I've decided to try writing something with a little drama. My analysis of Gail might not be totally accurate, please forgive me. Might continue if it garners interests and provided I can find some new inspiration. Let me know what you guys think!
Holly is sitting on her sofa, a glass of wine in one hand and a book in the other. She hasn't turned a single page ever since she picked up the book. Her eyes are fixed on the pages, but her mind is somewhere else, deep in thoughts about her relationship with Gail, if you could even call it that.
For the past few weeks ever since their kiss in the interrogation room and the night at the hospital, Gail has been coming over every other day, be it drunk or sober, demanding sex or simply just wanting to sleep next to Holly. In the morning Gail would either be gone or make excuses such as being late for work or needing to be somewhere. Sometimes there would even be radio silence from the blonde for days. At first, Holly didn't mind. She understands that Gail is going through a rough time with the shootings and her friends(although she would never admit it), Sam and Chloe, who are fighting for their lives at the hospital. Holly has been there unconditionally for Gail, giving her whatever she needs.
However, she's had enough with Gail's behavior. She can't keep waiting for Gail to be ready to have a proper conversation about where they stand. Holly's only human and her patience is running thin. What happened to cool, confident and understanding Holly? She thought to herself as she takes another sip of her red wine. How did she end up in this predicament? She feels like the pathetic lesbian who falls for straight girls, straight girls with commitment and emotional issues. If two years ago Holly could witness the sight of her future self now, past Holly would've ask her to get her shit together and move on.
Holly is being pulled out of her train of thoughts by the knock on the door that gradually becomes a continuous pounding with shouts of her name. No doubt it was Gail. She rushes toward the door and takes a deep breathe to compose herself before opening it. She wondered why none of her neighbors have yet to complain about the late night disturbances for the past weeks.
"Gail." Holly states coolly, trying not to give any sign of weakness away.
"Holly." Gail tries to push herself against the other woman's body, closing in for a heated kiss but was stopped midway when Holly places a firm hand on the blonde's chest. Holly immediately smells the whiff of alcohol on Gail as soon as she opened the door. She's drunk and her bloodshot eyes did nothing to hide it either.
"You're drunk. Go home."
"What's wrong, Holly? Not like it has stopped you before. Why are you being such a prude all of a sudden?" Holly is hurt by what just came out of Gail's mouth, but tries her best not to lose it.
"Just go home and sleep it off. We can talk when you're sober." Holly's attempt to slam the door in Gail's face failed as she quickly puts her hand on the door to stop the force. Even when drunk, she's still got quick reflexes, Holly gives her that.
"No." Gail pushes herself pass the brunette and walks into the apartment. Holly sighs and closes the door behind her. Once the door closes, Gail grabs Holly by her waist tightly and plants a sloppy kiss on her lips. For a second Holly lets herself get lost in the moment, before realizing that enough is enough. She needs to rip off the band aid and deal with this once and for all.
"Stop!" Holly pushes Gail away, leaving the blonde stunned.
Once Gail manages to find her bearings, she starts speaking loudly in the quiet apartment. "Don't act like you don't want me. Wait, you don't want me anymore, do you? You're just like the rest of them, kicking me aside once you think you've had enough of me, or you can't handle me anymore, or realize that I'm not good enough for you. Is that it? Am I not good enough for you?"
"Gail…" Holly doesn't know what to say to her. She's furious that Gail thinks so little of her, yet a tiny part of her heart goes out to Gail. She wants to kick her out of her apartment, yet she wants to envelop Gail into a hug. Holly doesn't know what to do.
"Whatever. Go find another girl to go to the batting cages with." Gail turns around a tad too quickly for the door and her head starts to spin. She almost falls to the ground, but Holly was quick to rush to her side and hold her up.
Although Holly is incredibly disappointed and upset with Gail, there is no way the blonde will be able to make it home herself. She guides Gail over to the sofa and lay her down slowly. She then went to the closet to get an extra pair of pillow and blanket to tuck Gail in. Gail is out immediately after her head hits the pillow.
It's 7am and Holly is tossing and turning in her bedroom, unable to fall asleep without waking up every other half an hour. She's replaying last night's events in her head, thinking if she could've handled the situation properly. Maybe she should've said something, have some kind of reaction, good or bad, rather than not doing anything at all? She takes a few tentative steps into the living to check if Gail is still asleep, or have she disappeared again. When Holly finds Gail still sound asleep on the sofa, she decided to change quickly and get out of the apartment before Gail wakes up. She can't handle anymore Gail drama right now. She needs to get away, anywhere but near Gail.
Gail wakes up around 11am with a killer headache, trying to find out whose sofa she's lying on. It took her a moment to realize she's at Holly's. Regret and embarrassment washes over her as she recalls last night's incident. She runs her hands over her face, not at all sure what to say to Holly when she sees her. She looks over at the coffee table to find a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin accompanied by a scribbled note.
