Alone with The Nursemaids
Little Finarfin is upset, Anairë tries to comfort him, and Fingolfin reveals a side of him no on has ever seen before. A look at the family dynamics between the sons of Indis and Fingolfin's beloved Anairë before they were wed, and before Finarfin was grown. With glimpses of romance in between.
Author's note:
Finarfin was born in Y.T 1230, forty Valinor years after Fingolfin his older brother was born. Assuming that Anaire was born around the same years as Fingolfin, we could speculate that they might had been wedded somewhere around Y.T 1240, when Finarfin was yet a child. Therefore, it is safe to explore aspects of Fingolfin and Anairë's romance with appreciation for the adorable elfling Finarfin.
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Professor Tolkien! I claim none for myself. Reviews and helpful criticisms are most welcome.
Fingolfin- Aracáno (mother-name), Nolofinwë (father-name)
Finarfin- Ingoldo (mother-name), Arafinwë (father-name)
She could see it now, the sapphire tips of the palace shone brilliantly under the light of Laurelin, as if the blinking of millions of Varda's stars. The banner of Finwë King of the Noldor danced within the gentle wind, the silver embroidery giving an elegant and dazzling touch. Oh, the beauty of it all.
"She is amazing, is she not? So dark yet brilliant, striking yet gentle, beautiful yet kind. So different from all that I have known."
"Aye, she is, I can just stare at those stars all day. She suits your father well." She commented.
"I'm not talking about the palace, Anairë." Aracáno shook his head, turning to her.
Perplexed, Anairë asked, "What do you mean?"
Aracáno did not answer, instead, he contemplated for a moment, then suddenly held out his arm and swept Anairë by the waist, pulling her into his broad, muscular chest.
"Nolo!" Taken by surprise, Anairë put her palms on his sides, trying to steady herself.
"She who is dark yet brilliant, striking yet gentle, beautiful yet kind, unlike any other I have ever known. Tell me, my love, who is she?" He whispered into her ear, his hot breath caressing her skin sending shivers down her spine.
Anairë blushed at his proclamation of love, filled with intense adoration. He gave her a lingering kiss on the cheek, so long and soundly it was, she giggled and pushed away.
"A prince you are, yet you love a woman more than your father's royal court, how unspeakable!" She exclaimed, throwing her arms up, feigning exasperation.
Aracanó caught her by the waist, pulling her off her feet. "Is that what you think of me, my love?" He laughed, holding her up in the air.
"Yes Nolo, you are an outrageous prince!" She laughed as he stopped spinning her and laid her down on the soft grass beneath their feet.
"Then so let it be. I am an outrageous prince and you are the outrageous wife!" He laid down beside her, tickling her sides.
"I am no wife of yours!" Anairë protested, turned around and crawled next to Aracanó, folding her arms on top of his chiseled chest.
"Yet." Aracáno sighed contently, pulling her on top of him, tucking her head under his chin. "But soon, my love, very soon."
As they lay peacefully on the meadow, Anairë's hand began to trail down Aracáno's chest, her nimble fingers drawing patterns on his dark blue tunic. "You have a fine upper torso, my love, I like what I feel." She informed him, giving him a mischievous smile.
"Oh, It that so?" He raised an amused eyebrow at her, "Well, you will like other parts of my body too, Ana." He informed her, winking his beautiful sapphire eyes at her.
She blushed.
It was going to be a beautiful day.
He sighed wistfully, "But now we must get moving. We don't want to be late, do we?" He picked himself up and offered Anairë his hand.
As they walked toward the palace,
Anairë inhaled deeply, breathing in the fresh air that filled her with a sense of carefree gladness. She let out a content sigh.
"I am glad, Nolo!" She smiled, dancing around him, then taking Aracáno's arm and intertwined her slender fingers with his strong ones. Holding herself close to him.
Aracáno raises an amused eyebrow, "Is it because you have explored my impeccable physique with your little nimble fingers?" He teased, squeezing her hand.
