A/N: So. The Harry Potter cast tackles the "Pride and Prejudice" plotline. What will happen! *dramatic gasp*
Hermione as Lizzy, and Draco as Mr. Darcy. The rest of the cast will go as my whims dictate, I guess. Definitely a bit of OC going on; Hermione's going to have to get more wittier, and Draco's going to have to get more…er, I dunno. Teddybear-esque, is the word?
And please keep in mind, I'm writing this first chapter during the ominous calm of spring break, after which will befall the storm of AP exams, college applications, independent project preparations, crazed Shakespeare Club scripting, and probably broken promises from my AP teachers. They promise a relatively chill rest-of-the-year, but I doubt.
The point is, after the launching of this chapter (and maybe a second?), there may not be any more to come for a looong time. So.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, so help me.
-Sanded Silk-
Hermione was altogether too busy to attend to any phone call. Additionally, she was one hundred percent sure she'd turned off her cell phone. Which was why, when the damn thing rang, she nearly dropped the boxes she was carrying, all jitters and curses.
"What the—" Hermione put down the boxes on a nearby sterile counter and fumbled with her cell phone, flipping it open with shaking fingers.
"Hello? He—?"
"Hermione, got a second?"
Hermione sighed. "Padma, I'm really kind of in the middle of something—"
"Potter's coming to visit in three days."
"…What?"
"And he'll be just in time for the Wickersons' party, which he's agreed to attend."
"…What? Who?"
"More details to come! Later!" A click, and silence.
Hermione stood still for a moment, phone to ear, before snapping the phone shut and stuffing it back into her pocket. As she struggled to lift the boxes once again, she turned the news over in her mind.
Padma couldn't have meant…But there is only one Potter…
Hermione set the boxes down on the unpacking counter and reached into one at random, beginning the tedious process of sorting the hundreds of bottles of medicine.
Harry Potter. A good friend of her father's, even though the two made a rather odd picture; while her father was a middle-class software engineer, Harry Potter was a first-class aeronautical engineer. The two were friends only because they both happened to bump into a common favorite professor at the exact same time at St. Peter's Basilica.
Recently, no one had seen much of Potter. Not even Hermione's father had known exactly what Potter had been up to. This sudden promise of appearance was surprising.
Maggie ducked her head in to check on Hermione. "Done yet? No? Step it up! We're about to close, and I do not want to be welcomed tomorrow morning by these boxes."
"I'll be done in a few," Hermione promised. Maggie grunted, and disappeared around the doorframe.
-o-o-
"So," Hermione called to no one in particular, dropping her coat in a nearby chair and kicking off her muddy boots before trudging into the living room, "I take it I missed something while I was at the pharmacy?"
Everyone was crowded around a sofa, and there was a sort of collective hum emitting from the huddle. At the sound of Hermione's voice, every head snapped up, and every mouth opened.
"Hermione! There you are at last, dear—"
"Mione, get over here now—"
"Potter's appeared out of nowhere!"
"Well, actually, he hasn't yet, per se—"
"Oh, shut up."
Hermione searched the party of crazed people, and finally found the one face she could count on to stay calm in any circumstance.
"Cho! What's going on? What Padma said—"
Cho approached Hermione, nodding excitedly. "He just sent an e-mail to Dad, who's taken cover in his office, if you were wondering. He'll be here in three days, to check out a house he's thinking on buying."
"Potter?"
"None other."
Hermione glanced at the rest of her family, sans father, and sighed.
"Honestly, I don't know why Potter bothers sticking around. Considering he's practically our age, one must wonder why he's still talking with Dad, when he could be networking with all those other young entrepreneurs he's got hanging on to his legs."
"Even though he is practically our age, I still feel the urge to address him as 'Mr. Potter' when he's around. All that maturity, independence—"
"And money," Hermione interjected, wiggling her eyebrows.
"Yes, and all that money. You'd think he was Dad's age."
At that moment, Mr. Bertram peeked his head in. "Ah, Hermione. I thought I heard the front door open."
