I know I'm crazy to write something like this, but whatevs. I wrote it and I'm going to post it. So enjoy my sort-of AU POV of Cassandra July. Faberry is endgame.
Cassandra July stood next to her sister and her older niece as Judy carried and cooed the newborn baby girl in her arms. Russell was smiling at his newborn daughter but there was just this hint of disappointment in his eyes and Cassie knew he wanted a son, she also knew he loved this daughter as well, just not as much as he would a son.
Judy looked up at Cassie and grinned. "Do you want to carry her?" she asked softly, her voice weak from using too much energy to push this kid out of her vagina.
Cassie smiled and reached out to stroke the baby's bare and smooth head. "Can I?" she asked and Judy nodded, carefully handing the kid to Cassie. Cassie carried her with care and when the baby opened her eyes and met hers, Cassie was awestruck. She watched the baby blink and finally smiled that tiny little cutesy smile at her. Cassie giggled and knew she was going to love this kid. "What are you going to name her, Judes?"
Her sister tilted her head and turned to her husband. "Lucy is a sweet name, Russell," she suggested. Russell seemed to be considering and then he finally nodded.
He turned up to the girl in Cassie's arms and grinned. "Lucy Quinn Fabray, welcome to the world," he said softly,
She went back to NYADA after spending four days with her sister's family in Ohio. Her e-mail would often be filled with mails from Judy and Russell, showing her the photos of Lucy's growth and Kate couldn't help but think that this would be the most beautiful girl to be born in the world.
She called all the time just to hear how her nieces were doing. Frannie would tell her about how her sister sat without needing people to support her. She would tell Cassie how much she just loved this new little sister and she couldn't wait when she grew up and they could play out at the swings together.
When Lucy could babble a little with that sweet little voice of hers, Judy put her on the phone with Cassie.
She cried when Lucy said, "Ont Cossie!"
Cassie spent the summer after graduation from NYADA in Ohio with Judy and her family. She slept with Lucy every night and she would always sing her niece to sleep and read stories to her. When Lucy would finally close her eyes and rest, Cassie wouldn't leave the crib unless she was tired or Judy asked her if she wanted to get supper together.
She sent audition tapes to producers of various plays – small or big, off-Broadway or on. Russell had always disapproved of her choice of career but screw him. She'd live however she wanted. Her sister was the one who married him, she wasn't. She'd do whatever she wanted and he could keep his misogynistic and selfish thoughts to himself.
When she had the time, she would bring Lucy and Frannie out for a stroll or they would go to Cleveland to shop. Since Lucy wasn't old enough, Frannie would have to go to the swings by herself with Cassie would cuddle and play with Lucy on a bench not far away. Sometimes, she would sit on the swing next to Frannie with Lucy on her lap and swing carefully.
Cassie swore the giggle Lucy always released was the most beautiful sound in the world.
She got jobs here and there. She worked a part-time job as a barista in a café a couple blocks away from her apartment building. She'd arranged schedule so she could make it to the plays she'd be involved in. Once in every three or four months, she would free a week from her schedule and visit Lima to see her beautiful nieces and her sister. She watched Lucy grow into this puffy and sweet young lady. She knew Lucy was always self-conscious of her appearance.
And she blamed Russell fully for that. He always jibed at her when he thought she was eating too much and he'd always comment on how beautiful Frannie was and how pudgy she looked. Every single time he said those things Cassie always had this urge to punch him in the face and yell at him to shut the fuck up. But she couldn't. She didn't want to cause trouble in the house and scare the kids.
So she'd always tell Lucy that she was beautiful. She'd always tell Lucy to appreciate her looks and stop caring about people's opinions. She and Frannie would always – always – plan surprises so they could see that grin on Lucy's face. She would bring the kids out to the park and hear them laugh while playing on the swings. She would buy them ice-creams – without Russell's knowledge. She would buy Lucy more fluffy toys to tell her that she still loved her.
However, she still couldn't convince Lucy that she was beautiful.
She was twenty-four and Quinn was only five when she got her first important role in Broadway. She was so excited because it was her first job. She just didn't know it would be her last as well.
Russell got drunk that night and decided that it would the appropriate time to show Lucy that he was the man in the house and they would have no control over themselves. Lucy called her, sobbing and stuttering as she hissed in pain. So it was reasonable that Cassie wasn't in a particular good mood. So she screwed up. She wasn't focusing and she had a headache. That damn phone ringing just added more to her pain and she snapped and went crazy.
