Hey guys. I don't own the Outsiders, which would be way fun if I did. Anyway, if you have watched the movie and the speical features of the movie, you know that Soda dies in the Vietnam war. So this is just about Soda going away to war and not coming back. It's from Ponyboy's P.O.V.
And yes, this is a songfic. Get over it! Lol. Song is The Ghost of You- My Chemical Romance
Enjoy! Please R&R
Ghost of You
// I never said I'd lie in wait forever
If I died, we'd be together now
I can't always just forget her
But she could try //
I was a senior in high school when it happened. The war had begun the year before, creating our country to twist and fall into a world of chaos and confusion. Steve had joined the army just a year before the war started. And a week into the fighting, Steve was to be sent over seas, perhaps never to come back. He stayed over night the day before he left. Him and Soda talked for hours, I think they even cried together, afraid of what the out come would be.
The morning Steve left was cold and quiet, like the dead. He left early and we were all up to say good-bye. When he left in his uniform, with a silent wave before he got in the car and drove off, a single tear had fallen. I think that was the first time I've ever seen Steve cry. We watched as he drove off into the sunrise, not sure if we'd see him again. We watched until the car was no longer visible, the world around us starting to stir. However, Soda stood there the entire morning, sometimes crying, sometimes angry. By noon in walked into the house, his eyes dead like and his face sad. Even his golden hair seemed darker and flat.
That night I stayed up with him and we watched TV. He cried and I held him, we stayed huddled close in the cold, grieving for a death that may or may not happen. It was the first time I wished Steve were here. Just so Soda would be ok.
// At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are never coming home
Never coming home
Could I, should I
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever, ever, ever //
Soda was doing fine now, he accepted that Steve may never come back and he's moved on as much as he can while he waits. We watched the news every night after my homework. We watched as our president made wrong choices, as more of our country's men died for the wrong reasons. As other country's men died for no reason. We listened to the cries of mothers and girlfriends around our neighborhood when they got a letter saying their son or sweetheart was killed in action. We waited to get a letter for Steve, but it never came. And every time the sun rose without a letter for us, Soda became more alive. Some nights though, he would sink into depression and I would too, along with him. Other nights were better; we laughed and talked about old times, times when Dally and Johnny were alive. The days were we didn't have to worry about death, or girls. When the only thing that was important was being able to play a game of football with your friends or not being able to go outside when it rained out.
I wish things were still like that. I always remembered that I wanted to grow up so fast when I was little. But now, all I want to do is get younger. I don't want to get older then I am now. But it's not like I have a choice.
None of us do…
// Get the feeling that you're never
All alone and I remember now
At the top of my lungs, in my arms she dies
She dies //
Steve's been missing for a month now. And his girlfriend, Evie, killed herself last week. It's been a bad month and things are going down hill fast. Everything is getting more expensive, and people are getting laid off. Darry's afraid that he'll get laid off, so he's working extra hard now. Soda and I hardly ever see him anymore. He leaves early and comes home late. He even works on the weekends most times now.
A lot of boys at school are signed up in the army and have already left to fight over seas. So many girls come to class crying and afraid for their men. The war has changed the way our school is. Sure, there are still greasers and Socs, but now it's not that bad. Greaser girls and Socs girls talk to eachother instead of bitching. Guys aren't as rough with eachother. There hasn't been any jumping's in a long time. Everyone's concentrating on the war.
We don't watch the news anymore; it's too painful. It reminds us of Steve, makes us wonder if he's dead or not. But that's all we can do, that's all anyone can do, is wonder. Wonder when the sun will shine, when mother's boys will come back home. Wonder is the war is worth all the death. Wonder is anything will ever come back to normal.
Wonder if Steve will be found alive…
// At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are never coming home
Never coming home
Could I, should I
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me //
Two-bit's gone now. He left last Friday to fight. We had a party for him and we all got smashed real good. We see him off like we did Steve, early in the morning, before the world was awake. His mother is with us though, his little sister as well. It hurts, to she a mother cry for her son, to see a little girl begging her brother not to go. Two-bit doesn't have a choice though. No one does anymore. It was a dark raining day when he left. It rained all day and all night. Like the world was crying, just for Two-bit.
And now we have two to pray for. One to be found the other to live. It seemed so long ago that we were "greasers". I haven't heard that term in a long time. When war happens, it's like the world just stops. The days pass by so slowly, go to school and see pain and sorrow. Come home and see more pain and sorrow. It's impossible to escape from it. It's just a big cloud of darkness hovering over you. It never wants to let go either. And I don't think it ever will. The war has changed us, all of us.
In a way, I think Johnny and Dally are lucky.
// Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I, should I
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me
If I fall
If I fall (down) //
Soda got a letter yesterday. They're shipping him out. Taking him away from me. He told us last night that he was to leave Thursday. It's like my entire world has just frozen over. I don't want Soda to go, anyone but Soda. War changes you, for the worse. Soda doesn't deserve war. I cuddle close to him that night as we sleep, the first time in awhile. And I cry, I cry for a long time, loud and hard.
Two months, it's been two months since Two-bit was shipped out. We get a letter from him ever week or so, saying how horrible it is over there. All the blood and killing. He says he wishes he could have some beer, and to go to the drive up theater. There's no word on Steve, but Two-bit says that people going missing every four hours over there.
We write back and tell him that we miss him and to hang in there, that the war will end soon and he'll be home and safe. And he always tells us right back that we're wrong, it'll be a long, long time before they come back home.
