Something my husband actually helped me think of lol, it is also inspired by a youtube video called 'Sad Cat Diaries.' Look it up, it's hilarious! This one is Dramione, assuming years later. I think I may make this into a compilation with different POV's…we'll see how the reception goes.
Anyway, the usual, don't own, just playing in the backyard. Enjoy!
Dear diary, the authorities have confiscated my wand again. I warned her I was done trying to play nice with that cat of hers. I will have to get better at non-verbal magic so I can blame it on Scorpius next time…
Dear diary, I will never understand muggle sports. 'Soccer', for instance, requires moving the ball with anything but your hands. It defies all logic. The authorities say quidditch makes no sense, as it's flown on broomsticks and any slip of the hands in catching the quaffle could mean immediate death. I explained to her the mechanics of it, but she refuses to try it for herself. She is a madwoman. It must be all that hair. I think it might be suffocating her brain…
Dear diary, no matter how hard I try, the chocolate cookies keep on disappearing. I know I'm only supposed to have one a week (getting older sucks), but I'm sure the authorities is the culprit behind this. She keeps mentioning her 'Aunt Flo' coming to visit every now and then, and that she loves chocolate. I have never even met this aunt of hers. I am sure she is lying and just eating all the cookies for herself. I'll have to remind her that I like my women thin…
Dear diary, I told the authorities how I felt about the extra weight she has put on. It was not pretty. I think she might be part banshee. She didn't even let me finish. Good thing I didn't mention anything past her once delicate shoulders…
Dear diary, the authorities insists on muggle communication devices. She says we need to stay with the times, that this is a modern world of technology. I tried to explain to her how magic works, but for some reason she thought I was being sarcastic and left in a huff. She's probably eating another one of my cookies…
Dear diary, today Scorpius asked me where he came from. I answered, 'The authorities decided it was time we start a family, and thus you were brought into this world.' Sweet and simple, I didn't think it necessary to explain the biology behind it. The kid's only three for crying out loud. But when he asked said authority who 'the authorities' were, I almost shit my pants. Luckily she answered 'The Ministry, of course.' Lucked out on that one…
Dear diary, this Christmas we are visiting the Burrow. The authorities finds it one of the most magical places in the world. I'd have to agree: how that leaning tower of shoeboxes is still standing is beyond me. I think this may be where she hides the cookies…
Dear diary, something atrocious happened this morning. The authorities and I were still half-asleep when suddenly a loud echoing blast ripped out of the sheets. It was the most horrific gas release I have ever experienced. In my soon to be demise, I nearly fell out of the bed. And do you know what the authorities did? What she said? 'Sorry, I couldn't hold it in.' And fell right back to asleep. I know marriage is about loving each other no matter what, but what the fuck? There is a restroom not ten feet away. I don't care if you are the fucking authorities on all there is marriage, but have some sense of personal hygiene! I may have to put a diaper on her from here on out…
Dear diary, a bag of cookies has suddenly appeared on top of the fridge in the kitchen. The authorities has not mentioned it, nor has she tried to vanquish them from existence. I believe it is a trap. I may have to test them before consuming one. Scorpius should be up for it…
Dear diary, upon further inspection, I have realized that the authorities is indeed, an evil, horrible succubus. Every night, she entwines her legs between mine, tosses her hair into my face, and then refuses to move. I believe she is trying to strangle me in my sleep. It is only through a small sliver between the pillows that I am allowed an air passage to breathe. Her demonic cat lies on my other side. There is no escape…
Dear diary, Hermione has read my diary. I am no longer allowed to refer to her as 'the authorities.' This may be my last entry…