Cassie was fired instantly and when she thought it back that night, she wasn't even sure who the woman on that stage was.
She called Judy's cell the next morning and Judy was whispering in fear. Cassie's suspicion was immediately confirmed. She'd always thought Russell had this creepy vibe with him and he'd now shown it. He was an abusive man who would beat up his five year old daughter just because she decided to read Harry Potter.
"Hey, Cassie, I'm sorry but Russell prohibited me from talking to you as soon as he read the news about you this morning. He doesn't I'm talking to you now so I have to go. But…I…I'll call you back later. Don't worry." And then Judy hung up.
Cassie stared at her phone in shock. How could she not be worried?
She did get a call from Judy when she was ready to go to sleep and forget about her disastrous life. Judy was hushed and obviously, she was still afraid of Russell's wrath. She told her that he got drunk and then he saw Lucy reading the book he called as 'sin against God's will'. So he burned the book and beat Quinn with his belt buckle.
"Why didn't you stop him?" Cassie said angrily, momentarily forgetting about her own problems and only worrying about her niece. "He's her father! He shouldn't have bought that book for her in the first place if he's going to just punish her for reading it! And you're her mother! Why didn't you help her?"
"Oh Cassie," Judy sighed. "You know how bad Russell can get. I just didn't want to infuriate him further."
"Did he do this to Frannie?" Cassie asked darkly. Judy's silence was an answer enough. Cassie took a deep calming breath and clenched her jaw. "So I'm going to assume you didn't stop him because you didn't want to infuriate him further," she said, repeating Judy's words. When Judy stayed silent, Cassie knew enough and she fought the urge to just smash her phone into the wall. Not even the fact that she got fired could compare to the rage she was feeling right now. "I just can't believe you right now," she whispered angrily, running her hand through her hair and wondering in her head what hitman could she hire to kill Russell Fabray.
"I just..."
"Stop," Cassie interrupted. "Don't tell me you didn't help because you didn't want to infuriate him further or any other excuses in your head right now. You didn't help your daughters when their drunken asshole of a father beat them up because you're afraid you'd be involved and you'd be harmed yourself. You're my sister, Judy. We lived in the same house before you went and got married to that man. I know how selfish you can get and you can do anything for yourself. You can even let your children get beat up just so you wouldn't be under his wrath."
"Cassie, he's my husband," Judy said firmly.
"And they are your children!" Cassie finally lost it and yelled. She stormed out into the living room and groaned, clenching her fists. "They are your children, Judy! You gave birth to them and now you'd rather watch them get beat up by your husband than helping them? What kind of mother are you?"
She heard silence from the other end of the end and then Judy sighed. "Do you want to talk to Lucy?"
Cassie rolled her eyes and sat down on the sofa. Yes, trust Judy to change the subject when she didn't want to talk about it. She nodded. "Put her on the phone," she said grumpily.
Lucy got on the phone. Cassie calmed herself and changed her tone with Lucy. She asked if she applied salve to the welts and Lucy said yes. They talked for another five minutes before they hung up. Cassie put it down and hung her head. Her life was a disaster.
She landed herself a teaching job in NYADA because despite her reputation as 'Crazy July', her dancing was still outstanding and people needed her to teach their students how to move like she did. Also, her 'puffy' niece decided to go on a diet and went to work out every day. Cassie was proud of her niece, she still felt sad that Lucy would still be so self-conscious.
And then one day she got a call from Lucy who told her they were moving to Lima, Ohio because of Russell's job and that she got a nose job. Cassie yelled at her, for the first time in her life she was angry with her niece. Why would she get a nose job? She looked beautiful! She's an angel! Cassie could never understand and then Lucy cried and told her that she wanted to stop being a loser and she wanted to start being someone people could look up to and someone people wanted to be.
She wanted to be that person, just like Aunt Cassie.
When they hung up, Cassie asked to be emailed a photo of what she looked like nowadays so she could recognize her if they could meet again. They never got to meet since that night when Russell prohibited his family to be in any contact with her. What he didn't know won't hurt him.
"Oh, Aunt Cassie?" Cassie's finger halted over the red button and she put the phone back to her ear. "Call me Quinn from now on."
