Chapter 3

First Kill

With shaky hands I filled up our packs and took Chains's hand.

"Tell me which man hurt you so that we can avoid him." Lying to Chains was hard, but she would never have let me done what I was about to do.

"He's Team C's leader, the muscular guy with the long, greasy hair." She pulled me out of the room and started looking for him. I, on the other hand, was looking for something else.

"I'll be back. I need to steal some food." I mouthed, and ran off into the supply room. The guards were yelling at someone else who had tried to steal, so I took the opportunity to sneak past them. The storage room was filled top to bottom with everything from soap to cigarettes. Disgusted by the small stockpile of tobacco, I turned around to look for what I needed. Several cases of weapons lay in the pack. Distractedly I pulled cans of food off the shelves at random, and then headed straight for the weapons.

There wasn't much because each of the bandits carried several weapons with them. My fingers traced the outline of each one. I decided to take a knife and a gun in case I needed a distraction. Slipping them each into loops of my belt, I snuck back out unnoticed.

"Cat, quick! It's him!" Chains suddenly appeared from around the corner. She grabbed my hand to pull me away but I turned to face him.

"Cat, what are you doing? We need to get out of here!" Chains yanked on my arm again.

"Nobody should hurt you, Chains." I pulled out the gun. Hesitating a bit, I really got to look at the guy. He was big; his muscles bulged and veins popped out. He had long, greasy hair a few inches past his shoulders that was tied back with a leather string. Acne and stubbles of hair populated his face. Overall, he was disgusting yet terrifying.

"Where'd you get the gun, sweetheart?" He asked.

"I'm tired of being called sweetheart." I answered. My finger gently pulled the trigger back. Chains looked alarmed, but I saw a small look of satisfaction behind it all.

A loud boom erupted from the gun. My arm jerked back a little. Every bandit nearby turned around to look.

I had hit him right in between the eyes.

"Cat, we have to go now!" Chains wrapped her fingers around my arm in a tight grip. This time I didn't fight her, but sprinted along with her. The bandits were coming to their senses around us and were pulling out their guns.

The exit was in sight. My hand flew out to push the door open. Shots rang out from behind. We ducked, and rolled out the door.

"Catalina!" A familiar voice called. Milo. He was sitting in one of the jeeps, waiting. "Over here!"

I wanted so badly to trust him, but he was a bandit.

"Cat, we don't have a choice!" Chains said, reading my thoughts.

"Fine!" I snap, and then we take off towards the jeep. Sliding into the back, Milo quickly fills us in.

"I saw Cat in the storage room and Chains spying around. I put two and two together and figured that you were leaving and you needed help. Honestly, I hate this place and have always wanted to find a way out." Milo looked back at us.

Doubtfully I looked over at Chains. Her face was twisted with pain. "What happened?" I demanded.

"The shot got my leg. It's nothing." She tried to shrug it off but I could see the obvious pain in her eyes. Carefully I reached over and pulled up her pant leg. There was a big, bloody wound on the side.

"Milo, we need a first aid kit." I searched in the back for cloth. An old blanket lay on the floor so I ripped a strip off and wrapped it around the wound. Chains obediently put pressure on it when I told her to.

Milo tossed a box back without taking his eyes off the road. Several more jeeps were coming up behind us. You need to stay focused, I thought to myself, Chains is hurting badly. Hurriedly I dug through the kit. After wiping off some of the sticky, warm blood I stuck several bandages and shreds of cloth on and taped it all together. There weren't any antibiotics in there, so I just had to hope that Chains wouldn't get it infected. Milo was muttering up front.

"We don't have anywhere to go." He sighed angrily. He was right. There was no one out there we knew, or was willing to help us. There wasn't even anyone out there. "I'm sorry, but we may have to turn ourselves in." He shot us a guilty look.

Something about what he said annoyed me. Chains had said something similar when we were on the car surrounded by wolves. Except then we had Zoby to save us. If only I knew where he was now.

"We need to go back to where you found us." I mumbled.

"That's what I just said. We need to turn around before they shoot us." Milo started to turn the wheel.

"No! Before we came to this place, when they kidnapped us. We need to go back to that town." That's where Zoby was. Chains needed Zoby right now.

"Why back there? They'll catch us before then." Chains chimed in.

"Not if we distract them. Don't forget about me." I abruptly jumped out of the jeep. The ground hit me hard, but the realization of what I had just done hit me harder. With several bruises and burns from the snow I stood up. My hand felt broken from when I landed on it but I didn't care. I raised the gun and fired, over and over. The men looked shocked, and the jeeps swerved out of control for a moment. I ran off to the side and ducked beneath an old dumpster. Shouts and curses came from the vehicles. Milo and Chains were nowhere to be seen.

