Disclaimer, A/N: I found all of the chapters except Reunion (I think), and I'm just putting them into proper format and such so they don't break a single rule! And, this will have extra footage!
So, my favorite story, soon to be your favorite story (if it isnÕt already) - KINGDOM FARTS: DIRECTORS CUT!
Sora (our hero) is falling through... something. Don't ask me what, 'cause I don't know. I'M ONLY THE NARRATOR, MAN! I DON'T FREAKING KNOW!
//Dude, just shut up and let the kid start.//
Yeah...
"I've been having these weird thoughts lately..."
"Was Kairi telling the truth when she said she didn't fart?"
He continues to fall, and turns round (while he's still falling). He falls some more, then BAM! He's on a perfect island! Covering his nose with his hand (that thingÕs just GOTTA be broken), he looked out to sea, seeing his friend Riku.
A fast version of "Simple and Clean" began to play.
Out in the ocean, Riku started doing the funky chicken.
"Riku! Let me party too!" Sora called, running out, only for them to be hit by a huge wave.
He suddenly steps out of water.
A girl with red hair was yelling at him from the beach, "Why the hell aren't you wet?!" Good question.
Sora walked over to her, and they saw someone falling from the sky.
The girl gasped. "I thought we killed your evil twin!"
Next second, it's Sora falling, and he falls onto a weird black thing. White birds fly up, and one poops on his head.
"Oh, yuck!" Sora wiped it off and threw it at the retreating bird, which promptly pooped on him again.
//So much to do, so little time.// A strange, unaccented, unbodied, unanythinged voice came out of nowhere.
"What the hell?" Sora poked the words, and started giggling madly.
//STOP THAT!// The great "Words" seemed angry.
"Hah! Words! What a perfect name! I dub thee Words!" Sora giggled, and poked Words one more time.
//Damnit, just freaking listen to me! I have important things to say!/
"Ok..."
//Good! Now, where was I... Take your time. Don't be afraid.//
"A urinal?" Sora wondered out loud, "You want me to pee?"
//NO, GODDAMNIT!//
"But-!"
//SHUT THE HELL UP!//
The poor brunette cowered, his eyes wide. Did the pretty white Words not like him?
//Ahem. The door is still shut.// Words seemed to have gained formality again.
"What door?" Sora asked, scratching his head.
An infuriated sighing sound was heard. //Nevermind! Now, step forward. Can you do it?//
Sora grinned from ear to ear. "Of course!" He tried to step forward, but just tripped over those colossal shoes of his. "Ow..."
//Dumbass. Get up. Now.//
The boy got up, and walked across half the thing he was on. I don't exactly know what that is, either.
Three pedestals appear... I have no idea where they came from. Probably Words. He/she/it has great power.
//Power sleeps within you. If you give it form... It will give you strength. Choose well.//
Sora looks around and sees a dead rat, an M&M, and a Masamune.
He hurried over to the Dead Rat. "Awesome..."
//The power to be... dead. And smelly. Supreme hideousness. Is this the power you seek?//
A Yes/No thing hovers. Sora nods, and it disappears.
//Your path is set. Now, what will you give you in exchange?//
The brunette pointed to the Masamune.
//The power to be invincible. Sheer domination. A sword to rule. You give up this power?//
A Yes/No thing hovers. Sora nods, and it disappears.
//You have chosen the path of a smelly dead guy. You've given up the path of being an invincible bishounen. Is this the form you choose?//
"Yep!"
//YOU STUPID FREAKING DUMBASS!// If Words was angry before, he/she/it was boiling now.
Poor Sora burst into tears, kicked Words, and ran over to the corner.
Unfortunately, there IS NO CORNER, so he runs around in circles.
Whatever the hell he was standing on breaks, and he falls, yet again.
"AHHH! I GOT GLASS IN MY EYE!" He yelled while falling.
He lands on another stained glass princess. Why don't they break? Reinforced glass?
The dead rat appears in his hand.
//You've gained the power to fight.//
Sora swings the dead rat around like a nun chuck, then striking a cool pose.
//All right! You've got it.//
"Wheee!" Sora clapped, did an irish jig, and smiled immensely.