"Oh be quiet! You're not as perfect as you think you are!" She felt heat rising to her cheeks.
"All is well, Ana, I am certain my brother won't mind that you and I love each other so much that you can't get your hands off me." Seeing her embarrassment, Aracáno couldn't resist teasing her more, putting his hand on her shoulder and pulling her close.
"Don't behave so inappropriatelyl in front your brother!" She teased back.
"But he's only a child!" He replied with innocent eyes.
"Exactly."
"Ana! Ana!" Little Ingoldo cried at the sight of Anairë, throwing his arms out and rushing to her with excitement barely containable, the elfling launched himself at Anairë and she caught him safely in her arms, laughing as she did.
"You're finally here! I waited so long for you, Ana, so long!" Ingoldo exclaimed.
"I missed you too little one, you grew so much taller!" Anairë complimented, the elfling beamed proudly, "Ammë says I'll grow to be as tall as Atar!"
Aracáno chuckled beside her, ruffling Ingoldo's golden hair, but the elfling scrunched his face and pushed Aracáno's hands away.
"So, Ingoldo, how are you on this fair morn?" Anairë smiled, adjusting Ingoldo on her hips and smoothing his damp golden hair away from his face, she noticed there was dirt on his leggings and shoes.
"Why are you all wet, Ingo? It's not yet noon and you already played yourself exhausted! your ammë would not be pleased." She teased, planting a little kiss on his forehead.
"Shh!" Ingoldo put his index finger on his lips and looked up at Anairë with his beautiful round eyes that sparkled mischievously, she could swear he was up to no good.
"You won't tell Ammë, right, Ana? She's not here, anyway. I was just excited to see you, that's all." He blew her a little kiss.
Anairë blinked, a little perplexed, she knew that doesn't explain the dirt he had already acquired, but nonetheless was secretly flattered by Ingoldo's affection, she then decided to turn around to swat at Aracáno's arm.
"Ow! What did I do?" The older of Indis' sons complained, soothing his hurting arm with the other.
"Nolo, You are such a bad role-model! Since when have you been teaching Ingo to be so slick of tongue?" She chided,
"It wasn't me! He's just talented that way!" Aracáno replied sarcastically, feigning displeasure, she swatted at him again.
"Ingo! Tell Anairë that you are gifted with linguistic talents." Aracáno playfully begged, eyeing his little brother with a sly smile.
However, to his surprise, Ingoldo ignored his request, wiggling deeper into Anairë's embrace, turning away from him. Aracáno furrowed his brows.
Turning her eyes back to the precious child settling in her arms, Anairë struggled to put on a straight face at him, "Arafinwë Ingoldo, what have you been up to? What have you been doing these days?" She teased, completely unaware of what will come crashing down at his reply.
Ingoldo's face fell a little, and he hid himself in the crook of Anairë's neck, suddenly shy.
"Nothing much, really, Ammë and Irimë went to see Uncle in Taniquentil, and Atar has a lot of important things to do, and Findis went to see her friends, it's just me and the nursemaids, I guess." Neither Feänáro nor Aracáno was mentioned, Anairë noticed.
He clutched her tightly, and she found herself shocked at his sad words. Little Ingoldo was feeling utterly alone, she could see in her minds eyes that he was biting his trembling lips.
Ingoldo blinked furiously, not wanting to show any signs of weekness in front of his older brother, he turned his little face sideways as to avoid Aracáno's sympathetic gaze.
Anairë, for whatever unknown reason the Valar had gifted her the ability to detect the glassiness in this child's eyes at the moment, knew her lovely elfling was on the verge of tears.
She rocked Ingoldo gently with her arms in the best maternal way she could muster.
Indis is an esteemed mother, but sometimes she has affairs to attend to for her people; Finwe is not opposed to this at the least, for these are the times Feänáro who lives away from them out of resentment would come to him without any anger or restraint.
Aracáno reached out to caress his brother's cheeks, trying to provide comfort, "I'm here Ingo, you're not alone with the nursemaids, and Anairë is here too, we love you and never want to be parted from you."
