Feelings

Summary: Rangiku thinks about the past. Gin×Rangiku

She wasn't sure what to feel or what to do. Was she supposed to mourn or plot revenge for his betrayal and absence. Rangiku sighed as she thought about Gin. She used to love thinking of him, trying to figure what was behind his mischievous grin, but now… now she felt emptiness inside of her every time he came to mind. So why, if it caused her so much pain, did she carry on thinking about him? Maybe it was because she was trying to figure out what had driven him to betray Soul Society, to abandon her. Rangiku shook her head; she didn't need Gin. He obviously didn't need her; he showed that yesterday when he escaped to Hueco Mondo with Aizen and Kaname. But no matter how much she told herself that she didn't need him, she still yearned for him to return. She wished she would just wake up from this horrible nightmare and find Gin waiting for her with open arms.
"I hate you Gin," she muttered to herself before climbing out of her bed. She had been awake for hours.
Usually when Rangiku couldn't sleep, she would sneak off to the 3rd squad barracks and cuddle with Gin, who would wrap his arms around her gently. Otherwise, she would find him walking outside, and join him. Rangiku walked outside and flash stepped on top of the barracks roof, gazing at the moon. The color of the silver dish reminded her of Gin's hair. Leaning back, Rangiku slipped into the memories dearest to her; the ones she shared with Gin.

Thirty years ago

"Gin!" Rangiku yelled as she sprinted through the 3rd squad grounds, ignoring the hostile looks thrown at her for disturbing the peace.
When no one answered, she checked all the rooms in the barracks, and looked in the training grounds to try and find him. He seemed to have disappeared into thin air. But Rangiku was determined to find her friend. She flash stepped onto a rooftop to try and spot him from above. He wasn't anywhere.
Rangiku suddenly felt arms wrapped around her from behind. She froze as the familiar sarcastic voice spoke into her ear, "What on earth are you doing Rangiku?"
"Gin," was all she could manage. His arms seemed to know exactly where to touch her to make her relax. They were always so gentle when wrapping around her.
His arms released her and she whirled around, snapped out of her sedated trance. She gazed at his half-open eyes, his sharp face features.
"Where were you idiot!" she fumed, "I made myself look like a fool in front of your whole squad while you were hiding."
A chuckle formed in his throat, "Is that what you thought what I was doing; hiding from you?"
"Well it sure seemed like it," she crossed her arms.
"So what was so important that you had to come and make such a racket in my squad grounds?"
"Um," Rangiku suddenly became shy about the news. She had wanted to share it with everyone so badly but now she was nervous. She wasn't sure why though; she couldn't wait to celebrate it with everyone at the party tonight. It was only an hour away but she wanted to tell Gin before she went off and got plastered.
"Well?" He prompted.
"I got promoted as lieutenant!" she blurted it out glad to have it off her shoulders.
Gin was quiet for a moment before stepping forward and smiling down on her, "Well done, Rangiku," but it sounded more sad than happy.
She looked up at him, "What's wrong Gin? I thought you would be happier than this."
Then it hit her. Gin was disappointed because she had a permanent position now. If she hadn't become lieutenant in the 10th squad, he could have requested for Rangiku to join his squad. But now that she was taking on a main role in the squad, he knew she wouldn't brush off her duties and hand them to someone else. He knew how important this rank was for her; she had been working to become Captain Shiba's lieutenant for a while.
He started to walk off, ignoring her question as if he knew that she figured out the answer. She grabbed his hand, "Thank you Gin."
He turned around, and for once had opened his sky blue eyes. He leaned forward until their faces were a hair breadth apart, and whispered, "Why do you act so distant from me Ran-chan?"
Before Rangiku could answer, he flash stepped away, leaving her shocked that he had said something like that. Gin never revealed his feelings, not even to Rangiku, his closest friend. But just now, she could hear the pain in his voice, and she couldn't bare the fact that what he was implying was true. Ever since they had joined the Seireitei, Rangiku could feel them separating, little by little, each day. She missed Gin's company, and tried to spend any free time with him. But that still didn't seem to fill the void between them that grew every day. Rangiku had always blamed it on Captain Aizen since that was when Gin started to grow more distant. But something about what her friend had said meant more than saying goodbye today. Was Gin planning on leaving the Seireitei? She pushed the thought out of her head; Gin wouldn't leave his squad or her. Rangiku walked off to where the bar, trying to calm her anxiety.

