The Breakfast of Champions

by Unconsciousdirt

Braum is many things. A hero. A legend. And now, a breakfast cereal mascot? With unhealthy cereals corrupting the youth, how will Braum convince them to eat healthier?

"Ah yes, Mr. Braum. You are a little early," the HexCraft receptionist said, raising her goggles.

"Ah yes. Ms. CeeCee called me on those…what are they called? Ah, hexophones. Very handy device! Can speak to someone who is not in same room as Braum. Like yodeling, but with inside voice," Braum said with a laugh.

The receptionist, who had taken a sip of her coffee, nearly choked laughing at his statement. The CEO had made a good choice in her spokesperson. The man was so friendly and charming, despite being so huge and imposing. He had that rustic style that made him approachable and his tales made him the perfect role model. This, of course, made him a natural pick for a breakfast cereal mascot.

"Oh, ahem. Excuse me. Please, go right in Mr. Braum. She should be ready for you now," she said.

Braum thanked the receptionist and went through the door. His impressive physique made entrances difficult, and his trusty shield only added to the problem. But here at CeeCee's company, HexCraft, it was never an issue. The doors to her office were double doors, oversized to fit the eccentric CEO's needs. As soon as the doors opened, Braum was greeted with a hug.

"Braum! I'm so glad you came! Now that you're here, we can get everything back on track!" CeeCee said, speaking almost too fast for Braum to keep up with.

"It's good to see you as well, CeeCee. However, I wish it was not for the sake of trouble that you called me here."

CeeCee broke the hug.

"You're right! We have a lot of business to attend to. Follow me to my think-tank."

As Braum followed the spastic girl, he could not help but notice how much she had grown. She was a fairly muscular woman with a childish face and she always wore work clothing for crafting her new ideas. Not to mention, she was one fantastic inventor. CeeCee was only fifteen when she had created the HexDefender, a device that was designed to mimic the abilities of Braum's own shield. The device was part battering ram, part shield, and part bazooka. If it were not for Braum looking to enter the League when he did, it was very possible CeeCee would be fighting alongside marksmen in the bottom lane.

Now at sixteen, CeeCee was the CEO of HexCraft, a company she had started after selling the design of the HexDefender to the Piltover Police. Hearing about it, Braum had come to personally endorse and even perform a field test of the product in comparison to his own shield. His shield had won, of course, but Caitlyn and Vi had sprung for the chance to arm their own police with such gear. From the sales, CeeCee purchased a building which manufactured and designed new HexDefender prototypes. However, CeeCee was also young and easily distracted, so her company occasionally branched out into other products. She was especially proud of making a new breakfast cereal, which she asked her favorite champion to endorse.

Braum certainly loved a good bowl of Wheat Shields in the morning. They were healthy, per his conditions for endorsing the product, and they were made of freljordian wheat. A single bowl would give a single person energy to last the entire day. With a promise like that, they quickly became stocked at the Institute of War. As he was a very favored fighter, Braum spent most of his time in the League barracks, and he ate the cereal each morning. For the life of him, he could not understand what the problem could be, so he listened to the maturing woman intently.

Arriving at her think-tank, a small room with no windows, a table, and a single light, CeeCee sat down and motioned for Braum to sit as well. Braum found the chair slightly too small, and sat with his knees raised. The room itself was very Spartan, creating an environment with no distractions for someone with too many ideas. CeeCee placed both of her hands on the table.

"Ok. So here's the problem I've run into with the cereal. Sales. Now don't get me wrong, we are raking it in with what the Institute buys and what we sell in stores. Not to mention all of the athletes are raving about the energy of it. The problem is we don't seem to be selling to the kids. The guys in marketing ran it by a control group and found that kids not only don't care for the cereal, but think it's a cereal only for adults!" CeeCee explained, growing distressed towards the end.

Braum was confused. "But I see the box every morning. On the front is a Poro with an impressive mustache and the back has a funny story. I always want to know how Skippy the Poro is going to get out of Pongo the Razorfin's trap. How could children resist?"

