Exactly one year ago, I posted the first chapter of Homeward.
Thank you to everyone who jumped on board with that story and who asked for more of Matthew.
This is for you.
There were moments in her life, however mundane or common, where Kate wished she could suspend time, prolong a moment for all its beauty before it was gone forever.
She needed a freeze-ray, Matthew would tell her, his brown eyes alight with the idea. And then he would follow his statement up with an important distinction that she needed something like Dr. Horrible's freeze-ray, not Gru's from Despicable Me - because there was a difference and it did matter.
She loved when the inner-workings of his mind revealed themselves like that, her boy of few words but no short amount of deep thoughts.
Curled up on the couch, Matthew's head on her chest, this was such a moment in need of extending - or freezing, if it could be done with the aid of a proper freeze-ray.
They were a sick household this week, all three of them lethargic and pathetic and needy. It was Castle's idea for the movie marathon, but Matthew was the one to choose. It niggled in the back of her mind, how much control Matthew had over what they watched or where they went for dinner. And it was fine for now - she could care less what they did, so long as they had that time together - but someday soon, their lonely only would have to share in the decision, learn to compromise, to take another's opinion into consideration.
Although, it would be a while yet before that was an issue, so she pushed those thoughts aside, soaking in the marathon and the sweet, snuggling, sick little boy next to her.
She was still basking in the moment of his choosing. "Mom, I wanna watch your show." He had said. "Nebula 9."
Castle's face had crumbled at the words of his son - but only briefly because as much as Castle loved to tease her about her poor taste in sci-fi, he wasn't about to put down something Matthew loved.
And boy, did Matthew love Nebula 9. He was - in her humble, completely unbiased opinion - the perfect kid, with his own emerging interests that overlapped with Kate's and Castle's love of comic books and Kate's Nebula 9. They were still working on Star Wars with him, much to Castle's chagrin, but there was a bit of triumph in his choice and the knowledge that her son fell into the right camp where Nebula 9 was concerned.
She tucked her chin down, hiding her smile in Matthew's hair and leaving a kiss there. He sniffled and sighed and tightened his hold on her, miserably boy that he was, battling a cold she'd cure him of if she had the power.
Matthew was her world, a piece of her heart walking around outside her body, and she couldn't fathom loving him more than she did today, but he was constantly surprising her, constantly proving her wrong in that regard. And when he was sick, she bent over backwards trying to heal him.
She had forgotten that sometimes all that was needed was Mom.
Curling up on the couch and letting a good show distract them from their sickness was a medicine all on its own. Just being there had healing properties. And when Kate was nine and had her tonsils removed, that was more than enough for her. Those hours with her mom, discovering something new with her, having that closeness... Kate loved that day. The pain was not what lingered in her mind, but the warmth. The love bled through even all these years later.
Matthew laughed, pulling Kate's attention back to the episode. Only, his laugh turned into a coughing fit and her heart ached with each one. She rubbed his back and kissed his head and on her other side, Castle reached around her and smoothed a hand over the boy's hair. He coughed once more and relaxed back into Kate, his eyes having never left the TV. He didn't complain and that was how Kate knew this little tradition was working its magic once more.
"This is the best part coming up." He croaked, as if it didn't bother him one bit anymore, this wretched state of being sick.
Oh, and he was right. Lieutenant Chloe was just about to rescue Captain Max and the others from the hands of the Creavers. She felt Castle expel a silent laugh and expected him to be rolling his eyes where Matthew couldn't see, but instead, his expression had turned tender. She arched a brow, curious, but he just shook his head and pressed a kiss to her hair.
She turned back to the TV, only to feel Castle lean in close to her ear and whisper, "I never thought I'd be subjected to sharing a life with two nebula 9 fans." Ah, there it was. The teasing humor had returned, masking whatever sweet thoughts Castle was actually having.
"Three." She corrected, laughing when he looked confused. "This baby has half my DNA." She explained. "He's going to like Nebula 9."
His eyes brightened the way they always did at the mention of the baby, but this time he smothered his smile, lifted his chin indignantly. "Nuh uh. Nope. She's my kid, too, which means she'll have inherited the dominant gene of good taste in sci-if."
"Shhh!"
They fell silent at Matthew's hushing.
Right.
They were ruining the best part.
The episode reeled her in, but she still remembered to sneak a glance at Castle once the action sequence started rolling. At this point in their relationship, he had suffered through all of the episodes at least once, but despite his so-called refined taste in sci-fi, Kate caught him looking thoroughly entranced.
So she melted into Castle's side without breaking the spell, felt Matthew cuddle in closer to her, and savored the little moment of bliss in the midst of their string of sick days.
She felt the baby stir within, the little one making his or her presence known. Stubborn little thing, not wanting to be left out. Kate rested a hand over the spot. The baby had been a surprise - no, honestly, a complete shock, a how-did-I-get-pregnant-when-we're-so-careful curveball thrown right into their orderly life, but the shock had quickly given way to the joy.
