I spent Christmas at home with my family, since I'd left the sanatorium. I had to promise my parents and the psychoanalyst that I would apply myself in life and all. So I got applications to become a volunteer in a Conservation Park in South Africa. I wanted to go to Africa, to build myself a hut, in some remote forest away from all the phony bastards.
My parents weren't thrilled about the whole idea, initially, so they had me sign up to some crumby counselling centre to attend sessions while I was there. They let me go, as they said it was a good thing that I was giving back to society and learning about responsibility. Strictly for the birds.
I just couldn't wait to get the hell out of there, to tell you truth. They're nice people and all but I had to regain my sense of independence from them. And I wouldn't have to go to some school with those goddam hotshots and phonies.
Where I want to start telling is that third week in Port Elizabeth, at the Sliver of Hope support group. I had to come speak to Nobomi, the founder of the group, twice a week for an hour or so.
Port Elizabeth was a small town along the East coast of South Africa. The room was filled with the regular loonies that attended those goddam counselling sessions, I felt sorry for them, I swear to God I did. But there was this new girl there that day.
"I see we have a guest joining us" Nobomi said to the new girl. "So, we will begin with introductions, I will start. My name is Nobomi; I started this group as a means for people who felt alone to know there are others who are in a similar position. I was born here in Port Elizabeth; I left at a tender age for Cape Town. I got mixed up with the wrong crowd, the wrong scene. Name it, I've done it but couldn't afford the t-shirt." she chuckled. It was a nervous chuckle, I knew by how she fidgeted with the oversized t-shit which hung on her small frame.
She stood and shuffled her feet for like twenty minutes or so before stammering her name, Amanda, that was her name. She had a blue dress that came to her knobby knees and red slip on shoes that matched her bag and alice band. She had these crazy looking dreadlocks that came to her shoulders; they weren't totally black and had gold tinged tips. She didn't say much, well, with morons like Ez cracking jokes the whole time like he was some regular Charlie Chaplin and all, no one had any chance to talk. Ez, who has a corny name like that anyways?
After the session Nobomi had some drinks and MacDonald happy meals in the foyer. You should have seen them scrambling out to force those happy meals down their throats, it depressed me, it really did. I said bye to Nobomi, and that I'd see her again soon.
"Thanks for coming, Holden, I'll see you same time, tomorrow." She said in this cheery voice, she always seemed in a good mood, for the two weeks or so that I'd known her.
The new girl in blue was alone in the hallway infront of the lift, compulsively punching in the button to summon it up to the Fourth floor.
I went up to her, "The lift wont come any faster. The stairs are this way." I pointed them out to her, she gave me this dirty look instead or I think it was a dirty look, maybe it's just the way she was. But I started to get that feeling like I was disappearing, again, when she looked at me. It was like she looked straight into my eyes like I wasn't even there. I sure wasn't gonna ride in the same lift with her.
I ran down those stairs. Boy, I couldn't get out of that place fast enough. I slipped on those crumby stairs while running down and damn near broke my crazy neck. I wish I had. Broken my neck, that is. I swear did.
I limped to the Donkin Park and sat on some bench, staring at the pond infront of me. It reminded me of those ducks in Central Park. They had no ducks here, but some pigeons and sea gulls that made a helluva noise, like a bunch of madmen. I started getting that lonesome feeling again, I started getting homesick. I almost wished I was dead. Right there I decided to take my suitcase and I'd go West, Cape Town, maybe. Yeah, that's what I'll do. I'll find a real remote place where I could go fishing all day, all by my damn self. I got hungry all of a sudden when the girl from the centre, I just couldn't remember her name. She came and sat next to me on the bench. I wanted to run a thousand miles in the opposite direction.
Her blue dress came just above her knees when she sat down; she had these lousy looking knees, so I looked into her face instead. I felt like she saw through all my crap when she looked at me. I wondered how she'd ended up there at that crumby support group. She'd lost her relative she'd said when she introduced herself back in the centre.
She asked me what I was doing there and where I was from. She seemed interested in where I was born, and my lousy childhood and all that David Copperfield kind of crap. I think she was interested or she was just a terrific actor. I told her about it, and I started getting hungry all of a sudden. So I offered to get us some snacks; we walked to the vendor at the entrance of the park. She'd taken off her red shoes and put them in her bag and walked barefoot. She said it helped calm her and connect to nature. She asked if I missed home. Of course I did, I told her about my family and how I missed Jane Gallagher the most.
We just sat there for the bulk of that afternoon, and just watched people go past and fed crumbs to these crazy sea gulls. What was so terrific about it was that we could just sit and not say much and that was okay. People always have the need to fill up life with useless chatter. For once, I felt still, sitting under that big, old Yellowwood tree.
We took the bus to the beach, and shot the bull for a while. She told me of her foster mother, and foster sisters. When we got there, she sprinted over the scorching sand and dipped her feet into the water.
"Take your shoes off, Holden, and come in." I did. But I regretted it, the water was as cold as hell. She kept kicking the water all over the place, wetting the edges of her dress. You could tell she got a bang out of doing something as silly as that.
The sun dipped into the ocean and the city lights went on. We walked around until we found ourselves in the middle of a fun fair with all the rides and the crazy music playing. It sort of reminded me of old Phoebe riding the Carousel around last Christmas.
We got on the Ferris wheel; you got this terrific view of the houses, and people at the bottom and starry sky above. They looked so small and insignificant, the houses, the people and the stars. Each one with a purpose though, no matter how insignificant they seemed. At that moment I felt like my lonesome life was part of the bigger picture. We sat in that big wheel, spinning around and felt like we were the only people on Earth. We sat there in silence and spun around and around until we were dizzy with happiness.