Disclaimer: I do not own any and all identifiable Twilight characters, all of them belong to Stephenie Meyer and no copyright infringement is intended.
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Red Roses.
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'Your face brings me death every day. And every day I can't wait to die.' I first heard those words in a movie and they were empty to me. The rise and fall of the letters and the breaths taken between the words; they all meant nothing to me, not a damned thing. However; now they meant the world to me, defined my whole existence and they constantly flowed through my mind, overlapping each word with hidden meanings.
At first the meanin confused the hell outta me. I didn't understand how someone's face could elicit the feelings of dying, but that was before she walked into my life. She had changed everything and began a game I didn't know the rules to. In short, she fucked up my world by screwing with the balance I had.
Isabella Swan. She had been gossiped about since the word of her arrival had been told to her father, Charlie Swan; the Chief of Police. Charlie was friends with my old man and mother, so naturally I had known about the ever elusive Isabella, but nothing could have prepared me for the actual person. The day she arrived in the town and then came to the school was one of the most fateful days I had ever lived. That's the day where our story began.
/\/\/\/ September 30th, 2009 /\/\/\/
"Jasper, the new girl's here. You know, Swan's daughter." Emmett said to me in an excited tone, nudging my side and motioning to across the room with his chin.
I looked to where he had indicated and my eyes immediately found her. She had long brown hair that twisted in waves down her back, shrouding her pale, heart-shaped face. Her mocha eyes were filled with uncertainty, yet still said that she knew what she was doing. Her frame was petite and apparently short, especially compared to my 6'3" build. She was absolutely plain in my opinion, but there was something alluring about her all the same.
"You gonna get some of that, Jas? She'd be a helluva playmate."
It had always amazed me that Emmett could talk about chicks as if they were disposable. He didn't used to be like that, but he had adopted my view of things and it seemed to fit him pretty well. "Dunno, Em, something tells me that she wouldn't be much a player. She doesn't seem the type to enjoy our kinda fun."
Emmett gave me a look that was clearly asking me if I had lost my mind and I just shook my head at him, my eyes already scanning the waves of people for the new addition to our mundane little town. As soon as I found those russet eyes, she looked up and the look she gave me immediately had blood flowing down into my groin. She was a little vixen, I declared that right then and there.
Turning back towards my best friend, I laughed as I saw his face was red, trying to contain his own laughter. "Seems I was wrong about this one, huh?"
/\/\/\/ Present Day /\/\/\/
I was wrong indeed. Bella proved to be more of a game-player than me, a feat that should be taken as the highest quality of compliment. She was raw sexual prowess and I could do nothing to keep from falling under her spell.
In a matter of days I had gotten under her skin and we met up for our first annual fuck. I had been truly surprised at how good her body felt against mine, as I had never felt so complete as I had when I was inside her and our skin moved against each other. I'm sure it seems unethical to think like that, but that was the way our relationship played out. We gave each other what we needed and got back just as much.
In short, we used each other to feel better about our piss poor lives.
But we still made mistakes..
/\/\/\/ December 17th, 2009 /\/\/\/
I heard the light knock at the door and slowly made my way to answer it. As I pulled open the latch, snow blew in and I shied away from it, not wanting to freeze. Pulling the door even more, Bella's form began to take shape against the white background that the blankets of snow and ice created. Her face wasn't set in the normal carefree expression she usually adorned, but rather was tear-stained and she looked as if she hadn't gotten any sleep for a month. I knew the latter wasn't true, she had fallen asleep in my arms just two nights previous, but still...she looked ragged.
"What are you doing here?" I questioned in a low voice.
Her bottom lip trembled and her face crumpled at the sound of my words and she shook with a sob. "Jasper...we fucked up.." She whispered in a broken tone.
"What're you talking about, darlin'?"
I watched with fearful eyes as she slid her hand into her coat pocket and pulled out a white stick-like object. Further inspection showed it to be a pregnancy test with a tiny pink plus sign on the end. "I'm pregnant, Jas."
I couldn't believe my ears, couldn't see her before me as my world rocked and swayed. I stepped back, falling into the chair that was angled towards the t.v. "How?" The simple word seemed thunderous in my ears and echoed as if I had yelled it deep inside a trench.