And now that Soda is going, I find it so hard to sleep. I don't want Thursday to come, but it comes all to fast. It's just the three of us. Us three bothers. We sit together and talk; we don't watch TV or drink beer. We just light a cig and talk. We talk about Mom and Dad. About girls, the gang, Johnny and Dally, about school, and about the war.
I cried all night. I know I'm getting a little old for that, but Golly, I love Soda so much. And I don't want to lose him; I don't want to lose my brother. He tells me that it's ok. That he'll be home before I can even blink.
Thursday morning is foggy, real foggy. I can't even see the sidewalk from our porch. Soda looks so handsome in his uniform; Sandy would have loved to see him in it. I hug him tight to me as he says goodbye. And I feel like I'm 14 again. I don't want to let go of him. I want to keep him close to me forever, safe and away from fighting. I don't know how long it is, but we stand there hugging, wishing for time to stop. I can tell he's as scared as I am. He doesn't want to go. He used to say that he liked fights, but not this, this wasn't fighting. It was bloodshed and cold-hearted.
As he loosens his hold on me I just clutch tighter.
"Ponyboy…" I hear him whisper, but I shake my head and close my eyes tight. I don't want to see him go. But I know he has too. So, I finally let go and all my body heat leaves with me.
"Be careful Pepsi-Cola." Darry says, hugging Soda tightly for a brief bit.
"I will." He says back, full of confidence that I know isn't really there.
And then he looks at me again and I can't help it but I hug him tight again. I can't stop my tears from coming this time and I squeeze my eyes shut.
"You come home Soda, ya hear me." I say, my voice shaking. He hugs me tight and promises that he will. And as he places a warm kiss on my forehead I can feel his own tears on his face.
As he takes the steps down to the car, I can hear every sound echoing around me. And it's like someone's slowed down time, just to torture me. I watch him walk into the fog, his back strong and confident, but when he glances back, his golden hair glistening, I can see in his warm brown eyes that he's scared.
And as Soda disappears into the fog, I feel so frozen inside.
// At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are never coming home
Never coming home
Never coming home
Never coming home //
After that, my life just lost everything. I went to my last months of school in a haze. Not really there and yet I am. I come home to an empty house, Darry always working. There's no one to talk to. No one to sit with. No one to cry with. No one to hope with. I do my homework and cook dinner for myself, leaving Darry left overs to heat up when he gets home.
My nightmares came back a while ago. I stopped eating really and I have no energy. I dropped out of track and I know my grades are slipping. All I can think about is Steve's stupid sneer and Two-bit's loud laugh. But mostly I sit and think of Soda's soft voice, calming me after a nightmare. How he smiles when we hang out on weekends. Our talks late at night when we both couldn't sleep. How he would always take care of me.
There is no more movies or books anymore. No more greasers and girls. No more tuff cars and haircuts. No more stealing for the fun of it. No more watching the sunsets and stars. No more feeling the rain or the warm sun. Its just pain from the minute you wake up and the minute you go to sleep.
Everyone has someone who's gone off to fight. Everyone has a brother, father, boyfriend, husband that's off to die. And everyone is in a haze, a haze of war.
// And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I, should I
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna //
It was foggy out when they came.
I had woken up that day late and didn't bother going to school. There wasn't a point anyway. My stomach felt like I had eaten a bag of rocks and my heart was heavy. Darry was at work, big surprise there. And it was quiet, more so then usual.
I was washing dishes when I heard their footsteps on the stairs outside. I wished to god that it were Soda coming home from the war. But my heart knew better.
My hands shook as I took the letter from him. I thought, maybe he's just missing, like Steve; maybe he's not dead. But the sad look in that guy's eyes told me something else.
My tears formed even before I got the letter open. And as I read they fell. They fell faster and faster. My breath quickened and it got harder and harder to breath as some strangers told me that my brother was killed in action. Killed by someone who didn't even to have blood on their hands. I just stood there, crying until the letter was soaked with salty water.
Who was I supposed to talk to now? Who was I going to stay up all night with? Who was I going to care about more then anyone in the world? How was I supposed to live without Soda?
I couldn't think about how he died. That someone just shot him. Or blew him up, or poisoned him. That he was just lying in a field of bodies that had been dead for days, weeks. That his warm honey eyes held no more life, when they always had. That he would never smile ever again, that I would never get to see his dimples and hear his laugh. That I would never get to feel his warm touch or listen to his calm words.
I leaned against the wall and let myself slid down to the floor. After awhile I punched the wall. He promised! He promised he would come back home. Instead he's dead, somewhere cold. Dead and alone. With no one who loved him, or even really cared about him.
What was I suppose to do now? It's so hard to think about him now, but I know that's all I'll ever think about. In my dreams and nightmares. During the day, in class and at work.
All I have left of him now are memories and photos. He's just a ghost now, wondering alone. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. He wasn't supposed to die. Soda, my brother, who always was smiling. Who always knew what to say. Who helped me through Mom and Dad's death, though Johnny's and Dally's.
Who was to help me with his death?
And you know what's funny about this, the war ended today. It ended that evening! It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair. He had almost made it. He had almost made it home. But he didn't, he never would. He won't be coming home.
And I'm left haunted by the thought of Soda dieing so alone.
I'm left without my brother…
// At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are never coming home
Never coming home… //
Thank you all for reading! Please Review and tell me what you think!