Das Licht in meine Dunkelheit

by Sarcellelena

Feliciano is a mute since birth. He has convinced himself that he is of no importance to anyone, even to his own family at this point in his life. It all changes when he starts having feelings for a German warden at Buchenwald Concentration Camp.

There had always been a downside to being mute. But it was at this particular moment Feliciano hoped he never had existed. I mean, what was the point? What was the difference? Being useless his entire life, being useless now, there truly was nothing new about it.

He had never been able to speak, he had been born that way, and nothing could be done. All he could do is think, listen, and follow orders. His thoughts could never be outspoken, to make others understand, and the only way two make himself satisfied was to reassure himself with his good thoughts. Listening wasn't helpful for him at all, he had no use for it, since he could never reply to what he was hearing for. That's why he would always tune out the noise when he could. But now, it was quite impossible. There was noise all around him. Too much of it. Too loud to ignore, to drain out. Everything was happening at once, in a big blur.

All Feliciano could hear was a mix of shouting and shrieking. He could not understand any of it. He was just helplessly being dragged along by a soldier, who was the cause of some of the noise as he was shouting at others around him. Feliciano was in a state of shock as he saw his brother and grandfather be pushed into another crowd of people, being forced onto a separate train, on the opposite track to the one he was being pulled towards.

This was the first time he ever attempted to cry out, to scream towards his loved ones, to get them to hear his voice. As quickly as he realized it was hopeless, he accepted that it was not a possibility to reach out to them with a voice he never had. At this, he decided to pull against the force of the other man dragging him away. His eyes began to tear up as he felt the soldier's fingers dig deeper into his arm and heave harder. And at that moment, he heard a gunshot, and a cry from the other side of the platform.

"FELICIANO!"

The voice had pain in it, Feliciano could tell, and he could also tell this familiar voice was coming from his older brother, Lovino, even before opening his eyes to see his brothers terrified face. He stared at it blankly, as he got pulled further and further away, and noticed Lovino holding their grandfather in his arms. His body was limp, and blood was trickling down his sides, and staining the ground beneath him.

Lovino just stood there, tears in his eyes, being pushed and shoved by other people being forced into the other train's cars. Finally, one collided with him so hard, he dropped their bloodstained grandfather, and was pushed onto the train along with everyone else rushing towards it. The last thing Feliciano managed to see was Lovino's pleading, tear filled eyes darting from him to his lifeless grandfather on the platform, being trampled by the others.

And then he felt his entire body being flung backwards, making him land hard on his bottom inside the train. His soft tears started to flow down faster as a result of this pain. As he watched the soldier who had just released him move out of the doorway, and slam both doors of the car shut.