He realized he was making too big of a statement, but it was not false, he reasoned with himself. He also realized that this was no commitment he could make for Anairë; Eru! They were not even betrothed, she is not responsible for anyone! Yet his brother's happiness seems to come before all else at this very moment, and so, he went with it.
Ingoldo's face was a mixture of anger and hurt, he slapped away Aracáno's hand and threw his older brother an angry look that rivalred the resentful fires in Feänáro's eyes and cried, "You lie! You know nothing because you are never home! You don't care about me! I fell of my pony and I was scared and you didn't come and you don't love me. You hate me like Feänaró does! You never want to see me just like he never wants to see me!"
Hot tears bursted out from Ingoldo's eyes, he pounded himself at Anairë and began to wail furiously, trembling with emotions buried for a long time. Anairë steadied herself, utterly shocked by Ingoldo's outburst.
Anairë shot Aracáno an accusing stare, hissing angrily, "Of what does he speak of, Nolo? What have you done this time?" She spat, wrapping her arms protectively around the elfling, as if to defend him from his older brother who is the source of all this heartache.
"Shh, little one, I am here, you are not alone." She tried to soothe Ingoldo, pushing the crying child gently back to the crook of her neck, rocking back and forth.
Ingoldo's tears were provoked by Anairë's comfort, and he thought about how no one came when he was crying for his Ammë last night, and how his Atar is always too busy to play with him. His sorrowful thoughts engulfed him, and he cried for a long time, opening his little heart and letting all his sadness be released and flood out.
Anairë held the elfling close to her heart, saddened by his heartbroken wails. She lay his golden head on her breasts and softly patted his back in rhythm. trying to soothe him. "Shhh, my love, it's okay...You are very much loved, little one, I love you so very much, little one." She hushed him until he calmed downed to muffled cries.
"Ingoldo, let us go to the sitting room and we can talk, you can sit on my lap if you wish, does that sound acceptable to you?" Anairë asked quietly, kissing his brilliant golden hair. Ingoldo is much different from his older siblings, he is very open to his emotions, she noticed, and therefore is possible to comfort.
When she and Aracáno were little, Anairë remembered, Nolo was very reserved in his emotions and rarely accepted comfort from people other than his parents, he is the only son of Finwë that prefers to be endeared with his father-name, and since they were little Anairë always called him Nolo, Nolofinwë, and seldom Aracáno, she figured it gave him comfort at the idea of preferring the name Finwë gave him, and him alone.
For a moment Anairë forgot her anger toward Aracàno; Sometimes it's not easy to read Aracáno's heart, she lamented.
"Ingo...I...I didn't..." The usually eloquent Aracáno stumbled as he tried to explain himself, he wasn't there to rescue Ingoldo that day, he was informed, because he spent the same miserable afternoon being the target of Feänáro's contempt and trying to pretend he was strong enough to ignore all the grievances between them, not that he was unfamiliar with them.
"Shut up!" Ingoldo wailed, Aracáno's head hung low as if ashamed.
Anairë thoughts were interrupted by the elfling's sobs. She sighed, her temper returned and she hissed at Aracáno, "Nolofinwë, you will come and listen to what he has to say for once." She spat at him.
Aracáno swallowed with great difficulty, betraying the perplexed feeling in his heart, unable to decide who is making him suffer more : his sobbing little brother accusing him or his wrathful lady speaking venomously against him.
Anairë sat herself down with Ingoldo on her lap, fully intend on an open confrontation. She sent for refreshments and a warm bath, the elfling would be exhausted and will want to go to sleep after, she reasoned, he already spend much energy playing outside and being angry at his family in a single hour.
Aracáno followed without a word, sitting down next to them, Ingoldo shifted in Anairë's arm so he does not need to see his big brother, Aracáno felt his heart clenched painfully.
"Ingoldo, why do you feel like your brother doesn't love you? He loves you so very much, and talks of you often." Anairë began, feeling the elfling at her chest stiffen.
