't care. It was always dark, and I preferred to be damp and curled up on the floor than strapped to that cold, high bed. Something crawled across my foot and I muffled a scream.
"It's only a rat, Alice, only a rat," I muttered to myself. "Only a rat."
I sat there, in a little corner of an empty room. Waiting. Today was the day they had promised to take me out, to show me the sun. How I missed the sun! I hadn't seen it in so many years…ever since I was a child and had that first wretched vision of mother dying. I had begged her not to go out that day but she went… and the car hit her just as I had seen.
Then the visions just wouldn't stop! They came pouring out from every corner, wherever I looked, I saw something. It was like an on going nightmare and it didn't matter that I wasn't asleep. The worst part was when they all came true. The maids wouldn't come near me and father thought I was possessed by the devil. He would have killed me, doubtless, had I not looked so much like my mother; instead I was sent here. Into eternal darkness.
I heard footsteps in the hall and clumsily scrambled to my feet – only to fall again, blinded by a vision.
He looked young, not more than 25, and he was beautiful, oh so beautiful. His eyes were a burgundy color, his skin was pale, and his hair was a dark brown. I saw my Emma, my nurse, leading him to my room and giggle; throwing him glances from under her lashes and sweet smiles. Then the vision skipped, the way dreams sometimes do, and I saw him, an immeasurable time later, leading the giggling Emma out of the asylum and down a dark street, smelling her neck and kissing her wrists…
Then the door opened and the beautiful one allowed Emma to pass first, the way a gentleman does. Emma's mood changed immediately when she saw me crumpled on the floor, my eyes filled with fear.
"Oh, Mary, not again!" Her face was exasperated, though she was usually kinder than the others. "Come Mary, come meet Mr. Anders. He's knew here and you'll want to make a good impression. Come Mary," she pleaded, trying to lift me off the floor. But I wouldn't budge. I just sat there, transfixed with fear, but unsure of what I was afraid of. I wondered if I really was losing my mind after all.
"My name is not Mary," I said finally. "It's Alice."
He smiled at me and offered me his hand. I took it cautiously, and stood up.
"You promised to take me outside today, Emma," I whispered, unable to look away from his beautiful face, and fully aware that it was raining.
I didn't have to look over to know that Emma looked stunned and not just a little hurt that Mr. Anders was taking such an intense interest in me. I smiled slightly.
"It's pouring buckets outside," she said somewhat triumphantly. "We can't go today."
I had not seen this. I grimaced, and looked at Emma, finally letting go of his hand.
"Please, Emma," I begged. "You won't be here tomorrow and I haven't been
outside in so long…"
Emma was a kind soul, and seeing me so evidently in pain, she caved.
"Oh alright. But only for a few minutes, Mary," she said sighing. "I'm sorry Mr. Anders," she said apologetically. "I'm afraid I promised her, and the poor soul is usually in so much pain! Why it's a miracle she can even stand today!"
"It's not a problem at all Miss Emma," he answered in a melodic voice. "In fact, why don't you let me take her outside for a bit, so you don't get wet. It'll be no trouble at all." He smiled at her and she reached for the wall to support her suddenly weak knees.
"That's very kind of you," she whispered.
He took my arm and lead me out of the room and down the hall as if I were a great lady and it was an honor to walk with me. His touch was cold, but I didn't notice; I was used to cold.
"So Mary - " he began, but I interrupted him.
"My name is Alice," I said with confidence.
"Why Alice?" he asked to my surprise.
"Because it was my mother's name, and if I did not look like her I would not be alive," I answered.
"Alice..." he mused. "There are prettier names.."
"And there are prettier girls to have them." This made him smile and melted my insides. I quickly looked away, unsure of what was happening to me.
We had come to the door now, and he let go of my arm to get an umbrella and open the door when it happened again. I dropped to the floor like the last leaf of a tree branch blown away by a December wind, and the vision began.
It was very dark and he was sitting on the rooftop of some building. There was someone sitting next to him and there was something very similar about them. The other one was also pale and had the same color eyes, but he was plain – no where near as beautiful as Mr. Anders.
"So Jon, how is the asylum?" asked the plain one.
"Pathetic, for the most part. Though, there is a very peculiar girl there…I don't believe she belongs there at all. She has quite a personality," he answered. The other one laughed.
Could they be talking about me? a distant part of my brain wondered.)
"I meant the blood. Anything particularly good?" he asked.