CeeCee tapped her nose. "That's exactly what I was thinking so I did some research into our competition. Turns out, the other cereals have got a formula for selling to kids. I recorded a few commercials so I can show you, hold on."

CeeCee tapped a button under the table and a small screen lowered from the ceiling. On the screen were a small boy and girl in a kitchen, looking sad.

"Hey Kids! Are you tired of the same old breakfast cereal?" an off-screen announcer asked.

Looking up, the children answered "Yes…" in the bored voice only a child can accomplish.

"Wouldn't you like something a bit more…SUPRISING?"

And in a cloud of red smoke, Shaco appeared, holding a colorful box.

"That's right kids," Shaco said. "Toss that boring cereal away because it's time for…"

"SHAC-O'S!" the three cheered in unison.

"It's a silly taste kids love!" The boy yelled.

"And look, each box has a surprise inside!" the girl said.

Shaco began to do his trademark dance while the announcer said, "New Shac-O's! The surprising part of your balanced breakfast!"

The screen went black as the commercial ended.

"Balanced my rusty crank! You see what we're dealing with here? I looked at the ingredients to the cereal and there is so much sugar in each piece the children get a rush from one bowl. Not to mention the toy inside each box," CeeCee said.

"It is a shame indeed," Braum said, nodding. "The children do not eat healthy. Breakfast is the most important meal, after all. But a prize is hard to resist."

"Thankfully, the cereal is easy for parents to resist. Many in Piltover are smart enough to not buy a cereal with a clown famous for killing people on it. But Zaun and even Bandle City can't seem to get enough. Here, let me pull up the next one," she said, pressing a button.

The screen lit up again and showed a house in Bandle City. The camera then went in through the window to show a sleeping yordle boy. As he slumbered, a dark shape moved across his ceiling. Waking up with a start, he saw the shape make its way out his bedroom door. Walking out after it, he sees it frantically make its way down the hall. The boy goes into the kitchen, and sees a silhouette of a lady with eight legs on his table.

Braum instantly identifies the shadow as Elise, and fears for the boy's safety.

As the boy turns on the light, the shadow disappears and a bowl of cereal has taken its place. The boy smiles and runs to his chair. As he grabs his spoon, a woman's voice speaks off-screen.

"Hungry for a midnight snack? Well then try a bowl of brand new Spiderlings. The only cereal who's marshmallows turn the milk as black as night!"

As she narrated, the camera zoomed in on the cereal, which appeared to have red and white marshmallow bits in the shapes of spiders and webs. True to her word, the pieces were already turning the milk black.

"Brand new Spiderlings! Catch them before they catch you," The voice concluded, the lights in the boy's kitchen suddenly going dark.

The screen returned to blackness.

"And this cereal…it sells? Children wake up in middle of the night and want cereal? But the children need eight hours of sleep to grow properly. Not to be rushing on sugar! And even if they go back to sleep, if they do not brush teeth, the sugar will ruin their smiles!" Braum said, growing angry.

"I know, I hear ya, but it's selling. I see it happen with candy too. If it turns your tongue or anything else a different color, then the kids will buy it no matter how bad it tastes. And speaking of that, the only part of the cereal that tastes any good is the marshmallows. The filler is bland and most kids don't touch it," CeeCee sighed, wondering how much cereal is going to waste in each box.

"No sleep and no healthy food. A child cannot live on a diet of chocolate and milk!" Braum yelled, his chair giving an audible crack from his movement.

CeeCee pressed a third button under the desk.

"Hate to say it, big guy, but that's exactly what this one does."

The screen lit up and Braum noticed the change immediately. Where the other two commercials had been shot in actual homes, this one seemed to be entirely animated. The scene seemed to be in a dark forest, with three children surrounding a campfire. As they warmed their hands and laughed, a set of red eyes peered out of the backgr-

"Where is parent to supervise children around fire? If a spark were to leap to dry grass, whole forest goes up!"

"Well…that wasn't the point I wanted to show, but I guess that's bad too." CeeCee said, starting the video again.