Quinn changed. She no longer told her everything but Cassie still knew she was the only person Quinn confided things to. And Cassie was glad that Quinn could trust her and not think that she's someone who's going to ruin her life. Not like her father did.
Cassie was a bitch to her students. But she had a good intention. She wanted to let her students that know that mellowness and vanilla in this campus weren't going to apply to the outside world. So she didn't apply the kindness most teachers here did and instead chose to be hard on them. She drank now. She drank in between classes but she would never drink herself to drunkenness. She would not let herself go down like Russell Fabray did to himself. She indulged in alcohol to numb the pain she felt inside, for herself and for her nieces.
When Frannie told her she's moving out of Ohio, Cassie was happy for her. But when Frannie told her she's getting married, Cassie was slightly disappointed. Why couldn't she just take Judy as an example? It was suffocating getting married so early when she hadn't gotten a taste of life yet.
Quinn – it still felt sort of weird calling her that – got into high school and joined the cheerleading team, becoming the first freshman cheerleader captain. Cassie was so proud of her niece. She knew Quinn changed – drastically, for that matter. Her laugh was hollow and no longer filled with life. She got herself into the trends and she stopped talking about the interesting books she'd read recently and never again had she ever recite poem lines to her.
Cassie missed that Lucy Quinn but that didn't mean she didn't love this Lucy Quinn as well – or Quinn. She still loved her and she wanted the best for her. If Quinn joining the Cheerios would be the best for her, then Cassie was all for it. Then Quinn started telling her that Judy was drinking now and she'd always hear her parents fighting in their bedroom. Sometimes, there would a smash and there would be crying and then she would hear struggle like the bed creaking and then there was silence. Until twenty minutes later when she would undoubtedly hear one of her parents moan.
Cassie couldn't help but think that was insanely unhealthy relationship, not that it was healthy before.
Her niece would sometimes cry about how she regretted throwing that slushie at who and who. But she would always – always – hear her niece talking about this Rachel Berry creature. She would always hear about how short she was and how caramel brown she was and how beautiful she was. She would always hear her niece expressing regret for pretending to hate this Rachel. It was every phone call that she'd hear about Rachel Berry and yet Cassie could never grow tired of hearing it.
And then Quinn got pregnant. She was the second person Quinn had told that to, next to her idiot of a boyfriend Finn Hudson. Cassie wasn't disappointed. She got pregnant herself and she had an abortion and she admired Quinn for deciding to keep the baby even if her dad would more or less kick her out.
Her prediction was correct. Quinn got kicked out because thanks to her idiot boyfriend, he sang a freaking ballad about Quinn having his baby and then her father kicked her out. She lived with Finn's basement and then she went back to listening about Rachel and Finn and oddly, this new Puck boy. But mostly Rachel.
She never bothered calling Judy. She didn't want hear any more excuses.
It all was going smoothly except that Quinn would occasionally complain about the doctor's bills. Cassie offered to give her some money but Quinn refused all the time.
"I'm all alone now. And I need to learn," Quinn had said. Cassie didn't know what to say except that Quinn wasn't all alone. Not at all. She still had her Aunt Cassie.
Everything was going smoothly until Quinn blurted the truth to her the day before her life truly collapsed.
"The baby's not Finn's," she whispered on the phone one day and Cassie had to strain to hear her. "I felt fat that day because Mom and Daddy told me I shouldn't eat that much because I seemed to be putting on some weight. So I went to this party and Puck came to me with a carton of wine coolers. I drank some and got drunk. Then we went back home because Mom and Daddy weren't home. Then he told me I wasn't fat and I was so drunk. So…I had sex with him."
Cassie was so shocked that she couldn't say anything. She didn't even know what she should say.
Then finally, Quinn asked, "Are you disappointed in me?"
Cassie snapped out of her shock and gasped. "What? No!" she said loudly.
Quinn sighed in relief. "Thanks," she whispered and sobbed.
She didn't like this Rachel character very much when Quinn told her she told Finn about her baby's paternity. Life went on. Rachel dated some Carmel dude. Quinn moved to live with Puck. Rachel got egged. Quinn provided sharp objects for Finn and Puck to blast Vocal Adrenaline's Range Rovers. Rachel met her mother. Quinn told Cassie she hated that woman.