You idiot, I thought to myself, how could you leave Chains hurt and unarmed with Milo like that? I hadn't been thinking. Something familiar about Milo made me trust him, but I still couldn't figure out just what it was.

Silently I rolled out from behind the dumpster. The bandits had given up looking for the shooter and continued to pursue Chains and Milo. I followed. My boots were worn and I was on the verge of shock, but I could run fast. While unzipping the top layer of coats I took off, following the tire tracks.

"I'm coming for you, Chains." I called to the wind. Nothing answered. This only made me go faster. The jeeps were still within my sight, but they were slowly disappearing. No human could keep up with a car traveling that fast, but I was going to try.

I ran for hours. My stomach growled, begging for food, but I couldn't stop. The cars were way out of my sight now. It was beginning to get dark. Snow was starting to fall in heavy, icy chunks. They hurt my face as they came down, leaving wet streaks to freeze on my cheeks. The wind was starting to whip through my jackets. It was the coldest day I had ever suffered through so far. The sky was black now, and the tracks were starting to fill with fresh snow. I kept going. Fatigue was slowing me down, and all I really wanted to do was lay down and nap for eternity. Surely Chains would be fine...

My eyes closed and sleep overcame me.

...

It was light when I finally woke up. There was a single track in sight, and snow covered my body. Shivering, I tried to get up, but every part of me was numb and blue. It took several minutes before I was able to move.

"Chains needs you." I mumbled to myself, over and over. Determined to find her, I set off in the direction they had been going last. Even if they had turned around, I still needed to get to the town and find Zoby.

"Chains!" I called out, suddenly very lonely. They were supposed to come back for me-where were they now? Hadn't I almost gotten killed to ensure their escape? They didn't make it, a voice in my head told me, the bandits caught up with them, or killed them. I winced at the idea. No one should kill someone as innocent as Chains. My hand gripped the knife in my belt. Anyone that touched her would die. She was all I had left, and no one could take her from me.

"I'm coming for you, Chains. No matter where you are, I swear to god I'll find you." My voice was harsh in the otherwise silent moment.

The day seemed to never end. A merciless wind chilled me to my bones, and I shivered violently. Running didn't help much. The sweat would make my clothes damp which would then freeze, leaving my shirt a bit icy. Nothing moved in sight. I was entirely alone, surrounded by endless mounds of snow. The town was just a dot in the distance; so close but yet unreachable. I looked up at the sky for a clue of what time it was but the sun was enveloped in clouds. While sighing angrily I realized how out of breath I was. I had been running for at least a few hours.

It took another hour before I finally made it to the edge of the town. The eerieness of it all made me want to find a corner to hide in where no one could see me. I felt so exposed standing in the middle of the street entirely alone. Everything could see me.

Something behind me moved and I spun around. With the knife raised in one hand, I yelled out.

"Who's there?" My voice seemed shaky. A box rolled out from behind a car with the wind. There was no one there. All of my senses were heightened. With a new energy I started running down the street. The supplies I had stolen were all in the jeep with Chains and Milo so I had to fend for myself. Desperate for food, I searched every store nearby. Each time I came up empty handed. There was a reason this town was empty. Everyone had picked it clean. Even the bookstores were empty except for the moldiest of pastries. I decided mentally that I wasn't that desperate, but if it came to it I would eat the moldy patries instead of die. Quickly I put them into a bag before I changed my mind.

Sometimes the hungriest of people would do the unthinkable. I'd heard the screams once before; a woman was kidnapped by a group of scrawny guys who barely looked human. Even before they got to the car knives were drawn and the woman piercing screams filled my head. I looked away. After that most of my nightmares were focused on that woman. There probably wasn't anything I could've done, but the memory still gnawed away at my mind. Nothing could drive me to that kind of insanity. Knowing that I had killed someone was already hard enough to deal with; eating someone would permanently take away any humanity I still had. So instead I focused on scavenging for any kind of food.

A Walmart sign towered above my head, tempting me to go in. Bandits are in the big stores, my conscious told me, you'd get killed. A week ago I might've listened to that thought and steered clear from any massive stores. But my stomach was rumbling and then it hit me.

No one was here.