"He is never home, he doesn't love me." Ingoldo answered flatly, ignoring Amairë's encouragement to sit back to his previously position.
Silence fell, and Anairë found herself incapable of coming up with any proper response other than stroking the elfling's hair. Ingoldo rested his head at her chest, his breathing went completely still.
"Ingoldo," The voice beside her startled them all, she saw Aracáno move to her other side and crouched down next to his brother, his face contorted with sadness she had never seen present on his noble face, not even when Feänáro publicly humiliated him during their younger years.
Her heart was profoundly moved by his sorrow, and she wished to pull him into her arms and tell him that it was not his fault if his father wishes to send him away for training, it was not his fault at all.
Anairë's mind returned when Aracáno placed a gentle hand on Ingoldo's knee, and she tightened her arms so Ingoldo could not move from his current position.
Aracáno smiled sorrowfully, his fingers drawing circles at his brothers knees, trying to lessen the tension between them.
"Ingoldo, I am away often because Atar wanted for me to train with counselors and advisors from different regions, and so I must travel often, to gain experience, they say. I do not wish to leave home either, but father insists, so I have to obey. I am sorry for making you think that I don't want to be with you, I really do, and I regret every single day not watching you grow. Ingoldo, my little one, I love you so very much, I carry the metal token I crafted especially for your birth everywhere I go, to remind myself that I'm not alone even if I'm traveling with strangers that I don't even wish to know, and that I have a handsome little brother growing into his name and stature every single day, and he awaits me. So I say to you now that I will do the same for you, I will wait until you have forgiven me, and I will even beg Atar to let me stay to spend time with you."
Her face was wet, she noticed, tears were sliding down her cheeks, and Aracáno's, too. Anairë suddenly felt like an intruder, violating a sacred moment with her mere presence.
She found herself unable to comprehend the great love her beloved held for his little brother in his heart, and she looked away as to give the brothers privacy.
"Nolo..." It was barely a whisper, but for the first time this day, Ingoldo spoke Aracano's name. "Yes, Ingo?" Aracáno replied eagerly, grasping the elfling's hands.
"Do you really carry my begetting token with you everywhere?" Ingoldo asked timidly, somewhere between hopeful curiosity and fear of disappointment.
Aracáno's face relaxed, and he produced a small but intricately designed metal plate hanging on a golden chain from his pocket and held it out for Ingoldo to see. "Yes, little one, I carry this everywhere."
Ingoldo's small fingers reached out to traced over the sigil-looking design, marveling at its beauty and in awe with his big brother.
"You made this, for me?" He wondered, looking up at Aracáno, who nodded his head.
Unable to contain her own curiosity, Anairë turned her head back to also admire the work of Aracáno's talent.
"You are quite the jewel smith, Nolo, I didn't know, you never told me." She informed him matter-of-factly.
"I am not, Anairë, I only made this for love of Ingoldo." He answered honestly. Their eyes met, and in his eyes she saw the intense love he had for Ingoldo, and surprisingly, a little for her too.
She nibbled at the inside of her cheek, contemplating, then pulled him into her arms with Ingoldo squeezed between them.
"Thank you, Anairë, you have done my family tremendous good." He kissed her forehead and she felt at peace, Aracáno and Ingoldo had reconciled.
He stood back, stretching his long limbs and working his muscles, Aracáno felt his head was light and giddy, as if a great weight had been lifted off his sore shoulders.
Ingoldo held up his arms in a request to be carried by his older brother, and of course, said older brother gladly complied.
Aracáno rocked his little one with his strong arms, Ingoldo was exhausted after all that has happened, his bright eyes were not the most focused. But Aracáno never wanted to let go.
"Cáno, will you sing to me?" Ingoldo asked drowsily in Aracáno's arms, completely content and secured. His brother was home and he was loved, and he was not alone with the nursemaids, not anymore.
Aracáno shared a smile with Anairë and began to hum a lullaby sung by Indis his mother, about Varda's stars that greeted the elves at life.