"Hey, Dad. So Potter's dropping by? After, what, three years of absolute silence?"
Her father straightened, sighing. "Looks like it. It's definitely from his e-mail address, although there's always the possibility that someone hacked his e-mail account and sent us the message just to spite us, for whatever reason." His voice was all gravity and sagacity, but his eyes twinkled.
"Ri-i-ight. So, he's going to be here to celebrate Libby Wickerson's one-year-old birthday? At least, that's what Padma said."
"He's agreed to attend, yes. He and the Wickersons are pretty good friends, anyway."
"Seems like he's good friends with everyone."
"Highly likely."
Mrs. Bertram had spotted her husband in the doorway and had crept up undetected, and pounced before Mr. Bertram could escape. "And wouldn't it be wonderful, dear, if our Cho were to catch Harry's eye?"
Cho's face turned red. "Mom, I'm very sure that Mr. Potter won't display any more interest in me than he has all these years."
"Oh, for heaven's sake, don't call him 'Mr. Potter.' It sounds so formal. Be sure to call him 'Harry' to his face. You know he prefers that anyway. And don't be ridiculous; it's been three years, and you've grown so. Anything could happen."
Hermione watched as Cho's face turned redder steadily, and hastened to change the topic. "So, Dad, did he mention why he was suddenly looking into houses in this area?"
Mr. Bertram welcomed the change in subject. "He didn't, and I didn't ask. Probably he's got too much money to keep in his bank accounts."
"Well, he can spend that money on me whenever he wants," Lavender said cheekily.
"Oh, sure, Lavender, he couldn't resist you."
"He doesn't stand a chance."
Lavender just beamed and skipped away, dragging Padma with her. Mrs. Bertram hurried after them, raising the issue of picking dresses and initiating a storm of dainty, flurried "Oh no!"s.
-o-o-
"I don't see him," Hermione remarked bluntly. Lavender and Padma were craning their necks around, looking for Harry Potter as well, but they weren't quite ready to resign to his absence yet.
Mrs. Bertram was concerned with other matters. "Where is Cho? I've called her twice now, but she hasn't answered!"
Hermione bit down on a smile. No doubt Cho had found a way to miss the party. Lucky girl.
"He must have decided to arrive fashionably late," Padma posited to a concerned Lavender.
Hermione shrugged wordlessly, and plunked down in a nearby chair. So far, the party hadn't really gotten kicked off yet, since the baby hadn't been spotted by any of the party-goers.
Mrs. Bertram turned her blustering attention to Hermione. "Oh, for heaven's sake, Hermione, why didn't you do something to that hair of yours? It's like a prison riot on your head."
"After years of battling with it, Mom, you think it would just fall limp and obey the hair straightener today of all days?"
"Well, you could have tied it back, or something…" She patted her hands uselessly about Hermione's head for a few moments before Hermione batted her mother's hands away. All it was accomplishing was attracting strange looks from people milling about nearby.
Just as Lavender, the most tenacious of the Potter fanclub, was about to give up, the entrance door of the rented room swung open, and in strode Harry Potter himself, all black moppy hair and abnormally green eyes, just as he had been three years ago. Flanking him were a taller, thinner young man with pale blond hair and slate-grey eyes, surveying the crowd suspiciously, and a short, shapely young woman with dark brown hair swinging gracefully to her shoulders, surveying the crowd with more haughty aloofness than suspicion.
Hermione and her father watched, embarrassed, as Mrs. Bertram, Lavender, and Padma rushed the newcomers at once.
"Mr. Po—Harry!" Mrs. Bertram exploded. "How wonderful it is to see you again! Is it true that you're looking into buying a house nearby?"
Hermione watched the unfortunate aeronautical engineer attend to Mrs. Bertram, and had to smile to herself. She looked away from the mop of black hair for a moment to survey his friends. The blindingly-blond young man continued to survey the room warily, before finding a patch of marble flooring to invest his interest in, and the young woman swept a lock of dark hair behind her ear and leaned over to whisper something to her blond companion. Hermione looked away, and saw someone she couldn't believe she'd missed before.
