Title: Ready?
Summary: Cameron leaves town for a year, holding a secret that would shatter her world if it got out. Hints of HC.
Rating: T, language most, maybe some M-rated words
Pairing: None really, hints of HouseCam, read and find out the rest, or else you'll spoil the story!
Genre: Drama, Angst
Prologue
She wondered when time started to slow down, it all had gone so fast in the past, a year could feel like only 4 months, she could suddenly realise that her place in the world had changed without even noticing. But now, as she stared at the clock, the damn clock didn't tick faster, only taunting her, teasing her, almost ticking slower.
She tried to remember when all this started, had it been at one of those black-tie events? When Cuddy had her baby? Or was it before all that, like when that stupid bet started? But she didn't remember. All she did remember where those looks she caught him giving her, how quickly he looked away when she looked his way, how amased she was when he held Cuddy's baby, but that stupid bet, damned Chase and Foreman. All she had to do was kiss him, but she cursed herself then, she had gotten drunk to work up the corruage, and they ended up doing a whole lot more.
Tears welled up in her eyes.
She could only blame herself, it was her who kissed him, who wasn't sobber enough to know it was wrong to invite him in, who accepted that stupid bet, she did all this for some easy money. And she blamed herself for not being so crazy about him anymore, that would've made the case a lot better. It's not that she doesn't like him anymore, it was just all the fighting that made her loose intrest, an intrest she would've loved to have at this moment.
She stared at the clock once more, it echoed through the whole appartment, she regretted not putting the tv on, or call a friend over for support, for help.
When she first thought of it, she thought she was crazy, the second time she shook it off, the third time she found herself in the drugstore. Yes to whatever you're thinking if you're thinking right. She bought a pregnancy test, all because a stupid bet, for the stupid alcohol, and for needing a clean break.
10 seconds.
Now she hoped the clock would've gone slower, so that she could sit on the bathroom floor a bit longer, collecting herself, but realised that nothing was going to prepare her for this moment.
0 seconds.
She helped hersef off the floor, staring at the stick, took the deapest breathe she could, it hurt in her chest as she did so, but she let it out quickly. She closed her eyes as her hands found their way to the test, trembeling, somehow her hands found it, and picked it up.
After a few seconds she willed herself to open her eyes, and she did it slowly. But she still couldn't look at the test. Her eyes found her reflection in the mirror, she had red puffy eyes, her nose was red, too. She still had on her pyjamas, pink tanktop and a pair of grey loose pyjama boxers. Coward She closed her eyes, she could do this, and she looked at the test.
Two lines.
What did that mean again? She looked around the bathroom, where did she put that box? She panicked, and went to search the whole bathroom, after she didn't find it there, she went out of the bathroom, where the hell was it? Then she saw it, on the floor just outside the bathroom, she'd put it there so she would stop reading the same sentence over and over again. And she picked it up. Two lines is... She read the box, the whole so she would save time, but as she reached the part where it stood, her hands trembeled, and the box fell to the ground. She did too. Crying hard.
This was not what this stupid bet said, she would only kiss him! She punched the wall as she slid down it with her palm. She puched it over and over again, until the back of her arm was red from all the punching. Her was was scrunshed up, she was trying to muffle the sobbs.
This couldn't be right, it had to be wrong, all this was wrong, she wouldn't be the first to get the wrong results.
Yes, that was it, she wouldn't believe this untill it was confirmed by a doctor. I'm a doctor she cursed that voice in her head, but debated back that there were speacial test for this, she couldn't go on a hunch, or a stupid home prengancy test. No this needed a propper test.
She glanced at the clock. 8.30.
She was late for work, but she really didn't care today.
She picked up the phone and made an appointment with the doctor that took care of her the last time she was pregnant. Only that time she aborted the baby after a few months of thinking, but before that she had her as a doctor. She hated herself after that, but she was in med school, if she had the baby she would have to drop out, forget about her dream, and probably be disappointed at herself and the baby for taking that dream she had worked so hard for away. She never told anyone though about it. She didn't know who to tell, people would expect her to know who the father was, but she didn't. It was a stupid thing she did, she drank to much then too, and woke up in an apartment she didn't reconize with a note that told her that she needed to be gone when he got back.
She was surprised to hear from her after all these years, she did remember her, they got close during the time she was her doctor, and a while after, but at some point they lost touch, she blelieved it was about a year before she started to work for House. Though she couldn't be sure.
Her doctor said that she could come in the next day around twelve, they could do the test after having lunch. She agreed, it would be nice to get her mind of things.