Why was I so worried about getting killed when nothing moved in the entire town. There was no one that needed me now anyway. If Milo wasn't trustworthy then Chains was certainly dead by now, and if he was they were either back with the bandits or she was safe with him. Empowered with the idea of independence, I walked into the store. I could've die right then with almost no regrets. Chains was most likely fine, I had tried my best to get to the border, and the man who had hurt Chains was dead. With the thoughts in my head I slipped into the slightly open door and started running excitedly down the isles. Almost everything was gone, but bags of nuts and cans had been knocked down behind the shelves in a struggle to take what people could. Skillfully I pulled out everything I could without making a single noise. Satisfied with what I had collected, I ran back out of the store and started to feast on nuts and canned fruit. Everything tasted stale, but it didn't matter. I ate so fast that pretty soon I was sick and had to lay down before I threw it all back up.

As soon as my belly settled I stuffed myself with more food. It took everything in me to restrain myself from eating everything. Solemnly I packed the remainders and started walking again. My feet were sore from all the running and my shoes were falling apart. New shoes were hard to come by. The rare times you would find shoes they would almost never fit. At this point I didn't have a choice but to deal with it.

For the rest of the day I walked in circles around town. I'm not exactly sure what I was looking for. If Chains and Milo were still alive, they were probably long gone by then. Zoby was nowhere to be seen. I hadn't realized just how much I wanted to curl up by his warm, furry body and sleep, knowing that Chains was alive and well. At this point, I had no idea of what I was going to do.

Night fell quickly. For the first time in a while a few stars peeked out from the sides of clouds. Depressed, I collapsed on the concrete and watched them for a while.

"Hey, momma, look at the stars." My pudgy little finger pointed up at the sky until she came to look.

"They haven't shined this bright in a long time. Maybe it's because of you." She smiled and pulled me close. I was only about 4.

"Why do they sparkle like that?"

"Because they don't want us to get lost. Over there's the north star. That star has guided many people home." She whispered.

"Do a lot of people get lost?" I blinked at her with wide eyes.

"Yes. Almost everyone gets lost." She sighed and pulled me closer.

I looked up at the sky now. Sure enough, the north star shined bright for a moment before a cloud swallowed it whole. There would be no star to guide me home tonight. Wistfully I stood up and walked into the nearest hotel. Everything around me heavy and dark. The rest of the memory came to me as I laid down on an empty bed.

"Momma, what happens if there is no star to guide us home?" Shivers went down my spine as I thought of that.

"You'll have me to guide you." She stroked my hair gently.

"And what if you're not there?" My mind was filled with questions.

"Then you'll have to trust your instincts and do what you think is right." She laughed emptily.

Right now my instincts wanted to curl up in a ball and die. What I wanted even more was for someone to come and coax me out of the horrible dream, and tell me that everything was okay. That I didn't need to die. That all of this cold was just a trick, and soon it would be all over.

But no one came. Eventually I gave up on my hopless fantasies and fell into a deep sleep. That night nightmares filled my head and almost everyone that I had ever cared for died.

...

Morning came too soon. My eyes were puffy with tears, and I could hardly open them. I smelled like death. At one point I had to pinch myself to make sure it wasn't a dream, and I was still alive. The sharp pain from my nails gave me my answer. This was not a dream. The reality of it all was more painful than any injury I could've inflicted upon myself. The small will to live got me up and pushed me to eat, and then leave the hotel.

"Cat, you need to go." I repeated to myself, over and over. I laughed. Why was I doing this? Imaginary barks played in my mind. Zoby. If only he was here now.

I looked intently at the knife in my belt. It would be so easy to end it, right there and then. Nobody would know. No one would care. Barking still bounced around my head. It was starting to get annoying.

"Zoby?" I called out. The barking didn't sound so imaginary any more. Almost running into the wall, I jumped up and started looking for the source of the barking. A massive, disgusting, blob of fur starting sprinting towards me. There was only one animal that big that would come running to me besides a wolf. Zoby.

I ran to him. He barked happily and licked my face. Normally I would've been disgusted and pushed him away, but this was different. I need the slobber on my face. His fur felt good in my hands. This was the creature I had hated at first, and only kept for Chains's sake, but now I loved him too.

"Zoby, I'm so glad to see you. We need to find Chains." All of the dejected vibes left the air, and it was just me, Zoby, and my hopes of finding Chains. He barked again. Apparently he felt the same way.

Suddenly hopeful, I decided that if I was going to find Chains I couldn't go by foot. Zoby followed me patiently as I searched for a bike that wasn't frozen in place and was big enough for me. I got lucky and found one pretty quickly. It was slow for a bike, but it was faster than walking and took much less effort.