And then Regionals and they lost. Quinn gave birth to a baby girl she named Beth. She snapped a photo and sent one to Cassie and all Cassie could think was this baby girl looked so much like her mother. At the end of the day, Rachel Berry's mother adopted the kid. Quinn was so depressed for the next two weeks of the summer that they didn't have a single chat until one day when Quinn called her and talked to her like everything never happened.
Cassie decided to go with Quinn's flow. She got to know Russell cheated on Judy and Judy kicked him out. Quinn asked her to visit her. So she did.
It was such a long time since she'd seen Quinn that she cried and she cooed Quinn like a baby and she told her how beautiful she looked. Quinn laughed and drove her to their house. Cassie knew Quinn was an amazing actress because she acted happy on the outside. But Cassie knew Quinn so well she knew that inside this young blonde girl, she was a disaster.
Cassie tried to help.
They went out to Six Flags and they went shopping. Cassie bought her the entire collection of Harry Potter.
Nothing seemed to be of any use.
And then they managed to see Rachel and Finn walking the street hand-in-hand one day and Quinn went home fuming. That night, Quinn complained about everything and Cassie wanted to laugh because almost all of Quinn's jibes were aimed towards Finn Hudson.
Before she went back to New York, she turned to Quinn seriously and asked, "Quinn, are you gay?"
Quinn stared at her with wide eyes before she broke down crying. She begged Cassie to not leave her. She begged her to not tell anyone. She begged Cassie and Cassie's heart broke for her.
Quinn was indeed a disaster after giving birth. She admitted to being in love with Rachel Berry. But after, she built up a wall around herself. A wall that not even Cassie could break. Quinn became a mystery and Cassie ended up calling Judy and asking her what the hell was going on with her niece.
But Judy always responded in negative and Cassie could nearly punch Judy if she was here. Cassie worried about Quinn. She dated this Sam kid who Quinn said had huge lips. And when Cassie came back, Quinn was dating Finn again. Cassie immediately disliked the lad on first glance. He had this dopey stupid look on his face that wasn't even cute and Cassie got tired of talking to him when he just responded in monosyllable or with stupid answers. She wondered how Quinn put up with him all the damn time.
Then Quinn called her four days after Regionals and sobbed.
"Rachel said Get It Right was our song, Aunt Cassie," Quinn choked out.
Quinn's favorite flowers changed from lilies to gardenia.
Finn broke up with Quinn at funeral, talking shit about a tether or something.
Cassie wanted to fly to Lima and squeeze his heart dry.
Nationals was in New York. The first night Quinn came, Cassie came to pick her up and they went out for a stroll at the streets, looking out at the night view of New York City. And when Quinn smiled at her, Cassie was afraid. Because that smile was hollow and devoid of any emotion at all.
Quinn cut her hair.
Cassie wanted to pull her hair out at her niece's stupidity.
"At least I feel a little better, Aunt Cassie," Quinn whispered.
"Yeah well, that doesn't make me feel any better," she snapped.
Cassie was invited to teach this woman, April Rhodes, some dance routine in this brand new and ridiculous Broadway play she wrote herself. When she got to the studio, this short bubbly and sober woman came rushing to her from the piano and hugged her.
Cassie was creeped out at first until a man told her that April Rhodes was a very touchy feely person.
"You look familiar," April drawled and grin at her. "Oh, is Quinn Fabray any relative of yours?" Cassie's eyes widened at her niece's name and April's grin grew wider. "I thought so. That girl is very talented, I tell you. But this year when I went back, she was…different than before."
The dancer's felt tears prickling in the back of her eyes and she took a deep breath. "I know," she whispered.
Things went downhill for Quinn Fabray. She dyed her hair fuchsia pink and she got a freaking Ryan Seacrest tattoo on her back. She got a nose ring and her entire body language yelled 'Help me!' to anyone who bothered to look. She began hanging out with this group of girls Quinn called 'the Skanks'. She began sleeping with people and even dated a forty year old skater for awhile.
All this Cassie heard from Judy.
Cassie was so enraged that she stopped calling Quinn and began investing herself fully into teaching and dancing. She didn't stop drinking though. She wanted to yell at Quinn for being so stupid over a silly girl who couldn't see what she was worth. She wanted to yell at Quinn for driving herself down this road of self-destruction. She just wanted to yell at Quinn.