After that she hurried to work, she would've done anything to get her mind of the possibility that she was pregnant.
When she got to work she resived the expected comments from House that she was late, she didn't roll her eyes, she only glared at him. This wasn't a good day. Foreman and Chase were worried for her when they caught her trowing up in a trashbin outside the hospital at lunch. She had told them to stick their nose elsewhere, that didn't help their concern, it only grew. She didn't blame them though.
But when House caught her running for the bathroom as second time in 3 hours, he sent her home, she protested loudly. But after a while she went home, but she called him sob, and other words not worth mentioning for their bad meaning. House was left shocked by her mini outburst.
When she got home she quickly spoted the box and pregnancy test in her bathroom as she walked in, but she didn't have to power to trow it away. She went to bed, and stayed there for the rest of the day, not even going up to eat dinner.
That night she couldn't sleep. She hated herself for that stupid bet, 200 dollars for this. It wasn't close to worth it.
The next day she called in sick for work, for some reason she knew she wouldn't be able to get back there after her appoinment, but she told herself it was because she could sleep after this scare, when she got the results that she wasn't.
The lunch was great, she laughed more then one time, and she forgot at more then one point that she was soon going to find out if her life was to change. But the lunch ended, too fast for Cameron's taste, and her doctor (Dr. Angela Peterson)and her drove to where her clinic was, it was a private clinic, their somewhat motto was that people got their privacy, and answers there, and that they could feel safe. Some celebrities went here. But it wasn't exensive though, it was almost like a free clinic, exept a few bucks more.
After doing the test she waited in the examroom. She again wished she brought someone else with her, to kill the time in the room, not staring at all the fetuses and photo's of baby's on the walls. She felt for the first time in her life claustrofobic. She thought about she rushing out of here, forgeting about the possibility of being pregnant, forgeting about this test. But she stayed, her legs didn't move.
She took deap breaths, willing her heart to beat slower, and she sat there, for what she though of as days, until Angela walked in again.
"Okay Allison" she smiled, and held up the shart she held in. "It looks like..." she looked down in the shart reading what it said. Cameron's mind screamed not not not, and Angela looked up with a smile on her face. "It looks like your pregnant" Cameron's breathe caught in her troath, and she nodded, smiled. "Now let's see how far along you are?" Cameron nodded, and laid back down, pulled her shurt up
A few moments later she looked at the screen, and tears welled up in her eyes. She didn't want this, she couldn't want this, but she knew she had to want this. She couldn't go through with an other abortion, that would be too much, it took years before she could look at a baby without starting to cry, but she never could think of a sick baby, that would always make her cry.
"It looks like you're... about 6 weeks along" Cameron nodded, she knew that of course, or kind of.
"Okay" she said in a whisper.
"So are you going to keep it?" Angela asked, and she looked at the screen.
"Yeah I think so"
"Think?"
"Well... this was kind of also a mistake" Cameron explained. "There was this bet that I wouldn't dare to kiss this guy I used to be crazy about, so I worked up the corruage with alcohol... stupid I know... and it ened up being more then just a kiss" Cameron took a deap breath. "But the worst part is the he's... my boss" She looked up to Angela who's eyes were about to pop.
"Wow.. you are in trouble"
"Yeah... and I'm not even crazy about him anymore.. well I'm crazy about him but not in that way, he's just anoying now... but he just kissed so damned good!" Cameon whined the last part, she cursed his lips and kisses. She cursed his existent right now too.
She didn't go home, she drove out of town, just drove until she saw the sign to a lake she remembered from when she was younger, or more like the last time she was pregnant, this was the place she decided she was doing the abortion. She turned in, as she killed the engine, she looked over the place.
She forgot how beautiful it looked. The sun was standing low, but not so low that the light was changing. It lit the whole lake up.
She steped out of the car, and walked up to the tree that stood beside the lake with a few meters. She sat down, leaned against the tree, and let her tears fall for the first time that day.
"Why me?" she asked to anyone who wanted to hear. "Why this again?" she huged her knees, and rocked herself, she didn't want this, this wasn't how she thought it would be, she didn't think she would do this alone. Sure there was a possibility that House would want to be in on this, but she just didn't see it. They had a one night stand, he didn't even like her, she didn't like him.
She sat there until the sun had been long gone, then she walked back to her car. But she didn't drive home, she didn't want to leave until she figured this one out.
Her hand made it's way to her stomach, where she rested it. That thing in her stomach was changing her life so much, and it wasn't even visible yet, it wasn't even thinking or breathing, yet it had such big impact on her life.
