Be Mine

I freaked out. You asked me, and I just freaked out. Yoy didn't mean it that way, you couldn't, you aren't like Hao, and you would never… No. Ren wasn't like that. Ren wouldn't do that to me. I hope. Gods, what do I even know about Ren. Not a whole lot when you think about it.

Ren. you're probably worried. I'd just run out on you. Literally, run out the door, away from you. Away from what you'd said. Away from Hao's words ringing in my head.

I strode slowly down the street, eyes glued to the ground. A streetlight flickered to life just ahead of me, and I realized it was beginning to get dark. I looked up to see clouds gathering where the sun had once been. What's a little rain? I'll be fine. A harsh wind blew and I shivered. I wished I was back with Ren. Snuggled up on the couch watching a movie, or together in bed. But I couldn't go back there yet. I couldn't face it yet. If I looked at Ren now I wouldn't see Ren, I'd see Hao. I'd see Hao's eyes, and Hao's lips, and Hao's hands all over me.

"You're mine. My little Horo. My Ainu. All mine, no one else's."

Oh God. The words were even the same! What were the chances? Maybe they were in cahoots. Yeah, like Bonnie and Clyde - Although I think they were thieves- or Thelma and Louise, or Shaggy and Scooby Doo, or Laverne and Shirley! Pass me a glass of Pepsi and milk I need something to wash away my troubles!

I stopped under a street light and shivered, letting the rain drops soak through the measly T-shit I had on. I stared down at my shirt, the large white letters contrasting the black material that was probably made by little Indonesian hands. It said "I know what you're thinking. 'How would this shirt look crumpled up on your bedroom floor?'" and in some amazing feat I had managed to convince Ren to buy it for me. Actually it was probably because I had tripped at the fair - which I had dragged Ren to against his will - and fell on my ice cream cone. And the shirt was actually the only one that didn't either scream 'Rape me', or 'I'm just dying to get stabbed!' given the choice Ren would have never let me wear it. He's obsessed with appearances no matter how much he denies it. He's also the most insecure guy I think I've ever met. Oh Christ, I wonder how long it took him the gather up the courage to say something like that. What if I've broken my Ren-chan!? What if when I put him in the DVD player he freezes and skips!? What if the little key in his back doesn't wind up anymore and he won't scurry around the room? What if...What if I've made him think that I hate him!? Oh God, oh God…

And suddenly and walking through the rain again, past some hobo on a bench – I feel for you dude – and past a bus stop on the route that leads me home, past the bus that would have taken me back to where Ren was, past the sign that says 'Expressway Number 6 North, Yokohama 27km' and then I'm standing in front of a fenced in fruit stand, but for some reason I don't stand under the awning, under the awning was safe, it was dry, it was warm. It was full of things I didn't deserve for doing what I was sure I was doing to Ren. The idiot was probably beating himself up about it, thinking that I never wanted to see him again, or that I was running off to some secret lover that I had, and thinking that no one could ever want him anyways. How could you think that about yourself Ren? How could I have even made it to where I am now without you? Because without you, I would probably be waste of air, without you milk wouldn't be any fun, without you there would be no inside joke about the words 'Oh wow', without you who would love me? Without you… Without you….The moon glows, the river flows, but I die without you, oh Kami-sama I'm reciting lyrics. Without you Ren, I wouldn't even know that song.

"Will you be mine Horo? All mine, and no one else's?"

Oh Ren, you have to know that I would agree in a second if I could. But why the hell can't I? Who says I can't? Who decides who I get to be with? Who dictates my life? For once in my life, it's actually me controlling my life, and I'm letting Hao interrupt it still…But Ren if you knew…What he did, what he said, those things that I still have nightmares of, those things that are putting a fucking wall between us. But, you do know don't you? You've had problems in your past, and things have happened to you that I can't even begin to imagine, but you can still live without running away from the things that scare you. Hell, you can stand up and kick the ass of the things that scare you. So then, I should be able to do it too right?

And I'm at your apartment building.

I wonder how long it's been since I've been standing outside your door, in the hallway, soaking wet and dripping all over the expensive carpet. Poor little dripping wet me, standing in front of the apartment of the head of the most important family in China, ruining the carpet that must have cost 100 000 yen, minimum. I can hear you pacing inside. Probably through the kitchen, an empty glass of milk next to the milk carton on the counter, and I think I just heard you curse at something in Cantonese. And then I guess I've knocked on the door because I can hear the rapping noise echoing off the silence, and you've stopped ranting, and your footsteps get louder and closer to the door. Don't bolt. Usui Horokeu, if you run away, I swear to God I'll-

But it doesn't matter what I was about to threaten myself with because you're at the door, and those abso-fucking-lutely beautiful golden eyes of yours are staring into mine, and all your walls are down because I can see everything in them. I can see your worry, anger, shame, love, regret, anxiety, and sadness, and I hate myself for making you look like that. I'm dying to just grab you and hold you until the world implodes, but I'm soaking wet, and I'm still afraid to touch you, because the look on your face right now makes me think you might break in half. So, I try to speak, but words fail me and I just flounder like fish drowning in air, and I hesitate, I stop myself from trying to say anything now, because I know something stupid will fly out, and I'll regret it. I think, maybe if I can just touch you, and my hand follows my minds suggestion and reaches up to stroke your cheek, absently I swallow a lump in my throat that had been building just below my Adam's apple. You lean into my touch, your face warming my hand that had been frozen from the cold wind and rain outside – I'm so stupid, I'll probably catch cold – I'm not sure if you're doing in instinctively, or not, and I swallow another ball of pressure from under my Adam's apple again. I'm desperately trying to think of something to say to you, but I keep drawing a blank, and I've got this completely inappropriate and annoying song stuck in my head, interrupting anything macho or romantic I could say.