//Yada, yada, there will be times when you have to fight, there's one behind you, blah blah...// Poor Words. You really gotta pity him/her/it, he/she/it has a LOT of patience.
Anyway, little buggy things pop up and Sora uses Matrix style moves.
The window he's on turns black, and he... sinks? What happened to the falling?
He finds a door, and a treasure chest opens behind him. He opens it, and he breaks the block to get one potion. He breaks the barrel, and opens the door.
"Is THIS the door?" Stupidity never ceases to amaze me.
//Yes! You've finished Kingdom Farts!// And Words didn't have as much patience as I thought.
"Alright!" Sora did a wee victory dance, then the tiny trickle of logic in his brain hit him. "Wait... YOU DAMN LIAR!"
//I just wanted to get rid of you. Nothing personal, no offence.//
"None taken, man!" Sora said, going through the door.
//Hold on. The door won't open just yet.//
"Annnd why not?" He didn't understand, poor thing.
//Because I say so, that's why.//
"OH! Well, that's okay then."
//...//
A very uncomfortable silence filled the room.
"I think it's your line." Sora said, breaking the silence, and scratching
//I know.// Words sounded... well, he/she/it didn't really have a voice... quite confusing.
Sora thought for a moment. "Say it, then!"
//Uh...//
"Did you forget it?" Sora asked.
//Just talk to those annoying kids, ok?//
Sora suddenly saw he was on Destiny Islands with three of his "friends" - Wakka, Selphie, and Tee-dus (annoying name...). He decided to talk to Selphie. Biiig mistake.
"I'm a time mage!" She giggled, hyper as hell.
"Riiiggghhhhtttt...." Sora sighed. That girl was just... meh.
"Look!" Selphie insisted, and sent Sora into the future.
After looking around the strange arena he had been sent to, he saw the scariest man alive standing right in front of him. "AHHHH! IT'S LANCE BASS!!!!"
The silver haired man sighed. "Not another moron... I'M SEPHIROTH!"
Sora, still freaked out. Where am I?! SELPHIE, STOP IT!"
Meanwhile, where Selphie, Tdus and Wakka are... watching Sephiroth kick the shiznit out of a level one Sora on TV.
//Selphie, get him back.//
"Why?" She asked.
//Because I said so, ok?//
Selphie waved her arms around and Sora reappeared, bruised, bleeding, and broken.
"Owwwwwww..." He moaned.
"He, he..." Selphie giggled, "Sorry 'bout that! Anyway, please fill out this questionnaire, so your next visit to Wal-Mart will be more enjoyable."
"Really?!"
She shook her head. "No, not really."
"Oh..." But he filled it out anyway, and handed it to Wakka.
//Hmm... your adventure starts at dawn. As long as the sun is shining, your journey should be a pleasant one. Actually, I personally hope it rains. Lots.//
Sora clapped his hands together. "Cool! ... ... ... ... Wait..."
Words quickly cut in. //The day you open the door is both far out and very near.//
Everything goes white and Sora's standing on another stained glass princess. A bunch of buggy things pop up, and with a Justin Timberlake-style dance, they're dead. Hey, anything from N*Sync is evil, right?
A save point appears, and so do lots of stained glass steps.
"I knew I shouldn't have smoked that stuff Wakka gave me!" Sora yelled, and threw some... green stuff over the platform.
He runs up the stairs (though almost falls off, the idiot), and onto yet another stained glass princess.
//The closer you get to light, the greater your shadow becomes.//
Sora's shadow starts getting bigger, bigger... "WHEEEEE!" Poke, poke.
The shadow got even bigger.
//But don't be afraid.//
"Easy for you to say!"
//And don't forget...// Words abruptly stopped, and left.
"WORDS, COME BACK!"
The shadow turned into a Darkside.
Of course, Sora merely hits it a few times with the dead rat and it's gone. Kids, don't try that at home.
The dead rat disappears, and he falls into a portal. Everything goes black.
Words reappeared, shaking. //----But don't be afraid.//
//You hold the worst possible weapon of all.//
//But just don't forget://
He/she/it stopped shaking, and their words seemed to be brighter than ever before. //You are the one who will open the door.//
A/N: Straight from the original! I painstakingly made sure it didn't break any guidelines, so... my fingers are crossed.
