Chapter 1: How a butterfly saves a life
P O V: Matthew Casey
"Help!" Sylvie Brett's voice calls out weakly between coughing fits. "Sylvie where are you call out!" "Trapped under a beam, it's on top of my chest Matt it's getting harder to breathe." Fear is an amazing motivator despite the raging fire, the thick smoke, I keep pushing on sweat dripping down my whole body which is aching horribly.
The world feels like it's closing in around me which only escalates the desperation to get out of here, the fear I won't make it in time. I have to though because Sylvie's life is in my hands right now. The explosion was so powerful it leveled the whole building how any of us made it out of here alive is truly phenomenal to me. "Sylvie there are a lot of damn beams be more specific." I can't stop if I do I'll never restart but it's getting harder to keep going. "Captain." Christopher Herrman is crawling behind me along with Stella Kidd, Kelly Severride, Randy "Mouch" McHolland "Damn this heat is intense Captain we must be insane, no one races into a damn fire, most sane people race out save yourself, no us morons race inside the burning buildings."
"I can't see a damn thing visibility is shot Captain." "I'm in the same boat Kidd, it's so damn hot my mask is practically sticking to my face." "Get down!" Loud popping filled the room flames erupt all around us. "These damn things sound like fireworks on speed." Laughter bubbled from my throat at Mouch's statement. Toxic smoke is quickly filling the room intensifying the choking and gasping. "Sylvie call out, how's your oxygen?" "Bad." She's coughing her chest sounds tighter than before. The worst part of this is not knowing where we are, where anything in the room is. We can't find her and the worry is starting to overcloud the professional side of me. This isn't just any victim she's our friend our sister. We can't lose her not like we lost Andy and Shay. "Shattering glass! Duck!" Severide's body flies forward sheltering Stella, "Sylvie cover your face!" "I can't arms are pinned."
Without a SCBA on her the smoke is quickly overpowering her, each word is getting harder to pronounce her breathing is becoming labored, all I hear now is gasping. Her lungs are rattling "I'm close Sylvie keep talking to me." Chief's voice suddenly cracks over our radio's. "Evacuate! The whole building is going to collapse!" I can hear the fear in his voice our chief who is normally so calm collected and cool in crisis is now panicked. "Brett talk to me!" "Hurts Matt hurry please." "I know Brett honey keep talking to me. What do you see?" Her coughing takes over her ability to form words. Her breathing makes me wince "Slow deep breaths Sylvie babe, not through your mouth only your nose." "Butterfly" she coughs out great she's hallucinating now. I don't need to see any of their faces to know that their just as worried as I am.
"Okay Brett tell me about this butterfly? What colors are it's wings? Is it big or small? Where is it?" Stella is suddenly next to me "What are you doing Casey?" "Keeping her talking which in return keeps her awake, and maybe will get a clue as to where she is."
"It's medium sized she's sitting on a pole in front of me, she's so beautiful Matt." "Captain." Herrman whispers to me "she's fading can you hear her voice drifting in and out." "Yes." "Oh so she's a female Sylvie huh? How can you tell?" Coughing prevents her from replying she's gasping so tightly now I'm afraid each gasp will be her last. Which direction is it coming from? My knees are in excruciating pain from crawling; my hands are raw and bloody. My gloves have been long destroyed. "Left Captain." Mouch yells "Sylvie!" "I'm still with you Captain, I think my daddy sent the butterfly." Her gasp is long painful I feel my chest tighten in fear she sounds like she's crying. "Matt go back save yourself, all of you, it's too late for me, I think daddy sent the butterfly as a sign from Jesus, I think it's time for me to leave." "Sylvie stop talking like that we're family, we don't leave family behind. Tell me why butterflies?"
Her silence scares me I give her a few still I get no reply "Sylvie Brett this is your captain I command you to answer me!" her reply is softer this time weaker "Butter-" another gasp which fills the room followed by a coughing spasm so intense I feel the floor shake. "-flies were our thing." Each sentence is followed by a longer time gap. "My brother Juventino he … use to find caterpillars. Used them as target practice." She laps into a silence so thick it can rival the smoke "Did he kill them?" Mouch calls out "that's what my brother and I would do to the baby rats we'd find in our house." "Yeah he use to shoot them with his bb gun."
"You didn't improve I take it?" Stella laughs as she asked Sylvie "Actually I showed him how to center the gun and blast them ugly ass things apart." She starts to laugh which only hurts her. "Matt it hurts so bad." "I know sweetie, we're hurrying."
"Dad caught us one day..Matt I'm getting dizzy, it's getting harder to stay awake."
"Keep focusing on my voice Sylvie listen to me, let me guide you like the North star. What did your dad say?" "He said that caterpillars were just babies, they needed love and support, a chance to grow so they can become big strong beautiful butterflies so they can have a chance to spread their wings, chase their dreams."
"Just like your dad gave to you and your brothers?" "Yes, he took our hands showed us how to dance through life he gave us room to create our own melodies. Write our own lyrics."
Her voice started to fade as I hear a loud popping sound "Duck!" Severide is suddenly on top of both Stella, Myself. "That light what the hell!" there was a bright light pure as the first signs of a flash-over it started out white but quickly became full of colors. "Sylvie!" I see her figure laying there pale as a ghost in the afterglow of the flash-over. My body reacts faster than my brain can think jumping to my feet rushing to her. ""She's completely pinned, grab each side guys we have to move this fast."