All of her thoughts about Gin were washed away by the Saki that poured down her throat, glass after glass. All the lieutenants had passed out, besides her and Lt. Shiba who was nearly as plastered as she was. Rangiku glanced at Captain Kyoraku, the only captain invited to the party because he knew the meaning of fun and wasn't as uptight as the other captains. He didn't seem drunk at all, and he had had the most Saki out of all of them. Rangiku's captain was busy and couldn't join the party, which was a pity since he was also laid back like Shunsui.
"Hey, Kaien," Rangiku's words slurred as she held up her glass, "Pour me another one."
"No," he responded flatly.
"Why not?"
"Because I want the Saki."
Rangiku screamed, "What! No way!" and went tackling after Shiba over the table.
While they wrestled, Kyoraku snatched the bottle and drank it down. He started laughing and turned red in the face before collapsing on the floor unconscious.
"And to think we overdid it," Kaien muttered and got up, "I better get him back to his squad's barracks."
"You go ahead," Rangiku waved her hand dismissively, and headed the other direction after paying for the drinks, explaining, "I have to go the other direction to my barracks anyway."
"You sure?" he stumbled, half under the captain's weight and half because he was drunk.
"I'll be fine. Now go take both of your drunken asses to your barracks. Just make sure Captain Ukitake doesn't catch you… or Miyako for that matter."
"Good idea," he called out.

Rangiku veered left to right and stumbled as she made her way back to the barracks in her drunken and stupor. She was humming a tune she heard when she was a little girl. She and Gin had been pickpocketing people at a parade in the Rukon District when it had been playing.
Rangiku saw a flash of movement from the corner of her eye. She stopped and tried to sense who it was by their reiastu, but she was too drunk to determine. A moment later, Gin was standing in front of her.
She grinned, "I was just thinking of you."
Gin's smile was there but his voice was concerned, "You're drunk."
Rangiku winked, "No I'm not silly. If I were I wouldn't be standing right now."
He sighed, "You really have to stop drinking so much."
"I don't drink a lot, but when I do I get wasted."
"How much bottles did you have?" he asked.
Rangiku noted that he used the word 'bottle' and not 'glass', but she said proudly nonetheless, "About nine."
Gin wrapped an arm around her waist and flash stepped to her squad barracks. He helped Rangiku make her way to her room, and pulled back the blankets for her. She slid in the bed, suddenly tired. He pulled the blankets over her petite figure.
She quietly murmured as he walked to the door, "I wish you had been there Gin."
"You know I don't drink Saki, it's a waste of time for me."
"It still would've been fun for you to have been there," she concluded, "Even if you hadn't drunk any Saki. You could've had apple juice or something."
Gin walked to her bed and kissed her lightly on her lips, his smile back, "Good night Rangiku."
She laid her hands softly around his neck, smoothing his silver hair, "Good night Gin."
His skin tingled as she spoke his name softly. Gin smiled, and then, he was gone.

