APRIL
My house was never quiet.
It's something that I had come to accept in the sixteen years that I had been under the roof. If it wasn't a little sister growing up, then it was my older sister with music or the television or my Dad, or something. There was just always something. You do get used to it. My room had become my little sanctuary, small and messy as it may have been, it was the only sense of privacy that I had away from the world and my family. I could get lost in a book, allow my daydreams to roam free, and be myself. Reading and writing were most of my time in here, the only place that I could drown in a book or clear out my heart with pen and paper.
"April!" Alice's high-pitched voice jerked me out of my current book, Eleanor & Park. I was rereading it, admittedly, relating a little too close to the main character even though I knew she was presented to be a misfit. But every time I still managed to get lost in it. "You said that you were gonna–"
"Just a minute, Allie. Let me finish this chapter," I murmured without looking up.
"Come on, April, it's time for dinner." This time it was my older sister, Libby, who drew me away from my focus. I looked up at her with a sigh falling past my lips, tucking my bookmark into my current spot and setting it down on the nightstand. "We need to set the table." Dishes clattered from our father's best efforts as if to emphasize the help that was needed down there.
Libby and Alice disappear from my bedroom door and I could hear their footsteps clatter down the stairs. I got up to follow them a moment later. The front door of the house opened up as I was halfway down the stairs and I twisted my neck to see who it was. Matthew. Our next door neighbor and much more officially, Libby's boyfriend. He was over all the time. We had been best friends growing up. Now, with him dating my sister, that wasn't entirely changed. Everything was just approached from a different angle.
"Matthew's here!" Alice annoyed loudly. He and Libby exchanged a polite kiss on the cheek.
"Hey, April," he gave me a high-five as he blew past me.
Following everyone else into the kitchen as Dad finished up the rest of our dinner, I helped Alice get the table and everything else set up. Dad wasn't the best cook in the world – he was great with the meat, of course, everyone in town knew that, but side dishes and the rest could be a struggle. Those were pretty important given that Libby had decided to be a vegetarian which meant that Matthew didn't eat meat around her, either, even though I knew he hadn't made the transition in his own time. Eventually, we all sat. Dad opposite from Alice, and Libby and Matthew across from me and Kimmie
"One second, I just about got this…" Seeing Dad struggle with things, Libby quickly swooped in to save the day, as usual. She had definitely stepped up to be the mother figure when our actual mom had died. It was a little worrisome to know she'd be gone soon.
"I can't believe we're not going to see her until Thanksgiving," Alice blurted out, voicing my thoughts.
"It's going to be Christmas actually, sweetheart, because England's too far to come back just for Thanksgiving," Dad answered with half a smile and half a grimace.
"Wait, are you kidding?" I butt in. "We're not going to see her till Christmas?" Holy crap.
"Let's look on the bright side–" he started. "Libby don't be taking the car every day so you can practice your driving." Oh, yeah. That. Not something that I was great at even if I had managed to somehow pass my test to get a license.
"Ugh, I forgot I have to ride with April now," Alice whined.
Matthew spoke up to my defense, thankfully. "I can give you a ride. I'm not disappearing." He smiled at me sweetly and our eyes lingered on one another's for a moment too long.
"What I'd miss?" Libby asked as she came back in with dinner.
"We were talking about how bad of a driver April is." Alice pointed at me with a big smirk. I made a face at her, the tip of my nose bunching up.
"Yeah, we were, but we were also talking about airplanes," Matthew chimed in. "Which speaking of… I have a surprise for you." He reached into his pocket and pulled out an envelope, reaching across the table to hand it to Libby. I watched as she began to open it. "Since you couldn't home for Thanksgiving, I thought that I would bring it to you." He explained. A beat passed. "It's a plane ticket! I'm coming to Scotland." He beamed. My dad let out a happy noise, clapping his hands together.
Libby stared at him for a moment, clearly not as pleased. "You already paid for this?"