-red eyes peered out of the background. They looked to each of the happy kids and then to the bowl of cereal resting on a stump. Then a cartoony voice vaguely reminiscent of the Warwick's begins to speak.

"Awooooh! Chocolate Ganks cereal! With it's delicious chocolatiness that turns milk into chocolate milk, a greedy wolf like me can't resist!" he said.

Running at a full sprint, he went for the cereal. The smell filled his nose. His tongue hung out of his mouth dripping drool. His eyes morphed into bowls filled with cereal. But mere feet from the bowl, a bear trap snapped shut around his leg. In pain, Warwick howled, "AWOOOOOOOOCH!"

The kids, having seen him coming with a sight ward, held the cereal in front of his face.

"Silly Warwick! Fudging up the gank again. Don't you know? Chocolate Ganks are for kids!" the children said in unison.

Having been caught, Warwick gives up and runs away, bear trap clanking with each step. An announcer speaks over the kids enjoying the cereal around the campfire.

"Chocolate Ganks! The chocolaty taste that leaves you howling!"

Off-screen, Warwick's howl along with a "I'll get that cereal next time" could be heard.

The screen went black and receded into the ceiling.

Braum was beside himself.

"But this commercial makes no sense at all! Warwick cannot even eat chocolate. And chocolate for breakfast? Where are the vitamins? Chocolate is fine as treat once in a while, but for breakfast? For dinner? It is too much!"

CeeCee stood up, motioning for Braum to do the same.

"I know B. and that's why I need you. The people in development are completely out of ideas. They keep telling me 'it is something so obvious we can't see it' and asking if we can just add a gimmick like a prize or marshmallows so we can at least compete."

"But they do not think of the children!" Braum lamented.

"No, and they can't think like a child either. But I do think they are right. Our hook is right there in front of us and we just can't see it yet. But then I thought of your story. Four days to realize you just had to go through the mountain."

"It was actually three and a half, but four is more fun for a story!" Braum laughed, calmed down by the memory of that troll boy.

"That's right," CeeCee said with a smile. "And just like that time, we hope you can put that noggin of yours to the challenge and think of a solution that makes everybody happy. Are you up for it?"

"I am up to the stars for it. Leave everything to Braum," he said, confidence completely restored.

Hugging CeeCee goodbye, Braum returned to the Institute of War. All this talk of cereal had made him hungry, and maybe a bowl would help him solve this problem.

xXxXx

"Perhaps more…no. No. More wheat would make it taste bland and dry. The goats are wise, but people could not eat everything. Answer is there, but what is it?" Braum asked himself.

Braum had seated himself at the League of Legends cafeteria several hours ago. Having gone through ten bowls of Wheat Shields, he could still not understand why kids did not like them. As he pondered, he heard the soft sound of feet approaching. No…the sound of skipping.

Turning, he saw Annie, the youngest champion of the League. Despite her age, she was a fierce pyromancer and her skill in magic is terrifying. At a young age, she had ensorcelled a demon bear to be her own personal stuffed animal, Tibbers. In complete control of the beast, she was a versatile champion that had found a home in nearly every lane she was sorted into. But neither constant fighting nor growing up in the Voodoo Lands had stifled her cheerful spirit one bit.

"Hi Braum! Wow. You sure ate a lot of cereal!" said the little girl, amazed at ten empty bowls.

"Indeed, Annie. It is Wheat Shields," Braum said, holding up the box. "The children do not like the cereal, and I must discover why. To help friends and children to be more healthy."

Annie giggled. "Well I'm a children! Maybe I could help."

Braum tapped his head. Annie was around the age group CeeCee had wanted to appeal to. Surely it was worth a try.

"Okay then, Annie. Pull up chair and grab a bowl."

Annie did so, pulling up a chair and even a highchair for Tibbers. She held the jug of milk to pour the cereal, but her hands had trouble with its weight. Braum reached over to steady it, and Annie thanked him.

With both cereals ready, Braum began to eat it. Closing his eyes and savoring the flavor, the taste of wheat and milk filled his mouth. Each piece had a satisfying crunch that was never destroyed by the milk. It was truly a healthy and delicious cereal. Opening his eyes, he saw that Annie had not taken a single bite.