Anairë came to wrap her arms around the boys, kissing Ingoldo's tender cheek and held out her hand for Aracáno to take; He took it, and pulled her into a tight embrace, she smiled into his tunic at the sound of Ingoldo's even breathing.
They bathed Ingoldo together, sharing carefree laughter and genuine happiness, Aracáno covered Ingoldo's eyes with his hand when Anairë shampooed and rinsed Ingoldo's golden hair, then he dried the elfling tenderly and wrapped him in soft sleep clothes.
"Let us take him to bed, Nolo." She whispered, taking the the precious bundle from Aracáno's arms so he can organize the toiletries back to their rightful places.
Her heart sang of love at the sight of him, and when she beheld him, she saw not just a mighty lord and couselor, but also a loving father to-be, one who would lead his children to their full glory, who will encourage them and stand by them, and love them equally.
Her heart rejoices at the thought and she let out a content sigh.
"What?" He asked curiously at her dreamy expression.
"Oh, nothing, just how good of a father you can possibly become, if all that I witness today is not show." She answered happily, rocking Ingoldo in her arms.
"Of course it's not show!" He protested, " I love my brother dearly, he is a son to me in a way, for I wish to give him the attention and love my father cannot give either of us." Then he sighed, unwilling to break this peaceful moment with unpleasant complications.
Anairë placed a nimble hand on his cheek, pulling him out of a sad reverie.
"Do not worry, my love, I will give you both the attention and love for you to flourish and grow." Anairë offered, smirking suggestively at him.
Aracáno gazed at his love and thought he has never seen her more beautiful than this very moment, holding a sleeping elfling with her sleeves rolled up, hair pulled up into a loose braid and semi-seriously jesting with him.
She leaned in to kiss his lips delicately, reciprocating his feeling, and he swore he was lost.
Their spirits are beginning to mingle and interconnect as their relationship continues to grow in a way that will last for all the ages of the world. She could feel their bond strengthening, and little by little she opened her heart and soul to their kiss, encouraging her beloved to do the same.
Colors and songs of great emotion played out behind their closed eyelids, and that intense love of his flared up in her soul, she collapsed a little, awed by the might of his soul and the glory of his spirit.
Slowly they drew back, smiling at each other and glanced down at the sleeping child slumbering in Anairë's embrace, it is as if they were a real little family, so precious that there was nothing, absolutely nothing, that could separate them, nor could any possible harm befall them.
Aracáno drew Anairë and Ingoldo in his arms, enveloping his treasures. She leaned in to kiss him again.
"I hope your mother doesn't mind." She commented curiously. Aracáno tightened his grip around her, nuzzling her soft dark tresses with his nose, "Not if her sons will gain a love that Feänáro doesn't own." He told her.
Together, they walked back to Ingoldo's chamber. Anairë softly patted Ingoldo's back as the elfling drooled on her sky-blue dress, she smiled indulgently at the babe in her arms, wishing to spend all of eternity loving him.
"Would you like to stay with him?" Aracáno inquired, tucking Ingoldo in and making sure he was comfortable, and giving the elfling a kiss on the forehead.
"I was about to ask you the same question, I see it fit that you stay, for he will want to see you when he wakes." Anairë kissed the top of Ingoldo's head.
"Why don't we both stay? Ingo needs you, what if he wakes up and is mad at me again?" Aracáno entertained that thought, tilting his head to the side, "The bed is big enough, I don't see how the two of us will not fit." He observed, gesturing at the big and cozy bed.
There was a subtle change in his demeanor as he grinned at her, his eyes dancing with mirth.
"Nolo!" Anairë admonished, slightly scandalized though mostly amused, "That is most improper! You are a prince and I am a lady, what will we do if people found out that we...They will think that we did..." Her cheek flushed with a rosy color at her own indication.
"Did what, Ana?" Aracáno whispered, gazing at Anairë, his eyes filled with a strange yet familiar kind of longing that sent tingles up her spine. Silence consumed them for a moment, holding them in reverie of a passion that is yet subtle.