"Yeah," he nodded. "I had a Google alert set for flights once you said you got the scholarship. I've been working all summer to be able to pay for it. Why?" He questioned, his brow furrowed.
There's a tense silence between all of us as Libby folded up the piece of paper and put it back in her pocket. It wasn't until Alice butt in about the food on her plate until some kind of activity could resume, Libby sitting back down to eat. Neither of them talks to one another during the duration of the meal – instead, Matthew talked to me and my Dad. Libby, Alice, and Kimmie all went back and forth once amongst each other, each party existing as if the other wasn't also sitting at the table. When dinner is open and both Libby and Matthew rush out of the house to talk, the tension finally is gone. Somewhat, at least.
Peering out the window once the kitchen had been cleaned, I can see the two of them fighting even if I can't tell what they're saying. Their body language was tense. It was clear where this was heading from the way that she had reacted. Libby didn't want him to come and visit her. That was an unexpected blow. Normally she told me everything. I had always been a little bit of a third wheel in their relationship – even on dates with them. Neither one of them had wanted to exclude me when it came to their relationship given that Matthew and I had been friends long before Libby had even acknowledged that he existed. He'd been my first boy friend.
We had road bikes around the neighborhood and scraped our knees together. Middle school, we had sat on the bleachers together during lunch when we avoided everyone else. He had changed a little since dating Libby, trying to be more like her and less like himself.
That was how my fifth and final letter had been written. I didn't want to date him – no, he was Libby's boyfriend and I wouldn't have gone a thing in the world to change that. He was a good guy, we all went to church together, and she deserved someone who was good and wholesome, just like her. She deserved someone nice. But knowing and acknowledging that didn't make the feelings go away. The only thing that helped me compartmentalize all of it was writing it out.
That, among the other letters, was my most private secret. I reread them occasionally whenever I needed to come to terms with things. Maybe it was dramatic, that at sixteen, there were five of them. Joseph from Bible camp, Jackson from seventh grade, Deluca from homecoming, Alex from chem lab and Matthew. All uniquely different times and boys.
"What are you doing?" Libby's voice prompted me to shove said letters under a stack of papers.
"Nothing," I answered, glancing up at her. "What's up?"
"Your room is a mess." She answered, plopping down onto my bed. It was the sigh that she wanted to talk about something. I abandon my letters and other items on the floor before joining her on the bed, crossing my legs and sitting behind her.
"Are you okay?" I questioned.
"Yeah," Libby tried to lie at first. "Well, I broke up with Matthew."
I blinked in surprise. "What? Why?"
"Before Mom died, she said I should never go to college with a boyfriend." Oh. That was a piece of advice that I had never gotten from Mom. Then again, we had never talked about boys together – never even thought too, really. Libby had just been at that stage where she started thinking about them when Mom had died. I hadn't reached it yet.
"But you love him." I pointed out the obvious.
"I know." A sigh.
"So… do you think you might change your mind?" There was a long silence after my words.
"No." Another pause. "So, Dad made me pack up the stuff that I'm not going to take to college and donate it to Goodwill. I think that you should do the same. April, I'm leaving tomorrow. You're going to be the biggest sister. You need to set a good example." She lectured me. Even if I hadn't had that much time with Mom in my life, I had plenty of it with Libby, and I knew her 'mom' look all too well. I had gotten it too many times.
"Can we go back to talking about how you're sad?" I pouted.
The morning of her leaving came far too quickly. None of us were really ready to say goodbye. She was the first in our family to go to college, only because she had worked her butt off and gotten a scholarship to do so, something that I was working to do myself. Dad was taking it especially hard. We all get out of the car at the airport and plenty of hugs are exchanged, multiple times.
"Did you have to pick the farthest away college? Who am I gonna eat lunch with?" I questioned.
"I think you should look at this as an opportunity to branch out." Of course, Libby had always been the most social one of us. It was easy for her to say that. She was beautiful and social.