So, my favorite story, soon to be your favorite story (if it isnÕt already) - KINGDOM FARTS: DIRECTORS CUT!
Sora (our hero) is falling through... something. Don't ask me what, 'cause I don't know. I'M ONLY THE NARRATOR, MAN! I DON'T FREAKING KNOW!
//Dude, just shut up and let the kid start.//
Yeah...
"I've been having these weird thoughts lately..."
"Was Kairi telling the truth when she said she didn't fart?"
He continues to fall, and turns round (while he's still falling). He falls some more, then BAM! He's on a perfect island! Covering his nose with his hand (that thingÕs just GOTTA be broken), he looked out to sea, seeing his friend Riku.
A fast version of "Simple and Clean" began to play.
Out in the ocean, Riku started doing the funky chicken.
"Riku! Let me party too!" Sora called, running out, only for them to be hit by a huge wave.
He suddenly steps out of water.
A girl with red hair was yelling at him from the beach, "Why the hell aren't you wet?!" Good question.
Sora walked over to her, and they saw someone falling from the sky.
The girl gasped. "I thought we killed your evil twin!"
Next second, it's Sora falling, and he falls onto a weird black thing. White birds fly up, and one poops on his head.
"Oh, yuck!" Sora wiped it off and threw it at the retreating bird, which promptly pooped on him again.
//So much to do, so little time.// A strange, unaccented, unbodied, unanythinged voice came out of nowhere.
"What the hell?" Sora poked the words, and started giggling madly.
//STOP THAT!// The great "Words" seemed angry.
"Hah! Words! What a perfect name! I dub thee Words!" Sora giggled, and poked Words one more time.
//Damnit, just freaking listen to me! I have important things to say!/
"Ok..."
//Good! Now, where was I... Take your time. Don't be afraid.//
"A urinal?" Sora wondered out loud, "You want me to pee?"
//NO, GODDAMNIT!//
"But-!"
//SHUT THE HELL UP!//
The poor brunette cowered, his eyes wide. Did the pretty white Words not like him?
//Ahem. The door is still shut.// Words seemed to have gained formality again.
"What door?" Sora asked, scratching his head.
An infuriated sighing sound was heard. //Nevermind! Now, step forward. Can you do it?//
Sora grinned from ear to ear. "Of course!" He tried to step forward, but just tripped over those colossal shoes of his. "Ow..."
//Dumbass. Get up. Now.//
The boy got up, and walked across half the thing he was on. I don't exactly know what that is, either.
Three pedestals appear... I have no idea where they came from. Probably Words. He/she/it has great power.
//Power sleeps within you. If you give it form... It will give you strength. Choose well.//
Sora looks around and sees a dead rat, an M&M, and a Masamune.
He hurried over to the Dead Rat. "Awesome..."
//The power to be... dead. And smelly. Supreme hideousness. Is this the power you seek?//
A Yes/No thing hovers. Sora nods, and it disappears.
//Your path is set. Now, what will you give you in exchange?//
The brunette pointed to the Masamune.
//The power to be invincible. Sheer domination. A sword to rule. You give up this power?//
A Yes/No thing hovers. Sora nods, and it disappears.
//You have chosen the path of a smelly dead guy. You've given up the path of being an invincible bishounen. Is this the form you choose?//
"Yep!"
//YOU STUPID FREAKING DUMBASS!// If Words was angry before, he/she/it was boiling now.
Poor Sora burst into tears, kicked Words, and ran over to the corner.
Unfortunately, there IS NO CORNER, so he runs around in circles.
Whatever the hell he was standing on breaks, and he falls, yet again.
"AHHH! I GOT GLASS IN MY EYE!" He yelled while falling.
He lands on another stained glass princess. Why don't they break? Reinforced glass?
The dead rat appears in his hand.
//You've gained the power to fight.//
Sora swings the dead rat around like a nun chuck, then striking a cool pose.
//All right! You've got it.//
"Wheee!" Sora clapped, did an irish jig, and smiled immensely.
//Yada, yada, there will be times when you have to fight, there's one behind you, blah blah...// Poor Words. You really gotta pity him/her/it, he/she/it has a LOT of patience.