Few months passed by with updates by Judy and then one day, Quinn called her. When Cassie answered at the third ring, Quinn said, "I'm so sorry."
Cassie smiled a little and sighed. "Kiddo, you gotta stop doing this do yourself."
"I know." And then she dropped a bomb on Cassie. "Shelby came back…with Beth."
Quinn came back. The Quinn she knew came back. Quinn talked to her again, like really talked to her. She started telling her things people didn't know again. Slowly, Quinn was back to the Quinn Cassie once had known. Quinn told her that Rachel was so stupid to give her virginity to Finn. Quinn told her about her friend, Santana. Quinn had a lot to tell her.
Sectionals came and they won. Cassie went to watch their performance and she felt a little disappointed in their footwork. But Quinn danced beautifully. And Cassie couldn't help but feel a shiver when Quinn sang that part in Control. Cassie saw Rachel and Shelby in the audience and she was shocked at how they both looked alike. So it was true about the gene thing.
They went to Breadstix before Cassie went back to New York and Quinn had this smile on her face. Cassie knew that her Quinn was finally – finally – back.
"Rachel and I are now friends," Quinn said with grin.
The rant began. Cassie listened. So all she got for now was Rachel asked her about Finn's proposal to her. And then she was stupid enough to consider it. And now she said yes! Quinn ranted and was obviously pissed at Rachel.
"Quinn, you gotta let her make her own decisions. If she wants to be stupid, who are you to stop her?"
That stopped Quinn mid-rant and she went silent. "Yeah, I guess," she whispered.
Cassie texted Quinn and wished her luck at Regionals that day. She didn't even take time to imagine anything happening to Quinn until five hours later when Judy called her and told her Quinn was in an accident on the way to the chapel.
She didn't want to make her existence known to Quinn's friends. Because even if she kept telling people that she's nothing to be ashamed about, she was still slightly ashamed of her history with Broadway and according to Quinn, there were two Broadway addicts among the Glee club and she definitely didn't want to meet them, especially not Rachel Berry.
So she stayed at Judy's house, getting hourly updates from her sister. It annoyed her that Rachel Berry stayed there for five hours after the surgery. She caused this! She shouldn't be there. But Cassie wasn't going to lose her temper. Her niece was what's important now. It was twelve thirty in the morning when Frannie called her and told her everybody's left – and by everybody she meant Rachel Berry – and she could come now. She didn't wait another minute. She grabbed her keys, pulled on her jacket and pulled out of the garage in her rented car.
She broke all speed laws and reached the hospital in approximately seven and thirty-two seconds. She got out and rushed to the fifth floor and went to Quinn's room. Frannie was leaning against the wall by the door of Quinn's room and when she saw Cassie, her tears immediately came flowing out and she threw herself into Cassie's arms. Cassie wrapped her arms around Frannie and hushed her, barely keeping her tears to herself.
"It's all going to be okay," she whispered. She wasn't sure though.
Quinn was in coma for the next three days. And when she woke up, Cassie wasn't there because Rachel Berry was there. Frannie called her while she was feeding herself Cheetos in the kitchen. And she had to wait for another four hours before everybody was done visiting and she could go to see Quinn.
Luckily for her, Quinn was still awake. But she wasn't smiling. Cassie couldn't blame her. She hugged Quinn and kissed the top of her head.
"I'll be here with you no matter what, honey," she whispered.
Quinn nodded and buried her head further into Cassie's hair, holding onto her for dear life. "Thank you, Aunt Cassie."
She went back to New York and called Quinn daily. There was this new guy called Joe Hart and he seemed to be nice but Cassie thought his Jesus obsession was over the top. But as long as he could help Quinn, it was fine for Cassie.
Quinn had a bout of high fever and pneumonia. Cassie visited her once for three days because that was all she could squeeze out from her busy schedule. Her heart ached when she saw Quinn sitting that wheelchair. But at least Quinn was alive.
They sat in Quinn's room one day and Cassie held her hand.
"Are you ever going to tell your mom and sister?" she asked.
Quinn stared at for a moment. "I can't," she whispered with quivering voice. "They're going to hate me."
"Oh Quinn," she said softly, brushing Quinn's hair. "They love you. They're not gonna hate you. They're not your father."
"I'll think about it."