"Luna!" Oh blessed Luna Lovegood.
Luna looked up from her book, and smiled at Hermione, mouthing her name in greeting.
Hermione hopped out of her chair and hurried over to Luna. "Whatcha reading there?"
Luna flipped the book closed to let Hermione see the cover. "'Two Hundred and One Creatures of Hiberno-Saxon Lore.' The book that Daddy got me for Christmas."
Hermione's jaw dropped. "God. I don't understand you, Luna."
Luna's vacant smile returned to her face. "May be best that way," she whispered playfully, and returned to her book. Hermione was pleased to see her total lack of interest in the newcomers, and was content to read Luna's book over her shoulder for as long as the party dragged on.
Just as she was forcing herself to focus, the doors opened again, this time less forcefully. Hermione looked up, and saw her sister carefully stepping into the room. Hermione got up and barreled towards her sister before her mother could get there.
"Cho, you're dangerously—and not fashionably—late."
"I know." Cho sighed. "I was trying to avoid coming here, but it seems my plans were foiled. By Mom, moreover."
As if on cue, Mrs. Bertram barged into the scene, dragging Harry behind her. "And, Harry, you haven't forgotten my oldest daughter, have you?"
"No, of course not. Cho, wasn't it?"
Cho nodded yes, silent, carefully avoiding eye contact.
Harry managed to wrest his sleeve from Mrs. Bertram's grasp, and turned fully towards Cho—only to slacken slightly in composure and stare at her. For a moment, he was completely still; then, he was all smiles and handshakes.
"Cho, I haven't seen you in a long time, have I?"
"No, you haven't, Mr. Po…tter."
"Harry, please."
Cho smiled.
Hermione found herself being dragged away from the excitement by her mother. "Now, now, they need time together alone," Mrs. Bertram hissed, mainly to the clamoring Lavender and Padma.
After somehow making it back to Luna, Hermione tugged on her friend's arm and pointed at Cho.
"I saw," Luna said serenely, and turned a page. "Best of luck to your sister. He's quite the catch, you know."
Hermione tilted her head, scrutinizing Cho and Harry. "They make a nice picture."
Luna looked up slowly at the distant couple, and nodded, smiling. "You know what else would make a pretty picture?"
"My mom jumping in on the two?"
"…No. You and the young man Harry dragged here."
"What? Dragged…? Oh." Hermione scanned the room and found the platinum-blond young man leaning against the wall across the room, silent and watching, with the dark-haired woman still murmuring and grinning into his ear. He didn't seem to be listening to her as he turned his head slowly, as if judging everyone in the room. Before his eyes could meet hers, Hermione looked away, back to Luna.
"Haven't seen hair that glows in the dark since my cousin poured glow-in-the-dark dye in my shampoo two years ago," Luna remarked as she returned her gaze to her book.
"Ah yes, I remember that."
Luna looked up slowly at Hermione, grinning. "He's staring at you."
"What?" Hermione couldn't control herself; she snapped her head up, and found herself locking gazes with the blond stranger. As soon as she looked his way, his eyes wandered off.
"Go on, give him a shot," Luna said. "He looks almost as bored as you are."
Hermione smirked at Luna. "Oh, I'm sure he'd enjoy your company much more. You should try and engage him in a conversation about…what was it? Hiberno-Saxon creatures?"
"Of lore, yes. But I'm afraid he looks too dull to even know who the Hiberno-Saxons were."
"At least the two of you could talk about hair that glows in the dark."
As Luna and Hermione threw the stranger at each other playfully, Harry looked over to his companions and motioned them over.
Mrs. Bertram beckoned Hermione over as well. "Hermione, come here! Harry wants you to meet someone," she shouted across the room. Wincing at the slight dip in the noise level of the room as people turned to eye Mrs. Bertram, Hermione hopped up and threaded through the crowd to her mother as fast as she could.
"Everyone, I'd like to introduce two of my closest friends," Harry said when Hermione arrived. "This is Pansy, my sister, and Draco Malfoy, a close friend of mine. He's currently interning at a nearby hospital. Working for his Masters."