Stella keeps talking to her trying to get her to focus on anything except the pain "Sylvie keep talking sweetie tell me how do you feel being proposed to?" she remains silent "Girl you should be bubbling with happiness, I know it was sudden honey but Foster and I both told you Kyle is perfect for you." "I don't know Stella, I just I feel strange, not like the unicorn and magic rainbows that little girls always think they should feel." "Girl this is real life not some fairy-tale. Sometimes happy endings come in a different ending than what we envisioned. Do you love Kyle?" "Of course I do, I just I don't know it's all happening so fast, I know I don't want to move...I.." She starts to cough again crying out in pain "I'm starting to think maybe Kyle isn't right for me." "Don't be afraid to speak your mind Sylvie don't settle for someone just because you think you should, never settle for anything less than love."
A long series of grunts as our feet shuffle while we push which finally succeeds in us moving the beam. "Captain I got this side get our girl out." "Copy Severide." I can feel the walls melting as I drop to my knees scooping her tiny frame into my arms, her head rolls back falling against my shoulder. Chief is yelling into the radios for us to get out. Sometimes life really feels like the cliffhangers of TV shows when the final seconds are ticking down and it's a race against time. Carrying another human being out isn't as easy as these actors on TV make it look. It's difficult awkward and heavy! "Casey take this." Severide slips off his mask sliding it over her face. Instantly I hear a change in her breathing. "Kelly share mine." "Copy Kidd; now let's move." my arms ache as we move tediously through the burning building. She's overheating I send out a silent prayer towards the heavens to help us get out of this. "I see light!" Stella yells sure enough I see it towards the entrance. "Wait is that a butterfly? Or am I going crazy?" "Damn Herrman if your going crazy I'm on the sane train as you I see the little creature to."
The building starts to rumble louder knocking my balance off kilter I sway gripping on to her frame tighter. Most people will never know what it's like to have a building come down onto them, I've had more than my fair share of them holding her closer my burnt out charbroiled nostrils pick up her scent of strawberry cinnamon shampoo. Gently my burning lips press against her skin tasting vanilla.
Crack
Deafening tidal waves fill our ears "Move now!" I feel Severide's body pushing Stella out of the way knocking me off my feet. Stella's gasps fill the air all I can do is cover Sylvie holding her as close to my chest as I can. "51 report!" Chief calls out urgently "Severide! Casey! Brett!" Erin Lindsay's voice fills the air "Get down it's going!" the words barely leave Chief's lips as debree comes crashing down. My mind goes back to another explosion six years earlier. One where not all of us came home. The windows that remained intact from the earlier explosion shatter sending shards of glass piercing across our delicate inflamed skin. I barely have time to throw my turnout coat over her body as our bodies are propelled forward.
Thunderous cacophonous are the only words I can think of to describe how this explosion sounded. It's impossible to acutely explain how it sounds or feels. It's a dark under-bellying aspect of this job that no one ever hears about. My face crashes down next to a body that has been so badly burned it'll never be recognizable even through dental records teeth have been knocked out. Bodies of people who only hours before had been alive, laughing, bitching about their jobs, wives, kids. People who had dreams, hopes, families now they were a mixture of severed heads, amputated limbs, wide open void eyes stared back into mine.
Sylvie's moans escape her dried lips "Stay focused Sylvie life is all about the climb even beautiful strong butterflies have to pump their wings." "Trying Captain so hard."
The impact hits me reminding me of when I as a little kid and my sister Christie and her stupid girlfriends would bury me in the sand when we went to the beach hot salty nasty grains would swarm down my throat chocking me, burning my eyes. Fear escalated quickly as a kid we never got along so I always thought she was trying to kill me.
No fear back then compared to what I felt now. Death is interment. My ears are ringing my head is spinning. Severide can't stop coughing, Sylvie's moans fill the room. "Don't love...him.." She's talking incoherently as she drifts in and out of a semi conscious state. A brief part of me wonders of she's making more sense now than when she's fully awake. She has no moral obligations to make other people happy, she's unfiltered, speaking what her heart really feels.
I'm squinting trying to find that light or even that butterfly. All I see is dust, smoke and bright orange flashes, blackness is descending on me quicker than I can think. I wonder if this is how Shay felt when she was laying on the ground dying. Did she even have a chance to feel or think? I hope not, I hope her death was quick and painless.
It's only a flash but as the light leaves me I see a silhouette of wings a mixture of pink mist and royal blue. "Shay." I breathe out remembering a previous conversation I had one summer between Shay and I while we were camping. We had been awake all night while everyone else slept through the night we lay on the grass under the crescent shape of the summer moon. She had seen a butterfly fluttering around and declared in her tequila induced state. "Butterflies are a sign from God he's telling you Hallie's okay, she wants you to move on, to grow from your loss, she sent Gabby to you Matt, we are all butterflies, Earth is our chrysalis. It's up to us to use our pain to embrace the metamorphosis and grow."
Is Shay trying to tell me she's okay? That she's going to guide us to safety? I hope she is, I hope she's helping Gabby heal. I still miss her, I probably always will, part of me will never stop loving her, but I'm trying to move on.
"Stay with us Shay, we all miss you. Protect us, I'm sorry we didn't protect you." Everything spins in a dizzying array of colors which turn to a solid scary blackness.