Anyway, little buggy things pop up and Sora uses Matrix style moves.
The window he's on turns black, and he... sinks? What happened to the falling?
He finds a door, and a treasure chest opens behind him. He opens it, and he breaks the block to get one potion. He breaks the barrel, and opens the door.
"Is THIS the door?" Stupidity never ceases to amaze me.
//Yes! You've finished Kingdom Farts!// And Words didn't have as much patience as I thought.
"Alright!" Sora did a wee victory dance, then the tiny trickle of logic in his brain hit him. "Wait... YOU DAMN LIAR!"
//I just wanted to get rid of you. Nothing personal, no offence.//
"None taken, man!" Sora said, going through the door.
//Hold on. The door won't open just yet.//
"Annnd why not?" He didn't understand, poor thing.
//Because I say so, that's why.//
"OH! Well, that's okay then."
//...//
A very uncomfortable silence filled the room.
"I think it's your line." Sora said, breaking the silence, and scratching
//I know.// Words sounded... well, he/she/it didn't really have a voice... quite confusing.
Sora thought for a moment. "Say it, then!"
//Uh...//
"Did you forget it?" Sora asked.
//Just talk to those annoying kids, ok?//
Sora suddenly saw he was on Destiny Islands with three of his "friends" - Wakka, Selphie, and Tee-dus (annoying name...). He decided to talk to Selphie. Biiig mistake.
"I'm a time mage!" She giggled, hyper as hell.
"Riiiggghhhhtttt...." Sora sighed. That girl was just... meh.
"Look!" Selphie insisted, and sent Sora into the future.
After looking around the strange arena he had been sent to, he saw the scariest man alive standing right in front of him. "AHHHH! IT'S LANCE BASS!!!!"
The silver haired man sighed. "Not another moron... I'M SEPHIROTH!"
Sora, still freaked out. Where am I?! SELPHIE, STOP IT!"
Meanwhile, where Selphie, Tdus and Wakka are... watching Sephiroth kick the shiznit out of a level one Sora on TV.
//Selphie, get him back.//
"Why?" She asked.
//Because I said so, ok?//
Selphie waved her arms around and Sora reappeared, bruised, bleeding, and broken.
"Owwwwwww..." He moaned.
"He, he..." Selphie giggled, "Sorry 'bout that! Anyway, please fill out this questionnaire, so your next visit to Wal-Mart will be more enjoyable."
"Really?!"
She shook her head. "No, not really."
"Oh..." But he filled it out anyway, and handed it to Wakka.
//Hmm... your adventure starts at dawn. As long as the sun is shining, your journey should be a pleasant one. Actually, I personally hope it rains. Lots.//
Sora clapped his hands together. "Cool! ... ... ... ... Wait..."
Words quickly cut in. //The day you open the door is both far out and very near.//
Everything goes white and Sora's standing on another stained glass princess. A bunch of buggy things pop up, and with a Justin Timberlake-style dance, they're dead. Hey, anything from N*Sync is evil, right?
A save point appears, and so do lots of stained glass steps.
"I knew I shouldn't have smoked that stuff Wakka gave me!" Sora yelled, and threw some... green stuff over the platform.
He runs up the stairs (though almost falls off, the idiot), and onto yet another stained glass princess.
//The closer you get to light, the greater your shadow becomes.//
Sora's shadow starts getting bigger, bigger... "WHEEEEE!" Poke, poke.
The shadow got even bigger.
//But don't be afraid.//
"Easy for you to say!"
//And don't forget...// Words abruptly stopped, and left.
"WORDS, COME BACK!"
The shadow turned into a Darkside.
Of course, Sora merely hits it a few times with the dead rat and it's gone. Kids, don't try that at home.
The dead rat disappears, and he falls into a portal. Everything goes black.
Words reappeared, shaking. //----But don't be afraid.//
//You hold the worst possible weapon of all.//
//But just don't forget://
He/she/it stopped shaking, and their words seemed to be brighter than ever before. //You are the one who will open the door.//
A/N: Straight from the original! I painstakingly made sure it didn't break any guidelines, so... my fingers are crossed.