"I'm pretty sure you know how." She said as she leaned against the doorjamb.
"Thought you said you were on the pill.."
Another piercing sob resounded and crashed against my conscience. "I am, but that doesn't always work. Jesus! Do you think I wanted this? Think I wanted to be Momma Hale? Ha! I told you once and I'll tell you again, I don't want any real kind of relationship with you, especially one that involves a child!" She yelled at me so many other times, but the tone of her voice this time around just screamed that she was pissed and hurt. "You know what, don't even worry about it. I've already made my decision anyway, but I figured you at least deserved to know."
After that she stormed out of my house, leaving me hunched forward in my chair, my head in my hands.
/\/\/\/ Present Day /\/\/\/
Bella got an abortion soon after that conversation and stopped meeting me. We went months without any form of contact and it was a scorching kind of pain. I could feel her eyes on me every time we were in class together or passing through the hall. Her eyes burned me with her anger and made me feel like shit with her own pain.
I remember wanting to comfort her, wanting to be there for her and holding her hand as we walked down the halls. I wanted to scream that she was mine, even if she wasn't. The feelings had felt so foreign to me and I had pushed them away, built a wall to hold them back.
Honestly, I still think what if she had kept it? I wonder whether we ever would have actually been together. Everyday flies by and she's in my thoughts, images of her writhing beneath me as I plowed into her mercilessly along with the echoes of her soft voice whispering to me.
I can't tell you when it happened, but sometime between the abortion and graduation, I had fallen in love with her despite our lack of contact. Though I may not be able to tell you how or when it happened, I can accurately recall the day I realized it and finally told her. The day I didn't fuck her, but had made love to her.
/\/\/\/ August 26th, 2010 /\/\/\/
I cautiously crept towards the screen door of her house nervousness washing over me and crawling up my throat with the taste of bile. I was still unsure of what I was going to say to her, of how to explain to her what she meant to me, but I knew deep down I needed to do it.
Swallowing my anxiety and pushing it down, I rang the doorbell and waited.
It took three breaths for her to reach the door, three agonizing breaths that seemed to last forever.
Shock was plain to see written across her face. I knew it was due to both the facts of my being there and my being there. The two things may seem exactly the same, but to me and her they were vastly different. Throughout our little fling, I had never once been to Bella's house. Hell, as far as she was concerned, I didn't even know where she lived, so naturally she was beyond surprised to see me at her front door.
"Jas, what the fuck are you doing here?"
As soon as her voice reached me, I felt myself relax. All my tightened muscles had released their hold on me and turned me into jelly from the feeling. "I had to see you, Bella. I need to tell you something."
She tsked, but allowed me in and as I snaked past her at the doorway, I couldn't help but lean in and kiss those plum colored lips of hers for the first time. I felt her draw in a ragged gasp at the feeling and I couldn't help but smirk against her lips at being the cause. I had never kissed anyone I 'played' with and Bella had never been the exception until now. It was just one of my few rules because kissing was far too intimate and Bella knew that, so feeling my lips working against hers was completely new for her.
After a few minutes and more than a couple of lingering kisses, I pulled back from the brunette that had captivated my attention. "I'm in love with you, Isabella Swan." I whispered the words, my breath fanning across her beautiful face.
She looked up into my eyes and there were tears hidden in her chocolate depths. Whether they were joyful or tears of pain, I didn't know and I honestly didn't care.
I sealed my lips to hers again and pushed her back into the house, not caring if we were alone, and then down onto the couch. Our bodies sank into the plush depth of the cushions, molding together and fusing with passion and pent up need. I pushed my hips against her, rubbing my already throbbing member against her through the fabric of my jeans and hers. She released a low and seductive moan that made even more swelling appear in my groin and I pushed harder as I swallowed the sounds she made.
"Fuck, Jas...uhhnn...don't tease me. Please!" She whispered and screamed as I ran my hands down her body, my right hand finding purchase on her perfect breast as my left hand sneaked down into her jeans, pushing two fingers into her through her panties.
Having too much need to feel her, to be in her, I swiftly and skillfully stripped her of her clothes and then rid myself of the offensive materials too. I lowered myself down on top of her, relishing in the feel of her soft flesh against mine.