"Nope." I shook my head.
"It's junior year. You never know what could happen." Libby reminded me.
"That's what I'm afraid of." I sighed out.
To my own credit, I do try and do what she said. That day when I come home, I clean up my room. There's plenty of stuff in there that could be donated that I just can't let go off, but I managed to fill a single box of items for Goodwill. That seemed like more than enough to be letting go of. Dad would take all of it to the donation center. I leave it by the stairs for him to drop off.
Even when my room is clean, though, I don't feel any more prepared to be the big sister of the house or to start my junior year of high school The school part wasn't so bad. I had always been among the top of my class, making straight A's even on the day where I didn't put in the most effort, but those were few and far between. English teachers in particular always seemed to adore me, even if career-wise, I was leaning more and more towards medicine as opposed to anything else. But making good grades and keeping up with my classmates was easy.
It was everything else about high school that was hard. I didn't have the natural charisma that Libby and the rest of my sisters seemed to have. All of them were popular and well-liked among their respective grades. I had always been the black sheep of the family in one way or another, more like Dad while the rest of the Kepners were more like Mom. Quiet and reserved, head down, I wanted to start off my junior year the way that I had started off every other year. Unnoticed.
The hallway was noisy as ever as I moved down it to my locker, shouts and squeals of people catching up over the summer. I spotted Matthew and hesitated, chewing at my lower lip as I forced myself to keep walking. It's only once I passed him that I turned around and gave him a small wave, a regretful afterthought.
"Ow!" A pained squeal occurred right as I stumbled into someone.
"Oh– oh god, Meredith, I'm so sorry!" I stuttered out as my eyes widened with panic.
"Watch where you're going, Kepner." She spat back at me.
"I'm so, so sorry," I repeated.
Meredith and I hadn't always hated each other. Well, I didn't hate her. But she definitely hated me. We had been good friends once in middle school before things like popularity and boys were important. Well, they still weren't important – but she didn't seem to share that opinion with me. As she had grown boobs and became popular, I had been cast off to the side, no longer important enough to bother being friends with.
"Cute shirt," she began. "Is it your brother's? Oh, wait. You are the brother."
I took a deep breath, minding my temper.
"Hey, at least she has sisters that like her." Lexie stepped in out of nowhere. Lexie was Meredith's half-sister and my best friend. Well, my only friend, technically. She was fun and quirky, more social than I was, but still incredibly smart.
"You know what, Lexie? Screw you." She spat out.
"Hey, babe – how are you?" Jackson interrupted, his arms wrapping around one another.
Oh, Jackson. One of the few letters that I had written a letter too and certainly too good of a person to be with her. Back when Meredith and I had been friends, there had been one fateful kiss between the two of us during spin the bottle. She had liked him back then and just about lost her mind. He was too good for her then and too good for her now, but I guess he didn't see it that way. There wasn't much to be done about it. Girls like her always got guys like him. Maybe that's why there were so many divorces nowadays.
His presence was enough to temper her and get out of there, fortunately. The bell rings which means I get to the only part of the school day that I can actually enjoy without too much thought behind it – the classroom. Calculus was first up, early in the morning, followed by physics and then the psychology elective that I had elected to take for the year. Lunch is where my hell breaks loose again.
Lexie was nowhere to be found in the cafeteria, which sent me running for the library. But even that couldn't be as much of a safe space for me, despite my love of books and writing. The second that I bite into an apple, glares send me running out of the room. Outside, then. At least it's not too hot today.
Matthew was sitting alone on the bleachers. I took a deep breath, staring at him for a moment. This moment would have happened for him either way. He was a senior, after all. Deciding impulsively, I began to approach him. We were friends before and we could still be friends after. It would be that and nothing more, of course. I wasn't going to just betray my sister like that.
"Hey, is this seat taken?" I asked, chewing my lower lip.