"Horo…"

Your voice cracks and my tongue suddenly seems too dry, and too large to be in my mouth, and that stupid lump in my throat comes back but this time it's brings a stinging behind my eyes, and that song that won't go away…

Your fists clench and I can tell you're going to tell me something I don't wanna hear if I don't say something first. So romance be damned, and throat lump aside, I open my mouth and somehow I say the right thing. Somehow I manage to say something right, and not fuck up my life, somehow, someone somewhere must have been on my side for once, because I said the absolute most perfect thing without even trying.

"Yes."

Fucking right! It was so simple, I can't believe I was terrified of saying it earlier, and fear can just go to hell because nothing was going to get in the way of me being happy with Ren. Nothing - past, present, or future – was going to take this from me, especially without a fight from me. Your eyes widen substantially – I didn't know that I knew such a big word! – and they flick to me, surprised, and overjoyed. You suddenly look like you want to leap for joy, or hug me so hard that I suffocate, but the great Tao Ren would never do that. At least, the Great Tao Ren would never do that in the hall where someone else might see him.

"God yes!" I repeat myself, but this time with more gusto –another new word for me – and a newly formed smile on my face. I bring my arms around your waist and pull you to me, not caring that I'm wet, or that we're in the middle of the hallway, standing in a puddle I created, not caring that you might yell at me later for ruining your carpet. And I realize that you don't care either because you've managed to wrap your legs around my waist and you've thrown your arms around my next, and you're kissing the hell outta me – Oh, I love your lips, warm and soft when mine are so cold – and I'm stumbling blindly into your apartment, navigating my way through instinct, kicking the door shut on the way through. We're tripping on carpets, and I'm crashing into walls now, but it doesn't matter anymore because somewhere on the way my shoes come off, and your shirt got lost, and I can feel your hands snaking their way up my chest, but we have to stop, because I have to tell you, I have to make sure. Any attempt to pull away from you is thwarted by your nimble fingers and delicious lips, and a chuckle escapes me. Apparently that gets your attention because you pull away from me and stare at me, silently asking me 'What the hell Horo?' and I smile again, amazed at how easily you can make me do that.

"I love you."

And Ren, you smile wistfully, as if to say, 'No shit Sherlock', even though I don't think I could ever imagine those words passing through your lips. We've managed to make it to the bedroom door, already I'm short of breath from the intensity of the lip lock. From the hungry desire in your eyes that I'm sure is reflected in mine, and from the deep need to fill the crater in me that I realized would have been missing without you. You needed it too, and I could see it in the way you looked at me, in the way I could feel your fingers twitch impatiently against my bare chest, - My shirt seems to have be lost in the journey to the bedroom- and the way your ragged breathing keeps you from saying what you want.

"Baka." You laugh quietly at me, as if there's something obvious that I missed, "I love you too." And that's all you said before your lips were attached to mine again and we fell through the doorway into your bedroom, and eventually to the bed. And I was yours, and only yours, from then until the world ended.

So, did we enjoy the fluff? Because I believe that was the best thing I've ever written. Ever. Review because I stayed up until 7:30 am writing this. Yes, that means that I haven't gone to bed yet. All because I love you all, and not my All I Want for Christmas fic. Which is connected to this fic in a way. It can either come before or after, whichever you chose to think about it as. Love Love Love Autumn
P.S. Incase that didn't click, Horo was raped by Hao once upon a time.
P.P.S. Sorry for uploading, then deleting, then uploading again. Editing needed to be done. It's better this way, trust me.
Mmm, so some things you might want to know:
--"Pass me a glass of Pepsi and milk I need something to wash away my troubles" Well, in the Show Laverne & Shirley from the 70's and 80's that Horo makes reference to before, Laverne used to drink Pepsi mixed with milk. It's actually not bad.
--"Expressway Number 6 North, Yokohama 27km" There actually is an Expressway Number 6 in Tokyo, and it actually is 27 kilometers to Yokohama from Tokyo, and I'm not exactly sure if that highway will take you to Yokohama or not though...Why Yokohama? Because it is the biggest city the most north you can get without having to take a Ferry to the next island part of Japan, where I assume Horo lives, so there ya go. And it's kilometers because they use the metric system in Japan. Deal with it.
--"The moon glows, the river flows, but I die without you" Lyrics from the song "Without You" from the musical RENT - Go watch it.
--"kami-sama" a way of referring to one of the gods in Japanese. It's like saying "God", okie dokie?
--"... ruining the carpet that must have cost 100 000 yen, minimum." That would be approx. $800-ish American, $950-ish Canadian.
-- "and I've got this completely inappropriate and annoying song stuck in my head," If you must know, in the middle of writing this, a really annoying song just rammed it's way into my head, and it went like this: "Scooby Dooby Doo, took a pooh, Shaggy thought it was candy, took a bite, turned white, and that was the end of Shaggy." Yes... yes I know.
-- "Baka" Not quite 'stupid' not quite 'idiot' not quite 'jackass' but a little but of all three together. So, we're good? Good.
Disclaimer: I do not claim any rights to Shaman King or the characters associated with the anime/manga, etc. This is strictly not-for-profit fan tribute. All rights belong to Hiroyuki Takei et al.