Out running errands. Take these for the hangover. Lock the door behind you when you're leaving. – H
A pang of guilt hits Gail so hard that she's not sure if wanting to throw up is because of the hangover or the fact that Holly is still looking out for her after the things she said and did last night. She takes the aspirin and gulps down the glass of water. For the next 15 minutes, she contemplates whether or not she should leave before Holly comes home. Gail had a feeling that if she walks out the door right now, this is it between her and Holly. Holly is not going to forgive her for all the shit she's put her through.
Gail realizes that Holly is the only person in the world whom makes her feel at peace, whom creates a sanctuary, a safe haven for her at her home, in her arms. Holly never asks anything in return; maybe that's why Gail is always running to her and running away from her. She never thought about how Holly would feel, always giving and not receiving the same amount of compassion, love and generosity. She knows she's gone too far this time, and she needs to apologize to Holly, to beg, to grovel, for forgiveness and to make things right. So, Gail decides to stay put until Holly returns home.
It took a couple of hours before Gail hears the front door unlock. Her heart drops to her stomach and she quickly stands up looking at Holly's direction. She used the time she's been waiting for Holly to rehearse what she wants to say to her. But now, seeing Holly in front of her, her mind goes blank. She does a quick once-over to read Holly's body language. Holly's back is hunched, her head down. She then looks into Holly's eyes once the brunette looks up. She sees defeat, confusion, hurt, disappointment, and any other heart breaking emotion, you name it.
Gail feels as if her heart is being ripped apart at the sight of Holly. What has she done to the beautiful, charismatic, confident and funny Holly that she adored deeply? Gail wants to run over and hug her, hold her in her arms, but that's probably a bad idea.
Holly is genuinely surprised to see that Gail is still in her living room. She's also furious. The anger and disappointment she felt last night has returned. She quickly recovers from her initial reaction and leans against the wall, arms across her chest.
"What are you still doing here?" Holly's expression is unreadable.
"Um, waiting for you." Gail answers quietly.
"Oh? I thought you'd be gone by now."
Although Gail deserves the dig that's thrown at her, she can't help but feel a little hurt by it. She shakes that thought out of her head and puts her game face on.
"I know you're not expecting me to be here, but I am, and I'm here to make things right." Gail explained. Holly keeps a mouth shut, waiting to hear what Gail has to say.
"After last night, I realize what I've been doing to you these past few weeks has been unfair to you, that you don't deserve to be treated this way –"
"It's basically emotional abuse."
"Okay, if you put it that way." Gail is determined to accept whatever that comes her way. "You have to understand, all my life, my relationships failed, because they think I'm not giving enough of myself to them. People don't understand it's hard for me to commit a 100% emotionally if they keep leaving me."
"Don't you play the victim here. I've told you several times that I won't leave you." Holly can't help but snap at Gail.
"I know, I know. I'm not playing the victim card, I just want you to understand that this is all I know to do. To be in a relationship physically and not emotionally. Or when I'm finally willing to let my guard down to care for someone, to love someone, it's too late. But I'm willing to try with you, if it's not too late. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Holly. I want to be better for you, with you. I don't want to be the reason for you to look the way you did when you first entered the room. I hate it. I hate myself for it." Gail sighs and looks down at her feet. She closes her eyes to gather herself before looking back up at Holly.
"Please give me another chance." Gail begs, tears stinging her eyes threatening to spill.
Holly takes a moment to take in what Gail just told her. Seeing Gail vulnerable and open, Holly realizes she has crumbled almost Gail's entire impenetrable wall, she can see the regret, hope and sincerity behind those blue eyes.
"Under a few conditions."
"Name it." Gail replied immediately.
Holly pushes herself off the wall, but rooted to the ground still. "First, no alcohol for a really long time. I don't think I can handle drunk Gail anymore, anytime soon." Gail nods. "Second, I need you to talk to me. I need to know what's going on in that head of yours. I can't help you if you keep it all to yourself. I'm not a mind reader!" Gail nods again. "Third, no more running. As long as you stay and fight when things get tough, which I promise it will, I assure you that I will be there and I will not leave you, unless you want me too." Gail nods one last time.
"I promise you, I'll do my best. I won't screw it up this time." Gail breathes out.
"This time? There's a next time?" Holly raises an eyebrow.
"I won't screw it up, ever."
"That's better."
Holly walks over to Gail, pulling her into a hug. Gail breathes in the scent that is Holly, burying her face in her hair.
"You hungry?" Holly asks in an attempt to lighten the mood and change the subject.
"Always." Gail smiles her best smile that Holly had missed so much.
Thanks for reading!