Ten years ago

Rangiku sighed, trying to calm down. How much she was going to kill Hitsuguya for giving her so much paperwork! He was just jealous that she enjoyed life and had fun, unlike the tiny shrimp who moaned all the time. While writing, Rangiku listed off a number of ways to seek revenge; from pranking him in front of the entire squad to 'accidentally' hitting him in training with her zanpakuto.
"I often worry about you, Rangiku," a voice said from the doorway to her office.
Her head shot up so quickly, she was surprised it didn't swing off. Her captain was going to kill her after hearing all those things she just said…
"Gin you idiot!" Rangiku threw a pair of scissors at her friend, "You gave me a heart attack!"
He caught the scissors and walked forward, placing them on her table, "I would have thought they taught you not to throw scissors and blades around in the Academy."
"How much times do I have to ask you not to sneak up on me," she pouted, crossing her arms, "I hate you."
He chuckled, "There's a fine line between love and hate, Ran-chan."
She shook her head and chuckled.
He was suddenly behind her, whispering in her ear, "Are you scared of me?"
She jolted, not expecting the question, "Of course not. Sure you can be a little intimidating," she turned around and faced him, "But you wouldn't hurt me."
"And how do you know that?" he queried.
"Because the whole reason why we became shinigami was because you said you would make sure I didn't have to cry anymore," Rangiku said matter-of-factly.
His smile widened, and he leant down to kiss her. All of a sudden, he was slammed against the wall and pinned to it by Rangiku.
"What the hell Rangiku!" Gin exclaimed, opening his eyes slightly.
Rangiku beamed, "Now you know how I feel when you sneak up on me."
She let him go and went back to her table, working before her captain caught her taking a break. Gin seemed to purr, brushing his lips against her copper hair before leaving her to her work.

Five years ago

Gin was walking with Toshiro, both chatting a few sentences before they were silent for the next ten minutes. They repeated this process until they came across their lieutenants who had been talking a lot more than their captains. They hadn't seen either of the captains yet.
Rangiku exclaimed dramatically, "I still can't believe Renji hasn't asked her out yet!"
Izuru laughed, "Yeah, he's been waiting a while."
"More like half a century!" she corrected.
Izuru nodded, smiling, "And you're one to talk, Rangiku."
She shot him a confused look, "What's that supposed to mean?"
He shook his head, "You and my captain act way more than friends, but you say you're friends. How do you really feel about him?"
Rangiku burst out laughing, grabbing her knees so she wouldn't fall down, "Young and ignorant Izuru, we are what you would call 'friends with benefits'. But I'll let you in on a little secret."
Izuru leaned forward, while the two unnoticed captains strained to hear.
They were blown away when Rangiku scream at the top of her lungs, "I love Gin Ichimaru!"
Toshiro looked taken aback; either from his screaming lieutenant, or his screaming lieutenant's love confession. Izuru looked shocked that she had admitted it so openly. Even Gin had opened his eyes in surprise.
Izuru noticed the captains and murmured, "Um, Rangiku?"
"What is it?" she said cheerfully.
"He's right behind you."
Rangiku instantly swung around and faced Gin with horror written all over her face.
"My, my Rangiku," Gin leered, "You do wear your heart on your sleeve."
She turned bright red, coughing and pretended to slur her words, "I, uh… Izuru and I had a few too much Sake you see."
Toshiro shook his head, "You are on duty."
Izuru looked nervous, "Yeah Rangiku, we're on duty-"
"Well, we broke the rules," Rangiku waved her hand.
"Why do you have to drag me down with you," Izuru cried.
Toshiro laughed quietly, "I would hope you were drunk when you screamed that little statement out."
Rangiku turned redder (if it was possible). Izuru slowly snuck off around the corner, and Toshiro hurried off to the captain's meeting where he and Gin had been heading off towards. Gin closed the gap between him and Rangiku.
She started, "Gin I-"
He cupped her face in his hands, "I hope you weren't drunk when you yelled that," kissing her lips softly, he added, "I love you too, Rangiku Matsumoto."
He walked off toward Toshiro, leaving Rangiku standing in the middle of the courtyard, gaping and grinning at the same time.

Present

Rangiku felt tears prickle at her eyes, but stopped them from falling. She didn't have time to indulge in crying. She believed that Gin wouldn't have abandoned her and his home; he must have had another reason. But then; what? Was he going to betray Aizen, or did he really leave her without caring if she was hurt or not? She felt his hands fingering her strands of hair, his scent filling her nostrils. Rangiku turned around excitedly, but frowned when she didn't see his creepy grin that she had grown to relish. It had been her imagination. Maybe it all was; his soft and tender kisses, the way he held her, and his hidden kindness that he only showed to her.
"I hate you Gin," she hissed.
There a fine line between love and hate Ran-chan.

Thanks for reading :) And if you found any grammar mistakes I apologize about that *scratching head* anyway thank you to those who review this it helps me a lot 3 And sorry if it was a downer with the ending and all :)