We covered a lot of distance quickly. I decided to head back to the edge of town in case they came back for me. It took a long time for us to make it all the way around town. Zoby always stayed close, not too eager to be left behind again. After a couple of hours we made it back to the edge, and then started to pace back and forth a mile or two. My arms and legs felt like led. For the last few weeks I had gotten barely any sleep, and now all of this running and biking was taking a toll on me. If I had been properly fed it probably wouldn't have been such a problem, but you could easily count my ribs. I looked back at Zoby. Shivers crawled down my spine as I thought about what he ate to survive. I shook the idea from my mind and continued to bike. Sometime during that afternoon I stopped biking for a minute and passed out all together.

It had been a long day. The morning would be longer.

...

"We came back for you, just like you told us to." I looked up. Chains's head was right above mine, smiling. Shocked, I jumped up.

"What? Where'd you come from? Is that really you?" I reached out to touch her face. Sure enough, real flesh and blood connected with my skin. She began to answer my questions but I didn't move my hand from her face. I was too worried that I'd lose her again.

"The bandits chased us for a long time, but some of them were seriously wounded-probably your doing-and so they gave up. Milo and I hid in a hotel for about a week. They looked for about a day, but gave up." This description had left Chains tired and drained. I could tell by looking at her that she wasn't well.

"Are you okay?" I put my hand on her shoulder. She took a deep breath before answering.

"Yeah." She looked down at the ground. Her cheeks looked hollow.

"Wait a second. Did you say that you guys hid for about a week?" I calculated the amount of days I had been looking for her. It didn't add up.

"Yeah...6 days...why?" My stomach felt sick. How long had I slept before she found me?

"Nothing. It's just-I think I've been asleep for a while." I frowned and looked around. My head hurt a bit, and I was still groggy from sleep.

"Oh. Well, maybe that's a good thing. You hadn't gotten much sleep before all this happened." She looked at me with a concerned look on her face. I smiled to show her that was fine.

"Where's Milo now?" I looked around. Just as I'd asked the question he came waltzing from a store nearby, his hands full of supplies.

"Where'd you get all that?" I demanded.

He winked. "It's amazing what you can learn from being a bandit." Chains smiled at his comment, but I stayed emotionless. Milo then went on to tell me what had happened in a slightly longer version than Chains's.

"Well, now that we're together again we can start heading to the border." I pulled on Chains's arm. "We need to start moving soon. We've lost a lot of time and the days are getting much shorter and colder."

"I'm not going to the border." Chains gave me a cold and calculating look. "There's nothing for me there."

"What about our family? What about trying to find a warmer place to live?" Distressed, I tried to talk some sense into her.

"You said it yourself. We're not broken, so we don't need our family. Remember that, Cat? And anyway, don't get your hopes up that it's any better down there than up here." She glared at me, challenging me to argue with her.

"But it worth a shot. And anyway, we still need family." Tears were building up in my eyes. I hardly ever cried, but where was the Chains that I knew and loved?

"Chari, you should listen to Cat. We won't last up here for long." Milo joined in, and for the first time I was grateful.

"They left us. They don't want us, Cat." Chains persisted.

"We don't have anywhere else to go or any other reason to live. Chari, Mexico is our last hope. If we stay here the weather will just get worse and one day we'll live the tent unzipped or forget to put on an extra coat and we won't ever wake up again." Now I was mad. Why was she doing this?

"Fine. But if we find our parents, I want nothing to do with them." She snapped and turned away. I looked at Milo.

"Is she okay?" I whispered.

"Not really. That wound she got really hurt her, and she would barely eat anything." He started walking off in her direction, apparently ready to follow us. Annoyed at his vagueness, I followed as well.

We walked south for hours and hours. My energy level was much higher than it was the last time I had walked, whenever that was. Apparently I had gotten a lot more sleep than I thought I did. Zoby switched from my side to Chains's often; he was excited that she was here but he also respected me for coming back for him.

Most of the way we didn't talk. When we did, it was to say we needed food or a rest. The silence ate away at me; hadn't I searched for Chains for several days? Why wasn't she talking to me? I didn't have an answer to these questions so I pushed them away. Milo didn't say anything either. He just kept walking, and I followed.

At one point near the end of the day, I couldn't take it any more. "What is the matter, Chains? We used to talk all the time when we traveled." She didn't look at me when she answered.

"What's the matter? I've realized that this mission is pointless, yet you wander on looking for ghosts of people that don't want you." She shook her head and laughed hysterically. It was dark now, and we had to stop to sleep. The town was a bit behind us now so we had no choice but to set up a tent. The wind rattled it in the wind, and Zoby provided our only warmth.

"Cat, I'm sorry." Chains had finally come to her senses. We hugged and fell asleep. No one bothered to keep watch. Zoby would bark if someone came near us.

...

