A Lifetime of Servitudes
A/N Disclaimers: I do not own the characters or the music. That blessing is the wonderful Stephanie Myers; I just play around with them. Hope you enjoy my story and be sure to let me know what you think!
JACOBS POV (ch.1)
It was a year ago today that Bella and I were last in my rusty bolted garage together, what she affectionately called 'Washington State's little Taj-Majal'.
So much has changed since that day, but I remember it like it was yesterday. She looked like a porcelain doll, so beautiful with her big brown chocolate eyes that allowed you to see straight into her soul.
Bella had a heart shaped face of an angel, with lovely cream colored skin and just the faintest hint of a pink undertone in her cheeks. Her hair was a deep mahogany brown, long and wavy gliding down her back; it made me just want to snuggle up next to her and lose myself in it. I used to dream of doing just that, but I knew I couldn't; not then, not now.
I knew that I had to take care of her; she was so fragile, a vulnerable mess, as I used to call her.
During that time, it seemed as if Bella was dead on the inside; she didn't eat or sleep, she was despondent and internally dying ever so slowly. I had made it my mission in life to make her smile again.
All I wanted to do was love and protect her from everything and everyone, including herself. I had set out on a journey that would include a lot of self-flagellation, and I wasn't too sure at that moment how I felt about it, but I knew that this would be a pain in my life that would be more than worth it.
FLASHBACK…
"Hey Bella, Happy Valentine's Day!" I held my hand out to her and on my palm, sat a little pink box of conversation hearts. I looked at her shocked face as her eyes started to swell up with tears and I thought to myself, Shit, what did I do now? She looked somewhat confused and as I started to apologize to her, she spoke with a saddened voice.
"Well I feel like a schmuck, is today Valentine's Day?"
I smiled softly at her, "Yes, today is the fourteenth of February, and since you didn't get me a fifty cent box of candy, will you be my Valentine? It's the least you could do."
I was joking around, trying to lighten her mood but she had this crippling of hurt look in her eyes. I didn't need to be a mind reader to read Bella; her face was like an open book to me. How do I fix this? How do I fix her?
Bella looked at me suspiciously. "What exactly does that entail, being your Valentine?"
I feigned deep thought and laughed, "Oh, just the usual, slave for life, that kind of thing."
"Oh, well, if that's all." She shrugged and took the box of candy.
Bella didn't mean that literally, but little did she know, I was going to hold her to that lifetime of servitude that she promised.
END OF FLASHBACK…
I heard my name being called, jolting me out of my memories "Jacob…JACOB, man are you okay? I thought we were going over to the Cullen's house?"
"Seth, we are, just let me find some music to listen to." And with that we were leaving La Push. We were headed down route 109 in my little 1996 rabbit when I heard the song that had become my life now…Scars by Papa Roach.
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut,
My weakness is that I care too much,
And my scars remind me that the past is real,
I tear my heart open just to feel.
Drunk and I'm feeling down and I just want to be alone,
I'm pissed because you came around,
Why don't you just go home?
Because you channel all your pain and I can't help you fix yourself,
You're making me insane and all I can say is,
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut,
My weakness is, that I care too much,
Our scars remind us that the past is real,
I tear my heart open, just to feel,
I tried to help you once, against my own advice,
I saw you going down, but you never realized
That you were drowning in the water, so I offered you my hand,
Compassion's in my nature, tonight is my last dance,
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut,
My weakness is, that I care too much…
…causing you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
I left my heart open
But you didn't understand…..
"Jake, man are you okay today, I can see there's something up with you. Do you want to talk?"Seth questioned me again with worried eyes.
"No, Seth, I'm fine. I was just remembering some things from the past, that's all." I told him hoping he'd drop it and leave me to my thoughts.
Looking at me intently again, Seth said. "You sure are out of it today."
Ignoring his remarks and hearing the last words of the song, my next memories were when Bella had been pregnant with Renesmee.
Flashback …
She had been so sick; it tore my heart open to see her like that. I stood by helplessly as she edged closer to death with every passing second. I hated Edward for doing that to her, but I hated that monster she was carrying even more…or so I thought.
Edward and I were trying so hard to save Bella's life as she lay there on that table, covered in blood, her body all broken; she was fading away faster then we could make our hands move. As I pumped at her heart and administered CPR, I felt like I was losing myself, she was my best friend. I had to try harder, I couldn't lose her.
"You stay with me now Bella...do you hear me? Stay. You're not leaving me. Keep your heart beating," I pleaded. She had to stay alive, for me.
I knew I was fighting a battle that had already been lost.
I had lost her. I could not save Bella. I didn't think. I couldn't hear. I just ran down stairs. I was going to kill the monster that had killed my Bella.
As I stepped off the last step, I looked up and there she was... Bella, My Bella, her perfect little dimples, her long wavy brown hair and my Bella's big beautiful brown eyes. There was my Bella, a tiny little perfect half human, half vampire porcelain doll. She looked straight at me and I saw her mother. I knew in that moment that I could never hurt her…she was the image of my Bella.