Matthew was ecstatic and thoroughly convinced the baby was a boy, despite their repeated reminder that the baby could be either sex.
And Castle… was it really any surprise that he was walking on clouds since she told him? Richard one-more-kid Castle? No, not at all a surprise there.
She felt Castle's palm rest on her stomach, warm and heavy. Matthew was like that, too, since she started showing; hands always on her stomach, saying 'hi', leaving a quick kiss for the baby. The men in her life were both such softies.
So another boy could be so nice.
Or a girl could shake up their home since Alexis' studies had taken her far from the nest.
Either would be wonderful and one thing was for sure; they would need to keep up afternoons like this with their second child, sharing shows and memories and each other's company. Finding joy in spite of feeling miserable.
"We should watch Firefly next." She mused, ignoring the way Castle's jaw dropped. It wasn't her favorite show, but she was willing to compromise, to give theirs kids a well-rounded experience. If Castle could put up with Nebula 9, she could sit through that Joss Whedon show.
"Yeah, Firefly!" Matthew agreed. "Or how about Ninja Turtles?"
Oh.
Well, the boy did have his own interests, after all. They couldn't expect him to always choose something they liked. "If that's what you want to watch…"
She hadn't even finished her sentence and he was scrambling off the couch to retrieve the blu-ray.
Castle shot her a wry smile and rubbed her belly. "This one will probably subject us to some obnoxious shows, too."
She grunted, her eyes drifting shut for a moment. Her sinuses throbbed, but the worst of her cold was behind her. "It's not so much what the show or movie is that bugs me. It's how many times we have to watch it." She murmured.
He laughed softly. Matthew was still digging through the drawer of movies with fervor. "I know, but …" There was a smile in his voice and she tilted her face up to see him. "I remember when Alexis was this age and - I'm sure you've thought this, too - but isn't this age the best? He still needs us to provide for him in certain ways and he'll always need our love, but he's growing into an autonomous and awesome little man and I just… I love these years. I love who our son is and I love that I like him, too."
Castle's touching words evoked a response that they should be used to by now; Tears sprung to her eyes and spilled over, racing down her cheeks.
"Oh my god." Castle's face went slack. "Kate, don't cry. I'm sorry. I'm an idiot." She knew the words 'what the hell did I even do' were flashing through his mind, but she couldn't tell him it was nothing since her throat was clogged with a cry.
"What happened?" Matthew was alarmed and for some reason, that made it worse. She worked hard to get her emotions back in check.
"Nothing, baby, nothing. C'mere." She assured him in a her shaky voice.
"Dad?" Matthew said the word pointedly, with such surprising accusation. "Did you do this?"
"I didn't mean to, I swear." Castle vowed, wanting to laugh, but sending Kate sideways glances to see if he was in trouble.
She couldn't help it; she laughed at Matthew's terror, at his willingness to defend her against Castle. God, it was only tears, but she wasn't one to cry often. She couldn't blame him if her emotionally compromised state freaked him out.
She pulled Matthew into the circle of her arms and kissed his cheek. "I'm fine. I just love you, kiddo." Please stop growing, her heart echoed. What Castle said was true. Matthew was becoming autonomous. Incredible, but no longer in need of them. Please slow down, don't outgrow us too fast.
Matthew eyed her nervously, like the crazy, hormonal lady might combust at any moment. Oh hell, she would. It wasn't even a question.
"I put in Ninja Turtles." He said slowly.
"Perfect." She wiped her tears and smiled, still finding Matthew's words to Castle increasingly funny. Dad? Did you do this? The way that he said it, parental disappointment coloring his tone… oh, this would be a Matthew story that she would tell over and over.
"Need anything?" He asked sweetly.
"No, Honey. Not right now." Tears brimmed in her eyes but didn't spill over. Such a sweet, funny, amazing little kid. And he was hers.
This baby was so lucky; Matthew was going to make such a good big brother.
"Mom? I just had a thought…" He piped up once they had all fallen back into a tangled mass on the couch, Kate still in the middle.
"What, kiddo?"
"If the baby is a boy, can we name him Donatello?"
Castle covered his laughter with coughing - and a groan when Kate's elbow connected with his ribs before he could suggest Leonardo. This moment did not need his encouragement.
"Oh, Buddy." She sighed. "No."
Donatello Castle?
It was better than Cosmo, she would at least give Matthew that.
She ran her fingers through his hair and he expelled a content sigh. Seven and a half years old, a soon-to-be big brother, and growing taller and more sure of himself everyday, but he was still a tiny, precious thing in her mind, her first kiddo. Forever five years old and stealing her heart like a careful thief.
He rested his head on her chest, the sound of her heartbeat filling his ears, the very rhythm of it echoing her silent plea.
slow down, slow down, slow down.
Thoughts?
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