It was still night when I woke up. I looked over at Chains. Her face was scrunched up in a dream, her lips slightly blue. Zoby opened one eye sleepily to look at me, and then closed it again. Milo was turned to the side on the oppposite corner of the tent.

I sighed. There was no way I could go back to sleep. Somewhat sleepily I reached for my bag and pulled out one of the books I kept for nights like this. The title was Wuthering Heights. I'd read it several times before, yet it never ceased to entertain me. Every time I read it the insanity and passion of the characters would make me cry. It reminded me to much of how insane it was to go looking for my parents. Just as I opened the book, a voice from the corner startled me.

"Whatcha reading?" Milo was propped up on one elbow, staring at me.

"Um, Wuthering Heights." I looked at him for a minute, then went back to reading.

"Is it any good?" He drew me back from the story.

"Yeah." I wasn't really in the mood for talking, but he seemed to be.

"I thought so. I've seen you read it before."

"What?" Startled, I put the book down. I didn't think that I had ever met Milo before this. It would've been hard to miss someone so trusting and kind of cute.

"I've seen you read it before. You read it a lot at school." He looked at me strangely.

"What do you mean?" I definitely did not remember him from school. Suddenly a feeling of guilt dropped into my stomach.

"We had a few classes together. I figured that you didn't remember me." He sounded sad, and his face was pensive.

"I'm sorry." I was at a loss for words. He had certainly taken me by surprise.

"It's fine. It's been a long time, and I never talked to you anyway." He tried not to show it, but hurt flickered across his face for a second. He laid back down and looked up at the top of the tent.

"I really am sorry. You seemed like the kind of person I would've liked." My words were getting jumbled up and I didn't know what else to say.

"Yeah." He let out that single word in a sigh, and then rolled back over. A few minutes later I heard his quiet snores. After that I couldn't focus on the book. The words floated right off the page, and I felt so confused. How had I not remembered Milo?

The rest of the night I wrote on the empty pages of books.

...

"It's a pretty bad blizzard today. I don't think that we can go anywhere." Milo rubbed his hands together. My stomach rumbled.

"Do we have enough food?" My mouth watered at the word.

"If we ration it carefully and go hungry most of the day, then I think we'll be fine." Milo started going through our supplies. This was not a good situation to be in.

"Alright. But I don't know how hungry I can be before going insane." I looked over at Chains, and then Milo. We were all dangerously skinny.

"Here. I picked up these pastries the other day." Milo tossed Chains and i each a small roll. I bit into it eagerly and almost broke my teeth. It was rock hard, and I had to suck on it for a long time before it was chewable. It took off the edge of my hunger, but nothing more. Reluctantly I didin't eat anything else.

"So, what do you guys wanna do?" Milo looked us questioningly.

"Talk." I answered, and Chains looked down.

"Alright. But first things first." He looked around our small circle dramatically. "We've been followed, and I think that he would really like to come in." Smiling cockily, Milo unzipped the tent door. A boy (or man) blew in. He looked about 18, only a couple years older than me, with snow in his hair and blue lips. He looked at us and smiled.

"Nice to finally meet you."

...

His name was Jay. He was part of the bandit group, one of Milo's only friends. The bandits trusted him so they had him follow us, but he took it as an opportunity to leave. He had other plans, he told us. It was getting to cold and he hated the place anyway. His parents were one of the first to die, and he was looking at colleges when it started to get really bad. I really looked at him for the first time when he told us this. He had dark features, and pale skin, probably from the lack of sun. His hair was shaggy and his chin had stubbles of hair, but altogether he just looked like a cute college boy with no direction.

"Why'd you continue to follow us?" I asked him when he was done introducing himself.

"Milo was my friend, and you were going in the same direction I was going, so I figured I might as well tag along." He pulled a blanket tighter around himself.

"Why didn't you introduce yourself earlier?" Chains asked, talking for the first time in a while.

"I figured that you guys wouldn't trust me, so I was patient." He looked annoyed, like all of this was obvious. It got on my nerves a bit.

"You're definitely right about that. Why should I trust you now?" Milo laughed at my question.

"Catalina, we're miles away from the base, in the middle of a blizzard, and there's three of us and one of him." Milo chuckled to himself and continued to sort through our packs. For three little packs, it did seem to take him a while.

"Fine. But after the blizzard, what if he tries to kill us?" Determined to be right, I waited for an answer.

"If I wanted you dead, you would be dead." He said arrogantly, and then proceeded to take a nap. Apparently spies don't sleep much.

"I don't trust him." I shot Milo a dirty look. He shrugged.

"Nobody does. But he can help us." Milo decided to take a nap as well. Pretty soon we were all on the bottom of the tent more cramped than ever sleeping off any hatred we felt.