At that moment I became aware of two heart beats outside of my own and I knew that the tiny being was half human and that, Edward must have managed to restart Bella's heart with his venom. I knew she would be a vampire now, but I didn't care anymore. I knew I would love her anyway.
I decided right then and there, that I would never leave her or Renesmee… Reason and Love Keep Little Company These Days.
EndofFlashback…
"Hey Jake, do you think Nessie will like her amulet?" Again, Seth drew me out of my day dream.
"Yes Seth, she will love it."
Nessie is the nick name I gave her because her name was a bit of a mouthful. The Cullen's didn't like it too much, and Bells had attacked me over it, but I didn't care. They all call her Nessie now.
"Jake, I can't wait to see her; I bet she has grown a foot overnight," Seth laughed, while rubbing his hands together like it was Christmas morning, and he was getting ready to open his best present.
Chuckling at his remark I told him. "I don't think she will have grown that much Seth, but we'll see."
Nessie is growing extremely fast, her vampire genes are accelerating the ageing process and driving her toward being a teenager. This will start to slow down as she matures, we have discovered that by the time she is seven she will look to be about seventeen years old. Around that time she will stop ageing.
Seth and I spend most of our time with Nessie. I eat and sleep most of my time at the cottage with her and Bella, when I am not on patrol. I do have to stay in La Push some of the time though, since I am the Alpha now of our pack.
Nessie loves to come to La Push and play on the beach. Seth and I take turns riding her through the woods on our furry backs and making sand castles by the blue tide pools. Bella always loved playing next to the tide pools when were kids, and Nessie loves them just as much.
"Hey Jake, What are we doing tonight?" What was with him today? He was determined to disrupt every daydreaming thought that I had.
"Well Seth, you are on patrol at midnight, and I am going to spend some time with my dad. I feel like there is something going on with him that he doesn't want me to know about. And you know my dad; if he's hiding something then it's pretty important."
Seth then looked at me pleading again."Jake, what are we going to think about to keep Edward from reading our minds while we are there this time?" I hated that I had to have him go along with me on this. Seth truly was a pure soul and hated lying to anyone.
"Well, I will be thinking of that song I was just listening to and you can be thinking about your school work or where you will be running tonight, it doesn't really matter, just try not to make it obvious that your keeping him out." Thinking to myself out loud I whispered "Easiersaidthandone."
"Okay man, but when are you going to tell Bella the truth?" At this question I felt bad again.
"Seth, I can't right now, give me a little more time and I will make everything right with her, I promise." I begged him as I pondered how nice it would be to finally have everything out on the table.
"Okay... Jake, I can't wait to see Nessie; I hope she likes her present. Hey, how are you going to explain to Edward that you got Bella a Valentine's present?"
"Seth, I got Edward one too remember the box we made earlier?" Which I could care less what he thought about anything, but for the sake of my girls, I'd kiss ass, for a little while longer anyway.
Laughing at his forgetfulness, Seth said."Oh Yeah, how did I forget that? I screwed it up three times."
Giving Seth my evil look, I told him."Well I have kindly put three presents inside the box. You know, things that every vampire needs to have on hand." I snorted with laughter as I imagined Edwards's reaction.
"Man, what did you do?" Seth asked.
"You'll see" I told him still chuckling evilly.
"Jake, I sure hope Edward will think that it's as funny as you do, but I doubt it somehow." He stated as he turned and glanced back out the window, worry clearly showing on his face.
"Well Seth, my brother, I do find it funny and, seeing as our truce came to an end after the battle with the Volturi, I don't have to be nice to him anymore, so I'm making the most of it."
Taking a deep breath Seth's now weekly question came up again."Jake, what about those Italian bloodsuckers, what are we going to do if they come back for Nessie and Bella?"
"I will do what I always do, protect Bella, Nessie and our people," I quickly retorted.
"What about the Cullen's, Jake? They're family to us now too."
"Yeah, I know Seth, don't remind me." I grumbled.
I know Bella and if she thought for one second that I was not going to protect her precious Cullen's, then she wouldn't let me help her, so I knew I'd be helping them too. If there's one thing I can say about the Cullen's, it's that they truly love Bella and as long as she and Nessie love them, I will be protecting them too.
"Jake man, wake up dude... You just missed the driveway." Seth yelled getting frustrated with my mind babbling today.
"Shit," I hissed before I pulled over and executed a U-turn.
When I got up to the house the first thing I was faced with was Edward carrying about four dozen pink, white and red roses inside. Alice glided behind him with what looked like over one hundred helium balloons. "What in the hell...Is there some kind of wedding here today that I wasn't invited to?" Not that I would have come anyway. Great, that's all I needed to see today; Edwards plans for MY girls. Hmph!
Can't the gods give me a break for just one day? I swear, I think they like playing baseball with fucking my heart…