Pansy smiled an obviously-fake smile at the Bertrams. Draco kept his gaze as close to the ground as was reasonable. As Mrs. Bertram, Lavender, Padma, and Cho continued conversation with Harry after a beat of silence, Hermione was forced to turn to Draco and Pansy.
Hermione looked at Draco quizzically for a moment. He was being painfully quiet, looking at the ceiling. The ceiling! "So, Masters, eh? How far are you from completing the diploma?"
Draco took a moment to make sure she was talking to him. "I've been interning for about half a year now."
"I see. How's it going?"
"Well."
"I…see."
Pansy looked between the two, and smirked. "Draco's actually got quite a bit to be proud of," she oozed, taking his arm into both of her manicured hands. "Only twenty-one years old, and already on to graduate school—!"
Draco removed his arm from Pansy's grasp, nodded and mumbled something, and walked away.
Hermione, once safe by Luna's side, relayed the experience to Luna.
"I can't tell if he's too aloof to talk to us, or too shy," Hermione confided.
Luna peered above her book at the sulking doctor-to-be. "I wouldn't try guessing yet. Reciprocal determinism. You know, from Psych."
Hermione nodded, and, with a sigh, wrenched her eyes from Draco to Harry, who had managed to extricate both himself and Cho from everyone else at the party. As Hermione watched, Cho glanced around, saw Hermione, and quickly excused herself from Harry before crossing the room to Hermione.
"Escaped at last?" Hermione teased. Cho grinned as she approached, blushing.
"Hi Luna! He's actually very nice, Hermione. For an aeronautical engineer, he's got quite the free time. He can match my useless knowledge in art history, and we talked about the implications of the Arnolfini Wedding painting by Van Eyck."
Hermione stared at her sister. "Honestly? You couldn't find any other topic to talk about?"
"I would recommend starting a conversation on the creatures of Hiberno-Saxon lore next," Luna advised sagaciously.
Cho seemed to be taking the advice seriously. Hermione threw her hands into the air.
"How about finding more out about him? We haven't seen him in years, I'm sure he has some interesting stories to tell."
"You sound just like Mom."
"Ask him why he's back all of a sudden! You could divert Mom's attention from marrying the two of you with that info, if only for a few minutes."
"I'll try to worm that in somewhere. Oh, he's coming over! Quick, where's the bathroom?"
"But I thought you wanted to—"
"There it is! See you later!" And Cho was gone, a tornado of blushing flesh and flying hair.
Hermione and Luna blinked after her for a beat. Then, Hermione turned over to Luna. "Hey, you want me to get you a drink or anything? I need to walk around for a bit."
"Could you see if they have lemonade?"
"Sure," Hermione said, and got up from her chair to find the drinks table. As she spotted the table and walked over, someone started a thunderous chorus of "Awww!"s. Ladies around the room dropped what they were doing and rushed to the door, which had opened to reveal the one-year-old, impossibly adorable Libby Wickerson.
As little Libby's parents made a brief announcement to the room, thanking them for attending, Hermione grabbed a can of lemonade and was making her way back to Luna, passing around a column, when she heard Harry talking—not to Cho, but to Draco. Hermione screeched to a halt behind the column, scrunched herself up tight, and listened intently.
"Draco, you have got to loosen up. That's why I brought you here in the first place. Look at you! You've lost at least twenty pounds since you started that internship."
"I'm fine, Harry. I did lose weight, yes, but not quite twenty pounds. And I wasn't expecting much else."
"Get off the wall and talk to someone already, besides Pansy. I know she's driving you nuts. Why don't you talk to one of the Bertram sisters?"
"They really are all adopted, then?"
"Every one of them. Mr. Bertram took them in from the hospital you're working at. They were born to severely impoverished families, and were put up for adoption. They're a better-functioning family than most, if you ask me."
"…"
"Really, Draco. Get out there and talk to someone. Hermione's nice, and extremely easy to talk to. She'll find something you can talk about."