"Nolo..." Anairë uttered her beloved's name in such a way that affected him so greatly, her voice was so innocently seductive, he was giving into its lulls...Leaning forward, Aracáno put his hands on the sides of her waist, holding her there.
"Yes, my love?" He lifted his intense gaze to hers, fingers gently drawing circles on where he touched her at her sides, a small tender cry followed.
"You're impossible..." She buried her head in his chest, making her voice muffled.
Aracáno chuckled, "You bet I am, Ana, you bet I am."
Anairë settled herself next to Ingoldo, arranging her position, but her sudden movements startled the sleeping child and he began to fuss. Anairë softly patted Ingoldo's belly in a soothing rhythm, an instinct ever so natural.
"Sorry love, go back to sleep." She apologized, and patted Ingoldo until he was again completely still.
Then, she glanced past the elfling to see Aracáno settling comfortably into a luxurious chair, he smiled as he caught her eyes, holding her gaze.
You'll make a fine mother some day, he whispered into her mind. She smiled, drifting into sleep with her heart full of love for this little family she calls her own.
Something warm stirred at her chest, she vaguely noticed between sleep and consciousness, was it her cat Ariasë? No, it couldn't be, she decided, it was too big and too warm for a cat...
"Ammë?Ammë?" Someone was calling her, wait, no, not calling her. Who could it be? She was no mother yet! Was it a dream? A dream where she has given Nolo his beautiful children for the both of them to cherish forever? It sounded like a child, she thought confusingly, but there was no elfling in her house, unless it was Aracáno's...
"Ingoldo?" Her mind began to return to consciousness, "Are you awake, little one?" She nudged him in her arms, fingers running through his golden locks.
"Ana?" Ingoldo's voice waivered, a little disappointed.
"Yes little one, I'm here, are you hungry?" Events that happened in the morning were coming back to her: Ingoldo crying and being angry at Aracáno, Aracáno explaining himself in a most heart-breaking manner; Bathing Ingoldo and putting him in bed, sharing a beautiful kiss with Aracáno, his hands on her waist, drawing patterns on her chiffon covered skin...
Anairë's cheeks grew hot at the thought, suddenly thought of Aracáno's suggesting of sleeping on the same bed...Is he lying beside her? Or is he still in that inconvenient chair? Her mind wondered, she didn't know what her heart wished to see more.
"Where's Ammë?" Ingoldo questioned, tearing himself from her embrace.
"She'll be home soon, little one." Anairë comforted, sitting herself up.
"I miss Ammë," the elfling wailed, pulling the sheets back to his neck and burying himself with pillows.
Poor child, Anairë casted him a sympathetic glance, she wished to draw him back into her arms, but she couldn't be sure if such an action will be welcomed. Instead, she sought to put him at ease.
"Maybe you want to go wake Nolo? I'm positive he has many plans for the evening and many things he wishes to do with you." She informed.
Upon hearing this suggestion, the elfling was up in an instant and climbed himself up to Aracáno's lap. Anairë chuckled softly, very much amused.
"Nolo! Nolo! Wake up!" Ingoldo shook Aracáno shoulders with all the strength he could muster.
"Wh...what?" Aracáno's eyes began to come into focus, and realized that his little brother was sitting on him, and was staring at him hopefully with the biggest, most beautiful eyes.
"Hello there love," Aracáno greeted Ingoldo, "Did you have a good rest?"
Ingoldo nodded furiously, as if it was the key to making his brother up and moving.
"Let's go to supper, Nolo, and then we can go to the gardens or maybe even ride some horses. What do you say, Ingo?" Anairë suggested.
"Yes please!" Ingoldo cried happily, pulling at Aracáno's hands. "Let's go Nolo, I'm hungry!" Ingoldo jumped off Aracáno, running around excitedly.
"Hello to you too, my lady." Aracáno accepted the hand Anairë held out to him, kissing her knuckles.
"Come, my Lord, much fun awaits." She smiled, gesturing at the restless elfling jumping up and down around them.