Quinn could walk again. Though she was still working on it, but Cassie was laughing when she heard that Quinn was back on her feet. Then she got to know that Quinn gave up her Prom Queen title and couldn't help but feel that Quinn wasn't doing herself any good.
Nationals was in Chicago this year and Cassie begged Carmen Thibideaux to go and watch their performance because Quinn sounded so sad when she told her Rachel screwed up her audition. Cassie felt nothing for Rachel, but she knew Quinn would be happy if Rachel was. So Cassie did what she could.
When Carmen came back, she told Cassie, "I'd take the blonde with the short hair any second if she applied to NYADA, along with Rachel Berry," in an impressed tone.
Cassie couldn't feel prouder in her life.
Imagine her surprise when she saw Rachel Berry in her class. Then she made it her target to set Rachel on the road to Broadway because even though she still disliked her for causing Quinn's accident, she could see the potential and willfulness in the young lady. She didn't tell Quinn that the girl she was in love with was in her class and probably dating one of her students who was player, Brody Weston.
She just tried to plant the seed of willfulness and power into Rachel Berry, knowing she'd need it if she wanted to make it on Broadway.
She still drank once in awhile and she couldn't believe that Rachel had the guts to call her out on it. She might act like she was starting to hate the kid and she was going to make her life hell, but actually she admired the brunette. She had the guts. That meant something.
Quinn enjoyed Yale and she told Cassie that she and Rachel talked on the phone for like once in two weeks. She asked Cassie if Rachel was really fine in NYADA and Cassie answered yes. She wondered if Rachel told her about this Brody character.
She still didn't tell Quinn that she was teaching Rachel dance.
Thanksgiving and they all went back to Lima, Ohio. Cassie decided to not hide herself anymore. That was after she heard Quinn telling her that Rachel had officially break up with Finn and also refused a relationship with that guy in NYADA. Cassie knew who she was talking about.
Imagine Rachel's startled expression when she saw Cassie next to Quinn at the reunion. Cassie smirked and gestured at Quinn, "She's my niece."
Rachel's jaw dropped and she looked from her to Quinn then back to her. Quinn was staring at her with an eyebrow raised the whole time and there was this look in her eyes that made Cassie wanted to laugh. Rachel began gesturing wildly at them and stammering until Quinn held onto her shoulders and told her to calm down. Rachel calmed down. Cassie narrowed her eyes. Something was going on with Rachel.
"You didn't tell me she's in your class, Aunt Cassie!" Quinn exclaimed after Rachel finally calmed down.
Cassie shrugged. "I figured it's nothing significant," she muttered.
"Nothing significant?" Quinn said. "You know I –" she stopped mid-sentence and closed her mouth, staring at Cassie for another minutes before turning back to Rachel who was looking at them bewilderedly. They didn't notice the eyes of everybody else focusing on them. "Okay, Rachel, obviously your dance teacher is my aunt. She obviously neglected to tell me about that."
Santana chuckled quietly and Quinn gave her dirty look.
Rachel improved and was more polite to Cassie now that she knew the woman was Quinn's aunt. She also asked a lot of questions about Quinn when they were alone. Like how was she when she was a child and things like that which increased Cassie's suspicions. She also had this look in her eyes whenever Cassie mentioned Quinn.
"Honey, I think Rachel's into you," she said one time when she was on the phone with Quinn.
"What? No! Stop fooling around, Aunt Cassie."
Rachel was so excited when she finally got to use the Metro Pass Quinn wasted more than a hundred bucks to buy and Cassie was so sure that Rachel was into her niece.
She wasn't at all surprised when Quinn called her two days after and told her that they kissed.
"You better treat her right or I'm going to make the rest of your campus career a living hell," she threatened when they were left alone.
Rachel stared at her somberly and nodded in all seriousness. "I will, Miss July. I swear I will."
She stared at the brunette for another moment before smirking and nodding in approval. "Good. You're not bad yourself."
Cassie retired when Rachel won her third Tony award at the age of thirty-one. She watched Rachel accept the award on stage and her gaze never left anyone but Quinn who was sitting in the audience with that proud smile on her face.
And then she said, "Yes."
Cassie grinned and pumped her fist in the air.
She had a wedding to prepare for.
Crazy, isn't it? But what do you think?
Did I mention I miss Quinn?
Oh and follow me on Twitter: /delittlelamb
Also tumblr: delittlelamb dot tumblr dot com