"By you." He replied with a smile. "Hey, we're still cool, right?" He questioned after I had sat down.
"Yeah," I nodded, resting my forearms on my knees. "I–I didn't know that she was going to do that. She usually tells me everything, especially about you guys. It was weird, out of the blue like that. I'm sorry." Rambles escaped from my lips before he had the chance to say much.
Matthew just smiled at me for a moment before offering one of his headphones to me. I scooted closer to him and let him place it in my ear. We didn't have the same taste in music anymore, but I don't mind listening to his stuff. I've never been picky about that kind of thing and admittedly, it was nice to be around him without having to feel like a third wheel anymore. I was sure that he didn't feel the same way, though.
The rest of the day comes and goes without being eventful, fortunately. No running into Meredith to make my life even more hellish than it already was from the rest of the high schoolers. It was the freckles or the glasses or the red hair – it didn't really matter what it was to most people, they always found something to pick on, one way or another. Even though my sisters seemed to share some of the same physical qualities as me and they all seemed to love them, with me, it seemed to be a flaw. I felt like I couldn't stop it.
Behind the wheel of what had been Libby's car, I wait for Kimmie and Alice to load into the backseat. Driving home now is a lot more stressful with all of the traffic in the parking lot but once they're in and buckled, I shifted the car in reverse and began to ease out.
Until there's a thud.
"Crap."
"Oh my god!" Alice blurted out. Laughter from the both of them followed.
Shamefully, I looked up into the rearview mirror to see who my victim was. Jackson was staring back at me. Great. This meant that Meredith would probably find out and it would just give her one more reason to try and make my life as hellish as possible. When he walked around to the driver's side, I rolled down my window and let out a sigh.
"Hi." He greeted like nothing had happened.
"Hi." Mine was practically a whine.
"You know, most people usually check behind them before they reverse. To avoid killing people. It's kind of a thing." There was a smile on his lips that made it friendly and teasing, yet I'm still tense, knuckles turning white as I gripped onto the wheel even in park.
I stared forward. "Yeah, well, I'm not completely comfortable behind the wheel."
"Clearly," Jackson chuckled. "Are you going to be good to make it home alright? You know, without hitting anyone else?"
"Yes. Yes, I am." I stated simply.
"Uh huh," he chuckled his tongue, leaning in closer and glancing at my sisters in the backyard. "Well, you two are in charge. Keep an eye on this one." He winked at me, far too friendly, before walking away. I rolled up the window and leaned back into the seat, letting out a sigh.
I make it home without hitting anyone else. The rest of the week is a little easier, no more parking lot incidents or Meredith incidents or anything else, for that matter. I fall back into my usual routine of keeping my head down as much as I can, only making myself known to teachers enough so they know that I'ms mart. I would need recommendation letters for college this year if I wanted to get out of here one day. After school was homework, and reading, and maybe some time spent with my sister.
We got out Saturday night marathon of Golden Girls. It was something that I remembered watching with Mom and I was sure that Libby remembered it, too. We had passed it down with Kimmie and Alice eagerly. But this was the first one where it was just three of us instead of all four (or five for the nights that Matthew had joined us), and it felt different. I was sure that they felt it, too.
We don't always talk a lot, depending on how the week has been, but there's one comment from Alice that sent my head spinning. "Don't you find it depressing it's Saturday night and you're having a golden girls marathon with your sisters?"
No, I didn't. I loved all of my sisters with my entire heart and that was the way that it was always going to be, I was sure. But I knew that she was thinking of the absence of Matthew and the fact that, well, I didn't seem to hang out with a whole lot of people that weren't either another Kepner or him. Even Lexie had more friends than I did and often was out and about with them, while I would curl up with a book for the night and have that be my companionship. But I wasn't lonely. I was comfortable with my lack of a social life.
What I was less comfortable with was gym class. There's where Lexie and I both wither, slowly jogging together.
"Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?" To both our surprise, Jackson Avery had caught up with us.
"Uh, me?" I questioned.
"Yeah."
"Hey, Avery, I heard my sister dumped you for a college student. Is that true?" Lexie questioned. I blinked in surprise at the sudden information.
"I uh, I need to talk to April. Alone." He repeated, pointing at me.
Lexie stared at both of us for a minute. "Alright, well, if you need me I'm going to go hide in the nurse's office and avoid the rest of this running hell." She chuckled, stepping away from the both of us. "Feel free to join me once you're done with… whatever, April." She added to me. I nodded as she walked away.
"Uh, listen, I just wanted to say that I really appreciated it. But it's never going to happen." Jackson began.
"I'm sorry, what?" I questioned, my brows furrowing.
"Okay. From what I remember about that kiss, it was hot, y'know, for being seventh grade and all. And I think it's really cool that you think my eyes are like the ocean, but it's just…" As he continued speaking, my gaze glanced down at the piece of paper in his hand. It was the letter. My letter, to him. There was no way that he could have that. It was impossible.
Before I know it, my entire world disappears.
"Wake up!" A voice yelled in my face.
I blinked in surprise. I was on the ground. "What happened?" I muttered.
"You fainted. Are you okay?" I nodded my head slowly. "Come on, give me your hand. Both hands." I agree without thinking much about it and he pulled me to sit up. I rubbed the sore spot on the back of my head form the way that I collapsed and let out a sigh. Fainting wasn't a common thing for me. But then again, I had never had my entire life pulled out from beneath me so quickly. He probably didn't know the half of it, even if he was holding that letter in his hand. "You want some water or something?" Jackson continued to question me.
"No, I'm okay," I answered with a forced smile.
"You sure?" Jackson questioned.
Another nod was given as I pushed hair back out of my face, barely containing another sigh. As I looked around, though, another wave of panic came crashing over me. There was Matthew. He was staring right at me and as I glanced down at his hand, I could see that he had a letter of his own in my hand. There was no way that this was happening. Not only was Jackson reading my most personal thoughts, but so was Matthew. Oh no.
"Oh my god… oh my god." Before I can even think about what I'm doing or apologize for it, I take advantage of the fact that Jackson's kneeled down next to me. I turn toward him and grab his face, pressing my mouth onto mine. He fell onto his back in surprise and I moved with him, needing to keep up the rouse. Matthew couldn't know I felt anything for him.
"Hey! Hey, stop that!" Couch quickly began yelling. "Stop that!" I pulled away. "Kepner, two more laps!"
I can't bring myself to speak. certainly not how I wanted my first kiss to go, not at all, but at least it would keep Matthew confused. Once I'm back up on my feet, I take off running. But not around the track like the coach wanted. Instead, I head inside.
It took me no time at all to find my way into the girl's bathroom where I quickly hide in a stall. My heart was pounding inside of my chest, shaking me entirely. None of it was from being out of breath from running like it should have been under any other circumstance. My weight shifted side to side restlessly, trying to figure out what in the world I was supposed to do. There was no way that this could be happening. Not really. This had to be a nightmare. I pinched myself, hoping that I would suddenly wake up. But there's no avail, just a little bit of pain in my arm.
The bathroom door opened and I tensed, holding my breath. "Hey, April? You in there?" A male called out.
"No," I answered.
Glancing down at the noise, another letter was slid beneath the stall and my own handwriting looked up at me. Andrew Deluca. His address was beneath it and I took a deep breath, letting out a sigh. They were all out. How could I be lucky enough to only have two of them get out? This was a nightmare. Except for the part where it was an absolutely crappy reality.
Homecoming had been fun, sure. We had danced together and it had been great. It was one of the first times that I had been comfortable around another guy. But I'd barely spoken to him in years now.
"I didn't mean to barge in on you, but I just wanted to make sure that you were okay. And uh, I thought you might want that back. Seemed a little personal." Andrew spoke.