"I'd really rather not, Harry. No one here really…ah, interests me. The company's been quite dull, as far as I can tell."
"You won't give Hermione a chance then?"
"No." Hermione frowned.
There was a pause.
"You should go back to Cho. You're wasting your time talking to me," Draco finally said.
"All right, then," Harry said, resigned. Hermione counted to thirteen—unable to make it to twenty—before peering around the column. Seeing no one, Hermione made it back to Luna, still seething.
"You know what Blondie called everyone here? Dull. He called everyone here dull. He called me 'dull'!"
Luna sipped her lemonade slowly. "You personally?"
"Harry asked if he wanted to be introduced to me, and he said that no one in this room was interesting enough to be worth his time."
Luna nodded slowly. Even loose acquaintances of Hermione soon sensed her intense dislike for being slighted as "dull." "Don't get so worked up, Hermione. I don't think he's worth it."
"No, he's not. Nevertheless." Hermione sat down beside Luna, sighing angrily.
Luna closed her book and stared straight across the room. Hermione followed her gaze, and found herself staring at Draco.
"Still wondering whether he's shy or snotty?" Luna asked, staring at the platinum-blond evenly.
"No, not really," Hermione replied. "I wonder how he ever came into the good graces of our good friend Potter."
"Maybe he really isn't that snotty, then."
"Yeah, and maybe pigs actually fly."
Luna looked at Hermione for a moment, her gaze thoughtful, before picking up her book to continue reading.
-o-o-
Cho sat down on her bed hard, making the bed springs creak in protest.
"He was wonderful, Hermione. Absolutely wonderful. I wonder why I never talked to him before?"
Hermione smiled at her sister with difficulty. Cho saw right away.
"Hermione? Something wrong?"
"We-ell," Hermione said, sitting down by her sister, "Potter's good friend Malfoy didn't take to all of us so nicely."
"What? What did he say?"
"He called everyone there dull."
Cho sighed. "Honestly, Hermione, you take everything so personally—"
"No no, hear me out. When Potter recommended my company to Malfoy, Malfoy refused. He specifically refused to talk to me. He said that everyone in the room was dull."
"…Oh."
Hermione glared at the wall across from her bed.
"Well, then," Cho said, "I guess you just have to learn to not take everything to heart so much."
"I just can't bear it when someone makes a presumption about my intellect before we have even looked directly at each other, much less spoken to each other."
"So what? He may be a medical genius, but it seems to me he hasn't a shred of social genius. Not like Harry."
"So, everything went well with Harry?"
"Mom thinks so."
"Do you think so?"
"I…" Cho shrugged, biting her lip to suppress a blush. "I think so too."
"Did he give any hint of coming to visit us later on?"
"Not explicitly, no."
"Good. Otherwise he'd be dragging along that Malfoy. God, even his last name screams 'reclusive snothead.'"
"Aw, Hermione, he can't be all that bad. No one is."
"You and your optimism about people," Hermione sighed. "How can you think so well of the world? Anyway, I'm just going to go to bed now. Maybe I'll dream of publicly embarrassing Malfoy. Call me 'dull,' will you?"
"You go do that," Cho said, smiling. Hermione gave her sister a hug, and left the bedroom.
A/N: Sorry to all HarryGinny fans, I just thought that making Ginny older than Hermione would require too much of a character twist-up. And since Cho wasn't such an important character, I decided that manipulating her into Jane Bennet wouldn't be as hard as forcing Ginny into that role. As for Padma, I had no particular reason putting her into the family; she was the first person I came up with, and I sort of just plunked her in.
Warning:: Ron may not be in the story at all. Sorry, all Ron-lovers. I just didn't think he'd fit as a Wickham, and making him Mr. Bingley would require a completely random pairing (RonCho? RonPadma? RonGinny?), since this was supposed to be a Dramione story to start off with, and he just didn't seem too much of a Mr. Collins, so…we'll see.
Madame Bigwig-whats-her-name, Wickham, Darcy's cousin, Georgiana, Mr. Collins—all yet to come! :D
REVIEW, PLEASE.
-Sanded Silk-