I do not own anything of Janet Evanovich or Tastykakes, rite aid, Wawa or 7-11
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Chapter 1
When I was about 11 years old my mom came to me and told me that soon I would have a monthly visitor coming to see me. I was excited thinking someone would come each month just to see me.
I wondered who it could be. I thought of Granma and Grandpa Mazur, but I see them almost every day, so it can't be them. My mother had me sit next to her on my bed as she placed a motherly arm around my small shoulders.
"Stephanie each month you will be visited by something called a period" she said to me
"What's a period?" I asked
"It's a wonderful, beautiful thing" My mother said " it means when it shows up your growing up to be a woman and someday when your older and married to a nice man from the burg you'll be able to have babies. It's like when you're younger you lose your baby teeth and now you have adult teeth. It's just another phase in life"
My mother hugged me and kissed me on the heads as I shook my head in agreement to this period visitor. Nineteen years later my mother was a LIAR.
It's not a beautiful wonderful thing. OH NO Mother Nature is one mean Bitch. Coming around the worse possible times just like this morning. I was lying in bed watching my new husband of exactly one month Carlos AKA Ranger getting ready for the gym. I rolled over to my right side as he went into the bathroom. I was laying there thinking about the mind blowing sex we had last night when a pain shot thru my girly parts. Rolling over I clamped my hand over it, buried my head in the bed sheet, and cried out in pain.
"OH God not now" I said as I heard Ranger flush the toilet
I righted myself in the bed even though the cramps were still going strong. I just didn't want Ranger to know anything about it yet. I watched as my husband came out and walk over to me.
"Babe I'm going to shower in the locker room. I have home inspections all day and won't be home till 6pm" he says grabbing extra clothes
YES, ! I thought to myself. He'll be gone all day and I won't have to tell him. Oh he'll figure my cycle out soon enough but since the last incident when I was sitting on the couch with him when Dickhead was missing, id been very careful not to be around or if I was id be doped up on Midol and chocolate. He knows I have a period but what he doesn't have to know is when.
"Okey Doakey" I said and saw him smile at me
Ranger leaned down and slowly kissed me. Even thought my insides were all clinched in knots, his kiss made me a puddle of goo.
"Are you all right Babe?" he asked me
"Yea I'm fine, why you ask?" I asked panicking
"Just something seemed off" he tells me
"I'm just tired, was up late last night you know" and I see his wolf grin come across his face
"Yes I do know and you were insatiable, I don't know what came over you Babe" he said
"I don't know maybe it's the workouts I've been doing since we came back from our honeymoon" I tell him
"Steph that's only been 3 weeks and you don't do it every day" he says
"Ok, so maybe it's because I'm married to a hot Sexy bad ass Cuban and I can't get enough of him" I say
"Ok ill take that" he said walking to the bedroom to leave
"I love you Carlos" I called to him
Ranger stopped dead in his tracks with his hand on the door knob. He turned around and I saw desire had filled his eyes when he looked at me. He crossed the room in one big stride and kissed me, pinning me to the bed.
"I love you Stephanie Manoso" he said after the kiss
When I heard Ranger shut the front door to the apartment I waited a few minutes then I ran into the office for a calendar. Finding one I flipped it to June.
"Damn" I said as I counted back
I had stopped my period the day before my wedding. Today was July 3rd, a month exactly from when I started a week before my wedding. So sometime today I'll start. I should have known all the signs were there. I guess I'd been so busy with the wedding, reception, honeymoon, coming home and settling in. Well now I know and I'm hearing Mother Nature that Bitch loud and clear.
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Chapter 2
I finally made my way into the bathroom where I took a hot shower in hopes it would untangle my insides. Working for RangeMan now I slipped on my black bra and panties and then pulled on my cargo pants and RangeMan shirt. I was in the bathroom talking to myself as I did my hair.
"I know you like to see my curls but today is gonna be a messy bun, pony tail day" I say to Ranger even though he wasn't even in the building now
I grabbed my big shoulder bad that housed all my goodies and slung it over my shoulder. I stopped to think should I raid my stash of tampons but I decided against it because I usually always keep a small pack in my bag. I remoted the door locked and punched myself to the 5th floor.
By the time the door dinged letting me know I was there a massive cramp seized my insides up. Bending over I clinched each side of myself and held my breath and closed my eyes.
"Umm Mrs. Manoso Ma'am are you ok?" someone asked me
"Stephanie" I managed out finally looking to see Brett standing there "and yes I'm ok"
Stepping out of the elevator I made my way to the new office Ranger had set up for me. I flopped down into my big leather chair and sighed. I popped open my button on my cargo's and rubbed my stomach.
"I hate you, you know that right? Not only do I live with the hottest MAN on earth but I totally forgot about the Merry Men out there" I said and I swear I heard Mother Nature laugh evilly
"Ill pay you back" I said
"Oh yea how?" nature asked by kicking my fallopian tubes
"Ill get a hysterectomy" I said
"Than you'll have no babies by you Cuban sex God" she said
"Birth control" I said
"Again no babies" she countered
"Dammitt!! Why do you pour this vile curse on me?" I ask
"Well you see when Adam and Eve...." she began
"Yea, yea, yea" I said
"STEPH" I heard Tank shout
"WHAT?" I snapped coming back to reality and saw Tank back back a little
"You've been sitting there talking to yourself for about 20 mins are you ok?" he asked me
"I'm just peachy" I faked smile and he went back to work
I snapped my pants back together and headed to the common kitchen for something to eat. I prowled around and saw nothing but veggie sticks and sandwiches. Slamming the door shut I growled my frustrations.
"Why the hell are there no brownies?" I said "who's the genius that always has to be healthy?"
I looked around me and saw four sets of eyes staring at me. Ramon looked like he was biting the inside of his jaw to keep from laughing. I glared at him and then realized who that genius just happened to be.
"Ha-ha never mind" I said as I walked out of the kitchen and back to my office
I rummaged everywhere in my desk because I knew I had stashed some sweets in there. Not finding them I knew just who had taken them.
"TANK" I yelled
"Yes?"
"Ummm did my husband take something's from my office?" I asked
"Like what?"
"Oh you know exactly what I'm talking about" I tell him
I watched as the big tough black man stood in front of me sweating profusely from nerves. This was a fun thing to watch and see.
"Well" I snapped
"Ranger made me. He said if everyone saw you enjoying your sweets it would undermined what he and we have done here" he tells me
"I see" I say and he slinks away
I called my darling husband of one month to chew him out. I was bloated, I had a headache and cramps, and I needed chocolate BAD. It's a damn good thing he never answered.