I bent over and picked it. "I wrote this years ago." I announced as I stepped out.
"Freshman homecoming. Yeah, I had fun that night too. But you know I'm gay, right?" He questioned. I blinked in surprise.
"Oh, of course." I lied. "Yeah, I did. I did."
I didn't.
Never had I been so eager to get home from school that day. I run up the stairs without a word to my dad or my sisters, hearing them chatter, but I'm focused entirely on one thing. I get down on my hands and my knees under the bed, looking for the box. Pulling out everything underneath the bed, it's not there. My secret, most prized possessions were not there. So they were all gone. Who had found it? Had it been in the Goodwill box? No. There was no way that it would have been there. I wouldn't have been that stupid or careless.
"April, you got some mail!" Dad called out.
Dragging myself downstairs, I recognize my handwriting again. This time, it was to Joseph. It was addressed to the camp – he didn't get it. So four out of five. It was only eighty percent the end of the world, not a hundred percent. That didn't make me feel any better.
How the heck was I supposed to go forward?
The doorbell rang and I fell back on my bed, ignoring it. But eventually, Dad's voice calls out.
"Matthew's here!"
Oh, no. No, no, no.
I do the first thing that I could think of, and perhaps the most stupid thing that I could think of. Pushing open my window, I quickly shimmy my body through the gap. There's homework to do and a ton of reasons why I shouldn't do this. Avoiding it wasn't going to make it go away. But I can't do it, not right now. My foot missteps on the roof and I roll to the edge of it, trying to catch myself. I grab onto the gutter with one hand for only a second, enough to slow my fall onto the ground.
Ow.
But I don't stop or slow down. Running to my bike, I quickly begin to get out of there as quickly as I could. Dad and my sisters would be confused but I could come up with an excuse latter when I got back. There's a little cafe down the block that I could spend some time in, enough to make sure that he was out of my house and I had an excuse once I got back there. When I reach it, I lean my bike up against the side and head in, ordering a Coke as I sat down at the counter. I should have brought homework, but I hadn't been thinking that far ahead in my hurry.
"Hey, Kepner."
Oh no. I don't respond even as the waitress comes over for his order, stiffening.
"So, whatcha doing here?" I asked, trying to be friendly.
"Just here to drink a shake." Jackson looked at me with a smile. "Actually, I stopped by your house to talk and your sister said that you might be here. Look, I just want to be super clear. I'm flattered, I am. But… Meredith and I just broke up, so…"
"Are you trying to reject me right now?" I interrupted.
"Well, it seems like it didn't really take the first time." Jackson shrugged.
"I'm not trying to date you." I shook my head.
He continued to stutter. At least I wasn't the one tripping over myself. "Yeah, but your mouth is saying something, but your mouth said something completely different."
"What?" I questioned with furrowed brows, shaking my head. "Here's the thing I don't actually like you. I just had to make it look like I liked you so somebody else wouldn't think I liked them." That was a reasonable enough explanation, right?
"Oh okay. Deal. Who? You gotta tell me who this mystery stud is otherwise I'm going to think you have a tattoo of my face on a mysterious place." Of course, it made sense that he would question that. But it didn't mean that I actually wanted him to question it.
"No." I shook my head.
"Should I just tell the rest of the school you wrote me a love letter?"
There was the dealbreaker.
"Fine. It's Matthew Taylor."
"Hold on, Taylor? Doesn't that guy date your sister?" Jackson asked. Everyone knew that. That was why I needed to avoid it even more. The humiliation would have been impossible to get over.
"Dated. Past tense. He actually got a letter too so you can see how awkward and complicated it's going to get if he thinks I like him." I explained.
"Hold on, stop. I'm not the only guy who got a letter?" His question resulted in a quick shake of my head. "Wow, you really think that you're special when you find out she wrote a love letter to you."