I rubbed against her softly and her eyes fluttered close, but I wouldn't have that, I needed to see those breathtaking orbs. "Open your eyes, Isabella." I whispered against her neck as I trailed kisses along the sensitive skin there.
She slowly pushed her lids back open and locked her dark eyes with my icy blue ones just as I finally pushed into her, causing both of us to moan at the connection. I stilled within her, reacquainting myself with her heated channel. I slowly began pulling out and pushing back into her center just a bit faster.
I couldn't contain the growl that built up inside me when I felt her tiny hand reach down and stroke me every time I pulled out, smearing her wetness along my manhood. The next thing I felt was her warm lips pressing against me as her legs wrapped around my waist, pulling me further and deeper inside of her liquid heat. "Oh god, Bella." I whispered as she continued to meet my thrusts, pushing me deeper and deeper and creating a delicious friction between us.
I latched onto her lips greedily with my own as I felt both of our releases building up with every thrust and breath. She started mewling and scratching at my back at the intensity of our union and I felt myself swell even further within her. I slowed to a standstill as her inner walls clamped tightly around me and groaned as I felt her release a wave of thick liquid, triggering my own release. I pulled out of her and her hand was immediately on my thickness, stroking it roughly and within three pumps of her hand my seed shot out, covering her abdomen.
I collapsed against her, shifting my weight so that I didn't crush her and leaned in to kiss her just once more before laying my head against her collar area. I absentmindedly traced my finger along the intricate pattern of her tattoo that was on her hip and sighed happily.
Her hand was running through my unruly curls and her breathing was starting to even out. "Jasper?" She whispered after a moment and I looked up at her lazily.
"Hmm?"
"Don't love me, Jas. It'll just complicate things." She whispered and the words were like ice shooting into my heart.
Leaning up on my elbow I stared at her incredulously. "It's not something I can just turn off, Bella. I love you, deal with it."
A regretful look shadowed her face and she turned away from me. "I'm sick, Jasper. I'm sick and it's not getting better."
Tears broke free and rained down my face as I let the words sink in. I grabbed her face with my hand and turned her towards me. "I don't care, that's just more reason for you to let me love you. I wanna be with you, darlin', no matter what." I whispered fiercely and then bent down to kiss her.
/\/\/\/ Present Day /\/\/\/
I smiled at the memory, she had said she'd give me every part of her that night and she did. We married not a month later and we were happy, but no matter what we did we couldn't escape her fate. Her cancer finally stole her away from me, just as I always knew it would. That's where those damned words came in, because everyday that I woke up and saw her lying next to me, a peaceful look on her face, it really did kill me, but I couldn't resist looking.
Her condition worsened with the following months and eventually claimed her. That horrible day was not even two weeks ago. The one thing that kept me from killing myself with all the grief and anger that resonated inside me was the simple fact that she had gone in her sleep and died in my arms, just like she said she wanted.
I sniffed and turned my focus to the pastor that was speaking. His words were meant to be inspiring and whatnot, but I just didn't have it in me to deal with inspiration. "...life is a journey, not so much to a destination, but a transformation and you, Dear Isabella Hale have transformed into the spirit of the earth and you have risen up into the heavens. We lay you down to rest on this day, but we shall find light in the truth and knowledge that you are not gone. No, you are and forever will be in all our hearts. Amen."
Tears poured from my eyes as the wind whipped my hair while I watched through blurred vision as they lowered her casket into the ground. Everyone around me had dispersed, a few coming up to me and Charlie to give us their condolences, but their words fell on deaf ears.
Slowly, with numb legs, I walked up to the lowered casket and tossed in the reddest of roses. Bella had told me how much she loved the red roses because they were original, yet the most romantic. After I had thrown in my flower, I grabbed a handful of dirt and let blow free from my hand and atop the flowers and the iron box, all the while whispering how much I would miss and love her until the day that I was ripped from the earth and could join her.
And with one final parting word, I stood up and joined my father-in-law as he walked back to his cruiser. "Navsegda."
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Navsegda is the Russian word for forever. So, I suppose you could think of Jasper saying it as the final word because he was saying he'd love Bella forever and would never forget her.
Tell me what you think? Pleaseeeeee! I'd love to know what you guys thought or felt about the story.
TB&L