She knew she was going to have it, but after that? Give it up for adpotion for people who really wanted a baby? Keep it? Should she tell House? What should she tell House? How would he take it? Would he want her to do an abortion? There were so many question that needed answers, she had so many doubts.
At some point she fell asleep, and she woke up the next morning when her cell phone rang. The sun was all ready high on the sky.
House?
"Cameron" she answered with a raw and tired voice. She would not sleep in a car again.
"Have you been kidnapped?" was House's voice. "Cause if you haven't I don't see why you didn't call in sick today..." she rolled her eyes.
"I over slept" she explained, and leaned back and closed her eyes.
"Not good enough for an exuse" he said.
"Well sorry then cause that's the truth"
"You're not at your apartment"
"Wh-how do you know that?" she asked.
"Cause I'm standing in it" Cameron sat straight up.
"How did you get in?" she asked, he couldn't see the test, why hadn't she just trown it away like a sane person?
"I would love to brag about my breaking in skills, but I do remember where you put the spare key" House explained.
"And as you see I'm not there, please go out of my apartment" she said sternly
"Why? What are you hiding? Porn?" he asked, and she could hear him starting to walk around in the apartment. She closed her eyes and hoped that he wouldn't walk into the bathroom. "I was on my way out, but when you asked me so nicely I just had to stay and snoop." she could hear him smirk.
"House, get out of my apartment" she demanded.
"No, I want to know what you are hiding" he said. "Your living room is clear" he announced.
"Well yeah" she said. "Why would I hide something in the open, and why do you expect that I would put it where you could find it?"
"Cause you didn't expect me in your apartment today" he said. "Next: Kitchen, then bedroom and last but not least: bathroom" she closed her eyes again.
"House seriously, I will press charges if you continue this search"
"Do you think such desperate attempt of getting me out will do it?" she heard something in the backround. "Foreman, Chase look in the bedroom" she gasped.
"Why the hell are they there?"
"They were bored and asked why you didn't call this morning, they were sickingly worried about you, I was about to trow up if I didn't get this idea in my head." he said, and she heard something in the backround. "If you won't do it I will fire you, and it was your idea to check on Cameron" House yelled, and he heard Chase groan in the backround.
"Please House!" she said, and she then heard him start walking. "Please! I'm begging on my knees, get the hell out of my apartment!!" she yelled at him, and she was sure Foreman and Chase also could hear it, cause House's phone wasn't very low, anyone could hear a simple conversation from it.
"Bathroom up next" she took a really deap breath "Oh so it's here you're hiding your porn?" he said, and she heard the bathroom door creek open. She closed her eyes, and waited for him to respond. It was quiet, awfully quiet. And she knew he had found it. "Your pregnant?" he asked slowly over the phone, and she thought about it for a second.
"No" she said, and she didn't know why she said no.
"Oh, ok..." she heard say slowly. "Come on boy's wrap it up" he announced, and she heard the door close. "See you tomorrow Dr.Cameron" and the phone call ended.
"What did I just do?" she asked herself, holding a hand above her mouth. How could she hide a pregnancy? She had just told her boss, the father of her baby, that she wasn't pregnant, though she obviously was. She couldn't hide this! Her stomach would grow too big to hide, there would be no question about if he was th father. She cursed herself for her bluntness.
It was then she thought of it. She wouldn't keep this baby, she would put it up for adoption, she would call her parents and see if she could stay there during her pregnancy, she could make up an exuse that her father is sick and her mother needs help taking care of him. It would be partly true, but they had a nurse who took care of him, but this could save them money.
She called her parents the first thing she did when she got home, they agreed, but they didn't like the idea that she was hiding this from the father, but when they heard half of the story they agreed, never in a million years would she tell her parents the whole story.
When she got to work the next day she told Cuddy about her father and mother needing help, and that being the reason she didn't call or show up for work the day before. Cuddy bought the lie, and Cameron couldn't believe why so many people told her she couldn't lie, she was an expert on it. She told Cuddy that she needed to fly up straigh away, she had packed most of her things the night before, she really didn't need to many things, and she rented out her apartment for a year, that was how long she was going to be gone.
She had rented it quickly, cause she knew a friend who needed an apartment at the moment, and she was on her way to her parents. She didn't tell House herself, that would be Cuddy's job, she would be crazy if she didn't believe House wold find a flaw in her exuse. But she thanked that god she didn't believe in that her parents still lived in Chigago and didn't move to New Jersey to be close to her like they planned before her dad got sick.
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