"What is wrong, Annie? I thought you had said you wanted to eat?" Braum asked.

"Oh…well. I like the cereal, but Tibbers doesn't like it. But I know how to get him to eat!" she said with a grin.

"Really, how does, uh, Tibbers like to eat it?" he asked, humoring the child.

"I'll show you!" she said, standing up. Braum watched as she made her way over to the chefs preparing food for the next large meal. Getting the attention of the baker, Annie asked him a question. Initially, the baker seemed hesitant to give her what she wanted, but Annie cupped her hands together and tilted her head in a cute way and he gave in. Returning to the table, she held up a small cup.

"Ta-da! The secret ingredient to Tibbers's morning bowl of Wheat Shields is…" she began drumming on the table, "a little bit of snow!"

Her "snow," as it happened, was just sugar. Taking a small spoonful, she delicately poured an even amount over the top of the cereal. As she finished, she took Tibbers's head and pushed it into the bowl.

"See, Braum? Tibbers likes it so much he doesn't even use a spoon!" Annie said.

Braum smiled. He enjoyed the antics of children but Annie had misunderstood the point.

"That was very good of you to try, Annie. But the cereal is already good. Sugar will make it too sweet and-"

"Tibbers wants you to try it for yourself!" Annie said, cutting him off. Before Braum could react, Annie had already frosted his cereal with a spoonful.

"But Annie, I don't think that-"

"Pleeeaaasssee!" Annie said, performing the same motion she had used on the chef. Braum could see why he had given her what she wanted. She could be adorable when she wasn't hurling fireballs at you.

Braum sighed, "Okay. I will try one spoonful."

Taking the spoon to his mouth, he took a bite. Instantly, the flavor was transformed. The flavor of the wheat was not lost in the sugar, but was made all the sweeter. The sugar that had fallen in the milk had made it better too. In that one spoonful, Braum tasted what he could not before. The cereal was there, but it was improved! He could taste all the flavors!

Opening his eyes once more, Braum saw Annie tipping the bowl back like a cup to finish all of the sweet milk left behind. As the bowl came down, Braum saw her upper lip still had some milk on it. It was so ridiculous, Braum let out a chuckle.

"What's so funny?" Annie asked, thinking he was making fun of her.

"Your face! Take a look," Braum said. Grabbing his shield, he held its polished surface so Annie could see. Annie saw herself and giggled.

"I gave myself a milk mustache! I look like you Braum!"

Something clicked inside Braum's mind at those words. It was so obvious! If the cereal was frosted, the milk would be sweet too! Sugar was good in small amounts, so long as it was balanced by the healthy cereal underneath. And he had the perfect angle!

"Annie, I have figured out problem! How would you like to be in commercial?"

xXxXx

The camera moves in on a playground where a group of children from every country of Valoran are playing. Then a familiar voice speaks to all of them.

"Hello, Children!"

"Hi, Braum!" all the children say.

"What can you do with a good breakfast?"

A boy from Freljord said, "I can ride my goat all day!"

A Demacian girl said, "I can practice a new spell!"

A Noxian boy said, "I can shoot hoops for hours!"

A Zuanite Girl said, "I can fix up my bike to go faster!"

A Piltover girl said, "I can build my brother toys!"

A Yordle boy said, "I can make up a whole new game!"

And finally, Annie said, "I can fight in the League of Legends!"

Braum stood by a park bench with each child finishing their bowl of cereal. They all lifted their bowls and drank all of the leftover milk. Lowering the bowl, each one had milk and a smile on their face. Braum spoke into the camera.

"Start your day with milk mustaches by eating Original and now Frosted Wheat Shields. A healthy and sweet part of your truly balanced breakfast!"

xXxXx

Hello, everyone! Author here. If you've read my other stories I'd like to say thank you for all of your positive feedback. I put a lot of thought and research into these and I'm glad to see people enjoy them. Especially discovering CeeCee, who happens to be Braum's original champion concept! Might throw a few more of those into later stories, so keep your eyes peeled for new names.