Little Red Riding Boy

So, you thought you had heard the story of Little Red Riding Hood, the little girl with her muffins and the sick grandmother and the wolf and blah-ble-blah-ble-BLAH. Well guess what? Little Red Riding Boy is ready to kick your ass with his terrible tales of guts and glory.

"What up, bitches? This here is Little Red Riding Boy. HEY! YOU IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER SCREEN! PAY A-FUCKIN-TTENTION! Thank you. Uh-hmm…now, for the following announcement: this is not your average fairytale and I use the word 'fairytale' only because the bitch writing this story doesn't get me. I'm not a 'fairytale boy', I'm Little Red Riding Boy and I'm gansta! So, without further blachkinnah, here's the goddamn tale of my little trip through the goddamn woods!"

"La, la, la, la, laaaa," Little Red Riding Hood sang. Her voice was horrible, so out of nowhere, I SHOT THAT BITCH IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD! Boo-yah! Then out came the wolf.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"I'm the bitch who's about to BLOW OUT YOUR FUCKING BRAINS!! AHHH! AHHH! AHHH!" I screamed while spreading his brains all over whatever this fucking forest is called (can anyone tell me? Wait, I don't give a fuck).

After I finished the wolf off by cutting off his head and putting it onto a stick, I ran up to Granny's house and knocked on the door.

"Who the fuck is it?" she asked. I walked inside, knowing her lazy ass wasn't about to get up for me. Before I could talk, she had to cough (what can I say? Granny liked her weed back in the day). "What?" she asked when she was done.

"I brought you some fucking muffins, you ungrateful bitch. You better be glad I came all the way out here. I had to kill some bitch just to get these goddamn muffins. So, Boo-yah, bitch, I'm out of here," I explained.

"What? I couldn't hear you," she croaked, stopping to cough again (what can I say? Granny liked her oldies a little too loud).

"Unbe-fuckin-lievable," I whispered. "IS YOUR GODDAMN HEARING AID TURNED UP?!?" I screamed. She nodded. "I KILLED A BITCH FOR THESE GODDAMN MUFFINS! EAT THEM! I'M LEAVING! GOODBYE, GRANNY!!!"

"You didn't spike the muffins? Honey, I asked for special brownies. You didn't get me special brownies, and now you can leave."

"Fine, maybe I will, you ungrateful whore. I'll be back! Me AND my machine gun!"

"BRING IT ANTHONY SUSAN WILLIAMS! I WILL!" she screamed back. BIIIIIIGGGGG mistake.

"FINE YOU FUCKING WHORE! AHHHH! AHHHHH! AHHHHH! AHHHH!" I screamed while stabbing her with her own dagger. Once I saw she was dead, I took out my amazingly long super-sized penis and took a leak on her dead face (or what was left of it), and then I shoved a muffin in what was left of her mouth. "Eat shit, Granny. Eat shit."

"So, that's what happened when I went to Granny's house after walking through the forest. You liked what you saw, huh? I heard your bitch-ass cackling all the way over the world wide web (or whatever the fuck you losers call it now days. I like to call it 'I can't hear you! WHY DON"T YOU SCREAM LOUDER?!?!'). So anyway, hit up my other chapters, like when Mom made me take anger management classes…oh wait. He-he. That one didn't get done. I kind of…got pissed off at the computer and shot it's fucking brains out. Or the chapter where I finally got to use my super-duper dick, oh wait. Ha! Funny story there. I was going to write it, but the computer got a little wet…when the room caved. Yeah, my little brother did it, not me. He was taking a bath! Honest! Fine, here's that chapter you homosexual ding-dongs without a life!"

Chapter fucking two: when my computer got wet from Tony

"TONY! TAKE A FUCKING BATH!" I yelled after my brother.

"MAKE ME!" he screamed.

"I WILL!" I bellowed. And the fight began, so I knocked him out with my fist, threw him in the tub, plugged the drain (to the tub you nasty motherfuckers), and turned on the water (okay, that pun was intended. I really did piss on him). Well, I went to the basement where I live (because Mom's a bitch and won't let me have the attic. Whore monger. She just wants to keep her stripper pole. DAD DOESN'T WANT YOUR DRIED-OUT PUSSY! Oh, shit! Said that one out loud!).

Well after Mom and I fought over that last comment, I began writing my porno: plenty of tit description, plenty of sex (for me) and a little lesbian combo I like to call "The Super Slut Cums Back For More". Well, about the time I decided to read through it and see if it could all happen, water started pouring from the ceiling. My dick of a brother didn't turn off the water, so the whole house was flooded, and THEN we had to go stay with Granny's boyfriend Enrique, and THEN his fagot ass molested me!

But enough, that's all you need to know: no one got wet from cum, they got wet from water. The fucking end, and be sure to review this piece of shit or I'll come find you, not really…little bit of laziness right here, but…review it. I KNOW YOU LAUGHED, DAMN IT! JUST PUT: i laughed. END OF REVIEW! SEND! HA HA HA HA HA! Oh, you have to log in to review, but DO IT!!!!

Boo-yah, bitches! I'm out!