"Well, I wrote 5 letters so don't feel too special." Why did I tell him that?
"You wrote 5 love letters?" I nodded. "Damn Keps you're a player. Who else did you write letters to?"
"If I tell you will you leave me alone?" This time, I looked over at him. He smiled and nodded. "Andrew Deluca."
"He's gay," Jackson pointed out.
"You don't know that," I retorted. "Everyone knows that. Who else?"
"Joseph, from camp. My chem lab partner, Alex Karev. We went to homecoming together. I didn't realize that he was such a bad boy." That was probably the most embarrassing one of my selection.
To my relief, he let it go there.
Once he had finished the milkshake that he ordered and I had finished my shake, he offered to drive me home, throwing in a line about my bike outside. Yeah, I had a car, but that didn't mean that I had to drive it everywhere. It was a lot easier and a lot safer for me to just take that everywhere even if it was a little sweatier than I would have liked.
"What are you gonna say to Taylor?" Jackson asked as we pulled up to my house.
"Guess I'm gonna have to tell him the truth." Maybe.
"But what is the truth? Do you like him, do you not like him?"
I gave him a funny look. "Not your problem, Jackson."
Getting out of the car, I began to walk up to the door. I should thank him for taking me home but this entire situation was just too awkward to wrap my head around. The sound of his car door shutting surprised me and I fought off the urge to turn around and look at him again until he said my name to get his attention. I paused, turning around to face him again as he got closer to me.
"What if you didn't tell him?" Jackson asked.
"What?" I asked.
"What if we let people think that we were actually together? Just for a little while. And not just Taylor. I mean, everybody." He made the suggestion as if it was something completely normal. Yet it was absolutely insane. I blinked at him, struggling to find my voice for a minute.
"Why would you want that?" I asked.
"Well for starters, when Meredith heard that you kissed me, she went nuts. And if she thinks that you and I are a thing, maybe she'll want to get back together." There was some logic behind it. It had nothing to actually do with me, of course. I let out a breath, shaking my head in disapproval. Even if it would have been a good idea, it was still bad.
"Oh, so you wanna use me as a pawn?"
"Ah, well see you technically used me as your pawn first." I didn't say a word, my lips tightening together. "You don't have to give me an answer now. Just think about it, okay?"
"Don't hold your breath."
Without giving him another chance to try and convince me, I head inside my house and upstairs again, muttering an excuse to my dad about needing to meet up with someone for a group project. Though I should focus on homework the second that I get into my room again, I don't. Instead, I can't get Matthew out of my head.
My phone buzzed with missed calls from him that I can't bring myself to pick up. I knew that he had seen Jackson and I kiss, just like everyone else had, and there was a chance that he could have seen him bring me home, too. It would have been easy to make it look like we were dating. I can already hear it in my head, him talking about how great we would be together. I had wanted to hear those words from him once before he and Libby had dated. But now, it would have been a nightmare. The only thing that shut off his brain inside of my head was Jackson's imaginary voice.
I knew what I had to do.
The next day at school, I don't hesitate to find him. I knew that he was on the football team and they always practiced early in the morning. Among the identical uniforms and helmets, it took me a minute to spot him among the crowd of men. Once I do, my feet carry me across the ground quickly to approach him. I can see the surprise on his face as I do, a gentle knit between his brows as he stared me down.
"Let's do this," I announced firmly.
His eyebrows raised up at me and I gave a little nod of my head, trying to stay certain in my decision. Before I knew it, he grabbed my hips to pull me in and sealed his mouth over mine in a harm, firm kiss. This was drastically different than the hurried, impulsive one that I had thrown myself into before. This was a real kiss. A super real his with the entire football team and who knew who else watching. My cheeks flush with heat and color until he pulled away and I stared at him, truly dumbfounded for a long moment.
"I, uh, I'm gonna go to calculus." I stuttered out as I took a step back. "Bye. Have a good day."