"Oh, yes. Well no, not really. They are sick, James, how good can you expect them to smell?" he retorted, looking away.
"And this girl... with the personality, what does she smell like?" he probed.
"Mmmm…well she's different. No matter how tempting, I could never touch her. She's quite…special."
The next thing I saw was Mr. Anders' – Jon's – piercing eyes staring deeply into mine.
"Alice, are you alright?" he asked calmly.
"Yes," I smiled. He gave me his hand once again and I got up, whispering ever so quietly, "Jon." His head snapped around to look at an amazing speed and his look was alarmed.
I must have looked scared because he immediately relaxed and smiled.
"What did you say?" he asked.
"Nothing," I answered, looking ahead, seemingly preoccupied with the view that the outside offered, but really not daring to look at his eyes.
Then I really did look, and it took my breath away. I had only seen the world through my visions, and now here it was, stretched out and drenched before me. A carriage drove by and I recognized a Ms. Peters and her maid Kitty.
"That's Ms. Peters," I said, unable to contain myself. "And the pretty girl with her is Kitty, her maid."
"Do they visit you?" he asked. I smiled sadly.
"No. Ms. Peters beat Kitty last week and accused her of stealing money, but she doesn't know that it was really her son."
Next, a tall boy walked by, carrying a message.
"That's Andrew. He work at Mr. Till's bakery. He Kissed Hanna, Mr. Till's daughter two weeks ago and she slapped him," I said smiling a little.
"Does he visit you then?" Jon asked. (I wondered vaguely why I called him Jon already, but quickly moved on with my thoughts – I could think of him forever, but I had only now to see the world.)
"No," I said, not offering any further explanation. A black girl walked out of one of the houses on the street and sat on the wet stairs; she was crying, I knew, but I couldn't see it.
"Tina," I said, my voice shaky. "She was raped two days ago by a traveling gang of boys." I few tears slid down my cheeks as I remember that vision and her pain. "She'll have a baby and her master will though her out of the house," I whispered. He looked at me curiously.
"Does she visit you then," he asked, certain now that I would say yes, because how else would I know such personal details of this girl's life? The corners of my mouth twitched, but sadness overwhelmed me for the grim future of this girl. I started to shake, and my weak legs gave way; he held me up now, used to my sudden falls already.
"I think we'd go inside," he said. And made open the door, but I grabbed his hand.
"Wait! Please wait," I begged. "I haven't – I haven't see anything in so long – wait!" Tears streamed down my face and the shaking got worse. "Just a few more minutes," I whispered. "Please."
He looked grim and his arm went firmly around my waist now, supporting my weak frame.
"What will Miss Emma say when I return you like shaking like a leaf?" he asked somewhat sarcastically.
"She'll scold me for keeping you outside in the cold and ask you if I was any trouble," I answered knowingly. I started to shiver from the cold now as well, and his expression did not change. Suddenly, he lifted me in his arms, and turned to the door.
"Yes, but I'm sure she won't be too happy if her patients suddenly start dying because I've kept them outside in the cold too long, so in we go."
I let the silent tears roll down my cheeks and I looked away from the town. He sighed in exasperation.
"I'll take you outside again tomorrow," he promised. I looked at him startled out of my sadness – that was rare thing.
"You will?" I asked in astonishment. He smiled wryly.
"Don't tell me: you didn't know that already?" he said laughing. His perfect white teeth gleamed in the dimness of the hallway and sent a shiver down my spine.
"How would I know?" I asked, unable to believe that he had actually picked up on the fact that I saw the future and even more so that he believed me.
He only smiled and said nothing.
Emma was in my room, when we reached, doubtlessly waiting for Jon to return. Her eyes grew wide when she saw him carrying me in his arms.
"Mary, you're shaking like a leaf! I shouldn't have let you go outside; and you kept poor Mr. Anders out in the cold too long! I hope she wasn't any trouble, Mr. Anders," Emma said, talking a hundred miles per minute. He smiled a breathtaking smile to reassure her.
"I don't mind the cold, and Alice wasn't any trouble at all," he answered. Emma looked a little confused when he called me Alice, but didn't mention it. Instead, she started using the name as well.
"Well then Alice, I'll come by later with dinner," and she turned to walk away.
"I'll see you tomorrow Alice," Jon looked at me pointedly, as if we were in the court of a king and having some sort of intrigue. I smiled.
"Thank you, Mr. Anders, for the walk," I said as he closed the door and left me in darkness yet again.